Annabelle: Demons Patiently Wait On Lifts, Respect Social Distancing

Annabelle is a horror film directed by John R. Leonetti, serving as the first spin off film of the wider Conjuring Universe. The plot of this film focus on Annabelle, the breakout star of the first Conjuring film and goes a ways to explain how she ended up in the Warrens private collection; though to understand that you will have to watch all 3 Annabelle films.

I remember seeing this film a long time ago and I remember it being generic and boring. However, the other night, perhaps as a result of a masochistic feeling, I decided to revisit it and see if it was as bad as I remember. It is bad, definitely the weakest of both the Annabelle trilogy and the Conjuring Universe as a whole, but it is not terrible.

The only pro I have for this film is the basement life scene, when Mia (Annabelle Wallis), first sees the demon and she gets stuck in the lift. This I think is easily the best scene of the film, both in terms of scares and execution as it actually manages to feel tense.

The issues with this film for me are twofold. Firstly Annabelle Wallis should not be cast in anything ever, why is she? She can’t act and her name being associated with anything is a sign of poor quality, The Mummy, King Arthur Legend Of The Sword, Tag, I could go on. Wallis seems incapable of showing even the slightest amount of emotion in any sense, and to call her wooden would be a disservice to wood everywhere.

Secondly there is no third act in this film. Things just plod along in the usual investigative way these films do and then bang its over. There is no final standoff between Mia and the Demon, no, instead she almost throws herself out a window, but then she doesn’t and someone else does; wow gripping stuff there.

Overall, though this film isn’t as terrible as I remember it being it is still bad, not worth your time and easily the weakest of the Conjuring films; takeaway stop casting Annabelle Wallis.

Pros.

The lift sequence

Cons.

Annabelle Wallis

There is no third act

The doll really isn’t all that involved

There is a lot of aimless plot that goes nowhere

It does not justify its existence as a spin off

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Mortuary Collection: Rubber Up

The Mortuary Collection is a horror anthology film directed by Ryan Spindell. The plot follows Montgomery Dark (Clancy Brown), as he retells tales of horror to a job applicant at his funeral parlour.

The issue quite often, with anthology films is they are dependent on the individual segments being well done and crucially, consistent to make the overall film feel good and worth the watch. That really shows here, as though the segments are for the most part consistent, some are much better than others. The tales themselves are a mixed bag, some like the one about male pregnancy are strong are tightly packed, whereas others, the one about the carer who ends up killing his locked in wife are dull, lifeless, and boring.

This as you can imagine leads to pacing issues, as some parts of the film captivate your attention and others put you to sleep.

The ending however is insanely predictable. The twist is telegraphed quite blatantly from the opening of the film and when it happens, rather than feeling surprised you are left feeling angry it has taken them this long to get to it. The ending is very much a damp squid and serves to further undermine and bring down the film as a whole.

Overall, though some of the segments have promise this is very much yet another deeply average horror anthology that serves to bore more than scare.

Pros.

Some of the segments are well done and interesting

Clancy Brown is having fun

Cons.

Other segments feel tediously dull

The film feels inconsistent as parts of it are good and other parts diabolically bad

The ending is terrible

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

House Of The Witch: Is Being Killed By A Witch Worth A Quick Shag?

House Of The Witch is a horror film directed by Alex Merkin. The plot follows a group of kids who go to a house in their neighbour hood that is supposedly haunted, where others have gone missing in the past, to have a kissing party on Halloween; rather unsurprisingly things go wrong, and the teens start dying.

So yes the plot of this film is deeply generic, as are the cast. However, there is something about this film that I can’t quite put my finger on, it has a diamond in the rough sort of quality to it. I think a lot of this comes from the film’s scares. Even though there are a few jump scares, which are automatic marks down in my book, the scares for the most part are effective and well done. I applaud the films horror it is by far its strongest element.

In the beginning the witch effect, which are noticeably cheap looking bothered me and took me out of the film, but as it went on I started to enjoy it and found that it added to the charm of the film.

The twist at the end of the film leaves you scratching your head a bit, not because it is confusing as it is heavily foreshadowed, but because of the way it is shot. The final sequence itself is quite jarring, as the girls face changes somewhat and you are left saying “wait what who is that?”.

Overall, though you have seen many films like this before there is still a rough charm to the film and the scares are good, not great by any means but definitely passable.

Pros.

The scares

The effects

The witch herself

Cons.

