Tusk: I Am The Walrus

Tusk is a horror comedy film directed by Kevin Smith. The plot sees internet famous podcaster Wallace Bryton (Justin Long), go to Canada in search of a weird story for his podcast, there he meets Howard Howe (Michael Parks), a man who is obsessed with bring his dead best friend Mr Tusk (a walrus), back to life. What follows is an increasingly menacing situation as Howe tries to turn Bryton into a human walrus hybrid.

This film marks the start of Smith’s True North trilogy, (which as of the time of writing only has Yoga Hosers as the other film in the trilogy), however unlike Hosers, this film is tonally a mess. Yoga Hosers was a comedy from the get-go, it didn’t take itself seriously and was slightly serious at times. Tusk, however, has moments when it tries to be serious and dark and moments that are comedic and over the top, these two parts of the film don’t mesh together and feel at odds with one another. It seems to be as though Smith couldn’t make his mind up over how he wanted the tone of this film to be.

The performances in this film are a mixed bag, one the one hand you have Parks who plays the crazed walrus fanatic superbly; he is menacing and threatening whenever he is on screen. However, Long is not a convincing hero, his Wallace is deeply unlikable (before you even find out how bad he is towards his girlfriend), from the moment he opens his mouth he is irritating. As a result of this you end up wanting him to suffer and be turned into a walrus as it seems a fitting punishment.

Johnny Depp as disgraced detective Lapointe is easily the best thing about this film and much like in Hosers has all the best lines. He is the only character you will remember once the credits role.

Overall, this is a weak start to Smith’s trilogy as it is tonally inconsistent and Long is loathsome. However Parks and Depp make up for it. A very so-so film.

Pros.

Depp

Parks

It is an interesting idea.

Cons.

Tonally inconsistencies.

Long.

The end.

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Descent Into Horror And Madness: My Top 5 Shudder Recommendations

Shudder bills itself as the Netflix of horror films, they claim to have something for every kind of horror fan. Their library is made up of some old classics and some original content, there are gems to be found if you know where to look. Fear not dear reader, over the last month (ish), I have been on an odyssey going through Shudders entire back catalogue; only the stuff that interested me though mind. As such, I have written this post to give you some hand-picked recommendations; which hopefully will scratch your horror ich and maybe give you some new horror favourites. In the UK you can get Shudder as an extension to your Amazon account, it will come up as a video channel. I don’t know how you get it elsewhere.

Body At Brighton Rock

This goofy camp thriller soon takes a turn to the dark side. Set in an American national park, a ranger get lost and has to spend the night next to a corpse. There is a lot going on here and the twist at the end is genius. It is absolutely dripping in style and has such a unique voice. The horror with this one comes from the idea of being stranded in the woods alone over night; which in and of itself is a terrifying thought. She also fights a bear briefly so there is that!

Stitches

Stitches is a pitch-black horror comedy about a dead clown who has come back to get his revenge on the group of kids that killed him. This is a rare treat as it is a horror comedy that actually manages to be both scary and funny. Ross Nobel nails the jokes and there are several laugh out loud moments, he is also menacing as hell. Another two reasons this is great is because it creates a fantastically weird mythology for clowns and also because it has some of the best gore, I have ever seen in a horror film.

Dead Hooker In The Trunk

This is the debut film of the Soska Sisters that should be all you need to know. However for those of you who aren’t die hard fans, this film kicks ass because it is a low budget exploitation esque film and knows it. The look of the film is very early Robert Rodriguez, grindhousey and grainy, the sort of film that looks like it was shot on film but wasn’t. The Sisters are standout as the lead characters, but there are also plenty of other memorable characters and moments. It was this film that put them on Eli Roth’s radar.

The Hell House Trilogy

Found footage as a genre is played out, it is very, and I do mean very rare to get a good found footage film, yet the first Hell House LLC is just that. The series is about a hotel that is also a gateway to hell and as you can imagine a lot of ghostly goings on happen in the hotel and different groups of people fall prey to them over the course of the series. Though the second film is a dip in quality for sure, all three of these films are good found footage films and the ending of the third film may be the best ending to a series I have ever seen, no spoilers here though.

