Malignant: James Wan Sullies His Horror Master Reputation

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Maddie, Annabelle Wallis, begins to experience visons of grisly murders that seem linked to her early years- which she has now repressed.

Where to begin with this one? This film is hilarious, not because it is funny but because it is so dumb and ridiculous that laughing is the only way you can deal with this film. The biggest joke this film tells it’s audience is that it is a horror film, this is simply a lie. If I had to categories it I would say it was an action horror film with a clear B movie influence and elements of comedy. If you go into this expecting the next Insidious or Conjuring you are wasting your time.

Another fundamental error with this film is the casting of its lead. Annabelle Wallis can’t act. Have we not learnt that by now with The Mummy, Annabelle and King Arthur all being bad films and made worse by Wallis’ inability to be anything other than wooden. However, here Wallis embraces a different style of acting: overacting. It seems someone has pointed out to Wallis that in most of her film roles no matter what is going on her face stays pretty much the same throughout and she has now decided to dial everything up to a ridiculous degree. When her character screams it won’t just be a scream it will be several and she will probably throw herself around a bit for good measure, because that distracts from her poor acting ability right?

The people who wrote this film should have a hard look in the mirror because never in all my time watching films has there been so little logic or even basic sense in a film that I’ve seen. Nothing about this film makes sense, at first I thought the film was trying to be deliberately confusing to throw audiences off, but no it just does what it likes and doesn’t bother having it make sense. Even when we get an explanation of what the villain is, we are still never told how it has superhuman abilities…. It just does.

The villain in this film……… is laughable. It is in no way scary and the reveal is blindly obvious from about ten minutes in.

Overall, this shows what happens when the studios give creatives free reign- they make a mess.

Pros.

It is hilarious

It is watchable

Cons.

It is dumb

None of it makes sense

The ending is awful

Annabelle Wallis needs to stop acting

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Karen: The Real Face Of Evil

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young couples life is thrown into disarray and panic when they release that their neighbour is a racist intent on seeing them driven out of the neighbourhood.

Though this film is lampooning and joking around about the popular internet meme of the angry Karen there is something far deeper and more true to it as well. Though the film may come at the topic from a point of dark comedy it does make a lot of needed and hard hitting points about life in modern society and the vile racism that can hide behind a mask of civility.

I thought Taryn Manning did a good job as the villainous Karen, that is also the character name. I think it would have been very easy for her performance to be too over the top and border on ridiculous, however, she manages to nail the tone just right and have fun in the role whilst also conveying a sense of malice and as the film goes on genuine evil.

In that respect I thought the film managed its tone really well. It never veers to far into comedy territory and does manage to produce some tense and uncomfortable moments, whilst also giving us a few macabre dark laughs along the way as well.

The one thing I would say about this film is to be prepared for a large amount of cringe. I found myself in a near constant state of cringe watching parts of this film. I would say it was good cringe for the most part rather than bad, however it will elicit a strong response from you.

Overall, a surprisingly strong dark comedy thriller film that manages to deliver on both genres whilst also making some strong points about society.

Pros.

The tension

Manning

The tone

A few darkly comedic jokes that really land

Cons.

There are moments when it does border on the wacky

The cringe

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The Package: Not For The Fainthearted

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of friends go on a camping trip together to celebrate spring break, however once the revelling starts Jeremy, Eduardo Franco, slices off his member- what follows is a desperate struggle to reattach it before he loses it forever.

Though in many ways this film might be base and crude, I found it to be enjoyable and funny and maybe even sweet at times. Not every joke lands, but enough do that you are laughing more often than not, and when you aren’t you’re smiling.

I truly do believe that much like with Blockers Geraldine Viswanathan is the standout of the cast. Viswanathan is quickly proving herself to be one to watch, here she gets a lot of funny lines but also she has quite a nice emotional arc over the course of the film wherein she realises what she deserves out of a relationship and moves onto someone less toxic.

I enjoyed this film as it was a feel good turn the brain off sort of film and in times like these we need as many of them as we can get providing they are good.

Overall, though not every joke lands there is enough here to make this film enjoyable.

Pros.

Viswanathan

A few strong jokes

A feel good ending

The message around toxic relationships

Cons.