The twist ending

It is deeply generic

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

House: Never Let Your Kid Go In A Swimming Pool, There Might Be Vietnam Demons In It

House is a horror comedy film directed by Steve Miner. The plot sees well known author Roger Cobb (William Catt), move back to the house where his son disappeared some years prior. Why he has gone back he can’t quite say, but as he sets about writing his latest novel he starts to notice odd occurrences and soon he is drawn in to a battle with the paranormal.

Prior to watching this I was not aware that it is a comedy horror film, I thought it was just a straight horror, and was surprised by the number of goofy jokes, family friendly nature of the demons and the musical asides. However, with the new knowledge I have it makes sense.

The demons look quite unlike anything you will ever see, they are 80s in a way that you have to see to believe. Though they look almost comical at times yet they still manage to have a degree of fright to them, you never want to turn your back.

I enjoyed the Vietnam twist and thought the idea of having a solider or someone suffering from PTSD being more open to experiences with the supernatural was an interesting concept. The Vietnam sequences were all done quite well, and the conversation around whether Roger was crazy or not was fun to think about.

The one negative I would say for this film is that it is not scary in any way, and that is not because it is family friendly horror Goosebumps the tv show, or Ghostbusters 2 had moments in that frightened me. The reason I find it not scary is because of how over the top and frankly campy it is, especially with the creature design.

Overall, a good starter horror film with a neat concept, but not scary in any way.

Pros.

It is funny

It has an interesting concept

Catt

Cons.

It is more funny than Scary

It has pacing issues galore

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Did Someone Call The X-Men?

A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors is a slasher horror film directed by Chuck Russell. The plot sees Freddy (Robert Englund), terrorise and try to kill the remaining Elm Street children, who are locked away in a mental intuition. However, the remaining Elm Street Kids realise that they have dream powers themselves and that together they can fight back against Freddy.

I was getting strong X-Men vibes from this film, I know it is because I have recently seen the New Mutants and stylistically they share some similarities, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling throughout.

I thought this was a step up from the previous film as it gave me what I was asking for, more Freddy. Freddy really gets his time to shine here, his kills are more out there and oddly inventive and we get to see his past explored in more detail, which I found interesting.

I enjoyed seeing Nancy (Heather Langenkamp), return I thought it was a great way of tying the series together outside of Freddy, sadly she was not given all that much to do beside be a mentor for the new cast of kids. Said kids were okay, none of them really struck me or left any kind of impression, their powers were neat, but underdeveloped we needed more time seeing them use them for it to be believable and make sense.

Overall, this might be my favourite of the Elm Street films so far I enjoyed the focus on Freddy and the dream warriors are a cool concept, even if the execution is a bit shaky.

Pros

The focus on Freddy and his backstory

The return of Nancy

The powers (as an idea)

The kills

Cons.

The powers were not fleshed out enough and the dream warriors themselves were all very bland

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Tales From The Lodge: Perpetuating Old Stereotypes

Tales From The Lodge is a British dark comedy film directed by Abigale Blackmore. The plot sees a group of aging friends retire to a cabin in the woods to scatter the ashes of their recently deceased friend. However, while there strange things start to occur, and things soon take a turn for the sinister.

90% of this film is great, really interesting, and creepy. However, the final reveal of who the killer is, and the last 10 minutes are nothing short of insulting, and yes to properly express my critique of the film I will be spoiling the twist.

So the initial almost anthology like horror tales approach is used well and for the most part the stories themselves serve to give a good chill and more than a few macabre laughs. However, as things start to devolve into slasher fare that is when the film falls apart.

The final reveal that the supposedly dead friend has instead become a woman in the hopes of seducing his straight best friend who never noticed his affections while alive but decides to try to kill him anyway is everything wrong with this film. The demonisation of trans people as insane killers, is something that has been a problem of the horror genre for a while, but it is especially bad here.

To make it worse the twist is blindingly obvious as well.

Overall, this film had a lot of promise, but the ill-fated, stereotype pushing, trans bashing final reveal sours me on the film.
Pros.

The horror tales

The cast

A few good scares and a few good laughs

Cons.

The reveal

There is no mystery to it, it is fairly obvious from the get-go

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Scared Stiff: How Many Faces Does Your Husband Have?

Scared Stiff is a horror film directed by Richard Friedman. The plot sees the spirit of a slave owner posses a man in modern times. The spirit then forces the man to try and kill his family.

This film could have been incredibly generic if not for the 80’s charm of the effects and the storytelling. Said charm makes this film hilarious, yes it is not scary in any way but it is funny and that counts for something; at least for me.

