Melania: The Final Verdict

Summary: Jeff over at Amazon did this to gain some favour with Donny Boy.

So, before we get into the film that has triggered so much outrage as believe me it will happen soon. I just wanted to say that this isn’t the first time a media company has made a film about a president or president’s family, there were many similar projects about the Obama’s so let’s not go down that road.

That said was this film needed? Did I waste my time? The answer is a hard no and maybe. In many ways this just feels like low rent reality TV, the sort you would expect of Trump and his family. Again is it awful not really it’s just brain-rot. There isn’t much ranting and raving about political matters, if anything it is trying to steer away from that altogether.

As you watch it you realise the film thinks it has a lot to say or that it has some deeper meaning but really it’s just a bored housewife trying to fill her days and in many senses that’s a universal concept.

It is neither shockingly bad nor shockingly good, it just kills an amount of time in your day and if that’s something you want then I guess you can watch it but otherwise maybe give it a miss

Overall, a waste of time.

2/5

Pros.

It is passive viewing

It is short

Cons.

It is boring

It isn’t deep

It didn’t need to be made

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Cinema Issues: The Death Of The Wicked Franchise

In this edition of cinema issues we are talking about the Wicked Franchise.

So after the crash out of many Wicked fans over the fact that the Oscars don’t hand out awards to the happiest film, or for fun and don’t exist to soothe them during “difficult times” in their privileged lives, we are talking about how this franchise fell from grace.

The first film did well at the box office , not billion dollar well but well and that set an unhealthy precedent. A lot of these musical theatre types thought that it was their moment and rallied behind the film thinking that due to it doing well at the box office it would win awards, then it didn’t.

They consoled themselves by saying well okay they are just holding off for the second film and then it’ll get all the awards. Things changed when the second film came out, the hype was smaller people had moved away, it made far less than the first film, and it was simply a worse film overall. As such it didn’t get nominated. The Academy doesn’t care about box office gross particularly, they care about good films.

You see when the second film came out there were conversations coming out from Universal about Wicked as a universe and new stories within it. I would argue these were premature as the box office for the second film highlighted diminishing returns. I don’t think a third Wicked film or a Wicked spin off would have anywhere near the audience of the first or even second film. I think that the musical theatre folks need to take the L on this one and move on.

Id argue that the Wicked Franchise is probably done and there shouldn’t be anymore films as if they stop here they can still go out calling it a success if they keep going that will get harder and harder to do.

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Nuremberg: Russell Crow Still Has It

Summary

This was a surprise.

I enjoyed the film and the serious approach it took not just to the subject matter but also to assuming that audiences could understand a more dense and intelligent script.

I thought the performances across the board were good but I thought Russell Crow was the clear standout for his role here. He managed to be both evil and terrifying whilst also being somewhat sympathetic at times. You could believe him as a master manipulator.

My central issue with the film would be that it had too many characters and tried to do too much, it did have some side plots it handled well, but others it didn’t give proper time to.

Overall, an impactful and well acted film.

3.5/5

Pros.

The acting

The scope

The seriousness

The cat and mouse plot line

Cons.

It took on too much

It had pacing issues

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Return To Silent Hill: Return To 2000

Summary: A man ventures back to a town he used to live in to find a lost love.

If you haven’t played any of the Silent Hill games but particularly Silent Hill 2 you will not understand what’s going on, this is a very direct translation of the games in many ways and a lot will be lost if you haven’t played them.

There is such a 2000s feel to this film and it really isn’t something you see much of these days. The grime, the colour saturation all of it feels like something that has been lost.

The main negative of the film is that it moves incredibly slowly, at almost 2 hours even the biggest fan will be checking their phone to see how long is left before the end credits roll.

Overall, if you enjoyed the game and want to experience it again, but don’t want to replay it and want instead to spend extra money then watching this film is just the ticket.

Pros.

It is a faithful creation

It has some good horror moments

The ending

Cons.

