Cinema Issues: The Acolyte Is Cancelled Looks Like Star Wars Isn’t A YA Female Brand After All

Written by Luke Barnes

Image credit, What’s On Disney Plus

In this cinema issues article we are talking about the much deserved cancellation of the Acolyte.

So lets get a few things out of the way first, Disney is a business they cancel things if they don’t have good ratings or make them money, the Acolyte did neither. Disney did not give in to the toxic fans, you overly assume the importance Disney places on any of their customers opinions or politics, it is as simple as did it make this number? No, then it is cancelled. Also Disney does not care about how some shows need a few seasons to find an audience, again did it hit the number they wanted? No, then it is cancelled.

Now let’s talk about why it was so poorly viewed.

Rumour has it that Disney is angry with star of the show Amandla Stenberg, saying that her diss track to own the haters, actually hurt the show in the long run as it caused people to turn off. Looks like Disney knows that attacking fans isn’t the way to go about it, I wonder if they will still do it when Skeleton Crew comes out.

It also might be time to call it on the idea of turning Star Wars into a girl-power brand. Audience data collected by the Wrap says that over 70% of Star Wars’ audience is older males, and the figure only seems to be increasing as time goes by, efforts like this to bring in a different sort of fan are not pushing the needle enough to change that and are also alienating that 70% therefore leading the series to not have enough viewers to stay on.

It may be time for Disney and Kathy to except Star Wars for what it is, a nerdy franchise mainly consumed by older guys and one that will become irrelevant in a few decades when these people start to die off. The idea of bringing in new fans by doing new things isn’t working, this show desperately tried to do that and had the worst viewing figures of all Disney + Star Wars so it might be time to accept new fans aren’t coming in big enough numbers to make the change over survivable for the brand.

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Borderlands: How Not To Adapt A Videogame

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A popular game series is turned into a film by someone who has never played the games before.

Who didn’t see this coming? I think right from the moment the public was first introduced to this film red flags began to appear everywhere. From stunt or joke casting to the way it ripped off what Guardians does with music and the score, there were clear indicators that this film was going to be bad. However, after watching it I can say that it is not offensively bad nor is it terrible, for the most part it is just boring and cheaply made.

I found the action and the games references to at least be somewhat entertaining even if they were incredibly hollow, it was very much look kids there is something from the game remember sans any of the emotional attachment or enjoyment of it. They got in a lot of references but did precious little with each one.

Moreover, the fact that they made it a 12 here in the UK, so a PG 13 if you’re American, was a terrible move. Not the least because most of those who grew up playing the game are now adults and so are ready to see the blood and gore of the games replicated but don’t get it, but also with the fact that the kids this film is aimed are not even old enough to play the games legally.

It is also quite odd that Roth and co decided to have all of the women in the film be about two decades older than their games counterparts? Was this done to bring in older women to watch it , I wouldn’t think it would be there sort of thing. Cate Blanchett was not very convincing during her action scenes and I must say it wasn’t helped by the terrible wig they had her wear.

Overall, there is no point making a film like this if you don’t have a passion for the game and clearly no one involved with this project had any passion for the games.

1.5/5

Pros.

Some funny lines

The action was okay

Cons.

Cate Blanchett, Hart and Lee-Curtis were badly miscast

It wasn’t funny

The lack of gore was disappointing

It was incredibly average

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Rings Of Power Season 2: Can It Be Saved?

Written by Luke Barnes

In this cinema issues article we are talking about The Rings Of Power and what I believe it needs to do in order to be a better second season and in order to set the series up for long term success.

Now as a Tolkien fan I have a very complicated relationship with this show, there is a part of me that thinks it shouldn’t exist, and when I watched the first few episodes of the first season I was convinced it was little more than current year trash. However, as I advanced beyond that I did think there were some good ideas there, deeply buried but there, and I began to warm to it more by the end of the first season. As such I want to suggest ways that the second season could improve on the first and turn the show around, because lets face it by Amazon’s own admission, in the end, the majority of people didn’t finish the first season.

Before we get into it I want to say this is all just my opinion, nothing to cry about, some of it will be changes they can make this season and some will be possible changes they can make before a maybe possibly season 3. The idea of if this show can even be saved will also be discussed.

