Ballerina: Ghosts Of Girlbosses Past

Eve, Ana De Armas, is the female John Wick, Keanu Reeves, only she is not motivated by the death of a dog rather the death of her father.

So I ended up seeing this twice as I didn’t quite know how I felt about it, it is not terrible, but it is not good either. It does somethings like the worldbuilding very well, as do all the Wick movies, however, Eve as a character is fundamentally uninteresting. The issue really stems from the fact that they don’t give Eve any personality, other than her quest for vengeance we don’t really know her as a character, Wick himself has charm and you can see he is a rounded character, whereas Eve is just a woman on a mission and seemingly has nothing more to her than that. There was a scene early on when she was in training when it seemed like she might have a friend, this could have improved the character and made her feel more real, but that quickly fades away into nothing.

The action was mostly solid and I liked how they acknowledged that Eve couldn’t beat most of these guys in a straight fight and so needed to fight dirty, that did some positive work in getting rid of girlboss tropes. Though conversely, the film may have messed up Series lore having John taking jobs in between the films that we were not previously aware of, as well as raising the question of where was Eve during the quadrilogy

The song at the end was cringe that is quite true, it was a weird note to end things on, as though in the final moments they decided to become a girlboss film.

Overall, a very mixed bag for everything good it does it also does something bad.

2.5/5

Pros.

The action

Going against girl boss tropes

The world

Cons.

The ending song

It messes up the timeline

Eve was as a character very flat

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Lilo And Stitch: Disney Hates Families

Summary

The story of an alien that comes to earth and befriends a girl that needs a friend, that you have all seen before.

I had never seen the original animated version of this film until recently, I rented it to give back to the animators before seeing this version which I feel hurts animation broadly and which if I wasn’t reviewing I would not see.

So I have to say that this film much like How To Train Your Dragons made changes to the original animated version that I did not like. Namely the fact that the sister leaves at the end, and yes this is done with the little girl’s blessing, but it goes against the whole point of the film which is that families stay together. Of course this is a Disney film in the current year so that idea could not be allowed to stick around, the film even directly address the no one left behind line in order to justify her leaving, and this just feels like they are drawing more attention to the problem.

I have to say the little girl herself is very heart warming and sweet, and she alone is why this film doesn’t get a lower score, even if it doesn’t justify it’s existence. Much like with How To Train Your Dragons what these live action remakes come to be is just poorer versions of the animated originals, with modern changes to make them worse.

The trend of live action remakes really need to end.

Overall, a live action remake that doesn’t need to exist.

2/5

Pros.

A charming child

It has some good emotional beats, which hit almost as well as the film

Cons.

It doesn’t justify its existence

The changes regarding the ending

Missing characters

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2000 Meters to Andriivka: The Fight Against Evil

Summary

A documentary about a platoon of Ukrainian soldiers and their attempt to liberate Andriivika.

So as some of you know I have a day job as a film festival programmer/promoter etc, that I do under a different name to keep my lives separate before you try to meet me, and normally I don’t cover films from the festivals I have worked at, either at all or a long while after, but for this I made an exception.

As you can imagine this is a harrowing film, the bloodied history of the imperial war to subjugate Ukraine is already well documented by world news, but seeing it on the ground, and getting to meet some of the brave fighters trying to save their country for the invaders makes it far more personal. As the film progresses there is a real palpable sense of wanting to escape from this situation and to get out, what makes this so distressing is knowing that you can escape from the situation shown in the film, but that the Ukrainian service men and women can’t.

I would challenge anyone with a heart to watch this film and not feel moved, and not leave feeling like they need to do more to support the Ukrainians even if it is just little things like looking after a refugee in your neighbourhood and making sure they have what they need or donating to platoons and army groupings themselves for much needed supplies.

Overall, an incredibly powerful peace of cinema that will give you a reaction.

5/5

Pros.

It is incredibly powerful

It is effecting

It feels informative and more real than what you see on the news

It does not shy away from anything

It is very much needed

Cons.

None

[A slight aside, it can be an incredibly distressing film as a film about an active hot war would be, but you knew that going in so I won’t list it here]

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How To Train Your Dragons: Dream Works Opens A Slop Factory

Summary

So I was not going to watch this film, but I needed to kill some time and it was on. However, don’t worry I am not trying to put animators out of business, as to make up for seeing this I also rented the original animated film to make sure they were getting money as well.

As I expected before going in to this it is a soulless rip-off of the original animated film, made with as much originality as one can expect from AI Hollywood these days, much like with Disney’s Lilo and Stitch the changes it does make come at the expense of the film rather than as a reason to see this version of it.

The race swaps for Astrid, and the lessening of Hiccup as a character in an effort to give Astrid more to do, and to push girlboss narratives don’t make the film any better and highlight the sort of negative changes I was talking about before.

It is the worst of both worlds both a shot for shot remake but also one that has some small ‘modernising’ changes to it which make it worse. The story is much the same and if you have seen the animation you will just see right through this film for the hollow imitation it is.

Overall, a trend that needs to die in Hollywood

1.5/5

Pros.

Toothless is still fun

It has the same beats as the first film which is good, but they are just hollow recycled parts

Cons.

It doesn’t need to exist

It is inferior to the animated version

The changes make it worse

The live action cast lack any kind of charm

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Elio: The Death Of Pixar

Summary

Pixar’s latest is yet another effort in emotionally manipulative story telling.

