Hawkeye: Ronin

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Forces close in around Clint, played by Jeremy Renner, as the prospect of getting home in time for Christmas becomes more and more remote for him and the series reveals its big bad.

We got him folks after seemingly weeks of talking about him Vincent D’Onofrio’s Kingpin is here in the flesh. We only get some grainy phone footage of him so no doubt any memorable moments will happen next episode but it proves that we are getting the Netflix Marvel characters appearing in the MCU.

I thought the best thing about this episode for me was Florence Pugh’s Yelena. Yelena was not only the breakout star of Black Widow she is likely to be the breakout star of this show too. We get to see her pre and post snap and see how that affected her and are also given a really interesting scene between her and Kate Bishop, played by Hailee Steinfeld, the two have a lot of chemistry.

As I said in my review for the previous episode the Echo plotline is certainly the weak point of the show. Alaqua Cox has not done enough to make us invested in her character and honestly unless the final episode pulls something fairly spectacular out of its hat her series might be the first Marvel series I skip.

Overall, my takeaway is more Yelena and less Echo please.

Pros.

Yelena

The mac and cheese scene

Kingpin

Kate and Clint feel like a team

Cons.

Echo

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The Grudge: Stop Remaking Foreign Language Horror Films, Learn To Read Subtitles

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

This film highlights why when you hear a Japanese horror film is getting an American remake you should be worried, especially when it is a remake of a foreign remake.

This is the truest January film that I have ever seen. By that I mean a bad film, most know that the big studios dump a lot of their let’s call them troubled productions out in January as a means of writing them off, this is a perfect example of that. It seems that everyone in this film knows it is bad, yet have turned up to be paid.

Talking about The Grudge series from the perspective of the American remakes I always thought it was lesser to the American remakes of The Ring and this film proves why. Not only does it seem afraid of its Japanese heritage, but it also seems content in doing nothing to push the needle forward or indeed even to produce a good film.

It does everything you would expect from a January horror film, it pumps out the jump scares none of which are as scary as the rising cost of cinema attendance, and includes Lin Shaye for the member berries of the Blumhouse Crowd. Honestly Shaye is perfectly fine here.

Overall, this film is not worth your time.

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It isn’t remotely scary

It seems scared of the series heritage

It is generic

It is dull

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The Amazing Spider-Man Two: The Sinisterness Of Sony

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Peter Parker, played by Andrew Garfield, tries his best to defeat the handful of villain thrown at him as Sony tries desperately to set up the Sinister Six.

I returned to this film in the days post No Way Home to see if it was as bad as I remember it being, and honestly it wasn’t, it is by no means good, but it certainly has its moments.

I think this film can be split into two halves, one of which I will focus heavily on and the other I will quickly discard. To be discarded is everything with the blue skinned Electro, played by Jamie Foxx, my, my Sony really dropped the ball with him, who thought that this is what the character should look or be like. That was all bad. Effects, acting, everything.

Now the other half that I will focus on as I think this was the redeemable part of the film, the Green Goblin, here played by Dean DeHaan. Now I want to lead with a big preface here, I think by and large DeHaan was miscast, however he did his best with it. He was never going to live up to Dafoe and he was only really there as a means to set up the Sinister Six, they are sinister because they are so forced in. All that aside I did buy the fallout between his character and Garfield’s Parker, I enjoyed their rivalry and thought the whole scene between him, Parker and Gwen, played by Emma Stone, was magic. Really it is that scene and Garfield’s response to it that manages to save this film for me.

I know I sound like an Andrew Garfield stan at this point, and if I were ever to meet the man I would probably be embarrassed at how much I sing his praises but he is just magnificent here and I would say off the three Spider-Men actors he is easily the best one at playing the character. Hopefully Sony gives him another film to continue his Spider-Man arc.

Overall, Garfield and Stone are silver linings, but Sony being themselves and everything with Fox’s Electro really drags this film down.

Pros.

Stone

Garfield

The emotion

Cons.

