Get Away: Actors Shouldn’t Try And Write

Proof of why actors should not take up writing.

So this was a weird one, there were some good moments peppered in here and there, but then the ending just went and destroyed everything. The last act reveal that reveals the truth about the family makes almost everything that had happened up until that point make little to no sense, I understand it is genre, but that doesn’t mean that folks will just happily eat up garbage writing.

Aisling Bea is a ray of sunshine in this film, it is a shame to hear about her views on Gaza and her joining the band wagon to support those that would see the Jewish homeland destroyed but there were are. She manages to have a few funny moments in the film and totally outshines Nick Frost in every scene they share together. However, I would say that Maisie Ayers is the real star here, she has a real screen presence and eats up the scenery whenever she is on screen.

Broadly this film tries to be comedy horror, but can do neither well.

Overall, a waste of time and money.

2/5

Pros.

Aisling Bea

Ayers

Cons.

Frost and the rest of the cast are wasted

The twist

It isn’t all that funny

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Opus: Yet More Black Girls Seeing Through White Men’s Nonsense

Summary

Yet another film about cults.

Why is Hollywood failing you ask? Well one of the many obvious answers to everyone but them is the fact that they repeat things over and over again until they grind an idea, theme, or even genre of film into the dirt. Enter cults. I understand the popularity of true crime, and as such executives think that films about cults even fictional ones will sell, and whilst that may have been right a few years ago, it is played out now.

Moreover, the on the nose messaging of a cult run by a white man, John Malkovich, with a mostly white power structure being foiled by an opinionated black woman, Ayo Edebiri, is incredibly cringe. This film goes what if Get Out was even more on the nose and we didn’t even try and hide the fact that the white people were in a cult. Yes you have a few non white characters also under the spell of the cult, to try and avoid points like these, but the fact the person leading it was white, the power structure was mainly white and it was a black girl resisting it, the message was clear as day. I have no issue with a well done message in my films, but when it comes to ham-fistedness I draw a line.

Overall, cinema tickets cost a lot of money, you have seen this before if you have ever watched either a film about cults, or a social horror film before.

1.5 /5

Pros.

It has some nice cinematography at times

It is short

Cons

The message is smacking you in the face with its obviousness

It is a rehash of better films

It has pacing issues

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With Love, Meghan: Meghan Spends Her Man’s Money On A Fruit Plate You Could Only Dream Of Peasant

Summary

Possibly the best thing Meghan Markle has ever done, but not for the reasons she or Netflix would want.

Let it be known that I am no fan of the Dutchess, I believe she’s a gold digger, and I believe her cries for privacy are made to look laughable when she turns up to the site of school shootings as a disaster tourist ready to snap a photo for the gram.

However, this was great, it was unintentionally hilarious. Whether it was Meghan shooting the whole thing in a house that is clearly not her own, yet she never says that, or one of the many horribly awkward mash-ups she does with random guests. My favourite was when she reminded Mindy Kailing, famous Hollywood hack, of her last name, but rather than say Windsor as would be her actual marital last name if she took Harry’s name, she instead says Sussex which was a title. It is hilarious as not only does she look like the ultimate Karen but she still gets it wrong.

Moreover, there are also the recipes which for the most part Meghan uses to show that she is down to Earth and just like you, yet when she makes a fruit salad for a kids party, she must use well over $40 of fruit, as any regular working mum can do. It is moments like this where you can see just how out of touch she is, there are also other moments where you can see the rage bubbling inside of her which give a lot of credence to the Palace rumours that she was a bully.

Overall, this is one of the funniest things Netflix has released in a long time.

3/5

Pros.

It is hilarious

It is the right level of good cringe

You can see the anger and entitlement right there on screen.

Cons.

It goes on a bit too long

She has some stilted delivery

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Snow White: Disney’s Most Obvious Attempt To Court China Yet

Summary

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, it is off to the Congress of Soviets we go.

So where to begin with this.