I think the fundamental issue with ROP that was there in the first season and will be there in season 2 is the fact that those who make the show do not understand or like the IP. As such they inject other things into in order to try and get more people in whilst driving away people who might actually like the show, take for example the fact in the new season they are teasing a romance between Galadriel, Morfydd Clarke, and Sauron, Charlie Vickers which just shows that the creators do not know these characters. They are doing this in an effort to try and get social media shippers to care, and to appear like it is A YA show, they are doing this when they could just use Celeborn instead. Doing things like the YA shipping makes me think that the show can’t be saved.

Moving on I think the show needs to focus on less characters, the Harfoots need to go away as do the Numenorian’s, I would also cut out the Dwarf’s and just have it be about Sauron trying to corrupt different groups of people with Galadriel and Elron in toe to stop him. All the stuff with the Stranger too I would cut out, we just don’t need it, the show is trying to tell too many stories at once.

I would also hype up events rather than going look guys the first black elf, this is tokenistic and irritating virtue signalling. You should have natural diversity and not make a big deal of it just be like yes this is the world, you don’t need to show them off its weird. Look at how House Of The Dragon does it for example, much better.

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I Saw The TV Glow: A Horrifying Voyage Of Mental Illness

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A couple of people begin to believe that they are characters in a TV show.

So where to begin with this film, I suppose we should begin as we mean to continue and in that vein I will open by saying it is a horrible film.

Not only is it the same art house nonsense you would expect, with symbolism, a story that makes no sense, stunted dialogue and more but it also boasts yet another terrible performance from Justice Smith. Smith really is having a bad 2024 starring in this and the Magical Society, the guy can’t seem to catch a break.

The plot is basically around two mentally ill people who fully devolve into their mental illness and begin to harm themselves, yet it is all okay as their delusions are real so when they mutilate themselves its not real, or is it? On top of all that you have them escaping into this TV show as they are actually the characters from that, or so they believe, and Smith is actually a girl, yet even in the world of fiction they are being horribly tortured by a sadistic man who lives in the moon.

If all that sounds a bit much there is also a lot of allegories for trans people and the trans experience during the film and it is supposed to have some sort of political message. However, it just seems like two people desperately in need of help both physical and psychological, hurting themselves and being tortured. The message seems to be lost along the way, unless that is it.

I have watched a lot of hard to watch horror films in my time, meaning both hard to watch as in they make no narrative sense, and hard to watch in terms of being unpleasant but I must say this has taken the cake.

Overall, don’t believe all the 4/5 star reviews saying it is a masterpiece as it reflects a certain type of politics, it is actually a horrible nasty little film that makes no sense and is a sickening experience to watch, especially the latter torture scenes.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It is horrible to watch

The message, whatever it is, is lost

The performances are bad

The writing is stunted

The ending is terrible

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The Crow: The Remake From Hell

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Bill Skarsgard puts on some face paint and cosplays as Eric Draven.

This film was doomed from the off, there was jus too much of a bad taste associated with this remake in the light of Brandon Lee’s death. As I have said before if it had been set in the same universe but with other characters then it probably wouldn’t be as hated as it is, but alas here we are.

Another thing that horribly dates this film is the fact that rather than try to keep to the look from the first film here instead making Eric look like a hot topic reject. Even when the Crow makeup goes on it just looks like a cheap Youtube parody.

In a sense this is very true of the film as a whole, it reads as though it is trying to remake the original to stand alongside it, or maybe even best it, but rather than do any of those things it comes off as an overly serious parody film. I even question whether Skarsgard was miscast.

Overall, a terrible and incredibly unnecessary remake.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The look is all wrong

It doesn’t seem to understand what made the first film popular

It feels at best like a parody

It is an insult to Brandon Lee’s legacy

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Trap: Nepo Baby The Movie 2

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Cooper, Josh Harnett, take his daughter, April Donoghue, to a concert. The dad is also a serial killer and the concert is a trap meant to catch him.

This is a disappointing Shyamalan film for a number of reasons. First and most important is that there is no twist, the director known for twists doesn’t do one here. The trailer tells you he’s a serial killer and that the film is about the law trying to catch him, there is no reveal that he isn’t actually a killer or that it is his daughter and he’s trying to help cover for her or something like that, no you wait for a twist that never comes.

