Fly Me To The Moon: Hallmark In Cinemas

Summary

A retelling of the moon landing.

So this rom-com goes quite the way you would expect it to, a couple, Scarlet Johansson and Channing Tatum, fall in love whilst working at Nasa during the moon landing. It is a sweet film and it does have some good moments of sentimentality, however, I have to say I never really bought the relationship between the two leads, the chemistry wasn’t there as it might have been in something like Anyone But You.

Johansson is surely a forced to be reckoned with here, and has a lot of good moments, yet Tatum is not given anything to elevate him. The material is very hokey and almost Hallmark esque in how earnest his character is, he is a small town, veteran, who cares about his job and about Jesus. Nothing wrong with that but it is quite stereotypical.

There is also a certain level of my old pet peeve, yes you guessed it American exceptionalism. With the film having a steady drum beat of USA USA every few minutes, which is fine is that is what you are into but for me it was a little clawing. Maybe if I was American I’d like that sort of uber patriotism more.

There are some good laughs here particularly the stuff with the cat and Tatum’s overreaction to it. Moreover, Woody Harrelson’s government spook is a great villain and has some terrific moments, particularly him singing Fly Me To The Moon at the end of the film that is his finest hour.

Overall, it does what you would expect it to, nothing more nothing less.

3/5

Pros.

Johannsen

Harrelson

A few laughs

Cons.

The chemistry could have been stronger

The uber patriotism

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The Exorcism: Russell Crowe’s Rematch With The Devil

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Russell Crowe is back fighting the devil but this time he isn’t riding a little vespa, a shame indeed.

I like that Russell Crowe is trying to move into horror and I hope he does it more, the genre suits him. When I first saw a poster for this film I thought it was a sequel to his Vespa riding adventure from either last year or the year before, sadly it isn’t.

The idea of an actor in a possession film becoming possessed is a fairly novel idea, at least on paper, I can’t say I have seen it before and I have seen a lot of possession films. However, it is in execution that this film falls apart, in three key ways.

Firstly it has a very prominent child abuse sub plot and for me personally this was a bit needlessly unpleasant, it made me feel uncomfortable every time and whilst I can understand from a character motivation point of view why they included it to explain Crowe’s characters negative feelings I feel it went on for a bit too long. Moreover, I question haven’t we had enough horror films that reference the abuse of the Catholic Church, what happened was pure evil but do we still need to be fixating on it when so many other films have already covered it?

Secondly, the film makes Crowe a deadbeat dad to give him the twin issues of the possession and his substance abuse, from a character point of view you can see why they did it. However, what it leads to is a very annoying bratty teen/young adult character, Ryan Simpkins, who you just don’t care about. This teen character is the main character of the film she is the one being targeted by the possessed Crowe you are supposed to like her and yet you don’t. Chloe Bailey should have been the lead with it telling two stories of two actors in this film and how the possession effects the film rather than doing the father daughter thing.

Thirdly, this film in terms of horror just repeats the same beats over and over again, none of it is new, nothing is something you haven’t seen before. It takes what could have been a good idea and then just wastes it by filling it with junk.

Overall, this film is below average possession fare, there is much better out there.

1.5/5

Pros.

Crowe is trying his best

It is a good premise

Cons.

The child abuse stuff is too full on

It is the same old same old

The daughter is irritating and hard to warm towards

It has pacing issues

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Lord Of The Rings Return Of The King Extended Edition: The Eagles Have Arrived

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The King returns.

So this is probably my second favourite of the trilogy, it comes very close at times to being my favourite almost edging out Fellowship, but then I don’t like the ending. Now before you bring out the pitchforks let them explain, I am a book purist, for me the perfect ending to this trilogy would be what we got but also the Scouring of the Shire. I understand the reason why the films didn’t include this, likely time as they are already long, however I just think the symbolism of showing the hobbits leading their sleepy people to victory after being afraid themselves for a lot of the adventure is a beautiful bit of character development but I digress.

