The Liability/ The Hitman’s Apprentice: Driving A Murderer

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young man, Josh O’ Connell, unwittingly becomes the assistant/driver to a hitman, Tim Roth, after angering his gangster step father, Peter Mullan.

In many ways this film is typical of the British crime genre, that is not a compliment. The biggest issue with this film is that it is deeply generic, it is not a bad film per say, it is just one that you have seen many times before dressed up in different skins. The plot unfolds in a way that you would expect it to, and it wraps up just the same, there are no surprises throughout you can accurately guess what will happen and when.

Moreover, I did not find Josh O’ Connell’s lead to be particularly likeable or even interesting. In many ways this film would be far more entertaining if Roth’s hitman had killed him and then the film followed him and his daily activities instead. As of right now I am struggling to see why everyone rates O’ Connell so highly as a performer, he is okay in some roles and perhaps miscast in others; maybe I am just missing that one outstanding performance.

I thought Tim Roth’s hitman was easily the best thing about this film, sadly he is mostly wasted and given a back seat to O’ Connell’s milk toast lead.

Overall, deeply generic.

Pros.

It is watchable

Tim Roth

Cons.

It is generic

It is predictable

The ending is weak

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Snake-Eyes: Working With Terrorists To Fight Terrorists, A Confused Film

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We learn the origins of one of the founding members of the Joes. Snake-Eyes here played by Henry Golding.

I will open this by saying I admire what they tried to do. However, in their efforts to create a homage to Samurai films of yore, this film really doesn’t feel like a G.I Joe film let alone one that is supposed to be setting up a shared universe. In truth those elements feel like an afterthought.

Moreover, the fights, which are clearly the most important part of the film as they take up most of the runtime are not very good at all. This is because not only is the choreography bad, but the camera is all over the place often cutting away from the action only to return with the enemy on the ground and Snake Eyes looking vaguely irritated above them. Furthermore, and compounding these issues, the distinct lack of blood in this film is a major problem as it makes the fight scenes have far less of an impact and feel fake, which obviously they are but they are not supposed to feel that way.

Additionally the coolest aspect of this film is easily Samara Weavings Scarlett, another Joe, however she is given barely anything to do here and is often pushed to the background, which makes me question her purpose of even being in this film was it simply to recruit Snake Eyes at the end? Adding to, the Joes are supposed to be the good guys, at least that is what the film says, yet they are pretty cool about fighting alongside a terrorist, and recruit Snake Eyes even though he continues to work for Cobra even after learning who they are. The Joes don’t look so good here, they look morally bankrupt.

Overall, this was a waste of my time and money. A rare misfire for both Golding and Weaving.

Pros.

Weaving

It is watchable

Cons.

Golding is miscast

The action is poorly done

The Joes don’t really feel like the heroes

It is dull and overly long

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The Green Knight: Someone Needs To Learn To Wash His Hands, Or At least Wipe Them

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Sir Gawain, Dev Patel, sets out to meet the challenge of the sinister and mysterious Green Knight in a reimaging of King Arthur mythos.

The biggest pro this film has going for it is that it is original. I have never seen anything quite like this before, it is not quite a fantasy film, not quite a horror film- it is hard to place. To describe the film in a word would be to say ‘strange’, however in the best sort of way.

I enjoyed the exploration of masculinity, heroism and religion, whereby the film questioned the value of and then further examined each. Furthermore, I liked that film did do much to explain or define what the Green Knight is, it kept things mysterious which works a lot better and allows our collective imaginations to have over and fill in the blanks.

Moreover, Dev Patel is perfectly suited to the role and the film itself extracts his best qualities as an actor and put them proudly on display. It plays off the idea that Patel may not be the traditional leading man, his character is often overlooked by the other knights and seen as lesser because he hasn’t been on gallant adventures, this need to prove himself will prove his downfall. Patel manages a full gambit of emotions here and his performance never fails to both shock and delight.

My only real issue with the film is that because of the artsy way it presents itself it can often be hard to tell what is going on. There were a number of scenes where I was slightly puzzled as to what was happening as it didn’t seem to line up with other parts of the film, this is a deliberate choice, but it wasn’t to my taste.

Pros.

Dev Patel

The Green Knight

The horror elements

The message

Cons.

The artsy confusing elements

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Don’t Breathe 2: Possibly The Worst Parents Ever

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Blind Man, Stephen Lang, has found and adopted a daughter, Madelyn Grace however, her past catches up to her and it might spell doom for all.

As many reviews have pointed out this film does make the Blind Man the sympathetic lead character, now is this in good taste considering he is a monster in the first film? Probably not. However, this film achieves this task by having the villains of this film be incredibly evil, they are the daughter’s former parents who have been abducting people to try and steal their organs and now they want to harvest their own daughter. This realistically was the only way the film could have him be the lead who the audience is supposed to root for, the lesser of two evils.

