The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill And Came Down A Mountain: Looking For Love In Wartime Wales

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two cartographers, played by Hugh Grant and Ian McNeice, visit a small Welsh town during World War 1 to measure local features, one of which is a large land mass that the locals say is a mountain -however the cartographers think is a hill. Hijinks ensue.

I think you can’t go wrong with young Hugh Grant, maybe Four Weddings but hey that was a fluke. Grant is at his charming best here and plays the tongue tied English man who of course falls in love with a local Welsh woman, played by Tara Fitzgerald, with gusto. You really end up caring about the central relationship but not perhaps as much as you do for the wider community who come together to turn there hill into a mountain. This is a community that has been ripped apart by war and suffering and to see them all come together to try and save their mountain is honestly heart-warming. There are a few moments wherein the sentimentality does feel a little sappy and American but for the most part the heart is just right.

One thing I would note is that it is pretty poor that none of the leading roles are actually lead by Welsh actors. The three leads are Irish and English. Now I am not going to go on a big rant about representation, but it is quite poor that they couldn’t have got an actual Welsh person for this film.

Overall, Welsh representation aside this film is a heart-warming delight.

Pros.

The romance

The emotion

The ending

It is a lot of fun

Grant

Cons.

The lack of Welsh actors

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Morbius: The Kind Of Film That Reminds You How Good Dracula Untold Was

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Michael Morbius, played by Jared Leto, develops a cure to the terminal illness that has plagued him since birth, however, his cure also turns him into a living vampire.

I am starting to see a lot of aesthetic similarities between Sony’s Venomverse and the Dark Universe, it is in the fact that so far every Venomverse film has felt like an edgy emo teenagers dream with that being especially true with this film. To further the parallels between the Venomverse and the Dark Universe this reminded me in a lot of ways of Dracula Untold, it has a very similar vibe and a lot of the bat related CGI effects feel like they carry over between the films. The writers of this film also wrote Dracula Untold and you can tell in almost every line of dialogue, in many ways a lot of the emotional elements and plot devices from Untold end up bleeding over into this film.

I think Leto was miscast in the role and doesn’t even seem awake for most of the film, to me at least it seemed more like Leto didn’t want to be there and was probably only there to get paid. Leto is a problematic actor and it is for that reason I didn’t watch this in the cinema when it came out, instead waiting for my friend to rent it on VOD so that I could watch it on a visit. No one is on good form here, bar I suppose for Matt Smith you at least seems to be having some fun. I wish Smith could have chosen a better project to jump onto the superhero train with.

I won’t even get into the post credits scene, which yes is as bad as you have heard. There is no rhyme or reason for this scene it stands in the face of any kind of logic, not making sense through No Way Home’s spell idea. It seems the only reason this exists is for the Sony executives, who can’t sleep at night unless they are running comic book characters into the ground, who want a Sinister Six movie for some reason even though the team has little wide appeal or brand value but hey. It makes no sense that Morbius who has spent the film not killing anyone bar the mercenaries at the beginning would team up with Michael Keaton’s Vulture to go and hunt down Spider-Man, it is just dumb.

Overall, a deeply average movie that you probably shouldn’t watch unless you are looking to be bored.

Pros.

It reminded me how much I liked Dracula Untold

Jared Harris

Matt Smith

Cons.

Leto

It is boring

The post credits scene is awful

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In Time: Not Enough Time To Sit Through This

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

In the future people stop aging on their 25^th birthday with a one year countdown then beginning until their death, however, this death can be averted if someone has the means to find and secure more time; usually through connections or cash.

My, my what an uninspired science fiction tale this is. Throughout the film it feels increasingly like the director is trying to shove a message down your throat, what of is hard to say, maybe something to do with seizing the day or capitalism being bad, but ultimately whatever the film’s message is it just comes across as tired and cliched. This is not deep science fiction despite it really wanting to come across like that.

Moreover, after watching I am left asking the question of if this film could have been better had someone else starred in it. The answer to that question is probably, I have never understood the appeal of Justin Timberlake as an actor as often he struggles with even the simplest of roles, as such if a more skilled actor had taken the lead here who knows maybe it wouldn’t have been so underwhelming.

The pacing of this film is also a major issue, it feels far too drawn out and indulgent. The second act feels like a slog that goes nowhere and only exists to kill time, it ruins any excitement you might have after the opening of the film, which is actually okay.

