Don’t Breath: You’ll Never Look At A Turkey Baster The Same Again

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of troubled youths break into the home of a blind man, Stephen Lang, expecting an easy pay day; what they get however is far more than they could have ever bargained for.

The issue with this film, and others like it, is that it suffers from a lack of likeable characters. There is no tension to a situation when both the ‘hero’ and the ‘villain’ are both bad people as you don’t really like either, so you don’t care who wins. Yes Jane Levy’s Rocky is as close to a good character as you get in this film, but even then she is hardly a character you root for.

I think the mid-film twist works wonders to recontextualise the situation, changing the robbers from the bad guys to the victims, and having the Blind Man be the real villain of the piece. What’s more this is the film that really made me take notice of Stephen Lang as an actor, he is terrific here this is his film, and he sells both the threat and the action hard.

Moreover, the most impressive feat of this film is that it manages to maintain its tension consistently throughout, with their being close to no lulls throughout. This is a strong asset of the film as it keeps you engaged and pardon the cliché, on the edge of your seat.

Overall, Stephen Lang is terrific, and the tension is well maintained. The issues come from a lack of any clear likeable lead which takes away from the impact of events.

Pros.

Stephen Lang

The tension

The mid-film twist

Cons.

No likeable characters

The ending is ridiculous in a bad way

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American Horror Stories: BA’AL

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A woman finally gets pregnant after months of trying, however, once she has the baby things start to unravel as she begins to worry about otherworldly forces trying to take her baby away.

So this is basically just Rosemary’s Baby with a few tweaks. Rather than have a demon be the literal father of the child they have it be a fertility totem, though she does have a demon baby at the end of the episode. Moreover, rather than have those around her be part of some sinister demonic cult they are now instead trying to gaslight her into signing away all her money to her husband, those two things aside this is almost a carbon copy with a slightly different ending.

I like Billie Lourd and think that she has a lot to offer the right project, however, this isn’t it. Her talents go mostly wasted for a large part of the episode and when she finally gets to have some fun the episode soon ends, which is sad as that is when it is at its best. I thought the final scene when Lourd’s character had managed to control the demon and was using it to get her pregnant was hilarious and easily the best scene of the episode, sadly the rest wasn’t of the same quality.

Finally, more of a throw away point, but there is a line in this episode that feels really clunky and out of place. When Lourd’s character is searching for a way to rid herself of the demon she talks to a young woman who claims to be into magic and know a thing or two, she doesn’t and is trying to gaslight the lead, and when she starts discussing the various grimoires she has she comments how they are all written by ‘old white men’. Now why is this line needed? What social cause does is serve? Surely the answer to both of these questions is that it is not, and it does not, there is no point in hating on works of art or literature or whatever because the person who wrote it is not the same race as you or the same gender as you, it seems incredibly limiting to be this way. I would guess the line was just to stir the pot, but it really ends up derailing that scene.

Overall, a lazy episode that is a bit too familiar.

Pros.

Lourd is trying but they give her nothing to work with

It is watchable

Cons.

It is overly familiar

The ‘old white men’ line

The twist reveal

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The Visit: The Grandparents Aren’t All Right

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two children who have never met their grandparents before are send to go and stay with them for a week, however, once they get their they start noticing their Grandparents behaving strangely- this quickly escalates.

In my mind this is Shyamalan’s best film, easily. Yes, there will be many out there that will make a case for Signs or The Sixth Sense, but I truly believe this is the man at his finest. Every aspect of the film works in perfect harmony, with the film feeling like something other than the twist is being built to. This is a common issue with Shyamalan’s work as often the films feel built around the twist and as such can’t function without it, which is bad writing, however, here the events of the film could work without the twist and the twist itself feels like it only enhances the strangeness further.

I enjoyed the tension and the slowly growing unease throughout. I thought the film showed great promise when it made seemingly every day activities that anyone would do with their elderly relatives feel some how off-kilter, this is of course ramped up as the film continues but never ends up feeling over the top.

