Blood On Satan’s Claw: Seventies Era Teenage Nudity

The Devil comes to the south of England.

In many ways this and many films like it are a forgotten art form, the focus on folk traditions and atmosphere over jump scares and wild moments, is something few filmmakers do anymore.

I would argue therein lies this film’s greatest strength, its sense of time, place and environment. It feels like a very specific world, and one in which you become fully invested and sink into. The horror builds slowly over time and escalates more and more until it hits a crescendo.

Whilst I appreciated some aspects of this crescendo, such as the practical costume design of the Devil/Demon, I thought others came off as a little needless. I am talking about the rape scene, which is long and drawn out, as well as the copious amounts of nudity in the film, which feels done to get teens on-board rather than for story based reasons, such as in the Wicker Man.

Overall, an interesting film that cuts its own character, but one which may also make some people feel uncomfortable.

3.5/5

Pros.

The setting

The atmosphere

The very British sensibility to it

The creature design

Cons.

There are a few script issues and things that don’t make sense

The rape scene is uncomfortable

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Creepshow Two: Second Time Is The Charm

Summary

Creepshow returns in a fat cut off kind of way.

So herein we go down from five tales to three and things are all the better for it.

The first tale, which is woefully politically incorrect by today’s standards, is a fun romp with a Native American flavour, it is fun seeing the Chief cutting down all the people who wronged his adoptive family using Native American weapons and tactics. It makes one think why haven’t we seen more films about Native American society or the fight back against the Europeans, that could be interesting ground to explore and lead to some good epic action films.

The second tale is the weak one as is often the case in a horror anthology with three parts, it focuses on a group of young people who get trapped on a raft by some goo that is intent on killing them all. Not only is the premise incredibly flimsy, you also have the fact that one of the lead characters casually assaults one of his female raft mates in her sleep, and before this he was presented as a hero. This move comes incredibly out of left field and is jarring.

The final tale about a mysterious hitch-hiker that stalks the woman who killed him is entertaining and has a nice creepy vibe to it that ends the collection off on a high note. Couple this with a fun animated wrap around story that ends also on a high note and you have a sequel that in many ways surpasses the original.

Overall, a better film than the first.

4/5

Pros.

It has two strong stories

The aesthetic remains strong

It has some good chills

It is funny at times, on purpose

Cons.

The second story is not good and the sexual assault scene feels poorly conceived

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The Long Walk: Stephen King Slop

Summary

A group of boys go for a walk.

So the easiest way to describe this is to call it Stephen King slop. In that frame I mean if this film was not based on a short story by King it would not have been made, it is very forgettable and there is nothing novel about the premise.

Basically it is a forced march, people die if they stop walking. It is a comment on dystopia’s and authoritarian states, I must say I am thankful that I have not seen lots and lots of online comments going oh this is modern day America, however, it seems very likely that the people who made it wanted those sort of comments.

The characters each have one defining characteristic to them and they are not much beyond that, all very one dimensional. Moreover, there are lots of things that happen that you just have to turn your brain off to and ignore as if you thought about it too much your brain would explode as they make no sense. The fact that the kid that wins the overall walk doesn’t sleep and doesn’t need to due to the fact that he has had a tough life and is an orphan is one such thing you will notice over the course of the film.

Overall, deep unneeded.

1.5/5

Pros.

A few funny moments, unintentional.

It is short

Cons.

It is dull

The characters are one dimensional

You have seen things like this before

The ending is predictable

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Clown In A Cornfield: Clowns Are So Overused

Summary

A group of clowns is terrorising small town America.

I had been meaning to watch this for some time, but I hadn’t gotten around to it until recently, and as I have I found myself quickly becoming disenchanted with it. For a start it presents itself as a horror comedy film, yet it does not really stand up slasher cliches rather it just replicates them.

