The Damned: An Ode To Those Lost At Sea

 Summary

A fishing team based on the coast of Iceland comes into some supernatural trouble.

Whilst the idea of a group of people being hunted down one by one by some supernatural entity is hardly new, this at least tries to add a lick of new paint to it by drawing inspiration from Scandinavian folklore rather than the same old well of monsters.

The twist at the end of the film, is one that I think is fairly played out, I didn’t see it coming, but when it hits it is somewhat of a damp squib, I would say the film would work better without it.

I appreciated that the film gave a lot of attention towards creating an atmosphere rather than just relying on cheap jump scares that become formulaic after a while. Particularly in that regard I found the use of the scenery and location to be effectively used to create a sense of isolation that really scores the entire film.

Overall, a January gem that should not be missed.

4/5

Pros.

It has a great atmosphere

The location is used to great effect

Interesting mythology

It is smart

Cons.

The twist

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Bridget Jones Mad About The Boy: Later In Life Dating

Summary

Bridget Jones, Renee Zellweger, is back.

I think this is probably the film of the year so far. In many ways this is a near perfect film, the only thing that I didn’t like was the creepy sort of age play relationship sub plot- I didn’t like it as it felt icky plus you can guarantee that if such a storyline was done with a man and a younger women these days people would be up in arms.

That aside I thought this film was just the right amount of old notes brought back to play homage to previous film and also new ideas. It was fun to see the family dynamic of seeing Bridget with kids, it was nice to see the dysfunctional single mother be played without the judgement, she cared about her kids deeply and was there for them whilst also having her own thing. Take note Hollywood that is how single mothers should be.

I thought how they handled the passing of Colin Firth’s character was both beautiful and sad, there was a real melancholy there, but the film handled it in a mature and grown up way. I think the final time we see the ghost of Firth’s character at the school play is a fantastic moment and one in which it is hard not to shed a tear.

Overall, a wonderful send off for the franchise.

4.5/5

Pros.

It is sweet

It gives the characters a good send off

It merges the old and the new well

It is well paced

It is funny

Cons.

The icky relationship

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The Cleaner: Daisy Ridley Somehow Manages To Out Girlboss Her Performance As Rey

Summary

Rey from Star Wars is given the short hair maam treatment and is turned into girlboss personified.

So, Daisy Ridley seemingly only has a career as Kathleen Kennedy wants to keep her relevant, you have to assume she is getting these roles as folks behind the scenes are pulling strings for her as it certainly isn’t her acting chops.

This film wants you to suspend your disbelief to such a degree that you are left wondering if you are having a breakdown. The idea that stick thin Ridley can take down men multiple times bigger than her is frankly laughable, even all the training the world can’t make that maths check out.

Plot wise it is a die hard clone, minus the fun. It Ridley is able to be charming or crack a joke she does not show it here. Maybe if she was playing more against type, and being less of the her-o girl boss she often leans towards this would have been better.

Overall, an incredibly forgettable action film with a Ridley performance so bad it would be an understament to call it wooden.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

Ridley is horribly miscast

You don’t believe her in this role

It lacks any kind of charm

The girlboss stuff is pretty egregious

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Lost Dogs: Finding Your Way Home

Summary

A dog sitter, Brianne Buishas, fails.

Whilst at first appearances this film feels rather breezy and light on stakes, within minutes it grips you. Not only is the protagonist incredibly human and relatable, reminding you of times in your life when you had to do jobs you might not want to, might be over qualified for, might not be your dream but did as you needed the money, but once the dog goes missing then things really open up dramatically and the tension begins.

I was on the edge of my seat worrying about what might happen to the dog and was hoping it was not going to be the kind of drama film wherein the dog wouldn’t be found or it would be dead at the end. Luckily it is not, the film is more a meditation on what it means to grow up and become an adult, and I don’t mean the shift from child to adult, but rather the shift from being a student or being in your early twenties to maturity.

By dealing with issues and themes that are commonly effecting most people and a wider sense of the fear of failure this film manages to be both instantly relatable but also get under your skin and stick with you far after watching it, as it makes you question your own life to an extent.

Overall, a relatable and thought provoking exercise.

4/5

Pros.