Secondly, the nepotism is getting a bit hard to stomach now. I had no issue when Shyamalan wanted to put himself into his films as a sort of authorial flourish, but now that he is forcing his frankly untalented daughter, Saleka, upon us I think things have gone too far. The film has this singer, decide that rather than just help the killer escape and then get the hell away she will instead solve the case and stop him. Saleka is Shyamalan’s real life daughter and whilst it is bad enough he made her the singer that the concert venue revolves around, the fact he says that she is the hero destined to stop this killer, when no one would behave like that is just egregious. In reality after being held hostage by a killer you would run away or maybe go to the police. You would not live stream from the killers toilet to try and save his latest victim, it feels so fake so not how any real person would behave and contrived. Also Saleka is not a good actor despite what her dad might think, she is distractingly bad.

Sadly, the idea of the trap itself is quite interesting and seeing Josh Hartnett having to go to great lengths to get himself out of the situation whilst also being hilariously awkward with his daughter is fun to watch, but that is only about 60 percent of the film. You would have a much better experience if you got up when they leave the concert venue and went home what comes next is all the stuff with M.Night’s daughter and the horrible and contrived ending.

I think this film shows M. Night at a lower rung than even something like The Last Airbender because at least there he was still trying to do something, bad as it was, here he cant even be bothered with a twist he just wants to give his kid a summer job.

Overall, one of the most glaring disappointments of the summer.

1.5/5

Pros.

Hartnett is trying

The early parts of the film are fun

Cons.

There is no twist

The ending is stupid, unbelievable and contrived

The nepotism is repugnantly on view

It shows Shyamalan is not even trying anymore

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Babes: Mindless Viewing

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young woman, Ilana Glazer, gets pregnant and has to deal with it.

So Glazer’s horrible views on Gaza aside, she repeats all the same anti-semitic views/lies as a lot of other left wing celebrities but goes hey it’s okay because I am Jewish when it is just an effort in self-hate and fake allyship just like Seth Rogen, this film does have some redeemable moments.

The humour of the film is hit or miss, there are a few genuinely laugh out loud moments, but then also some scenes and joke chains that carry on for too long. It lacks the sharpness that something like Broad City has and at times it feels like it has run out of jokes so repeats one from earlier.

The story is okay, I liked Glazer’s character and found myself rooting for her to be okay, but that doesn’t negate from the fact that this is a story we have seen before. How many times has the unprepared mother had motherhood turn up on her doorstep and then had to rise to the occasion? Too many times to count.

Overall, there isn’t much to say about this film it does what it says on the tin, it is on and off funny and doesn’t push the needle in any kind of way

2.5/5

Pros.

Glazer is likable

It has some funny moments

It is watchable

Cons.

It does nothing new

It repeats unfunny jokes

It leaves you feeling fairly hollow

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Batman The Caped Crusader: The Life And Times Of Oswalda Cobblepot

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Batman the much cancelled series finally finds a home, that it then proceeds to stink up.

So, as someone who enjoyed many Batman tv series as a kid particularly The Brave And The Bold I was excited for the idea of a new Batman series to get stuck into. However, little did I know that this series was made by the franchise destroyer himself J.J Abrams. After WBD didn’t want the series and sold it off there should have been red flags, but I was like maybe there was a good reason for it and the series is still good, but no.

Upon turning the show on the first thing that hits you is that this is made for modern audiences. We see every ethnicity, gender, ability level and what not on screen in the first episode and it only goes more over the top from there. There is nothing wrong with diversity when it is done for a reason or with a point in mind, particularly if it is organic to the show, but here it is clearly just ticking boxes in order to try and get as much virtue signalling as possible, it is tokenistic. The worst example of this is Oswalda Cobblepot, Batman has a long history of female villains why not feature one of them instead of forcing in a gender swap for no good reason. At times it felt like Abrams and co wanted to flip off the fans as much as possible

We also, perhaps in some sick homage to Snyder, have a scene wherein Batman is holding a gun, this to me and many fans just highlights how this series has no respect for the character or his lore, it is just more low grade slop wrapped in a Batman colouring.

Overall, if you want a new Batman the Animated Series this is not it.

1/5

Pros.

The animation was okay

Cons.

It doesn’t understand Batman

The series as a whole has a terrible pace

It doesn’t make sense at times

The tokenism and gender/race swaps

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The Desperate Doctor Doom Debacle

Written by Luke Barnes

In this cinema issues article we are talking about the reveal of Doctor Doom in the MCU and the casting news.