The clown twist is perhaps the only novel thing about the film, although we have seen it in other films before, just not really in slasher cinema. Once the clowns take over mid-way through the film things start to get more interesting and become more crazy. The teen angst of the first act really slows things down.

The film ends with a decided meh, and that is how I would describe the whole effort really, an effort in meh. It fails in its attempts to be either scary or funny and doesn’t make fun of sub-genre tropes or try and do anything really knew with them.

Overall, it is a streaming film through and through and one that should never have been released in cinemas.

1.5/5

Pros.

A few good kills

It is short

Cons.

The teen angst

The ending

The pacing

Some of the other twists

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A Haunting In Connecticut, Ghosts Of Georgia: A Waste Of Katee Sackhoff’s Time

Summary

A family living in Georgia experiences a haunting in Connecticut.

There is something very noughties about this film, the editing style and the shifts between black and white and colour is quite jarring. Stylistically it feels almost out of place with the decade this film released in, and the effect has a repetitive quality to it.

The lead is terrible, it is hard to say if it is her or if it is the writing, it has her lay in a night gown on her side in a filled bath to show that she is troubled, but it is safe to say that she has taken a class in the Alaqua Cox school of acting as her expression does not really change at all during the film. It is a shame that this film wastes Katee Sackhoff as the secondary female lead she would have been much better in the main role, she easily outshines Abigail Spencer as every turn.

The horror and mystery of the film is very much been there done that, it focuses on a creepy old man ghost hanging out with and bothering a little girl, seen it before, and has the ghosts of this former stop on the underground railroad be central to the horror. It is very early jump scare sort of techniques as they are all very predictable.

Overall, other than Sackhoff there is very little about this film to make it recommendable.

2/5

Pros.

Sackhoff

A few unintentionally funny moments

Cons.

The horror is very predictable

It feels generic

The black and white to colour shift is jarring

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The Lord Of Misrule: Posh Lady Vs The Folk Devil

Summary

A posh English Vicar, Tuppence Middleton, runs afoul of an ancient God.

There is a good sense of place here, and a certain folk tradition, however, as the film progresses you start to realise you have seen this before. The good and fresh ideas that this film presents in the first act that then get turned into repetitive slop in the end.

The mythology of the film’s antagonist is interesting but never fully explained, which feels like a missed opportunity. Ralph Ineson is as always great, however, his character makes little sense, as the opening frames his character in the procession to see off the beast and having lost a son to it, yet then being the evil cult leader servicing the beast in the end.

Whilst I appreciate what this film was trying to do in terms of aesthetics and an adherence to British folk tradition, it was just creatively hallow.

Overall, good ideas wasted with generic storylines.

2/5

Pros.

The ideas

The setting and the feel of it

Cons.

The ending

Making Ineson the villain again

You feel like you have seen it before

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Pirates Of The Caribbean World’s End: Bring Back Johnny Depp

Summary

The pirates cast realise that there is no film without Jack Sparrow and so go to Davy Jones’ locker to get him back.

Watching this re-release makes one even more confident in the belief that Johnny Depp is the heart and soul of the Pirates franchise. Not only does his performance anchor the film, but he is a truly likable protagonist, something that modern Hollywood is lacking.

Despite being a long film this film flies by, and has something for everyone with great action, romance and laughs. There is even a little horror peppered in here and there, for people like me. For the most part the film works well across the board.

The main issue with the film is that there are filler scenes that could easily be cut out, as I said earlier for the most part the film is well paced, however, these filler scenes make the film feel just slightly slower at times and that holds the film back.

Moreover, the film leaves far too many lose ends open and I know they thought they were going to do more films, and did, but considering this is the last film with Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom you would think that they would have given them more of a conclusive ending.

Overall, a near perfect film that just has a few slow scenes holding it back.

4/5

Pros

The action

The romance

The comedy and the horror

It feels like a good ending for the franchise and Jack

Cons

Will and Elizabeth deserve a more definitive ending

A few bloated scenes

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Demon Slayer Infinity Castle: Filler At It’s Most Heinous

Summary

The Demon Slayers are back and now they are having to defend themselves from waves of Demons in the Infinity Castle.