The Sinister Six side plot

DeHaan is badly miscast

Everything about Electro

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Cherry: Try As He Might Tom Holland Cannot Pull Off Mature Roles

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Tom Holland tries to prove that he is a serious actor and that he can play mature parts as well as Spider-Man, a spoiler for you he can’t.

I feel bad for Holland I really do; he has tried hard to throw off his youthful boyish family appeal, but try as he might he just can’t seem to do it. Despite many saying things to the extent of ‘oh this is going to be an Oscar worthy performance’ or ‘oh you have never seen Holland like this’, it still feels like a student made fan film wherein you have to cast whoever will be in the film for the role even if they don’t fit the part. As Holland really doesn’t fit the part at all.

This film tries to make bold comments about society and life, with Holland’s character going through the army, drug addiction and the criminal underworld. However, it all feels paper thin and like a teen trying to be edgy and dark to show how mature they are, it all feels very try hardy.

Moreover, there is no reason for this film to be on for as long as it is. Honestly this film could be half the time and would probably be better for it, it drags on and on and feels as though it is trying to bait you into turning it off: and you battle with that you really do.

Overall, the Russo’s and Holland should stick to making Marvel films.

Pros.

Holland is really trying and you can feel that sadly it just doesn’t work

Cons.

It is trying way too hard to be edgy

It philosophies are weak

Holland is badly miscast

It has awful pacing issues

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XXX The Return Of Xander Cage: Vin Diesel Needs To Stop Living In The Past

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A forced attempt to revive the XXX franchise, and to give Vin Diesel another franchise outside of the Fast And The Furious to slowly run into the ground, Groot doesn’t count.

Honestly this film made me embarrassed for all involved, truly this film shows the rock bottom of Hollywood’s unoriginality as it brings back a long forgotten franchise for what? Because they are terrified of making something new and original most likely.

Vin Diesel is playing the same incredibly hollow and manufactured tough guy character that he always plays, yet here it feels especially desperate as though he is trying to cling to his fading stardom and former franchises to keep his head above water. He brings nothing to the role of course, but if you like how he normally is in every role then you will probably like him again here. The only other person who can give him a contest for weaker performance here is Ruby Rose, who baffles me in why she is still cast? What does she bring to a film other than being remarkably difficult to work with? Please let me know.

The plot is terrible and contrived and feels like it was written by people simply putting together buzz words and saying the word explosion over and over again. However, no one is watching this film for its plot.

Overall, a very weak action film with no reason to exist beyond being one last desperate gasp for a forgotten franchise and a lead running out of leading roles.

Pros.

It is so bad you have to laugh at it

Cons.

Diesel

Rose

The plot

There is no reason for it to exist

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Villain: The Saddest Of The Gangland Films

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A recently released convict, played by Craig Fairbrass, must try and save his families pub from gangland threats.

To me this film failed to be in any way fun, yes though it is a different type of fun a lot of the gangland films, particularly those with Danny Dyer, have enough charm or gravitas to keep you around and enjoying yourself until the end of the film, this didn’t have that.

Not only was this film depressing, it was morbidly depressing, and seemed to go out of its way to be grim and off putting, honestly watching it made me sad. I understand the point the film was trying to make by having Fairbrass’ character die at the end, the superfluousness of his life style and how in the end even if you win you die, and it did deliver this message however, it just made the film feel even more of a downer and left a bit of a bad taste as well.

Fairbrass is fine he is playing a slightly toned down version of his Rise Of The Foot Soldier character. He tries hard to try and round the character and to add emotional depth though this ends in a colossal failure.

Overall, who was this made for?

Pros.

It is short

Fairbrass is trying

Cons.

The ending

It is depressing

There is no charm to it

It has pacing issues galore

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The Whole Ten Yards: Bruce Willis With Long Hair

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jimmy, played by Bruce Willis, Jill, played by Amanda Peet, Oz, played by Matthew Perry and Cynthia, played by Natasha Henstridge, must all come out of seeming retirement when a new threat with ties to their shared past immerges seeking revenge.

Really there is no reason for this film to exist. It does not match the original, though it tries to mimic it. This film does not seem to understand what made the first film entertaining, or maybe it does and can’t quite capture it again. All of the parts are seemingly there to recapture magic but it doesn’t work, it feels as though everyone is just here for the pay check.