Monster Party/Killer Party

This dark comedy film is about a group of thieves that break into a house to find a meeting of recovering murders going on. It is worth a watch for that premise alone, however what follows is a tense well-acted masterclass in suspense. What’s more it has Lance Reddick in, and that man can do no wrong, he is great as a crazed cult leader. This film is manic and maddening in the best way.

Bonus Recommendations

Mayhem is a great film, with a terrific sense of angry energy and one hell of a performance by Samara Weaving, if you like The Babysitter and Ready Or Not you will love this.

Also The Midnight Swim is superb and one of the most unsettling films I have ever seen, to say more would ruin it.

I have full spoiler reviews of all of these films up on the site, so check them out to after you have watched them, or before if you’re not bothered about spoilers; either way.

I hope you enjoy these films as much as I did, happy viewing!

Written by Luke

The ABC’s Of Death: Bring Back Moral Panics!

The ABCs Of Death is a 26-part horror anthology film with each segment being directed by a different person and being about a different letter of the alphabet. The film features such popular directors as Adam Wingard and Ben Wheatley.

Before I get into the review in depth, I just want to say don’t watch this film! I understand the need in cinema, especially in the horror genre, to be shocking and boundary pushing, but this film is just cheap shock value, it has no class, no taste, it is just edgy for the sake of being edgy. An example of my point, in Ti West’s segment M Is For Miscarriage the whole point of the story is a women looking for a plunger to push her stillborn kid down the toilet, there is nothing more to it than that, it is handled poorly and with questionable taste; also that is one of the more tame examples from this anthology.

There are plenty of other segments that feature, rape, paedophilia, illusions to bestiality, dog fighting and many other horrible things, not one of them is handled with any taste, it is all shock for shock value. Surprisingly one of the ones I just mentioned the dog fighting one directed by Marcel Sarmiento, is probably the one with the most taste; that is not something I expected to be writing this morning.

I can break down the shorts into 4 categories, good or at least well done, these are the segments by Wingard, Wheatly, Adrian Garcia Bogliano, Lee Hardcastle and Banjong Pisanthanakun. The weird stuff this includes the furry segment, the farting segment and the final segment. The average/ boring stuff, this includes the surfing segment and the life cycle one and then the offensively bad/ done in poor taste, which includes most everything else. So as you can see it is truly a mixed bag, with very few well done segments.

Finally, unlike something like V/H/S where are all of the segments worked together, they were separate and individual, but they all had the same feel and tone, the tone in this film is wildly all over the place, you have really dark unpleasant segments, followed by light and fluffy stuff and it is jarring to say the least.

Overall, this has been one of the toughest films I have watched recently and not only do I not recommend it, I advise you to stay away from it, you could probably find more cultured nuanced horror on Youtube. A black mark on some of the biggest names in horror.

Pros.

There is about 5/26 good segments.

Cons.

Most of the segments are horrible.

It is incredibly hard to watch.

It is done in such poor taste I would call it offensive.

The tonal inconsistencies and also the lack of effort by some, looking at you Ti West.

1/5

Bodom: Teen Angst and Killers

Bodom is a Finnish horror film directed by Taneli Mustonen. The film is inspired by, but not based on the real-life Lake Bodom murders in the 1960’s. The plot of the film revolves around 4 young people who go out to the forest to try and figure out what really happened all those years ago and surprise surprise things go poorly.

This is a weird film; I don’t know whether it is because of cultural differences or if it is just poorly made. It goes from a slasher film to a teen drama, for a surprisingly large amount of time, and then back to a kind of slasher film again in the end. It doesn’t work as the different elements don’t go together well.

The characters aren’t likeable either, they all seem to be bad people just to different degrees. The lead girl approves the killing of two boys because someone told her that one of them had taken nude pictures of her and spread them around, she didn’t ask to see the pictures, she has been told that they don’t even exist and yet she still goes forward with the killing; because that makes sense.