So as the first of the big three Demon Slayer movies to end the series this was better than the previous season, the Hashira Training Arc, which was filler incarnate. Here we got some good fights and the plot advanced along, in many ways that was the problem.

As the plot advanced you were like here we go we are getting somewhere finally things are happening outside of the needlessly long flashback sequences. You had hopes they might even make it out of the infinity castle in this film, and then they hit you with an egregiously long back story for one of the upper rank demons. I understand that the character was important as he had killed the fire hashira in a previous season, but I don’t think anyone was crying out for over half an hour worth of backstory for him.

I would have liked to have seen more from the other characters and see other fights rather than have this one fight dragged out for so long. It did once again feel like filler which is becoming a clear issue with Demon Slayer in both series and film formats as it comes to its end.

Overall, it does advance the plot some and you do get to see some cool fights so I am not entirely cold on it, but I do wish they would work on the filler content and the pacing of these films before they release the next two.

3.5/5

Pros.

The fights

The plot advancement

The scale

The animation itself

Cons.

The pacing

The filler

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Peacemaker Season Two: The Orgy Scene Shows Why Gunn Should Have Stayed Cancelled

Summary

Peacemaker, John Cena, is back and if the prolonged orgy sequence in the first episode is anything to go off James Gunn is indulging all of his questionable tastes.

So I really enjoyed the first season of Peacemaker and thought that it was funny and irreverent, however, that was several years ago and tastes change. What I thought whilst watching this season was that it felt like it was written by a group of teenagers on Reddit. It had a deep sense of immaturity and as though it was just doing things for the shock value of it rather than because they made sense narratively.

Moreover, the whole idea of multiverses has proven universally unpopular across the board, so why Gunn thought to wove that thread into the second season is a little beyond me. The multiverse angle I suppose allows them to fix things from the previous DCEU and reset things going forward, but it still feels like a cheap trick.

The message, the broader progressive sort of call and response, also feels a lot stronger this time around. It is more overt here and it was pretty overt in the first season. In many ways this project feels like Gunn unchained and if it proves anything it is that he needs caging. There is a reason that the Guardians’ films are his best and that is due to the fact that he had oversight and was not allowed to have all the Guardians have an orgy together at the start of the second film.

Overall, James Gunn needs to step away creatively from these films and tv shows, as he is going to run the new DCU into the ground before it has even begun.

1.5/5

Pros.

A few funny lines

Hardcourt, Jennifer Holland, is still excellent

Cons.

The message

The need to be shocking and vulgar

The writing is far more lazy and simplistic

It has pacing issues

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Downton Abbey, The Grand Finale: The Scandal Of A Divorcee Having A One Night Stand

Summary

We return for one last trip to Downton Abbey.

In many ways this film was unnecessary, a lot of it felt like filler, and it didn’t really need to be a thing. However, it was nice escapist entertainment, and allowed you to return to a simpler time for an hour and change.

It did meaningfully close out the series/film saga in such a way as to suggest it is in fact the end. Homage was paid to the earlier seasons of the show, and moments that fans would remember, there was a sense of change that permeated the film, and whilst no major characters died there was enough done to provide a sense of finality.

I would say that Mary, Michelle Dockery, has the most boring plotline, with her being scandalised for her divorce, even in high society people would not have been so precious about it at that time. This stretched incredulity a bit too much. Coupled with the fact that she then had a one night stand and was blackmailed for it, it all seems very American and over the top. That is not what Downton is.

The plotline about Mary taking over Downton and becoming the lady of the house was far more well done and in keeping with the series.

Overall, a solid if somewhat unnecessary third film.

3/5

Pros.

It is fun escapism

There are some cheer worthy moments

The ending hits the right note

Cons.

It is unnecessary

The divorce storyline

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