Digging To Death: A Great Upper Body Workout

Written by Luke Barnes

I found this film funny, whether that was intentional or not remains to be seen but viewed as a horror comedy this film is a roaring success. I would say as is often the case this film tended to favour the comedy over the horror, and I didn’t end up finding the film at all scary.

There were a few tense moments that punctuate the film, but for the most part the tension is quickly lost, and silliness returns; this does become grating after a while as you want the film to at least take itself seriously slightly.

Something I will give this film a pro for is the look of the corpse, I enjoyed the low-fi approach they took with it, and thought the corpse looked quite striking and effective. We definitely could have used more of the corpse within the film.

The acting was all fine, nothing really to write home about, but serviceable enough that it didn’t become a problem or distracting.

Overall, a lot of fun, I hope for the film’s sake that it wasn’t trying to be a straight forward horror film, if that is the case then I would have to readjust my score as it is not scary at all.

Pros.

The humour
The ending

It is entertaining

Cons.

It is not scary

The tone is a little uneven at times

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Candyman: The Candyman Can

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I remember watching Candyman Farewell To The Flesh as a child and being scared out of my wits, it was this remembrance that caused me to go back and watch the first film recently and also to prep for the new sequel that is on its way.

So this film feels very unique, in a Clive Barker-esque way. Though Barker didn’t write the film, it is based on one of his stories and he was involved as a producer, this is clear to see as his finger prints are all over this film. Anyone familiar with Barker’s other works will be able to see what I mean; it is something special that is hard to put into words- the plot and style of the film reflect this.

Moreover, this film features one of the all time masters of horror himself: Tony Todd, which in my book is always a bonus point. We don’t get to see a lot of Todd throughout the film, though his presence is felt. However, the few scenes we do have with him are all very strong and he presents the character with a certain otherworldly, ethereal energy that is hard to look away from.

The characters outside of Todd’s villain are all fairly lacklustre, and the story itself is very familiar-especially if you are a genre fan like me. In my opinion the framing of the lead for Candyman’s crimes was perhaps the weakest part of the film as it has been seen so many times before across the genre and it was entirely predictable.

Overall, strong but not without flaws.

Pros.

Barker’s influence

Tony Todd

The style

Cons.

The lead was very meh

The storyline was predictable and weak

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The Unholy: Modern Miracles, Seeing Isn’t Believing

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I have been waiting for this film for some time, with perhaps too high expectations.

I am a big Jeffery Dean Morgan fan and his last foray into horror The Possession was terrific, this only caused me to get more excited for this film prior to seeing it. Before I get into some issues I had with the film, I want to state that Morgan and his performance is a bright spot of the film and he leads this film with a gusto.

My issues with this film come from its themes and messages, the film can’t seem to decide on what sort of tact it wants to take with regard to religion. At times the film is very critical of organised religion, especially Catholicism, but then at other times it is very much into embracing it. I would have preferred the film to take a hard line and focus more on the issues of organised religion from a horror stand point, but the film bends in the end. It is for this reason I don’t like the ending.

I think the horror of this film works and it did leave me chilled, however some of the effects don’t look good and the film as a whole looks a little cheap. The film is better and crucially scarier when slight things are happening rather than full on sequences where the demon/witch is moving around.

Adding to, this film features an annoyingly large amount of really repetitive jump scares that it should have cut out as they are neither scary, nor well done.

Overall, a decent if flawed horror film.

Pros.

It is unsettling

Jeffery Dean Morgan

The criticisms of organised religion

Cons.

The ending

The jump scares

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Brightburn: Evil Superman’s Origin Story

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film is basically what if Superman was evil, it knows this and it does it perfectly. I find this film often miscategorised some say it is a horror film, it is not, rather it is an action film with horror sequences thrown in; or perhaps an action horror if you like.