As a horror film it is not really scary, it feels angsty, it feels like a teen drama and it makes me think has it been mislabelled as a horror film? The other girl only went ahead with the killings to get rid of the main girls new boyfriend because she was worried she was going to lose her, and it all feels like a bizarre love triangle that would be more at home in a teen tv show like Riverdale than a supposedly serious horror film.

Overall, this is just a clash of a film, none of the elements work well together and it just feels jarring to watch. I wanted to watch a slasher film, but this really isn’t one, it was not only a disappointment but also a slog to sit through.

Pros.

It has an interesting concept.

Cons.

It doesn’t work.

It is boring.

The characters are intensely unlikable.

The twist midway through serves to ruin it.

1/5.

Torment: The Savagery Of Children Today

Torment is a Canadian horror film directed by Jordan Baker. The plot sees newlyweds Sarah (Katherine Isabelle) and Cory (Robin Dunne) go to Cory’s country house with his 7-year-old son for some family time. However, when they get there, they see that something is wrong, something is deeply wrong, and it only gets worse from there as masked killers begin to plague the family.

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with this film, you know it is a promising film when the review starts off like that, but you have seen it a million times before and done better. This film as I affectionately named it is The Strangers without any of the charm, or a dumb version of You’re Next.

Everything that happens in this film is predictable and lazy, the scares, the kills, the story structure it is all just aggressively average. The only praise I can afford this film is that the killers look cool, their masks which are made out of the sons stuffed toys, why who knows, look frightening and I will give them credit for that.

However, that is where the compliments end.

The son in this film is the worst, yes, it is easy to go on about how terrible child actors are, so I won’t do it too much, but I don’t think the issues with the character were the young actor’s fault. The issues with the character are that he is intensely unlikable, I get that his mum died and in his own way he feels like Sarah is replacing his mum, but the way he talks to Sarah the things he says, he could easily be the villain of the film. I was waiting for the moment at the end of the film where he defected to the psycho family, but sadly they went with a soppier ending.

Another issue I have with this film is that it has a fascination with it’s leading lady, to a pervy uncomfortable degree, in the beginning especially Sarah is either coming out of the shower or in the throws of sex with her husband. It does not feel done with any intention other than to objectify the lead actress and it makes you feel dirty watching it.

Overall, this film is just dull, predictable and incapable of offering anything new. It doesn’t seem to understand human interaction, or not to be creepy either, so yeah don’t watch this.

Pros.

The masks are cool.

Cons.

It is repetitive.

It is played out.

The kid wants his step mum dead and behaves in a way no one would.

It is creepy and pervy.

1/5.

Reviewed by Luke

The Devils Candy: Metal Vs Satan

The Devil’s Candy is a horror film directed by Sean Byrne. The plot follows a family that moves into a new house, once there the father of the family Jessie (Ethan Embry), starts hearing strange songs that lead him to black out and paint hellish pictures. As well as this the former resident of the house Ray (Pruitt Taylor Vince), has become possessed by the spirit of the song and has been sacrificing kids to a demonic entity and now has his sights set on the daughter of the family Zooey (Kiara Glasco), that has just moved into his former home.

This film has so much personality, there really isn’t much else like it. A metal themed horror film, that has periodical interludes which cut to a TV exploring the history of Satan. The metal theme really appealed me to, and I thought it made the film feel very original and fresh.

The film had a great off kilter approach to horror, it always did the unexpected it was never predictable. This film was genuinely scary, the paintings that the father did were scary, the overall atmosphere of the film was tense and oppressive, and the threat posed to the children felt frighteningly real.

This film stayed with me long after I watched it, it left me genuinely unsettled.

My one issue with this film was that it was not fun to watch, it was very grim and unpleasant throughout, however that is what a horror film is supposed to be right? Are horror films even supposed to be enjoyable, surely to be scared is not an enjoyable experience. Whatever your answer to that, I think this film will strike a very specific chord with people and will scare even the most die hard, hardened horror fans.