The performances are mostly good. With Child actors one never goes in expecting much, but I thought both leads were passable. The one thing I will say is Ed Oxenbould does have moments where he becomes annoying, such as the rapping scenes or when he has to call out a female singers name instead of swearing, though there is some unintentional comedy in there to.

Overall, probably my favourite Shyamalan film.

Pros.

The twist

The tension in the seemingly ordinary

The ending

A few solid jokes

Cons.

The rapping is annoying

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American Horror Stories: The Naughty List

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of Youtube influencers, who are almost certainly supposed to be stand-ins for Team 10/ The Paul Brothers, find themselves on the wrong side of a demented mall Santa Claus who hunts them down after they publicly embarrass him.

So……….. What to say about this episode? Well it certainly wasn’t the strong episode of either this series or AHS in general and is in fact probably one of the worst. The gimmick of this episode, ‘man aren’t influencers annoying’, is funny and mildly interesting for all of a few minutes and then it starts to become grating.

Moreover, the episode spends far, far too much time dealing with the Youtube drama before the killer even shows up to hunt them down, essentially about a quarter of this episode is pointless filler where you get to see the guys worry over losing followers as a result of their bad behaviour- who cares?

Furthermore, when the always excellent Danny Trejo shows up to kill them it has no impact, this is because the characters are so deeply unlikeable that you don’t care if they get killed, in fact a part of you is probably gleeful about it after they have stolen so much of your time.

The worst thing about this episode is the fact that it is Trejo’s introduction to the series and the universe. Trejo is always great, and he is a personal favourite of mine, what’s sad is that this will be the episode of AHS he is remembered for, if the series was going to use him they should have given him so much more to work with and do. Ultimately they waste him and his talent and that is the biggest crime of this episode.

Overall, we get it influencers are annoying.

Pros.

Trejo

The gore

Cons.

They waste Trejo and give him nothing to do

The gimmick quickly becomes played out

It is annoying

It has some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard

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American Horror Stories: Drive In

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The screening of a rare, and supposedly cursed, film turns the audience into black eyed demonic murderers.

The premise of this episode felt a little familiar I felt like I had seen it somewhere before, but I can’t quite put my finger on it……… Oh wait Demons in 1986. Yes in many ways this film is a carbon copy of the Lamberto Bava film with only the slight difference of the fact that the character here aren’t implied or called demons.

Moreover, unlike Bava’s film the ending to this is easy, far too easy. It ends when the main couple survives and kills the director of the film supposedly ending the curse only to then have the film pop up on Netflix and wreck the world anyway. It lacks any kind of personality or soul and just feels like a cliff-hanger for the sake of it.

I thought the horror on display here was quite good and the drive in setting added a claustrophobic element to it which enhanced it. There were quite a few good scares present, though some were a bit too obvious and clearly telegraphed; yes I am talking about the blow job scene.

I thought this episode suffered from a weak cast. Compared to the Rubber Woman two part opener, this episode really showed itself up in the acting department. Other than the AHS veteran John Carrol Lynch, this episode is devoid of good performances and it often becomes painful to watch especially when the leads are trying to have a serious moment and their inability deeply weakens the scene.

Overall, a step back from the opening two parter but there are still some solid scares here.

Pros.

The scares

John Carroll Lynch

The comments on classic Hollywood

Cons.

The rest of the cast are awful

It is a blatant rip-off of Lamberto Bava’s Demons

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Halloween 4: Michael The Cult Icon

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Michael Myers is back, and this time he is after his infant niece.

This was a mixed bag. I think you can definitely feel the absence of Carpenter in a lot of ways, and the film plays as trying to recapture or even imitate both the man himself and the first Halloween which he directed. I understand trying to return to the series roots after the third film underperformed, but making this film feel so heavily ‘inspired’ by Carpenter’s style ends up making it feel like a pale imitation.