Firstly, I think the backlash to Gal Gadot being Israeli and having served in the IDF, as all Israeli’s have to do, is anti-Semitic and wrong. To make matters worse the disgusting and terrorist supporting comments made by her co-star Rachel Zegler, no doubt made the film set harder to be at for Gadot, as such not only should we support her but we should openly condemn Zegler. However, if there is any justice this film will flop and with it, after all the reports of how difficult she, Zegler won’t work again.

Secondly, what this film did to the Dwarfs, making them caricatures of themselves and making them look horribly uncanny, will be a badge of shame not just for Disney but for Peter Dinklage for the rest of his career. Remember they could have hired real actors that looked the parts, but because of Dinklage’s comments we got what we got.

Thirdly, this film hates the original and its message of hope, and replaces it with narcissism, divisiveness and some good old fashioned Disney approved communist propaganda, how else will it sell in China? The love story from the original is paired back, as is a lot of the songs that were tied to it, Snow White, Zegler, is now a rebel leader leading the oppressed workers against the evil rich factory owners, Gadot. If you thought Disney were done shoving political messages down your kids throats as you pay them to do it, then think again.

The film thinks it can distract from these glaring issues by adding cute animals to every scene, they can not.

Overall, in the glorious class struggle for liberation from tyranny the megalithic corporation wants you to think it is on your side, it is not.

0.5/5

Pros.

It has some unintentional hilarity

Cons.

Zegler’s open support of terrorists and terror sympathisers

The destruction of the hope and optimism of the original

The communist messaging

The bloat

The Dwarfs

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The Electric State: Milly Bobby Brown Enters Her Trying To Look Older Than Her Years Phase

Summary

Netflix decides to burn 300 + million dollars.

I am beginning to question what voodoo magic Millie Bobby Brown or her parents have performed on the Netflix executives. She is given chance after chance, and simply repays them with mediocrity, how many times will they try and make her a star despite the public rejection.

However, this graphic novel adaptation fails not just because of Brown’s poor acting ability, but also because the Russo Brothers, of Marvel fame, do not seem able to direct anything that is not set in that world. What is delivered is an incredibly bland bloated mess, with two charmless leads that have no chemistry between them, and a story that aimlessly meanders to the end.

Overall, this is just a tedious waste of your time.

1/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad it is just dull

Cons.

Brown cannot act

It is bloated

There is nothing really to be excited about and there is no stakes

Brown and Pratt have no chemistry

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Dog Man: Ahead Of The Pack

Summary

Dog Man cleans up crime.

So I was not aware that this was based on a book going in, I was not aware it was related to Captain Underpants either. I just thought it was a kids animated film, and I would say you can watch it as that, there was not any references to anything else that you wouldn’t get.

I thought that the dynamic between Dogman, Petey, Pete Davidson, and Little Petey was sweet and had a nice wholesome message. I found myself getting a little emotional at the end I have to say, it definitely had the feelings in the bag.

I would say however, that stylistically the film dropped the ball, maybe this is part of it and I am not aware but the editing was really strange like a lot of things would just randomly happen without much rhyme or reason. It had a feeling of okay now the next thing to it that I found a little off putting. There was also a lot of meta jokes and comments on it being a film which became a little bit grating over time.

Overall, a slightly above average kids film brought up by its wholesomeness.

Pros.

The wholesomeness

Ricky Gervais

A few good jokes

Cons.

The editing

The pacing

The meta commentary

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Bring Them Down: Protect The Sheep Of Ireland

Summary

Two shepherding families go to war.

Before you get too excited no this is not an action film, rather a drama/thriller film. It works well in that regard, though it’s not one for everyone’s taste, there is unrelenting bleakness to the film not unlike something Shane Meadows might produce and you have to be prepared for that.