Overall, I think this film is a triumph as far as metal cinema goes and it is a triumph for horror as well, however it is not an enjoyable film to watch.

Pros.

Deeply unique.

Metal themed.

Genuinely scary.

An off-kilter approach to horror.

Cons.

It isn’t very enjoyable.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Marshes: There Is Something Rotten In The Australian Bush

The Marshes is an Australian horror film directed by Roger Scott. The plot follows 3 young biologists as they venture into the Australian marshland to conduct research. Once they get there, they encounter evil and they must fight for their survival, against ever increasing odds.

This was one of the worst horror films I have seen recently, it fails in so many ways that I could barely bring myself to finish it.

Firstly, the characters are awful, they are devoid of anything even resembling a personality, they are irritating and worst of all they care completely unlikable. The most agreeable character of the main 3 is Will (Sam Delich), he is just bland. Then you have Ben (Matthew Cooper), who is just a dick from start to finish he is deeply unlikable, and the film almost goes out of its way to show you just how irritating his character is. Finally, you have Pria (Dafna Kronental), you is by far the worst, she is annoying and deeply unlikable just like Ben, but what makes her worse is that she just does things randomly with no rhyme or reason, I don’t know if it is just poorly written, but her character can go from having a laugh taking about something one minute to screaming the next second and it is as jarring as that sounds.

Secondly, the film makes no sense at all in any way and if you try and figure it out it hurts your head with its stupidity and poor logic. We have scenes that go from nothing to something important in a second and when you are like okay so is this something guess what it is just a dream, this happens over and over again until it gets to a point where it is hard to tell what is and what isn’t a dream. It’s a baffling story decision and one that makes the film incredibly hard to watch.

Finally, and perhaps worst of all, this film suffers from some of the worst lighting I have ever seen in a film. There are sequences of this film where it is too dark to understand what is happening, these are important bits of the film too, at first I just thought there was something wrong with my TV so I adjusted the setting, but no, no matter what setting I put it on it was still incredibly difficult to tell what was going on.

Overall, this is just a bad film and one that isn’t worth your time.

Pros.

None.

Cons.

It is too long, even though it is only on for 1 hour and a half.

The characters are detestable.

The lighting is egregious.

It makes no sense.

Is it a dream or just a waste of my time?

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Monster Party: Addicting

Monster Party is a horror thriller film directed by Chris Von Hoffmann. The plot revolves around a group of thieves that are looking for their next big payday, they decide to rob a house that one of their number works at thinking that the home owners will be easy marks; little do they know that the family that live there are recovering murders.

This is one of the best dark comedies I’ve seen in a long time, the premise itself is hilarious recovering murders trying to deny the urge to kill and failing miserably. The film boils down to a showdown between Casper (Sam Strike), Alexis (Erin Moriarty) and Iris (Virginia Gardner) and Elliot (Kian Lawley), with bloody results.

This is a film that is not afraid to get gory, it does so often and to great effect, the patriarch of the family gets disembowelled and you see his guts hangout of him, like wise Elliot spends some of the film with a recently cut off hand; it is not for the faint of heart.

This film seems to revel in violence and spectacle, as that the main selling point of this film, the characters are thin and underdeveloped, but they do a lot of cool things. I would be very interested to see more of the cult/ program that is working in the shadows to rehabilitate killers and of course more of Lance Reddick.

Reddick is great in anything he turns up in, but he plays the cult master to a tee here and is as per usual fantastic, it is a shame he doesn’t stick around for more of the film, but at well at least he had a few great scenes.

I thought the ending was a little odd, I get that Casper had now become a killer and isn’t the shy wall flower he used to be, but to see him just go into a strip club and start slicing and dicing makes me question whether we are still suppose to root for him at this point. I also would have liked Alexis and Casper to have ended up together as this was teased a good few time throughout the film, but maybe if they do a sequel they will, who knows.

Overall, a good time, nice and easy to watch with a few good laughs and scares peppered in there.

Pros.