So as we all know Robert Downey Jr. is back in the MCU playing Doctor Doom. This news has divided a lot of people, for me personally I am mixed to trepidatious on it. However, before we go any further I just want to address the milk toast folks that go ‘oh MCU fans are toxic they are judging something before they have even seen it’, as their brains slowly trickle down their backs. The whole point of casting reveals is to generate buzz and attention be that good or bad, the whole point is to get people talking so by going oh you’re toxic for talking about it negatively, even your big daddies over at Disney would tell you to shut up.

That said let’s get into it.

I think the biggest issue with the casting is that it ruins Tony Stark’s sacrifice in Endgame and yes I know it won’t be the actual Tony Stark but rather a variant Doom/Iron Man Hybrid. However, to a lay audience they will just go ‘oh look it is Iron Man’ I thought he was dead, and so it will mean people will be both confused and then asking why is he a villain and killing his friends, to a basic understander of the franchise it could almost ruin the character entirely. Though I imagine Marvel Studios will go to great lengths to show how he is not Tony Stark, we may never even see Downey Jr’s face.

From that you have the fact that this Doom will not be the Victor Von Doom that people want, it is a Tony Stark variant, meaning that the actual peasant to ruler Doom may never appear in the MCU. This then means that a character a lot of people were looking forward to has been abandoned for the cynical ploy of getting Downey Jr back. Also it means that the Fantastic Four will have a different origin story as if this variant is from their universe it will be that their Tony Stark went bad, rather than Von Doom existing as a contemporary and even friend in the early days to the Baxter clan.

Personally, I think the best thing that could happen would be that the Tony Stark variant either never takes his mask off and is in fact not a variant and it is Downey Jr playing Von Doom, or that the actual real Von Doom usurps power from the Stark variant at the end of Doomsday and then becomes God Emperor Doom going into Secret Wars.

Ultimately, whilst it is nice to have Downey Jr back, the cynical ploy could add to the MCU’s woes in the long term.

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Alien Romulus: Cheering On The Alien

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Alien franchise is dead, don’t let anyone tell you any different.

So before we get into everything wrong with this film, and there is a lot, we will talk about the three things I liked. Firstly, I enjoyed the connections to Prometheus it was neat to have it and to have a direct tie between the prequel films and the later Ripley, Sigourney Weaver films, though it would have been better if David, Michael Fassbender, had appeared. Secondly, I liked that they brought back the science officer from the first film that was an interesting and plot relevant cameo. Thirdly, the final monster was very well designed and looked both alien and frightening.

Now with that out of the way lets get into why this film isn’t good. The main and most glaring reason why this film is bad is because the entire cast beyond David Jonsson’s Andy and Isabela Merced are awful people and entirely unlikeable. So Andy is a Synthetic and the film seems to use that as a stand in for someone with mental disabilities in a sickening way. The opening sections of the film have Andy being beaten up for being different, being told he is lesser than by the other crew members and being told by his sister, Cailee Spaeny, that he is going to be left behind when she wants to start a new life. The poor guy even apologizes to his sister for being a burden it is really hard to watch. The way the entire cast of characters bar Merced’s treat Andy as though he is just something to be used and discarded is a really horrible comment on how vulnerable people are treated by some. The film has Spaeny’s lead realise that she should treat him better by the end, but it doesn’t change the fact that you start rooting for the alien and kill them all. To make matters more uncomfortable you also have the fact that Andy is a POC and his whole purpose in life is to service a white lady. No one, at Disney, at Fox, anywhere thought how did that look.

The film also goes out of its way to make the Xenomorph weaker and easier to beat, it uses the mud trick from Predator in a different way and has the lead just shoot a whole mess of them that just charge her for no good reason in zero gravity. They are supposed to be smart and super hard to kill but our lead kills about 12 of them in under 5 minutes. This also drops the threat level of the film as a whole and is not made up for with Human/Engineer hybrid at the end, which whilst scary is too little too late.

Overall, a disappointment that leaves a poor taste after watching it.

1/5

Pros.

Prometheus ties

Bringing back the science officer

Cons.

The characters are horrible and one dimensional

They treat the synthetic guy in a cruel and nasty way and it is hard to watch

There is some vague racist undertones to it

It makes the xenomorph non-threatening

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