Overall, a lame science fiction film that was all style and no substance.

Pros.

An interesting idea

A few well put together sequences

Cons.

Timberlake

The pacing

The limp message

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The Social Network: Was Mark Zuckerberg Ever Human?

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The story of the founding of Facebook.

I have seen this film well over 5 times it is just so good. The team of Fincher and Sorkin really come together to deliver something amazing here. The dialogue scenes are so impactful and tightly done that each one feels like its own mini action sequence, Fincher keeps the stakes up throughout the film and in my mind does justice to his subject.

I think this film for the most part doesn’t show Mark Zuckerberg, played by Jessie Eisenberg, as either good or bad but rather as just a human being who has seen some troubles in his life. I think Eisenberg is near perfect in the role and I don’t see how anyone else could have played the part, this is probably Eisenberg’s finest performance to date. Moreover, this film features Andrew Garfield which is always a good sign and he too has a strong turn here.

My main issue with the film is that the Napster stuff with Justin Timberlake feels quite like filler and doesn’t really need to be in the film, I think the piece as a whole would be tighter without it.

Overall, a magnificent biopic let down by a needless sub-plot

Pros.

Fincher

Sorkin

Eisenberg

The drama

Cons.

Timberlake and the Napster side plot

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Firestarter: The Remade Stephen King Universe

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A remake of Stephen King’s Firestarter. The plot follows Charlie, played by Ryan Keira Armstrong, a young girl hunted down for her supernatural powers.

A lot of reviewers out there are giving this film very low scores and personally I can’t see why. I don’t know if they were very attached to either King’s original novel or the previous film, but I haven’t read or seen those so I can only judge this film based on its own merits and not compare it to anything else.

I thought for the most part this film was good, the tension was well done and I got vibes of Doctor Sleep in this regard. I thought John Rainbird, played by Michael Greyeyes, was fantastic until the final 10 minutes, he gave off a strong amount of supernatural intrigue as such you constantly wanted to know more about his character but the film didn’t reveal anything which I thought was a smart move. Moreover, Zac Effron also did a great job here further proving his serious acting chops, I thought during the psychic battle sequences he was incredibly.

Another highpoint for me was the score composed by John Carpenter, his son Cody Carpenter and David Davies. It felt like the perfect 80’s call back mixed with just the right amount of excitement and intensity.

However, it wasn’t all roses. I thought the CGI fire effects were poor, to make matters worse whenever Charlie used her powers the camera would cut to a close up of her face with the fires happening off screen which felt cheap and obvious. In addition, there were several moments in this film were it became unintentionally hilarious and made me laugh out loud in the cinema, I don’t think that is what the filmmakers were going for. Finally the ending of Charlie forgiving Rainbird and then going with him despite all the trauma he has inflicted upon her makes no sense and just seems forced in so that the film can have a happy ending.

Overall, above average and certainly with redeemable elements despite not being a great film.

Pros.

The score

Effron

The mystery of Rainbird

The tension

Cons.

The ending

The cheap CGI

It is unintentionally hilarious

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The Cellar: Apparently Hell Can’t Afford A Lift

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family move into a house in rural Ireland and not long after their daughter goes missing.

This won’t win any awards for originality, as the above premise suggests. However, I do think this was a surprisingly effective horror film and it left me feeling suitably unsettled. I would say the scares landed for the most part, and I liked some of the more out there visuals they went for. The ending was quite intriguing as well and it left me with a number of questions, which is always a good thing if done well.

My issues with this film boil down to one simple thing, Elisha Cuthbert. Cuthbert is the lead of this film so that American audiences can have a familiar face to cling to, I think this is a bad move. It makes no sense that the rest of the family have Irish accents and sound the part and Cuthbert blatantly doesn’t. Her performance is also not good and certainly holds the film back in a number of ways.

Overall, despite not really being anything new what is here works well, bar Cuthbert, and produces some good scares.

Pros.

The ending

The scares

The wider mystery

Cons.

Cuthbert

The pacing

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Fantastic Beasts The Crimes Of Grindelwald: J.K Rowling Is No Screen Writer

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Grindelwald, played by Johnny Depp, breaks out of prison and begins his reign of terror.

There is just so much wrong with this film. There are far, far too many characters for a start most of them do nothing and add very little to the film existing either as background colour or to advance one very specific plot point before fading into obscurity.