It’s funny.

It’s scary.

It has an intriguing premise.

I liked the cast for the most part.

Cons.

The characters were thin and underdeveloped.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Collector: Schlocky Horror Through and Through.

The Collector is a horror film directed by Marcus Dunstan. The plot follows Arkin (Josh Stewart), a thief whose luck runs out when he decided to rob a rich person’s house. As Arkin moves around the house, he realises something is amiss, he can hear screams and there are traps everywhere, his evening with evil serial killer The Collector (Juan Fernandes), is beginning.

The script for this film was originally intended to be a prequel to Saw called The Midnight Man, but that was quickly shot down and this film was born. This film does not feel like it came out in 2009 it feels like an early 2000’s film in both the best way and also the worst way.

The film is highly stylised, everything from the way the film is shot to the opening credits sequences is dripping with personality. That personality is over the top gritty goriness, the film look grainy it looks as thought it was shot on film even though it wasn’t, I would guess that this is a deliberate choice to make the film look more visceral and real. Personally, I loved it.

I also loved the gore of this film; it wasn’t wince inducing it was just right. It was a similar level of gore to that of the Saw films. The traps were ridiculous and over the top, but also whimsically inventive. Furthermore, I enjoyed the fact that who or what The Collector is never explained, much like the Creeper from Jeepers Creepers The Collectors origin is unknown and that adds to the mystery.

The one thing that I thought was bit much was there was a long drawn out sequence of the family’s daughter Jill (Madeline Zima), getting it on with her boyfriend, it felt creepy and way too long. The Collector himself was watching them as well, it was icky. I think the whole sequence could have been done in a tasteful way, but clearly that wasn’t the filmmaker’s intent, clearly, they wanted to show the audience a soft-core porn scene.

Overall, if you like early 2000’s gritty Saw esque films then you will like this, the traps and The Collector himself are interesting and the ending is intriguing.

Pros.

Not explaining the villain.

The traps.

The horror.

The gore.

Cons.

The needlessly long sex scene.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

From Hell: Jack The Ripper Unmasked!

From Hell is a slasher film directed by the Hughes Brothers, based off the Alan Moore graphic novel of the same name. The plot of the film is an alternative take on the Jack The Ripper murders of the 1880’s, we see detective Frederick Abberline (Johnny Depp), desperately trying to solve the killings while also falling in love with a young prostitute Mary Kelly (Heather Graham). The case takes Frederick from the gutter slums where London’s poorest dwell, all the way to the palace.

I think that this film is very polarising, you will either love its alternative take on London’s most famous murders, or you won’t. You will either think it is interest that they place the title of ‘Ripper’ on the Royal physician, or you will think it is a scandalous mistruth. Personally, for me, I like this film’s alternative take on Jack The Ripper, I admire it for revealing the killer to us, rather than just leaving in ambiguous, as it could have easily done. I even like the ending when it is revealed that the Freemasons and The Royal Family were behind it all.

I think this film and another Johnny Depp film from around the same time Sleepy Hollow are so good as they perfectly capture this gothic sensibility that I don’t think any other films I’ve ever seen really has. This film plays out more like a mystery thriller or a horror movie, than a traditional serial killer crime film. What’s more I love the version of 1880’s London this film presents us with, it is so teaming with life and even the littlest detail feels cared for, you feel like you’re there.

Johnny Depp is fantastic in this film, he is not wacky and over the top, a trait that would come to define his later work, but quiet, brooding and troubled. We buy him as the hero by the end of the film and we want to see him catch the Ripper, this film proves why Johnny Depp is such a unique star.

Overall, I applaud this film, I applaud it for revealing that the killings were never as simple as we thought they were, they weren’t just the work of one deranged man, but rather a vast conspiracy. I applaud it for it’s depiction of 1880’s London and I applaud it for being bold enough to label someone as Jack The Ripper.

Pros.

The alternative take.

Johnny Depp.

The World.

Showing us a Jack The Ripper.

Cons.

By the end the story is a bit convoluted.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke