Orphan First Kill: Grey And Lifeless

2.5/5      

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ester’s origins are explored with the help of a simply awful lighting and colour gradient combo.

Really this film shouldn’t have been made. They add in some new twists and turns here, but for the most part it can’t hope to compete with the twist from the first film that Ester, played by Isabelle Fuhrman, who everyone thought was a child was in fact a grown adult. Once you know that twist a lot of the places this prequel goes to are not very exciting.

Moreover, as I said in the above summary there is some really quite poor lighting and colouring choices in this film that makes vast parts of it hard to see or tell what is going on, furthermore this is only worsen by a grey hue that seems to stick to the film throughout giving it a dull and lifeless air.

However, it is not all terrible as the film for the most part is very watchable. In addition a surprisingly out of left field evil turn from Jessica Stiles makes for captivating watching, the film would be a lot wore without Stiles in it that’s for sure.

Overall, a very average film that didn’t really need to be made.

Pros.

Stiles

It is watchable

The ending

Cons.

Once you know the twist from the first film it takes a lot away from this prequel

The lighting and colour work is awful

The pace is aggressively bad

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American Horror Stories: Bloody Mary

3.5/5      

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of girls summon Bloody Mary, played by Dominique Jackson.

Whilst this premise is incredibly generic I actually ended up enjoying this episode.

The two main things I think this episode does well is firstly that it is actually scary, and does have a number of good scares peppered in throughout and secondly that by flipping the standard Bloody Mary myth and instead changing it to a title that is past on and that has roots in slavery really opened it up for innovation and a new direction. For once American Horror Stories felt fresh.

However, it is not all roses as none of the performances were very good and the episode was incredibly predictable in terms of plot, you knew straight away where it was going and it basically went there with the only mild twist being that rather than being killed the lead becomes the new Bloody Mary.

Overall, I think American Horror Stories should aim to be like this more, to take chances and fully commit to the horror element of the shows title.

Pros.

A fresh take on an old myth

It has some good scares

The ending

Cons.

It is predictable

The performances

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American Horror Stories: Milkmaids

1/5         

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A town in frontier era America descends into cannibalism.

In my previous review of last weeks episode of American Horror Stories I said that Drive was the worst episode of season two of the show but oh how wrong I was.

So most importantly this is in no way scary. What is scary is how long it goes on for. The various plot threads they have going on in this episode clash so badly together that by the end you are confused at to what you just watched.

The cannibalism feels incredibly forced in, as though they wanted to make an episode about the plight of women and LGBTQI+ characters in the early days of America and then were like ‘oh damn this is supposed to be a horror show, I guess we better put something scary in’, it feels like an afterthought.

Sadly they also bring in Seth Gabel to play the antagonist of the episode, Gabel was fantastic in the TV series Salem and all throughout the episode I couldn’t help but compare the two and it really wasn’t favourable for American Horror Stories. Gabel tries his best here but really isn’t given enough to work with.

Overall, it felt like I was watching some terrible low budget larping production organised by goth teens.

Pros.

It is over quickly

Cons.

Gabel is wasted

The cannibalism feels forced in

The ending

It isn’t remotely scary

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American Horror Stories: Drive

2/5         

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young woman , played by Bella Thorne, believes herself to be the target of a serial killer after she is chased by a manic driver.

This episode was lazy, they rip off the classic urban legend of the murderer in the backseat and think that by calling it out they somehow make up for it, which is simply untrue. I suppose I should give them some credit they do flip it so that the killer is actually the driver and the person in the backseat a victim, but even this feels contrived and lazy.

The story seems to go out of its way to spoil the twist, and when we finally learn that a bored and disinterested Bella Thorne is the murderer we are left going ‘well obviously’ rather than feeling anything even remotely akin to shock.

I would also question in what way this is supposed to be scary, it feels far too tongue in cheek, especially the ending and makes me question whether they even got the brief.

Overall, the worst episode of the second season of American Horror Stories so far.

Pros.

It is watchable

It is unintentionally funny at times

Cons.

Throne

The episode ruins the twist midway in

It isn’t scary

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Day Shift: Ruining A Perfectly Nice Pair Of Pants

3/5         

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jamie Foxx is a vampire hunter and Dave Franco is a man who consistently ruins his slacks.

For the most part I enjoyed this film. I think tongue in cheek action is where Netflix really shines, not when they are trying to be serious. The comedy of this film mostly landed for me and I found myself laughing quite a few times. Likewise I was impressed by most of the action sequences, but I would expect nothing less with Chad Stathelski’s hand in producing this film.

The world building here was nice to see, even if it did feel like a plagiarised version of the John Wick set up with the Union being a very obvious stand in for the High Table and or the world of the Continental. It was nice to see the film explore different types of vampires with different powers and abilities as it gave the various enemies some nice variety.

I think in terms of performance Jamie Foxx is very take him or leave him, he’s fine but anyone could have done his role and many would have done a better job of it. Franco easily upstages his on-screen partner and has a number of memorable lines. However, I think the scene stealer of the film is Natasha Liu Bordizzo’s Heather as she brings a real presence to the film and also has great chemistry with both Foxx and Franco.