It is slow

It is hard to see what’s going on at times

If you haven’t played the games you’ll be lost

2/5

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Cinema Issues: Oscar Nominations, Pandering And The Death Of Fun

In this edition of cinema issues we are talking about the Oscar Nominations.

So in response to the Oscar nominations I saw a post from a Wicked fan having a fit that Wicked For Good wasn’t nominated saying that the Academy hates fun. This is the whole thing, awards aren’t about what you like or about fun they are about achievements in filmmaking. As this isn’t baby’s hour at the local daycare they aren’t going to have an award for most fun.

It seems both with the Golden Globes and now the Oscars a lot of the people commenting on what was picked don’t understand what it is or why certain films get nominated.

Our take on the nominations is two fold. Firstly One Battle After Another being widely nominated despite being not good, in our opinion, and not achieving much of anything worth nomination for, shows that Hollywood wants to reward message films over actual cinematic achievement. They want to have as best picture the film that best represents them and their specific progressive values, they are voting for what they agree with and to avoid being cancelled rather than to reward excellence in filmmaking.

Talking of a fear of being cancelled the fact that the From Dusk Till Dawn reboot/rip off is the most nominated film in Oscar history, goes to show that the Oscars were deeply bothered by the Oscars so white hashtag. They are so worried about being cancelled that they have to nominate it for everything just so no one accuses them of racism again. The fact is they still will be accused as you can’t please these people, unless it wins every single award at the show they will accuse the Academy of racism, and it likely won’t win everything.

Ultimately the discourse around awards season this year has been led by racial tribalism and people who don’t understand how the Oscars work and haven’t seen most of the films. It’s a damning indictment of the state of online film discussion.

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Saipan: Roy Keane Implodes His Career

Summary: the lead up to Ireland’s attempt at the 2002 world cup.

I question the need for this film, it was entertaining but I don’t know if there was enough of a story there for a feature film.

One thing I will give it credit for is that it never took anyone’s side and it showed the unprofessionalism of all sides of the endeavour. Mick, Coogan, had points, but so did Keane, Hardwicke. In that respect you could not call it a hatchet job against Keane.

I think the film does a lot to show the experience of the footballers during the tournament and to make you feel like you were there with them, it also makes football feel like a personal endeavour rather than a billion pound industry. This film can be watched without any knowledge of football, I for one did not know anything about the sport or this world cup before watching the film yet found it very accessible.

Overall, a watchable film but one in which I would question why it was made.

2.5/5

Pros.

It’s watchable

It has good performances

It is engrossing

Cons.

What was the point?

Pacing issues

It ends abruptly

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Cinema Issues: The Problem With Budgets

In this edition of cinema issues we are talking about the issue with film budgets and how it is leading to more and more films flopping.

I am writing this after the first weekend of 28 Years Later The Bone Temple wherein the film has underperformed. The film was good, it had good reviews, what was the issue? The budget was 65 million, for reference the budget of the first film from back in the noughties was 8 million, even adjusted for inflation that wouldn’t be anywhere near close to 65 million dollars.

Now there may well be shared costs between this and 28 Years Later itself as the films shot back to back, but that aside why did a film of this scope have a budget of 63 million dollars.

Therein lies the issue, and it is one that is plaguing Hollywood. Budgets are too big and need to come down, the box office has contracted less and less people are going, you cannot still be making films for 250 million dollars or even 100 million dollars the days when large crowds would go and films could break even more easily is largely over it seems.

Somewhere around the late 2000s, early 2010s one man understood that to almost guarantee profitability even when a film is bad or poorly reviewed the film needed to be made for next to nothing. That man was Jason Blum. He was ahead of the curve and now Hollywood needs to take a page out of his book.

If 28 Years Later Bone Temple had been made for 20 million then it would be close to breaking even now.

CGI really is the thing that is draining budgets, and in a sense the wider implication of AI could bring that down, but so could a return to practical effects and more innovative film making.

Ultimately something needs to change, if studios don’t want to suffer flop after flop they need to get serious about the market for these films now and budget accordingly.