Gone are the days wherein Pixar had charm and wit, in are the days of therapy speak and finding the idea of a mother-son bond ‘just a bit too much’. For reference the creatives behind this film found the idea of Elio, Yonas Kibreab, being the child of a single mother to be too much and instead needed to have it be an aunt-child dynamic. Why is that? Why is so much of modern Hollywood afraid to show good parent child dynamics, or even nuclear families, it is starting to reach a distractable peak now.

Great science fiction often plays on the cool ideas of meeting aliens, the new technology, the things we might learn about ourselves etc, but not this film instead we have an incredibly boring film about intergalactic politics told in a way so dumbed down that a paper bag could understand it.

Good family films can be made in such a way wherein every member of the family can find something to enjoy in it, but this film is just low effort garbage, that treats audiences young and old alike as fools.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The aunt-son thing feels forced

None of the characters are likable

The therapy speak

It is not fun.

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Minecraft: The Best Videogame Movie?

Summary

A group of people are brought into the game world of Minecraft.

For me this may have been one of the best films of the year, It had the perfect combination of heart, nostalgia and homage. It felt like a love letter to the game without feeling like a tick box list of hey remember this remember that, and the things it did include were incorporated in a way that made sense to the film.

I enjoyed seeing the Nether, although I would have left if for the sequel, I thought it felt as well realised as the actual main Minecraft world itself as well as the Overworld, regular Earth. I do wonder where they will go with a sequel perhaps to the Ender with the sequel villain being the dragon that guards it, who knows.

The only part of the film I was not into was the repeated gag of having Jennifer Coolidge be dating a villager, Matt Berry, whilst I am a Berry fan I thought that this gag went on for far too long and really was never funny, it should have been cut.

Overall, a lovely video game adaption that has respect for its source material and great performances across the board.

4.5/5

Pros.

The references

How well realised it is

It is funny

Great performances

It is pure fun

Cons.

The villager side plot

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The Corpse Washer: The Dead Are Never Really Gone

Summary

A series of mysterious deaths cause a commotion in small town Indonesia.

I am a big fan of Indonesian horror, and even I have to say this one was on the weaker end of the national sub-genre for me. I just thought that it was a little all over the place, despite having a few good moments the monster was not really properly explained at it was hard to figure out what was going on.

Adding to this confusion is the fact that this film is very badly paced, there is a lot of exposition and characters and it is hard to keep track of what is what and who is who. Where something like May The Devil Take You works is that it has a small number of characters and is more of a personal story, this features a village full of people and starts to spread itself far too thin.

The horror is more on the gore side than the atmospheric so personally I didn’t find it particularly scary but if gore is your thing then maybe you could find something to enjoy here.

2/5

Pros.

The freshness

Some good gore

Cons.

The pace

Too many characters

It is hard to follow

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In The Lost Lands: Zack Snyder Is That You?

Summary

Mila Jovovich is back for another fantasy action role, but can it live up to her past glories?

I enjoyed this film, I thought it had a great sense of style, and an interesting world rife for exploring. The issue, however, is that this feels like a film set in a world that you are already supposed to know, in other words it feels like a part two rather than a new film. This goes through every aspect of the film from characters to plot points, to the fact that magic and demons exist. None of this is really explored in any detail it is just there.

Jovovich still has it in terms of action and is believable as Sister Alice, however, her chemistry with Batista is none existent. To the point that when they somewhat get together at the end of the film it makes little to no sense.

In a sense despite being directed by Paul W.S Anderson, this feels like a Zack Snyder film. It has a lot of cool looking visuals and a great world ready to be explored, but in terms of storytelling, character development or sense it just is not there.

Overall, style over substance.

2/5.

Pros.

A cool world

Good visuals

The Badlands are interesting

Cons.

The characters are underdeveloped

The chemistry isn’t there

It makes no sense

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Hostages: The Scary Power Of Influencers

Summary

A group of people get stuck in a hotel room.

So I watched this one a little while back in my day job, as a film festival programmer, and normally I don’t cross the streams but I thought that enough time had passed that I would write about it here.

So this is quite a funny comedy film about social media news and the corrupting effects of online fame and how quickly mass hysteria can form. In many sense this film works as it is timely however, I would say that it won’t feel dated as that sense of seeing coverage of something online and freaking yourself out is fairly timeless.

The cast are all strong though I would say that Charlotte Ritchie is probably the star of the show, especially as we see her go darker than she has done in past roles, particularly towards the end of the film. There is a moment where she reminds you just a little bit of Jim Jones or one of the classic cult leaders of the last century.

The humour is not hitting with a joke a minute, but does have a number of good jokes and recurring bits over the course of the film.

Overall, a funny British comedy film

4/5

Pros.

It is funny

Ritchie

The characters are likeable

It is timely but also timeless

Cons.

Not all the jokes land

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Novocaine: The Soft Man’s John Wick

Summary

Jack Quaid cannot feel pain.

So this film had some good gross out moments and the action was pretty solid, but it did not do enough to get past its very so so plot. It sorely wants to be a more comedic take on something like John Wick with him going after the bad guys to get his girlfriend, Amber Mindhunter, back. However, they don’t really explore him as a character beyond this.

The side characters and villains are equally as underdeveloped, they fill the role the script needs them to but they are barely beyond one dimensional and struggle to stay in your mind when they go off the screen

Overall, fluff lacking any kind of substance

2/5

Pros.

The action

A few funny moments

Cons.

The plot is very forgettable

The characters are underdeveloped

It has pacing issues

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