Overall, a moderately entertaining picture.

Pros.

Franco

Bordizzo  

The action

Cons.

It feels a little too similar to John Wick

Foxx is a miscast lead

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They/Them: This Is Why People Look Down On ‘Streaming Films’

0.5/5      

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Kevin Bacon spits on his slasher legacy by making cheap slop that everyone knew from the get-go was bad in order to make a quick buck.

Honestly, I went into this with low expectations and thought hey with how low my bar is surely the film will surprise me, but no. If anything this film managed to plunge even deeper than my already incredibly low expectations and just be a turd.

So this film seems to be allergic to fun, most slasher films have a campy, cheesy element to them that means that you can laugh at them as much as me scared by them, that is part of the charm of the genre. However, this film didn’t seem to get the memo and fun is had by no one, the actors don’t seem to want to be there, and you certainly don’t want to keep watching.

Moreover, the film falls very easily into the trap of being preachy, the setting of the film was always going to invoke certain themes and ideas but this film just doesn’t deal with them well. Rather than have anything nuanced, revelatory, or even amusing to say this film comes off as a lecture. We all know conversation camps exist are bad and that non-binary, trans and gender fluid people exist, we don’t need this film to constantly tell us.

The mystery of who is the killer is trite and fairly obvious and in the end you are left thinking you have had an hour and a half of your time wasted.

Overall, absolutely no fun to watch.

Pros.

Kevin Bacon is always a pleasant presence in movies even when he is phoning it in

Cons.

It is preachy

The mystery is obvious

The ending

It has awful pacing issues

It is no fun   

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Interview With Narrator/Director George Popov: Sideworld Terrors Of The Sea

Written by Luke Barnes

I recently had the chance to interview director George Popov to talk about his new film Sideworld Terrors Of The Sea, which focuses on creepy nautical urban legends and tales of sea monsters. In this interview we discuss coastal folk songs, exploration and tricky tides.  I hope you enjoy.

Q: Why Focus On The Sea This Time Around

GP: We were discussing a vast array of potential topics for future sideworld films even before “Forests” was finished and always one of the main examples for a topic that we were all excited about was the sea legends. It gave you a scope in which you can show potential directions for where the series can go and retain its particular style while enrich the palette with every single one. And also out of all other options we had, it felt like the right continuation from the previous one. They have a thematic relation when you’re talking about these biomes, these vast areas of the world that we have been so closely connected to throughout history.

Q: What Inspired This Sequel?

GP: I really wanted to give a good idea of how varied and diverse our relationship with the sea is, and there are stories and sea legends and horror myths that really capture the vast difference between how gigantic and operatic they can be in some examples and then how emotional and personal they can get in others. So the inspirations for me came from all different angles including reading old sea stories when I was a kid all the way up to, of course, watching many films and frankly a lot of marine art. Some fine examples of which made it into the film in a very beautiful way, which I’m very happy about. Also for a few months my playlist was nothing but coastal folk songs and old sea shanties.

Q: What Is The Strange And Unsettling Allure To People And How Would You Describe The Relationship Between Humanity And The Sea?

 GP:In lots of ways that’s the main question we try to tackle in the film. No matter which section we’ll be working on or which story we’ll be telling, the question of our relationship with the sea in its complexity and its duality, would just keep coming up. Throughout history, the ocean has been one of the main frontiers for humanity to explore and the ocean floor today is the final frontier for us, maybe alongside Antarctica, that we have left on this planet. The mystery, the adventure and the danger add to this strange allure we have for it, and until we completely tame and explore all of it, I don’t think that sensation is going away. And I kind of hope we never get to that stage, because I think it will be really sad if the ocean loses all mystery and just turns into another park or backyard for us.

Q: What Do You Think Is Waiting For Us At The Bottom Of The Sea?

GP: I think it is an abundance of new knowledge. There is a lot on the ocean floor that we still know nothing about. Almost every month it feels like, there is a discovery of a new funny looking invertebrate or something else thriving in conditions previously thought very difficult to sustain life. Also in recent times we’ve discovered a lot more about creatures growing to sizes, previously thought to be exclusively reserved for tall tales, like in the case with the Colossal Squid. And if you watch “Terrors of the Sea” we do bring up the question of what else might be there that’s not just pure fantasy.

Q: What Was The First Nautical Ghost Story, Legend Or Tall Tale That You Heard?

GP: I have to think about it. Most likely the literal first one I do not remember but I do remember being very young when I read a lot of the Sinbad tales and remember them being amazing. They captured my imagination with all these adventures on the ocean with mythical creatures and being epic fairy tales. Yeah, so that will have to be it but I do recall being aware of the Odyssey at a very young age so that also could be it.

Q: Do You Have Any Funny Stories From Production?