A few pacing issues

Not every joke lands

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Stoneheart Asylum: What Is The Point Of Having A Mystery If It Is This Obvious?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young doctor, Jim Sturgess, arrives at Stoneheart Asylum to begin his tutelage under the mentorship of Dr Silas Lamb, Ben Kingsley, however, the longer the trainee doctor spends at the asylum the more he realises something is amiss.

Kate Beckinsale headlines this movie, and her name is all over the posters and the marketing, however in actuality her part is incredibly limited, she is basically relegated to a supporting character within the film. However, I thought beside Beckinsale the rest of the cast were well used and actually managed to deliver strong memorable performances.

I think the twists are all fairly obvious and I could guess the big reveal from fairly early on into the film. I feel like there is nothing particularly new about this film as all the twists and turns on display here have been done before.

Although, in the context of the film the twists do work to create a strong sense of tension and unease during proceedings. The idea of the lead getting caught out and locked in the basement and left to die does create meaningful stakes.

The ending is fairly what you would expect, but it is nice to see the characters be given a happy ending after everything that happens.

Overall, an entertaining mystery film though one that is entirely obvious.

Pros.

The performances

The ending

The tension

Cons.

The twists are fairly obvious

Beckinsale is given nothing to do

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Yakuza Princess: Waking Up Confused In A Brazilian Hospital We’ve All Been There Right?

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man, Jonathan Rhys Myers, awakens in a Brazilin hospital with no memory of who he is with the only tie to his former life being a samurai sword.

This was a fairly boring samurai inspired action film. Not only was it boring but it is also deeply played out, the plot has been done time and time again and in a much more coherent way than this. Rhys Meyers is clearly just here for the money and even though he is not bad his character has so little substance to him that he ceases to be a person after a while.

Moreover, there is a location issue with the film that becomes more and more distracting as the film goes on. There are some scenes that are clearly supposed to be in Japan, or at least that’s how I interpreted them, and then there are others set in Brazil and the two switch back and forth and it becomes confusing what is happening where. Maybe it was my reading of it that was wrong, but I was confused throughout.

The action for the most part is also a wet blanket, never being able to tap into any of its influences well or deliver anything of substance.

Overall, a weak, bland and forgettable action film.

Pros.

It is watchable

A few interesting moments

Cons.

It is bland

The action is weak

Rhys Myers adds nothing

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RocknRolla: Rockstars Are Only Ever Really Famous After They Are Dead

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of criminals get tied up in an underhand business deal between a local crime lord and a Russian mobster.

I really appreciate the style of Guy Ritchie, his films may be similar, but they are always consistently good and deliver on what they promise, namely slick gritty fun.

For the most part I really enjoyed this film, however there was one aspect that I thought was a little off. There is a sub-plot about one of the gang being homosexual and the other members response to it. I understand this was supposed to be comedic, and they do end up accepting him in the end, but it feels like they linger on this plot line for far too long and it does border on homophobia a little bit at times.

To return to a more positive footing, I don’t think anyone does pacing quite as well as Ritchie. His films always stay consistently entertaining throughout, there is never a lull or a slow moment it is all so slick, there really isn’t any other word for it.

I enjoyed the performances across the board, everyone had their moment to shine and was used well. If I had to pick a favourite it would probably be Idris Elba as Mr Mumbles, I thought he was easily the scene stealer and the most interesting of the group.

I just want to draw attention to the dancing scene during the party which should feel odd and out of place considering the nature of the film, however it works really well and is a nice moment of comic relief, which provides us with some of the most unique shots of the whole feature.

Overall, a strong Ritchie film not quite Snatch but definitely up there.

Pros.

Elba

The pacing

The ending

Entertaining throughout

Cons.

The homosexual subplot is too drawn out and a little homophobic

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Redemption/Hummingbird: Jason Statham The Sensitive Soul

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ex-special forces soldier Joey, Jason Statham, is on the run from a dishonourable discharge and has become a homeless drug addict wondering the streets of London. This all changes when he finds his way into an apartment where the tenant is away for several months, so Joey stays and assumes this other person’s identity and begins to recover himself.

Let it be said to anyone, who like I has ever doubted Jason Statham’s ability as a dramatic actor that this film proves he has chops. Yes, there are some punchy punchy scenes but for the most part this film is about addiction, recover and the ability to return from the darkness. Rather surprisingly Statham really shines here and gives quite a well emoted, resonating performance that actually has you feeling things for the character.