The film is not terrible however and still manages to be watchable at times, I found Bruce Willis to again be quite funny though I thought his character was written as more of a one note caricature here which I thought was a disservice. Willis tries hard to keep this film together, that is a phrase I never thought I would be writing, but everyone else around him is just going through the motions.

Overall, this suffers from a common problem needless sequel syndrome, the first worked we didn’t need this.

Pros.

Willis

It is watchable

A few funny scenes

Cons.

The wider cast are wasted and feel just there to get paid

It doesn’t justify its own existence

It can’t recapture the original

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Christmas Eve: Never Get In A Lift Again

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A series of people get stuck in lifts, elevators for The American audience, and have reflective life experiences.

When one begins to dive into Christmas films they are met with one absolute truth, most of the genre is awful. For every Elf and Home Alone there are one million made for TV Christmas films which serve as nothing more than a resequencing of cliches and stale jokes. Though I can’t speak for whether this film was made for TV, as honestly I don’t know, I can say there is a clear reason why this film has a zero on Rotten Tomatoes.

All of the sentimentality in this film feels like it was constructed by a robot that is devoid of human emotion and that does not know how people interact, a lot of the character interactions in this film range from either comically evil and cold to downright predatory and creepy, it is not a likeable bunch yet the film still tries to force in sentiments to the contrary. Even in a Christmas film some people are still going to be trash.

This film trots out Patrick Stewart to try and prop it up, and try though he might, it just feels like he is playing a bargain bin version of his Scrooge character. Even he can’t save this film.

Overall, yet another bad Christmas film.

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The characters are creepy, cold and mostly awful

It has pacing issues

It can’t get the sentiment even remotely right

The ending

It wastes Stewart

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The Whole Nine Yards: Chandler When He Is Not With His Friends

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A hitman, played by Bruce Willis, moves in next door to a dentist, played by Matthew Perry, hijinks ensue.

I thought this film was a lot better than I thought it was going to be. The thing that makes this film is the back and forth buddy relationship between Willis and Perry’s characters, I think the two play off each other really well and this leads to a number of funny scenes.

The premise is nothing you haven’t seen before, shlub thrown into a dangerous situation but somehow comes out of it on top, however there is enough charm from everyone involved that you don’t mind how familiar it is. Willis particularly is on strong comedic form though I would probably say Amanda Peet is the standout here, her characters sheer optimism is infectious enough to get you to like the film.

I would say the downside of the film is that it wastes most of its side cast, even good characters like Peet’s are given enough time to be properly developed. The film wastes Michael Clarke Duncan, which is a crying shame, it could have done so much more with him as he was an incredibly talented actor.

Overall, it is on the better side of average.

Pros.

The comedy

The back and forth between Perry and Willis

The charm

Cons.

It wastes it’s supporting cast

It is predictable

It feels too familiar

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Demolition: Dealing With Grief By Taking Apart Lights In Toilets

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The film follows Davis Mitchell, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, a man who after the death of his wife Julia, played by Heather Lind, realises he feels nothing at her death and starts objects apart to try and find some meaning in his life, whilst also maintaining a pen pal like relationship with fellow lost soul Karen, played by Naomi Watts.

I enjoyed this film for the simple fact of it being Jake Gyllenhaal being strange, there is a lot to mine in that area. Gyllenhaal is of course suitably wacky here and has a lot of fun in the role, I enjoyed the idea of him slowly realising how unhappy he was in life and viewed the ending with him knocking down his house to be the ultimate catharsis. I thought the emotional impact was mostly on mark though there were a few times it strayed into aimlessness.

I would say the thing that holds this film back from getting higher on my rating is the pacing, the film often feels like it is dragging by and needs to move at a quicker pace than it does as when it drags it loses the attention of the viewer, or it did me.

Overall a good Gyllenhaal performances however the film as a whole has a fair amount of issues.

Gyllenhaal being strange

The ending

It feels cathartic

Cons.

Pacing issues

A confused message

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