 GP: When you travel around the country to film all these amazing places on our schedule, it’s almost difficult not to have a single day go by without something kind of wacky happening. So yeah, I guess there was, it was funny but also a little bit worrisome, there was this time when we were filming this colony of clams on a cliff side. We did know that the tide was coming in because it was in our schedule, you had to know where the where the tide is at that time of day and how much time we have and everything. But they don’t tell you how amazingly quick that happens, so it can be a problem if you get lost in your shots. And at some point as we were standing on these rocks, thinking that we’re quite a way from the sea with our backs turned towards it. At some point I just fell this water washing my ankles and I turned around. What used to be rocks and a vast beach now was nothing but the ocean and so we had to very quickly evacuate the equipment and ourselves. Trying to navigate what has now become islands that were shrinking very quickly and the whole carpet of sharp clam shells as well in our way. So yeah, that was that was pretty exciting.

Q: What Location Will You Focus On Next If There Is A Third Sideworld Film?

GP: I can’t say much at this point but what I can say is that there will be a third Sideworld, the whole team is very excited about it and we’re working on it as we speak.

Q: Any Words Of Wisdom For Aspiring Filmmaker, Gleamed Whilst Making This Film?

GP:This is the first sequel I’ve ever done and first for Rubicon Films as well as whole, so don’t know yet so I don’t know how much wisdom any of this carries, but I did find the whole experience a lot more liberating than I thought. I think it’s normal for filmmakers to feel a bit constrained when you make something that has to fit as part of a series. If you don’t feel that constraint, you probably don’t worry about your creativity in the first place. Which is a problem. But at the same time the balance of trying to push the boundaries a bit while giving that familiarity is really intriguing. And that every new film gets the opportunity to shine in its own unique way. Are they all going to be all equally successful? Of course not, but by changing the recipe ever so slightly every time you learn a lot more about our audience and about yourself as a filmmaker.

If you would like to check out Sideworld: Terrors of The Sea for yourself then it is available to rent and buy right now on Amazon Prime Video

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Sideworld,Terrors Of The Sea: What Waits For Us At The Bottom Of The Ocean

4/5         

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

This film explores the dark and sinister side to our oceans.

I have long thought that there is something quite gothic and mysterious about the sea and I know I am not alone in that belief. I often say to people how crazy it is that we have barely scratched the surface with ocean exploration and cannot fully comprehend what may be waiting for us at the very bottom of the sea, in the areas where there is no light.

In that vein this film really captures in essence the foreboding nature of the sea, coming off often as more curious and mysterious than outrightly scary. I think it is in that regard that this Sideworld film differs from the last, it is less scary. I don’t know if this is by design, but certainly I found this to be different in tone and intent than the last film.

In terms of the sea stories, it was a good smattering of different things from ghost ships to sea monsters. None of it will be things you have never heard before, but thanks to the narrators fantastic delivery it still manages to feel captivating and intriguing until the final frame. I think the sea monster section was probably my favourite.

Overall, if spooks and creepy stories to listen to as the nights slowly darken again are your kind of thing then you will be doing yourself a disservice not to check this out.

Pros.

It truly captures the mystery of the sea

It is intriguing

It has a good mixture of tales

The sound work is incredibly strong and really does both set the sense and create a fantastic atmosphere.  

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American Horror Stories: Aura

3.5/5      

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young couple’s life is turned upside down when their doorbell camera start allowing them to commune with the dead.

I actually think this was better than the first episode and am pleased to say that it shows a positive progression for this season of American Horror Stories. The premise has a lot of creepy potential that I think this episode explores well, tapping into that Black Mirror space surrounding the horrors of technology. The idea of someone showing up on your door camera and banging on the door when you are alone in the house only to seemingly disappear moments later is inherently unsettling.

The performances from both Gabourey Sidibe and Max Greenfield are both strong, with Greenfield particularly coming alive in the last ten minutes. I thought for sure this episode was going to end up with Sidibe’s character revealing to be her witch character from Coven, but it didn’t go there.

My main issue with this episode is that once it allowed the ghosts inside, which a lot of the first and second act of the episode built up to, the tension mostly went away as the ghosts didn’t do anything scary. The first bled from the eyes and collapsed the other killed one of the characters in a fairly generic way, this didn’t feel scary.

Overall, another good episode but still with some noticeable flaws.

Pros.

The performances

The premise

The ending

The horror of technology

Cons.

The ghosts feel like a let down

The twist is incredibly obvious

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American Horror Stories: Dollhouse

3/5         

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of women find themselves forced into a competition for who can be the best real life doll bride/mother.

After the frankly insulting ending of the last season of American Horror Stories I was  a little remiss to watch this, however, it was better than I was expecting it to be.

Dolls are inherently creepy, porcelain ones more so, so the idea of women being kidnapped and forced to dress up as human dolls and do the bidding of a rich maniac is a chilling concept. I liked the ideas of the contest though I will admit it was very predictable in terms of the outcome, the plot amour was strong on this one.

Denis O’ Hare’s return is very welcome and he plays the crazed dollmaker well, being both darkly comedic and frightening in equal measure. The rest of the cast leave far more to be desired and fail to match O’ Hare. Additionally, in the closing moments of the episode wherein the witches were again brought back I thought the episode missed a huge opportunity by not having back any known faces leaving the reveal sorely lacking.

Overall, better than a lot of the episodes from last season giving me hope for this new season.

Pros.

It feels creepy

The doll theme works

O’Hare

Cons.

The ending

It is very predictable

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