The escalating tension between the two families is well done and the built does feel delivered upon. However, the choice to go backwards in time and reframe things makes the film not only harder to follow but also slows it down, it does this to lead to an ending wherein the main character, played by Christopher Abbott, feels bad about what he has done, which in my mind does not work at all. The ending stunts the film as Abbott has been attacked and harassed since the start of the film he is within his rights to go after the family that killed his sheep and his dog.

Also there is a weird plot line at the beginning of the film wherein Abbott’s character got so angry he drove dangerously and killed his mother, and other than being brought up a few times this doesn’t really tie into anything in a meaningful way, maybe it was done to show he was a psychopath but then the film didn’t really go down that road with it.

Overall, a film with some promise but that is derailed by odd writing choices and a bad ending.

2.5/5

Pros.

The tension

The build

It is interesting

Cons.

The ending

The time stuff

The pacing

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The Girl With The Needle: The Horrors Of War

Summary

A harrowing journey through Danish history.

This film is not for the faint of heart, and I would advise if you want to watch this film to have something happy ready to watch after as its pretty bleak. The film follows a young woman, Vic Carmen Sonne, as she deals with an unwanted pregnancy in the immediate aftermath of the First World War. During this she comes into the employ of one of Denmark’s most notorious killers.

There is a gothic spectacle to this film that makes it a must see film in terms of truly feeling like you are going back in time. The oppressive world and the grim struggle of things feels just as overwhelming for you watching it as it does for the character as she lives it.

Overall, the film is harrowing but ultimately engrossing and capturing.

4/5

Pros.

The style

How engrossing it is

The tension

The atmosphere and the world created

Cons.

It is bleak

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Saturday Night: Hollywood Pats Itself On The Back Again

Summary

Hollywood gives itself a pat on the back.

I don’t know about you, and maybe it’s because I am not American, but I’m getting quite sick and tired of films about Hollywood about filmmaking, and about classic actors or ensembles. This film manages to be quite a few of those at the same time, an ignoble triumph.

Perhaps I would have gotten more out of this if I had ever watched an episode of Saturday Night Live, however, as I have not it was just an unfunny film about a group of people making a TV show. I questioned at times if this was even supposed to be a comedy film as laughs were had by none, the screening I attended had maybe 20 people in it and I didn’t hear a singular laugh once.

In terms of actors everyone was OK, there were no particular standouts or strong performances, and likewise there were no particularly bad performances. My main emotion whilst watching this film was tedium, the pacing was incredibly off and whenever it felt like the film was going to end it would then continue on for another half an hour, not ideal.

Overall, if you’re American and grew up watching the show you may get something out of it, however, if you are either not American or did not grow up watching it then you’ll get a subpar comedy film and a wasted afternoon

1/5

Pros.

There is one good joke towards the end however if is not intended as a joke but it is funny

Cons.

It feels like self-aggrandisement

It is painfully unfunny

It is badly paced

None of the performances are all that good

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The Presence: A New Take On The Haunted House Film

Summary

Stephen Soderbergh tries to do something new with the haunted house film.

So would I call this film a horror? No

Was it marketed as a horror film? Yes

It is essentially a drama film with supernatural aspects, it is a drama film in so much as it is about a family that is fraying at the scenes and that interpersonal drama takes up a lot of the film’s bandwidth. The supernatural element comes from the fact that their house is haunted, but the ghost does not behave like a typical ghost or poltergeist in these sort of films there is something different about it.

One thing I will say is that the film has a lot of scenes of drugging drinks, which makes for uncomfortable viewing at times. There is a particular scene with a large amount of sexual threat that will stay with you after the credits roll, and is probably the most unpleasant and in a sense scariest thing about the film.

The twist at the end of the film is fairly predictable but does feel satisfying when it is revealed and it does recontextualise a lot of the film in an interesting way that encourages a rewatch.

Overall, a smart if at times a little uncomfortable kind of film.

4/5

Pros

It is smart

It a decent pay off

It is well paced

It focuses on atmosphere

Cons.

The sexual assault theme feels a bit much at times

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