It is relatable

There is a warmth there

It is transformative

It sticks with you

Cons.

Some of the supporting cast are a little underused

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A Corpse Is Defiled: The Second Death Of Doctor Who

Doctor Babes has left the building.

So as many of you know I have been pretty hands off with Doctor Who since the Whittaker era, I might write a Cinema Issues piece here or there about the declining ratings or review the Christmas special, but by and large I have checked out.

I am only here really to gloat. To laugh at the manbabies and shills who still defend it, I have shown up to the funeral and I am speaking some home truths.

So as many of you know the series has been bleeding viewers for a long time, since just before Whittaker, and that has only got worse. Disney came on board to fund and distribute the show on Disney + expecting a certain level of ratings, it has not provided them with that, and as such series three of the new run is looking increasingly like it is not happening. Disney want numbers, the BBC wants numbers.

Then there was the news this week that Doctor Babes himself has quit the show as he is running off to Hollywood to play even more stereotypical gay roles. He was perfectly fine in Sex Education but the various roles he has done since have just been variants on that, even his role in Who. It is not his fault he was such a terrible Doctor he was cast to tick a box and send a certain message and he was given bad scripts to work with, there is a level to this that is not his fault. I have a feeling that the BBC tried to claw this back and downplay it saying he hasn’t quit and that they are waiting to see how season two does, but of course they would say that they wouldn’t admit the series is about to be shelved as then people really would tune out the new episodes.

The BBC is wondering what went wrong, the blue haired people on Blue Sky like it why isn’t it massively successful, well the silent majority has spoken. Doctor Who has always been a progressive show but when you are hiring trans writers who have previously written books aimed at children that talk about the best apps for gay sex and positions for it, then you know things are in trouble.

Hopefully the failure of this show disgraces RTD, who let’s face it probably has some skeletons in his closet, and prevents him from ever coming near the franchise again.

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Captain America Brave New World: Tokenism Personified

Summary

So as some of you know I said I was not going to cover this, unless I could do so in a way that would not allow Disney to get my money, luckily an opportunity sailed my way, so I decided to disrupt the printing presses and force this, and my commentary on Bond, in here early to stay relevant, and then we’ll get back to regularly scheduled programming on Tuesday.

So I went into this with incredibly low expectations, and for the most part it met them. I didn’t find anything massively egregious with it but nor did I find anything redeeming. I still think that the idea of reducing the Falcon mantle to essentially being nothing, and something Sam happily shed is a little weird, he is very eager to pick up a white mans old title and assume the role. To me this felt odd in terms of the point of that, as would it not be more impactful for black viewers to see Falcon leading the Avengers and have a mantle he created and built himself be worthwhile, rather than saying yeah none of that matters and now he is important because he is a black man spin on a white mantle.

In addition the writing was awful, I know some of the same team from Falcon and the Winter Soldier came over for this, I don’t know if it was the same writer, but regardless the writer here is not bringing their a game. For example why did they almost go to war with Japan, why did everyone know it was a Celestial despite no one in the film supposedly having that knowledge, where are the Skrulls that were out to colonise the planet in Secret Invasion. Etc. However, it is probably best to not think of this film in that way and just turn the brain off.

Another odd thing with this film is how wedded it is to a film from almost twenty years ago. So in many ways this is a sequel to The Incredible Hulk, it brings back The Leader, Betsy Ross, General Ross etc. Now what makes it weird is that this is happening in a Captain America/Falcon film and not in a Hulk film, what makes it stranger too is that most people don’t remember or like The Incredible Hulk so it seems odd to draw from that well. Of all the films to use characters from it is bizarre to have it be that one.

The idea that Sam, Anthony Mackie, can go toe to toe with a Hulk without the serum is stupid, it is even more so when Red Hulk, who is only in the film for 5 minutes despite what the marketing promised you, and Sam manage to tire each other out fighting when in reality Sam would be dead.  Oh also the fact Bucky is barely in this is stupid and badly thought out as again the film needed him desperately.

Overall, it felt like a long episode of a Disney + show which is to say disappointing, cheap and rushed out to fill space.

1.5/5

Pros.