Steven Knight continues to prove his fantastic dramatic sensibilities here and crafts an incredibly effecting film. This film is at times hard to watch, I did find myself becoming depressed whilst watching it, however if you stick with it you find an enriching experience that makes you question what is really important to you and provides a very nuanced take on a return from war.

Overall, a surprising turn from Statham makes this one to watch, however it won’t be to everyone’s tastes and can be incredibly depressing.

Pros.

Statham

The conversation it starts about returning from war

The message and the themes

Cons.

It is hard to watch

The ending becomes a brawl at times, and I don’t feel like this fit the film

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Rick and Morty: Rickmurai Jack

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Rick and Morty reunite after Rick learns empathy and the two form a partnership, finally.

To all those who were hoping for big cannon reveals this season you got exactly what you wished for, and then some. This finale answered a lot of fan questions such as Rick’s origins, Evil Morty’s plans and why Ricks always rule there Morty’s. The answers we get blow the series into a whole new direction.

I enjoyed the ending wherein Rick and Morty become partners after years of Morty taking Rick’s abuse. This character development feels earned, and I hope it is paid off next season in a big way. I think it is important for the show to move past its status quo and finally pay off the character development.

I thought the return of Evil Morty was a nice touch as he has become a fan favourite. They have nearly endless possibilities for what they can do with that character going forward now as the ending of the episode brought everything to the table.

I would say of all the Rick and Morty finales so far this was the most impactful.

Overall, the threshold for this series has now been expanded to crazy new heights.

Pros.

The ending

Evil Morty

Rick and Morty finally becoming equal partners

Where the series can go from here

Cons.

The reunion of the duo seems a bit rushed

Pacing issues

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Rick and Morty: Forgetting Sarick Mortshall

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Rick and Morty finally break up. Rick replaces Morty with two crows and Morty replaces Rick with a man called Nick. Both new partnerships teach each of our titular duo a lesson.

I thought the finale was going to be one big feature length episode. No? Did I imagine that? I thought that was why it was being delayed.

The days of Rick and Morty where the show was a comedy seem to be over, and now the show almost plays like an animated science fiction drama series. I think the uncoupling of Rick and Morty needed to happen, the relationship was so toxic, and something needed to be done to shift the status quo and to teach Rick a lesson- if nothing else this episode does that.

The Rick story line about him learning empathy from the crows seemed a bit too random for me and simply like they were trying to be different and out there with it but not for any reason other than because they could. The Morty storyline is slightly better, I enjoyed seeing the devolution of Nick and see the mask slowly start to slip.

I thought the ending of the episode was heart-breaking but needed, I thought it was done perfectly with the music during this scene being pitch perfect, pardon the pun, and I like that things ended on somewhat of a healthy amicable note.

Overall, an important episode of the show but not one that will make people laugh or enjoy themselves.

Pros.

Nick

The ending

The duo breaking up

Cons.

Rick’s story with the two crows seems pointlessly random

It is sad and depressing

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Spectre: Bond Defeats His Targets By Putting Them To Sleep

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Bond, Daniel Craig, is back to uncover and defeat a conspiracy close to home and one that links all the Craig era bad guys.

So I will open this by saying I am not a big Bond fan, I have seen a fair few of them and they have their moments, but to me they were never as good as the Bourne films.

This film was painful to get through, whoever edited it should be fired. An opening that drags on and on before anything even remotely interesting happens, followed by a story that meanders at nearly every turn seems almost like it is going out of its way to bore audiences. Self-indulgent would be the word I would use for it.

Moreover, it is painfully clear to see that Craig does not want to be there. He has the dead-eyed stare of a man who deeply regrets signing a contract but must now follow through. When you compare how he is in this film to the other Craig era bond films, or any of his other performances he just seems so turned off, so disengaged which almost becomes infectious as the film progresses.

The mystery is painfully dull and seems to add more complexions to itself simply to pad out the runtime. The villains are generic and are nothing we haven’t seen time and again before in previous films. The only character that actually got my attention was Dave Bautista’s Mr Hinx, he was an interesting character that could have been an intimidating villain for Bond, but no they killed him off.

Overall, this is why the series needs to retire.

Pros.

It is watchable

A few neat visuals

Cons.

It badly paced

The mystery is awful

No one bar Bautista looks like they want to be there

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