That said I do think this film has some promise. I thought the more supernatural take on Myers, with him being evil incarnate was interesting and I am curious to see where they will take it. Moreover, I enjoyed the return of Donald Pleasant’s Dr Loomis, I think Pleasant brings an air of class to the film and really helps to bring the acting up to a believable degree.

I thought the film struggled to find new things for Michael Myers to do, yes he gets a few new kills but nothing to truly make this film feel any different from any of the others. Nightmare On Elm Street had massively different kills and wild lore things happening between instalments, even Friday The 13 at least had Jason in different costumes. Furthermore, I am not quite sure how I feel about the end twist of having Jamie continue on the ‘family business’. Though it was a shocking reveal, I question whether it was just a desperate attempt to keep the franchise fresh.

Overall, there is still some good stuff here, but it is a shadow of its former self.

Pros.

The theme is still great

The supernatural take on Myers

The return of Dr Loomis

Cons.

Nothing new

Carpenter’s absence is noticeable

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American Horror Stories: The Rubber Woman Part 1 and 2

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The first two episodes of the American Horror Story spin off see us return to Murder House as we witness yet another young person fall under its dark charm.

So yes this is every Ryan Murphy cliché under the sun that you would expect, there is needless over sexualisation, there is a strange S and M theme running throughout and nearly every line is cringe. However, where that falls apart with his other work, like the god awful Ratched, it just works with AHS and feels fitting.

Did I think it was a little lazy that the first two episodes of this supposedly standalone spin off series returned back to a series old haunt? Yes. However, that said I felt like it did manage to add something new to the Murder House lore and gave us another interesting character in the universe.

I did find the morality of the series to be a little twisted when this undeniably evil character, she kills a bunch of people, is allowed to have a happy ending, but again that is very AHS. As far as the performances go Matt Bomer is by far the standout of the episodes, though Sierra McCormick is a strong new addition.

Overall, though it is a little reliant on what came before it, there is still enough here to make this series interesting in its own right.

Pros.

The Rubber Woman

Matt Bomer

The return to Murder House

A few good scares

Cons.

A little too reliant on nostalgia

The ending should have punished the lead

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Halloween 2: You Just Can’t Kill Michael Myers

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Michael Myers can’t be killed and now he is back at it, tracking Laurie Strode down to her hospital room with a mind to finish what he started.

Though not as good as the original, as few horror sequels are, there is still some electricity here. The moment we are treated to John Carpenter’s wonderful score we are send straight back into that world, as goosepimples are returned to our arms.

I really enjoy the slow dread and paranoia that comes from these early Halloween films, as we see just how frightened of Michael Myers all the characters are, and we get to see that grow as they begin to realise the supernatural qualities he has and how he cant be killed- at least not for very long.

There is a beautiful simplicity to Halloween that other slasher just cant beat. At the end of the day the premise is simple the killer is coming to claim his victims, and no matter what changes or happens that will always be true.

Furthermore this film not only proves without a doubt that Jamie Lee Curtis is not only the heart and soul of the Halloween franchise, as if there was any doubt of that, but also that she is the definitive Scream Queen. Curtis brings so much to the role of Laurie here as we begin to see the trauma coursing through her character as she is not quite in battle hardened mode yet, but she still gives Michael one hell of an opponent.

Overall, a strong sequel that sets the bedrock for the franchise.

Pros.

The slow dread

Michael

Laurie

The theme song/ wider score

Cons.

It is not quite as tight as the original film in terms of pacing

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Fear Street Part 3: The Worst Irish Accents Ever

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The survivors of Sarah Fier’s murderous rampage are transported back in time to see her origin and the truth behind the curse.

There is a twist. A really obvious and blatant one from the start of the film. I won’t spoil it here but suffice it to say that it will hit you in the face several times before it is finally revealed.

Moreover, the Irish accents that our cast are doing in these flash back scenes are particularly bad. They use a lot of the same cast from the previous films to flesh out the residents of Sarah’s township in this one and not a one of them can do an Irish accent, to a point where it becomes laughably bad.