I enjoyed how they built the evil over the course of the film, the child doesn’t start vaporising people from the get-go, we see him go on some what of a rushed character journey towards evil; with his mum foolishly thinking he can be tempted back the other way. I thought once this film got to the part where he was fully evil and fully using his powers to annihilate people it really started to shine.

However, my favourite moment of this film comes at the end. After the final battle we are treated to a post credits scene, as what is a superhero film without one these days, during which we see the fact that there is in fact an entire evil Justice League of other characters, which simply begs for a sequel- hopefully this film gets one.

Furthermore, Elizabeth Banks really shines in this film: she is by far the standout performance. I liked how we saw her character breakdown more and more over the course of the film as she started to realise that the boy she has raised from infancy was in fact evil, it was a fascinating transition and one Banks sold well on the acting front.

Overall, a very strong film that deserves a sequel.

Pros.

Banks

The ending

The post credits scene

The alien unleashed

Cons.

A slow first act

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Evil Everywhere: A Well Put Together Colour Pallet To Mask An Otherwise Average Film

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I enjoyed the idea of an evil that kills in alphabetical order, the compulsive part of my brain enjoys the structure and the order to it. Furthermore, I enjoyed the pallet and the aesthetic of this film and I thought from a stylistic standpoint it was very striking, and vivid.

The actual plot of the film is fine, it has its moments, but it is mostly by the numbers. The same can be said of the acting, very average. There were a few moments that I found genuinely hilarious and that made me laugh out loud- though I doubt they were meant to.

The film has deep pacing issues, dragging out the first two acts to a point where they become boring and then skipping through most of the third to get to the end, which is sad as this is where the film finally starts to show off more of its potential.

Overall, the reason this film has got above average half marks is because it made me laugh, albeit it unintentionally.

Pros.

The humour

The style

The alphabetical killing

Cons.

The pacing

The acting

Very average

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Things Heard And Seen: If The Sky Is Orange Don’t Get On Your Boat

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I had high hopes for this film from the Netflix preview, sadly it did not live up to them at all. The biggest issue with this film is that it is a cliché wrapped in a stereotype, there is nothing new or innovative about it. You have seen this film before time and time again and can guess what is going to happen before it happens as it is so formulaic.

Firstly I will say my only pro for the film, it is not out and out bad, it is watchable if you don’t mind being bored. However, that is where the pros end. The acting across the board is very average, deeply so, not one of the actors gives anything even barely resembling a good performance: the only one that could be argued for being on the better side, F. Murray Abraham, is side-lined and then killed off- as this film can’t allow anything other than average.

Moreover the horror/thriller aspects of this film are also incredibly weak, the supernatural aspect feels half baked, and the human horror feels done before, and done better at that. I was so unfazed by the spectacles on display in this film that I almost immediately forget about it after I finished watching it.

Overall, this is yet another film to add to Netflix’s ever growing catalogue of beige.

Pros.

F. Murray Abraham is trying his best

It is watchable

Cons.

It is dull, repetitive, and has been done better before

Most of the actors clearly aren’t trying

The ending is insanely predictable

The supernatural stuff goes nowhere and is poorly explained

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In The Earth: Prophecies Of Doom For The Future Of The Pandemic

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I’ve been looking forward to the new Ben Wheatley, lockdown, horror film for some time and now that it is here I am mixed. There are strong points to the film like the performances and the wider mythology set up, however that is underpinned by an extreme sense of pretentiousness and an ending that doesn’t make a lick of sense.

I easily think the best thing about this film is the performance from Reese Shearsmith who plays unhinged with an air of charm and homeliness so well that it is frightening whenever he is on screen the film really comes alive. The main duo are also very serviceable, but never really match Shearsmith.

Moreover, I enjoyed the focus on creating a new British myth, derived from older tales and a shared idea of the creepiness that can be found in wooded areas across the world. I thought the monster, if you can call it that, was interesting and I thought it was a wise decision to never show it and leave even its existence shrouded in mystery and ambiguity.