The whole film basically acts as a redemption arc for the character with him taking a beating at nearly every turn and losing those close to him. The Blind Man even supposedly, until the third film, gives his life to save the girl as a final act of atonement, does this make up for keeping a woman prisoner and breeding her against her will? Not by a long shot. The character is in no way likeable, but he is pitiable and maybe that was the way he was always supposed to be.

This is a hard film to watch for a lot of reasons, chief among them is the fact that this film is bleak and oppressive at nearly every turn. If I had to describe this film in a few words it would be manically depressing. Nearly every horrible thing that could happen does and the film often lingers on these scenes for far too long. For example there is a scene where the Blind Man’s dog dies and he finds the corpse, now rather than have the scene end there it goes on and shows the man sticking his hand into the dead dogs innards to try and find a bullet. Needless. There are countless other scenes like this in the film that almost feel put in for shock value.

Overall, not an enjoyable film to watch by any means, however if you like the first film or bleak depressing fare than you might find something to enjoy here.

Pros

Lang

It is watchable

The tension

Cons.

It is depressing

A fair few scenes are needlessly unpleasant

A lack of a likeable lead

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The Bad Batch: Kamino Lost

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Batch have to escape a sinking Kamino.

Meh.

For a season finale this is pretty bland. Nothing much happens and there is minimal action, the ending feels like more of a mid-season ending rather than the end of a season. There is no big cliff-hanger or tease to set up the next season.

I enjoyed what this episode did with Crosshair. I thought by having him not join the Batch at the end of the episode and still aligning himself with the Empire it makes him far more interesting than his brothers. I think the complexity to Crosshair’s character is one of the best things about the series as he can be both an outright villain and an antihero in equal measure.

Omega was once again an annoyance. The series is trying here to make us care about her by saying that she effectively watched the Batch grow up and that they were her only friends, but still you just don’t care. This is mainly due to the fact that she constantly makes dumb errors that are infuriating, like going back for the droid and then not really seeming bothered with him once she has saved him. I think the show would be infinitely better if it just focused on the Batch and she was not a part of it.

I was also hoping for more of a tease of what the Empire plans to do with the Kaminoians… but we get nothing.

Overall, watchable but fairly anti-climactic.

Pros.

Crosshair

It is watchable

The animation

Cons.

Omega

No action or anything special

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iCarly: iCan Fix It Myself

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Carly, Miranda Cosgrove, seeks to become a mechanic after she feels ripped off by one and wants to save the ‘life’ of her beloved car Vin Diesel.

This was a very lukewarm episode of iCarly for me. I thought the A plot about Carly trying to be a mechanic was cringe and ended up undermining the points it was trying to make. The first half of the episode focuses heavily on feminist talking points about female empowerment and Carly seizing control of her own life. Then the second half of the episode admits she was wrong to think that, that in fact she should have always just asked the man to fix it and then to push back into regression even further Carly even agrees to go on a date with him. Really guys? The sexism here is ridiculous. The moral of the episode is entirely undone by the pay off at the end.

The B plot about Harper’s, Laci Mosley, cousin faking her kidnapping is better considerably. Though the series is struggling with giving Harper something to do, I think the introduction of her cousin has greatly added to her character and given her a new dynamic to play off. I liked the build up and pay off of this plot and thought it gave Spencer, Jerry Trainor, a number of memorable moments that are also funny to watch.

Overall, I am surprised this episode got made, did no one see how deeply sexist the A plot is?

Pros.

Spencer

The B plot

A few funny jokes

Cons.

It is deeply sexist

Nearly everything about the A plot is awful

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American Horror Stories: Feral

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After losing their child in a national park, a couple returns to begin the search anew. However, what they find is far more frightening and poses a threat to the entire country if not the world.

This was certainly one of the strongest episodes of American Horror Stories so far. I enjoyed the twist and the possibly supernatural cannibal people. I would like to see them return again at some other point within the universe, I think there is a lot more to be tapped their with regard to their mythology.

There were a number of memorable scenes here such as when the parents finally do get to meet their kid again and he tells his cannibal friends to eat them. I think the episode gets the tone just right and plays up the horror situation whilst doing it with a wink and a nod, so it is also funny.

I thought the two lead performers didn’t bring much to their respective roles. However, this is offset by the fact that returning AHS veteran Cody Fern is a riot. I enjoyed the character and thought that he was quite commanding, whilst also having just enough air of mystery to him that you never quite feel like you can let your guard down. Moreover, perhaps most importantly of all he is also the funniest, Fern’s attempt at an Australian accent is so laughably bad that you just can’t help but laugh. I find it endearing ultimately.

Overall, a fairly strong episode with an interesting new antagonist for the universe.

Pros.

The monster

Cody Fern

The kid letting his parents be eaten

It felt fresh

Cons.