I thought the flashbacks were actually quite eerie and unsettling, the opening scene where the slave master murders all of those defenceless slaves is harrowing and it gives the film a very solid horror opening.

The mythology of the mask is quite convoluted and seems to change around as the film goes on, I gave up trying to understand the plot somewhere around the 50-minute mark. After that point it just became a wild ride of odd effects and character moments, which aren’t as bad as you might expect.

Overall, if you want a horror film this is not it. If you want a hilariously 80s horror comedy film that will make you laugh, albeit unintentionally, then this is the film for you.

Pros.

The 80s aesthetic and effects

The campy charm

It has a strong opening

Cons.

It is not scary

The story doesn’t make sense

It wastes the mythology it tries so hard to create

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Ghosts Of War: Dreaming Awake

Ghosts Of War is a British supernatural horror film directed by Eric Bress. A group of soldiers during the closing days of WW2 are tasked with holding down an old mansion in the middle of nowhere, that was formally a Nazi base. However, as their stay grows ever longer they start to notice that something is deeply wrong with the house.

Check this film out now! This is one of the best surprises I have had recently, I went in not expecting much and came away very impressed. I won’t say what it is, but the end twist of this film works incredibly well and adds a whole new layer to the film, that then begs to be rewatched and further thought about.

The horror elements are strong and you never quite know what is going on, is it Nazi occultism? Or was the family themselves, that owned the house prior to the Nazi takeover, into the dark arts?. There are a surprising number of layers to it. The horror is well done and creates a tense, unsettling atmosphere that leaves an impact.

Some of the questions this film raises are also quite interesting to think about, though that might be more of a personal taste thing on my part.

Overall, do not sleep on this! It is on Netflix right now check it out.

Pros.

The twist

The moral implications

The WW2 setting

Doing more with the standard haunted house narrative

The scares

Cons.

None

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Wondering Tongue

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge is a slasher horror film directed by Jack Sholder. The plot follows a new group of teens lead by Jesse (Mark Patton), who again find themselves being terrorised by everyone’s favourite stripped jumper enthusiast. However, this time Freddy seems to want to possess the body of Jesse for his own malicious purposes.

I would be remise if I did not bring up the homoerotic elements that are present in this film, they are clear as day and the story around them is damning, heart breaking for Patton and a little confusing. I would advise you to go and read up about it, as there is quite a bit too it, or watch the documentary Patton later made about his experience making this film.

That said.

I applaud this film for trying something new. It tries to breakaway from the standard slasher structure of a killer picking off kids one by one, with the plot this time being about Freddy possessing someone to do just that, oh wait. I think this film is worse for deviating from the traditional slasher structure.

I think my key issue with this film is that Freddy is not featured enough. Yes, I understand they are going for the possession angle, but we come to these films to see Freddy do his thing, and yes we get that but with much reduced screen time.

Overall, though it still has some goofy 80s charm this film tries to hard to be something it isn’t and loses sight of itself as a result, we need more Freddy!

Pros.

A few funny kills

The goofy charm

Cons.

Not enough Freddy

In its attempt to not be a slasher it becomes boring

The experiences of Mark Patton, and what he was subjected to

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Sister Tempest: Watch Out For The Cannibal Cold This Winter

Sister Tempest is a comedy horror musical film directed by Joe Badon. The plot sees two sisters troubled relationship come under scrutiny from an Alien tribunal. Adjacent to this one of the sister’s new roommate’s illness leads her to become a cannibalistic murderer.

This one was a lot of fun; the premise is just as whacky as it sounds, and it never lets up for a second. I enjoyed how the film never went the way you were expecting it to go, where you thought it was going to zig it zagged. The more or less light hearted tone, also made it a nice breezy watch.

The acting was strong with Anne (Kali Russell), being my particular favourite. She was a strong lead and had just the right amount of rootability to keep me invested in the plot for the entire runtime. I have to give props to the script here as well, as Anne as a character is quite well fleshed out over the course of the film and you feel like you really get to know her and her sister.

I didn’t find the film scary, though I did appreciate its gore. The comedy and musical elements worked better for me, and I found myself being thoroughly entertained. Smiling the whole time.

Overall, this is a sight to behold, all of the elements work together in harmony to create something special.

Pros.

The comedy

The premise and committing to the wackiness

The acting

The musical elements

Cons.

I did find the horror lacking

4/5

Reviewed by Luke