In many senses this film is easily has some of the best moments in the trilogy, perhaps even more so than Fellowship, however, I still give it to Fellowship overall. Some of my favourite moments are the attack of the dead men, and the I am no man scene, both of which hit just the right emotional balance and are also cool as hell. I am a big Witch King fan and would like to see him get his own prequel show, although with how Hollywood is now probably best not, but it is very interesting to see more of him in this film.

The visual spectacle of the final battle still holds up, and the for Frodo charge is a magical moment, and it does in many ways manage to top the Battle of Helms Deep. I would say for sure that this film has the best action of the trilogy.

I don’t like how much attention Gollum, Andy Serkis, gets here, you all know my problems with him if you have read the other reviews, I think of all the characters to give flashbacks to he was the one least in need. I can understand why they did it to show how Frodo, Ellijah Wood, was giving into the Ring and what he could become however, I would have still preferred they be cut out.

Overall, a near perfect film with just the ending and the Gollum flashbacks being the things to stop it from being a 5

4/5

Pros

Some epic moments

It gets you in the feels

The best action in the franchise

The effects hold up well

Cons.

The Gollum flashbacks

No Scouring of the Shire

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A Quiet Place Day One: You Don’t Care How Many Humans Die Just As Long As The Cat Is Okay

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We learn how the world went silent.

I don’t think there was a need for this film beyond corporate greed. What worked so well about the first film was the layers of mystery it had, we didn’t need to know how the world went silent and that is something this film cannot reckon with.

Moreover, where in the other two films the thrill of it was the hunt, will the monsters here them, will they catch them? Whereas here people are just being killed in seconds there is no build up anymore it is just happening and it is ultimately boring.

The characters of the film are some of the most poorly realised I have seen in a long while. Whereas the first film had the family that you cared about, this film has a dying woman, Lupita Nyong’o, her cat and a hysterical man, Joesph Quinn. Whilst Nyong’o is probably the best of the grouping she isn’t given much of anything to work with and her character is mainly just a person obsessed with their own morality which could have been made interesting but isn’t. Her quest to get some pizza in the hellscape is supposed to be charming and relatable but rather it is just irksome. Quinn’s character is much, and I mean much, worse he basically spends most of the film following around Nyong’o like some sort of creep, and then constantly cries and breakdowns because he doesn’t know what to do. The character is little more than hysterical crying. They try and give him a bravery arc but even by the end he is just the same.

The cat is wonderful and you care about it but that’s it on the likeable character front.

Overall, a needless sequel that is clearly the inferior for having lost the talent of the first two.

Pros.

The cat

Nyong’o is trying her best but they give her nothing

Cons.

It is boring

It is anti-climatic

It has serious pacing issues

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Furiosa: Summer 2024’s Most Obvious Flop

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We return for a prequel almost a decade after the film it is proceeding.

Whilst I can see what WBD wanted to do here in keeping the Mad Max brand alive, this was not the way to go about it.

I think the biggest crime of this film was that it came out so long after it would have been relevant. The issue with long awaited sequels and prequels is that they have to do more to justify not just their existence but to explain why a contemporary audience should care. In my mind it is that failing which is why this film is so maligned.

In terms of the wider Hollywood culture this film is not a girl boss film, in fact it is quite the opposite. The character is not a Mary Sue as she has to go through quite the trial to get to where she is and has to be taught how to be badass rather than it just coming innately to her. I think Anya Taylor-Joy is an action star in the making as I did think she was very believable here and I would dare say that her version of Furiosa eclipsed that of Theron.

The story is good, if overly long, the idea of a war between the main factions of the wasteland is a good idea. I would say that they could have done more with it and shown a larger amount of the battles on screen but that was clearly not the story they wanted to tell.

Overall, I think it is a good film with a few issues namely relevancy and pacing.

3.5/5

Pros.

Taylor-Joy

The idea of a wasteland war is interesting

Some good set pieces

Engaging characters

Cons.