It should have got to the cannibals sooner

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What If: T’Challa Became Star Lord?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

T’Challa becomes Star Lord instead of Peter Quill, and maybe even does it better?

I think this was a very average episode. Nothing really blew me away about it, really it just feels like they are recycling the plot’s of other Marvel films for extra profits, yes with a few changes but the story structure feels much the same.

I thought the idea of space Black Panther was interesting, Chadwick Boseman has a lot of fun and it is nice to see him back in the role, even if it is bittersweet when you remember. Moreover, I thought the idea that Black Panther was in fact a better Star Lord than the one we have come to know quite amusing, I liked how even Drax liked him more.

The biggest issue with this episode is by far its plot, because once it gets past the initial charm of T’Challa in space, it is just a generic heist plot that has no stakes at all. Once the episode switches to the heist my mind just turns off, I don’t care about some McGuffin that the characters are trying to steal that likely will never come back in the MCU again.

Moreover, I thought the sting at the end about how the Peter Quill of this universe is getting on was actually more entertaining and interesting than the story we got.

Overall, though Boseman is strong the rest of the episode isn’t, and it feels incredibly mediocre.

Pros.

Boseman

The concept

Thanos but as a good guy

Cons.

The heist plot

It is very generic

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Don’t Breath: You’ll Never Look At A Turkey Baster The Same Again

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of troubled youths break into the home of a blind man, Stephen Lang, expecting an easy pay day; what they get however is far more than they could have ever bargained for.

The issue with this film, and others like it, is that it suffers from a lack of likeable characters. There is no tension to a situation when both the ‘hero’ and the ‘villain’ are both bad people as you don’t really like either, so you don’t care who wins. Yes Jane Levy’s Rocky is as close to a good character as you get in this film, but even then she is hardly a character you root for.

I think the mid-film twist works wonders to recontextualise the situation, changing the robbers from the bad guys to the victims, and having the Blind Man be the real villain of the piece. What’s more this is the film that really made me take notice of Stephen Lang as an actor, he is terrific here this is his film, and he sells both the threat and the action hard.

Moreover, the most impressive feat of this film is that it manages to maintain its tension consistently throughout, with their being close to no lulls throughout. This is a strong asset of the film as it keeps you engaged and pardon the cliché, on the edge of your seat.

Overall, Stephen Lang is terrific, and the tension is well maintained. The issues come from a lack of any clear likeable lead which takes away from the impact of events.

Pros.

Stephen Lang

The tension

The mid-film twist

Cons.

No likeable characters

The ending is ridiculous in a bad way

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Avengers Age Of Ultron: Hawkeye’s Moment In The Sun

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Science Bros themselves create an artificial intelligence with the goal of ensuring world peace, however rather unsurprisingly it becomes evil.

I don’t think this is near the top of anyone’s list of favourite MCU films. My issues with this film come from the way it is structured and paced. The film feels like it goes on for about an hour too long, and during the exorbitant runtime it sets up a million different things for future films, some of which don’t even end up happening. Truly, therein lies the problem with this film, it is trying to do too much. A lot of Marvel films set up things to come, but this film feels more focused on what is coming then it does on actually being a good film. This can be seen best in the end credits sting of Thanos coming to get the gauntlet, which whilst a cool visual has little to do with the MCU in that moment.

Moreover, the romance between Black Widow, Scarlett Johannsson, and Bruce Banner, Mark Ruffalo, is one of the most poorly thought out decisions in the MCU. Firstly, Winter Soldier gave us Natasha in a staring role where her merit is not decided on being someone’s girlfriend or her ability to have kids, yet here she is reduced to a supporting character and Hulk’s girlfriend. Ew. Secondly, there is a line in which Natasha refers to herself as a monster for the fact she can’t have children, despite being forcefully sterilised whilst in the Red Room program, pardon me what? What sort of message does this send? It also destroys Hulk as a character as he does not really say anything to reassure her after she says this, the whole scene is needless. Finally, the relationship existing at all devalues and basically nullifies Banner’s relationship with Betsy Ross, Liv Tyler, from his solo film, which was the heart and soul of that film, so that sucks.

There are things I like about this film such as the introduction of the Twins and Hawkeye, Jeremy Renner, getting far more of an expanded role. I think this is the best we have ever seen Hawkeye and likely will ever see him, here he gets a number of heroic moments and really does standout amongst the jacked line up. Moreover, the decision to blend horror into Wanda’s, Elizabeth Olsen, early appearances by having her movements be played backwards is a stroke of pure genius and as a creative choice really works for me.

Overall, it has its moments but is by far one of the weaker MCU films.

Pros.

Scarlet Witch’s early movement

Hawkeye

The final scene at Avengers Academy

Cons.

The Black Widow/Hulk romance

The scene where Natasha reveals she can’t have kids

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