They reduced it from two and a half hours

It had one funny moment

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Where Have All The Good Guys Gone: The MCU Slips Into Apathy, A Retrospective

I haven’t seen the film and this isn’t a review, this is an assessment piece on the current state of the Marvel Cinematic Universe from the perspective of audience engagement. The comments passed in this piece regarding Captain America Brave New World, are based on several key factors firstly the Cinema Score, a low b, which was lower than that of The Marvel’s and also Antman Quantomania, the critical Rotten Tomatoes score currently at 52% at the time of writing, on the broader fan consensus online which suggests that the film is middling not great not terrible. I would also like to address that on Rotten Tomatoes the film has an 82% audience score, though this could be inflated.

All of these things taken together paint a picture of the sorry state of the MCU, especially when you compare this release to the last few, sans Deadpool and Wolverine as it was disconnected and more of a love letter to the Fox X-Men films. The remaining films on the slate for this year also do little to reassure people that things are going to get better in the near term.

So the question is what went wrong and where do things go from here?

I would say the reasons why this film is struggling and why other Marvel films are struggling are numerous but also quite obvious. Firstly, folks don’t like homework, since the advent of Disney + not only has there been more content, perhaps too much, but also new requirements. To understand Brave New World fully folks would need to have watched The Incredible Hulk from almost twenty years ago, Falcon and the Winter Soldier and also The Eternals. That is 5+ hours of commitment just to watch the latest film in the universe and increasingly folks are getting sick of having to make it.

What can be done to fix this? At the current stage nothing, the projects that are already in development will suffer from it. However, for further down the line stuff there can be an importance placed on telling original and disconnected stories, there can also be an effort to cleverly use exposition within the films to bring folks up to speed on what they need to know from these other series, this would hurt Marvel’s numbers on rewatches but would encourage the casuals to return. They could also do a previously on at the start of each project including films, unorthodox but potentially a solution.

Secondly is the problem that these characters just are not a draw. Marvel got high on their own supply and started to believe the mythology surrounding them, thinking that they could turn anyone into a billion dollar grosser, and for a while when everything was seen as required viewing in order to get the Infinity Saga’s broader narrative it worked, however, in the disconnected and seemingly aimless Multiverse Saga this has been proven untrue. The issue here is twofold firstly the Multiverse Saga is objectively a failure, fans are not connecting, due to the glut of content things feel deluded and far to disconnected. Moreover there does not seem to be a clear direction in which it is going, yes to comics fans it is clear we are getting Battleworld the Beyonder and likely God Emperor Doom, however, for casuals it just seems to be without purpose at the moment. Secondly, it is clear that the MCU has tentpole characters that folks need to see often in order to stay invested, this can be Spider-Man, it could be Doctor Strange, it could be Wanda, it could be the founding Avengers, regardless, due to the massive uptick in production we are getting less and less projects with these tentpole characters and more and more ancillary stuff with characters people just don’t care about and that is leading to apathy. The idea that Marvel film are not events anymore sums this up rather well.

What can be done about it?

Well I have said it before and I’ll say it again, they need to do a purge. By that I mean, the Marvel slate no matter if they have announced it or not needs to be studied and second guessed, some of these films and tv shows with provably unpopular characters, I am looking at you Iron Heart with your multiple failed comics runs, should be written off and never released. It does not matter if they are done and ready to go or in production you need to trim back all this fat and get back to the core characters people care about. The Thunderbolts is the antithesis of my point, a group of mostly recent and Disney + era characters that no one cares about. The film will be met with apathy. Furthermore, there needs to be a cleaning house of the higher ups at Marvel that greenlit all these projects, who thought Echo and Agatha needed there own shows, as whoever did should not have a job. I would levy this at Feige himself, if his eye has come off the ball he should be replaced.

Finally, is the idea of escapism. Media should exist to provide audiences with a means of escaping from their lives, yes some cover real world issues, but superhero films should not. Again this is a twofold problem for Marvel, the MCU could use real world politics themes and ideas to influence it’s films, but they don’t have good writers. What I mean by that is that they don’t have writers who can be subtle and who can weave it in in a nuanced way, they have people who need to show scenes of Sam being denied a lone simply because he is black, as the scene tells it, in order to be incredibly heavy handed in its messaging. This is a problem as then audiences feel like they are being preached at and feel like the films are becoming political which is a turn off both for those that don’t agree with the politics but also those who don’t want to engage with politics. Secondly, bringing in heavy handed real world political issues such as presenting, according to reviews, Ross as a stand in for Trump, it stops the world from feeling different and new and instead makes it feel like a reflection of our own which isn’t what people want.