Where the film starts to fall apart is in it’s third act. At this point the film stops making sense and things just happen and we the audience are just supposed to go along with it and accept them; including but not limited to the film’s abrupt end that leaves more questions than answers. Moreover, it is also in this part of the film were the quasi-religious and certainly overly pretentious dialogue reaches a fever pitch and starts to become irritating.

Overall, the sensibilities of Kill List are there, but they have been perverted by art house ego.

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Spiral: Another Comedian Turns Serious

Spiral, From The Book Of Saw

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

I had not planned to return to cinemas after this latest bit of lockdown, but one thing led to another and I ended up seeing this film. My thoughts on the Saw series are well documented, I thought the series ran itself into the ground somewhere around the fourth or fifth film with everything after that being borderline unwatchable. Jigsaw tried to take the series back to what made it good- the man himself, but even that failed to get more out of me than a meh.

I think this film had some of the same issues as the other films, but also managed to be fun enough that you can ignore them. The issues with this film was all on the writing front, the mystery is blatantly obvious, and the twist is easy to figure out midway through the film. Moreover, much like everything after the third film, this is very much in the shadow of John Kramer’s jigsaw and the series is still trying to fill the void with ‘imitators’, but once again they can’t compare.

I enjoyed Chris Rock as the lead in this film he gives a fairly competent turn and manages to sell both the drama and the comedy- he made me laugh quite a few times throughout the film. Likewise Samuel L. Jackson steals the screen whenever he is on it, and though his character isn’t given a ton to do he strengthens the film immensely.

I found this film perfectly got the essence of the traps down to a tee. They were not overly gory or clearly done for shock value, yet they were intense and wince inducing- just as you would want them to be. Furthermore, there aren’t that many traps actually in the film, which on paper seems like a bad thing but in execution actually makes the few we get to see in the film even better and more significant.

Overall, the best thing to come out of the Saw franchise in well over a decade.

Pros.

Rock

Jackson

The traps

The ending

Cons.

The mystery and the twist are poor

It is still trying to fill that Jigsaw void

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The Oak Room: You Will Believe, And Probably Guess What Happens In The Oak Room

The Oak Room

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Haven’t we been here before? Though I enjoyed this film’s gothic, small town appeal I think it could have done with some fresh ideas. How many times have we had the return to one’s place of birth to settle an old debt storyline? Come on now, move on.

The performances are mostly good across the board, there are a few moments where the actors slip up and you can see through their performances which takes you out of the film, but for the most part this isn’t a thing, and the performances are strong across the piece.

I think the best thing about this film is it’s sense of style, the horror of the small town is always nice to explore there is something personable and relatable in it and it speaks true regardless of period, story or characters. Moreover, there is a clear gothic inspiration here that also definitely helps boost the film from a stylistic perspective.

Overall, a stylistically interesting film, but one that suffers from being more of the same.

Pros.

The gothic influence

The horrors of the small town

The ending

Cons.

It is overly familiar

There are several moments when actors slip up and it breaks the immersion

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Bloodthirsty: The Pretensions Beast

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

So when I first saw this trailer I thought the werewolf elements were going to play a much bigger part then they actually end up doing. The idea of having a character who is turning into a werewolf not through the traditional bite or scratch, but instead for unknown reasons and playing the whole thing as though it could just be the character having a mental break, is genius and it sets up the film for greatness: sadly it can’t live up to it and it fails to tap into the potential of the premise.

Moreover, the characters never really inspire any deeper thought as it is clear what is going to happen and who everyone is in relation to the plot. Additionally I found this film had a real issue with wooden characters. Characters such as the girlfriend have no function beyond being the girlfriend, there is no nuance to the characters or thought for their arcs.

By the time we got the finale, which is undeniably cool, I started to question if it was too little too late, and I found the answer to be yes.

Overall, a cool idea badly executed.

Pros.

The premise

The transformation scenes

Cons.

The ending is too little too late

The first two acts of this film are a slog to get through

The characters are paper thin

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