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Rental Family: Someone Give Brendan Fraser A Hug

Summary, A depressed man finds meaning in playing pretend.

So I got a early screener for this film, not a common thing for me, but there you go. Going to say that upfront.

This film was terribly depressing, I had seen in the trailer it be called a feel good film, I don’t see where that element was.

It felt in many ways like a spiritual sequel to the Whale, it was more of Brendan Fraser being depressed. This time being saved by a little girl and an old man. Each of which have their own horribly depressing stories. I put off writing this review as I knew I would have to go over all this again and feel depressed.

There is some comedy in the concept of the rental family and the inherently silly goofiness of it, but by and large this is a drama film.

I suppose you could argue the ending is somewhat bittersweet, Brendan Fraser gets to continue on in a father like role to the little girl and things seems to change for the better, but at what cost. Likely for the jailbreak Fraser’s character should be in prison.

Overall, not a good way to start the year unless you want to be depressed.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is competently made

There is some novelty to it

Cons.

It is depressing

There really isn’t a lot of levity

The side characters, particularly the people at the agency don’t get much development

It’s badly paced

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Cinema Issues: Sinners Fans Strike Back, The Oscars Melt

In this edition of cinema issues we are talking about the reaction to Sinners being Oscar nominated within the tribalistic fan base of the film. Increasingly the Sinners fandom is becoming one of the worst of recent memory.

Let’s crack into why that is.

Firstly, they are delusional they seem to think the film is bigger than Jesus and that it is entitled to win all 16 Oscars it is nominated for. No film ever in history has done that but they think Sinners has to, otherwise it will be racist.

Secondly, they are already making narratives about how white folks are going to stop Sinners winning or saying that it won’t go home with anything etc. Personally I believe it was nominated to show the Oscars aren’t so white after all and do believe it will walk away with nothing or very little in total number of awards. However, to imply a racial conspiracy where white people as a race are out to get the film and are all working together to keep it down is hysterical and racist.

Thirdly, increasingly they have turned Sinners into a culture wars issue and made it about race. Almost everyone who is pro Sinners whether they are black or a liberal ally has to attack white people in the same post or say oh I don’t care what white people think. The whole point of films are that they are for everyone we shouldn’t be in a place where a film is seen for “one group”, and that other people aren’t allowed an opinion on it. The visceral hatred toward white people that is common place within discourse on Sinners shows that sectarianism is rising within cinema and awards shows and that is not something we should be happy about.

Fourthly, they are silencing dissent, if anyone speaks out about Sinners in a negative way they are called racist. If they themselves are black the Sinners fans then imply they are race traitors or not proper black people, this furthers the bigoted approach and creates rifts within the very community they are supposedly championing. By demanding one thought that must be adhered to there is fascist elements within the Sinners community that deal in the language of racial hatred.

If you want to see for yourself what I am talking about go on any social media app and type in Sinners and scroll through the comments and you’ll see it.

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Cinema Issues: The Witch Has Melted

In this edition of cinema issues we are talking about Kathleen Kennedy, the Karen in chief herself, and the power of nepotism.

So first things first Kennedy only got to where she was by being friendly with Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. That’s it.

Under her tenure the Sequel Trilogy died as it was devised without a cohesive plan.

A Han Solo film flopped after Kathy refused Lorde and Miller any kind of creative control.

Most films that she announced never happened.

And most of the shows on Disney plus she greenlit, were either forgotten about in the case of Skelton Crew, or died a humiliating death looking at you Acolyte.

What were her successes in this obituary, I suppose people like Andor, she was involved with that I mean mildly but I guess that’s her win. Remember she wanted to go out on a win. She can’t have the Mandalorian that was all John Faverau and Dave Filloni.

She leaves Star Wars as a husk of a TV brand that is increasingly irrelevant and that spat so many times on its fans they stopped coming.

Now she is leaving Lucas film and a man is taking over as creative director, I guess the force wasn’t female after all.

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