Eddie Redmayne’s Newt is again not needed here, really what these films should have been is firmly centred around a young Dumbledore and telling the tale of his love affair and eventually war with Grindelwald, there was no need to make these films about the beasts other than to sell toys. Newt could be removed entirely from this film and very little would change one way or the other.

I thought both Jude Law as Dumbledore and Johnny Depp as Grindelwald gave good performances and tried desperately to inject this film with some life and substance, sadly it was all too little too late.

Overall, there is no reason for this film to exist, it tells a tale that doesn’t really need to be told with about one hundred characters too many.

Pros.

Law

Depp

Cons.

Redmayne

It is too long

There are too many needless side characters

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Downton Abbey A New Era: Everyone Likes A Trip To The South Of France

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two interconnected stories of a trip to the south of France and a film shoot.

I never watched the Downton Abbey series and only went to see this film and the one before it because my girlfriend likes the show, but I have to say I did find a lot to like about this film. Most notably it has just the right amount of heart, making you laugh and making you cry in equal measures even I who have no attachment to these characters found it hard to not well up in the end.

Moreover, the film moves along at a nice pace and never starts to feel slow or boring you are constantly being entertained from start to finish. By that same token the performances across the board are fantastic with everyone involved giving it their all, if I had to pick a favourite I would probably say Hugh Dancy’s Jack Barber as he was a very welcome addition to the usual line-up.

I also enjoyed that this film gave Barrow, played by Robert James-Collier, a love interest and was not afraid to pursue an LGBTQ+ romance, I thought not only was it very progressive for the film but it also became the main source of heart in the film, by the end I was really hoping they could be happy together.

Overall, a good time and a lot of fun, even if like me you aren’t a huge Downton fan.

Pros.

The jokes

The emotion

The performances

The LGBTQ+ representation

The ending

Cons.

The brother sub-plot really goes nowhere

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Vengeance Turns Vol 1: New Life In The Old West

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A female led western revenge film that sees a woman, played by Paola Luelmo, lose her husband and child and then go on a quest for revenge.

When you think about the wider Western genre it can be hard to name many films that are female led, there are a few like Jane Got A Gun, Bandidas, Calamity Jane, and True Grit, the last one is debatable, but on the whole the genre is fairly male dominated. As such it is nice to see a female led Spaghetti Western it feels so refreshing. I thought Paola Luelmo did a great job in the role and you really ended up buying her character transformation across the film.

I thought there were some elements of the exploitation genre here and I got a lot of hints of Revenge the French film from a few years back now. I liked that the film never strayed away from the gritty violence and maintained a fairly consistent tone and momentum across the entire runtime of the film.

I enjoyed the ending a great deal, and was left wanting more for sure. My one criticism of this film would be that it could have done with an extra 10 or so minutes just to give everything the breathing room it needed, but I suppose there is a sequel coming in which to unpack the unanswered questions of this film.

Overall, a very enjoyable western film with a nice exploitation esque edge to it.

Pros.

Luelmo

The ending

Nice to see another female led Western

The stakes and tension

The violence

Cons.

A little more needed

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Whiplash: The Bloodiest Drum Kit You Will Likely Ever See

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Andrew Neiman, played by Miles Teller, has the world’s worst student experience.

Previously I have not liked Miles Teller as a performer, he often gives off a very smug and irritating air that I find ruins a lot of his performances for me, however, here I thought he was first class. Teller brought a lot to this film, you really felt the character’s pain both physical and mental over the course of the film. Moreover, I thought this character’s journey to greatness was incredibly inspirational and I thought a lot of that had to do with Teller’s performance.

In addition, I hadn’t been a great fan of Damien Chazelle’s other films La La Land and First Man did little for me in either case. However, I thought this film was incredibly effecting and one of the tensest films I have ever seen, the battle between Neiman and his abusive conductor, played by J.K Simmons, was marvellous and never let up.

Simmons was fantastic as well and truly deserved the Oscar for his performance, he portrayed the character in such a flawed and layered way that you are never quite sure how you feel about him, on the one hand he is incredibly abusive but on the other he really does want Neiman to be the best he can be.

Overall, a powerful film.

Pros.

Simmons

Teller

The tension

The emotion

Cons.

The pacing, it could have been better being about 15 minutes shorter with a tighter edit of the second act

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