How can this be fixed?

Honestly this is probably the simplest, by hiring better writers, one who can use politics in a subtle way and put themes into films without it being overt and making the film politicised. 

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Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man Season Season One Overview: Thank God For Sony

Summary

He has the super power kick, you want him as your neighbour.

The above is paraphrased lyrics from the trailer for this show. It doesn’t understand the character, he doesn’t have super powerful feet, and that it is generic and feels like it is doing stuff to kill time, you want him as your neighbour a superfluous lyric.

Honestly, I don’t know  what is going on at Marvel animation first What If’s final season and now this. I think that there needs to be a culling at Marvel animation as something is clearly rotten. The same people who brought you duck sex have now race swapped most of the classic Spider-Man cast and for what reason? Because Coleman Dingo can’t possibly voice a white character.

Ignoring the race swap they also completely and I mean completely emasculate Harry Osbourn to a point, where you question if they aren’t setting him up to be the female love interest of season two. The character bastardisation feels like if I am being charitable people who have never read a Spider-Man comic before and don’t know these characters, but at worse this feels like a deliberate effort to lessen them.

Occasionally, here and there you get to see characters you actually want to see show up like Daredevil, voiced by Charlie Cox, these moments provide a nice if fleeting moment of respite before the mediocrity of the story and the objectionable nature of the race swaps comes back to drag you back into the gutter. There is a genuine question with this show as to why it is that a large percentage of the villains are white, and a large majority of the friendly characters/perceived as friendly aren’t.

Overall, thank God that Sony still has the rights to Spider-Man and long may that remain the case if this is what Disney would serve us.

1/5

Pros.

Some entertaining cameos

Cons.

It ruins various characters

It is poorly plotted

It tries too hard to be something it isn’t

The humour is grating  

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Wolfman: The Dark Universe Takes Another Blow

 Summary

The domestic abuser shared universe is added to.

It is odd now that in two film based on classic Universal monsters that there has been an undercurrent of domestic abuse, if they make a Frankenstein film where he attacks the Bride then it will be even more deliberate.

The ideas behind this film are so played out and trite that you consider if it was written by AI bringing back other werewolf films, the werewolf does not want to harm his family yet is ultimately a threat to them, cue cringe metaphors about inner conflict.

Julia Garner was okay on Ozarks but she really doesn’t suit the role she is cast in here, the idea of her as a mother is a little silly, she also has next to no on screen chemistry with Chrisopher Abbot. Seeing their happy family scenes at the beginning which presages almost all Blumhouse films comes across as two people who are strangers to each but who are trying to pretend to be in a relationship.

The werewolf form also looks awful, but I won’t spoil it too much for you

Overall, a flop for Blumhouse to start the year off right

1.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It is not the worst thing Blumhouse has ever made

Cons.

The transformation and werewolf form

Garner

The writing

The lack of chemistry

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Emily Perez: Drug Cartels Are Selena Gomez’s People

 Summary

Yikes. That sums up the film nicely. Do we really need to say more?

So as many of you know this film has been in the headlines recently for all the wrong reasons, what it should be getting attention for is pushing questionable gender science, having course and vulgar songs that make WAP look like a children’s nursery rhyme and of course softening Mexican drug cartels that kill thousands of people every year.

It is quite funny to see the situation that critics have gotten themselves into on this one, as of course they have to support the film with a trans lead, but now as more and more things about said lead are starting to come out, these left wing critics are starting to have to say things that they may once have said was transphobic.

For me the biggest issues with this film is taste, there are a number of moments and choices in the film that feel in bad taste, simply put. To make a musical about the cartels is simply insensitive and at worst wrong. Worse yet this decision makes the tone of the film feel at times schizophrenic to the subject matter.

Overall, a bad decision all round.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is laughably bad

Cons.

The songs

It pushes bad science

The acting is awful

It has tonal problems

The pace is off

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