However, therein lies the charm. This film much like the others is dumb fun. There is poor writing and silly moments that are supposed to be scary a plenty, but again it only adds to the charm.

I thought the final showdown was fairly well done it managed some scary moments and it gave everyone what they didn’t know they wanted…… A showdown between all the undead killers for some reason. I did think this final sequence could have been bloodier, but I suppose it is intended for a younger age group.

I thought the flashback storyline with Sarah Fier was interesting as it gave us a good look into the paranoia of witch hunting and provided the most chilling scene of the series with the church mass death sequence.

Overall, a slightly disappointing ending to the series, but still dumb fun.

Pros.

The church sequence

The killer battle royal

The dumb fun

Cons.

The accents

The ending is somewhat disappointing

The twist is super obvious

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Interview With Writer/Director/ Producer Joe Badon: Wheels Of Heaven

Written by Luke Barnes

I recently had the chance to, virtually, sit down with writer/ producer/ director Joe Badon and discuss his new Kickstarter film Wheel Of Heaven, we talk about the strange characters you meet at parties, choose your own adventure novels and shooting fireworks at model dinosaurs.

Q: What is your film about?

A: The Wheel of Heaven is the story of a young woman named Purity (played by Kali Russell) whose car breaks down on a dark empty street in the middle of the night. After a chance encounter with a mysterious party host (played by Jeff Pearson) and his myriad of strange party guests, Purity is left with the existential decision to either break free of her meaningless existence OR simply just succumb to it’s meaningless-ness.

Q: What inspired you to make it?

A: This film comes from my love of Choose Your Own Adventure Novels and the simple ideas that our choices in everything make us who we are. And the idea of string theory – where there are endless universes, endlessly different, all existing on top of one another.

Q: Do you have any funny pre-production stories

A: Well, we just shot a less financially ambitious short film as a prelude to The Wheel of Heaven entitled “The Blood of the Dinosaurs: A Prologue to the Wheel of Heaven”.

And we had basically like $2,500 for The Blood of the Dinosaurs. So, because of that, I had a 20 dollar budget to create a mountain landscape for the Dinosaur miniatures to exist in so I went to Dollar Tree and Dollar General and bought a bunch of posterboard, spackle and spray paint and created this mountain landscape (made entirely of paper).

And then we shoot this scene where we’re shooting fireworks at the miniature dinosaurs and the mountains and of course, the mountains catch fire, LOL! But we quickly put it out with the water from the igloo of drinks sitting nearby LOL.

Q: If you were to sum it up in a word what would it be?

A: Surreal

Q: What do you find are the benefits to using Kickstarter to fund your films?

A: MUCH more creative freedom. Which gives me more fearlessness as a creator. Which, I think, is the only way for new original ideas and content to be born.

Q: Why should people donate to your Kickstarter?

A: So you can allow new ideas to be created without the hindrance of commercialism and sellability. To create something new, fresh and unique. Everything that the world truly wants: braveness and uniqueness.

Q: Are you offering any kind of rewards/ exclusives?

A: YES! We have digital downloads of the film with commentary tracks, movie posters and tickets to the physical screening! You can be a producer on the film at the $700 level or Executive Producer at the $1,500 level! We also have ADD ON rewards like: Custom Illustrations by me and the chance to even have a speaking role in the film!

Q: Do you find using a Kickstarter allows you to be closer to your audience?

A: Absolutely! I have A TON of relationships that have been creating through friends and fans backing my kickstarters AND participating in the creation of the films and comics that I’ve made over the many years.

Well there you have it, if you would like to support Wheel Of Heaven then head over to the Kickstarter and give what you can, and make sure to check out the film when it releases.

If you enjoyed this interview, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, one on one Q and As, the ability for you to pick what I review next and full access to my Patreon exclusive game reviews. Check it out!