The pacing is brutal

It is not really relevant anymore

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The Watchers: Nepobaby The Movie

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

M.Night’s nepobaby tries to make a film like her dad.

Dakota Fanning has a lot of bad luck picking projects. It is a shame for her as she deserved better than this.

The film has a group of people get lost in a wood and then they have to perform every night for the watchers, shapeshifting creatures trying to mimic humans, they have to escape and one of them follows the gang back to civilisation. That’s the whole plot summed up for you in two and a bit lines, the film goes on and on about its lore as though it is the most interesting thing in the world, it seems to think it is incredibly deep when it actual fact you can see the bottom.

The twist is that it is not Fanning’s character that is the watcher but rather the old woman who has been menacing but is supposedly a goody. Again this twist is so obvious that M. Night would have laughed and thrown it in the fire and questioned whether what he had for dinner that night was throwing him off. Here however, it is treated as though it is clever. It is not.

Moreover, the villainous fairies from Irish myth have been cropping up a lot recently in horror and as such I didn’t find them all that scary as it was just the same thing again. They are freaky to look at in their watching mode, but other than that there is nothing really scary about this film either.

Overall, M. Night should give his daughter some lessons and help her learn how to make a good twist.

2/5

Pros.

The watchers are freaky to look at when not human

It has a good atmosphere, that it does nothing with

Cons.

The twist is terrible

It is not deep

It isn’t scary

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Hearts Of Stone: Gal Gadot Is An Action Star

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Gal Gadot continues to be the best female action hero.

So a lot of people will dislike this film, because a lot of people dislike folks from Israel right now, antisemitism is rampant, but if you can put down your flags and your angry banners for a minute, then you’ll see this was actually a Netflix gem that far too many people slept on.

The plot is standard action fare, nothing much new, but Gadot approaches it with such charm and charisma that you remember why Wonder Woman worked so well. It is incredibly hard not to warm to her and root for her, moreover, unlike other wannabe action stars, looking at you Millie Bobby Brown, Gadot has the moves and the physicality to be able to pull off the fight scenes and make it look real.

I think that for an action film the pace was quite good, we didn’t waste time with too much exposition, we just got straight into it which was positive. From there we got some action, which I’d say it was a good, pretty great by Netflix standard, and then we were out. It made other Netflix action fare like Atlas look like sluggish messes.

Overall, Gal Gadot will always be an action hero.

3.5/5

Pros.

Gadot

The pace

The action

The charm

Cons.

The plot is dumb

The wider cast are mostly wasted

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Lord Of The Rings The Two Towers Extended Edition: An Old Man Gets Beat Up By A Tree

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Ents march and war comes to Helm’s Deep.

Personally, I found this to be the weakest of the trilogy, still damn good when compared to a lot of the trash Hollywood dolls out but it had more issues than either of the other films.

For me these issues are best described as pacing related. There are vast sections of the film that I find just go on for far too long, such as but not limited to the whole sequence before the Ents march, the many romances of Aragorn, Viggo Mortensen, and a lot of the early Rohirrim stuff was also incredibly slow. I admit I was watching the extended edition so maybe it wasn’t so bad in the normal edition.

Also one small nitpick before we get into the positives, I am also not a big fan of Gollum, Andy Serkis, and think that the franchise as a whole overuses him and as such seeing his much bigger presence here made me like the film a little bit less.

However, that aside I thought this film did a lot to expand the world in interesting and new ways, Treebeard and the Ents are a particular favourite of mine, when they actually march. I also thought that this film made Gandalf far more important and that really helps him to shine, quite literally as a character. When he returns that is a powerful scene but so is the scene in the halls of the Rohirrim, it really shows him off.

The battle at Helm’s Deep is strong, possibly the strongest of the series, though I think the battle that results in the death of the Witch King is perhaps ultimately just a bit better. I thought the action felt very real and visceral though I must say the scene with the skateboard was a bit cringe.

Overall, a decent follow up to fellowship, with some good battles, however, it is slowed down by some padding and bad pacing issues.

4/5

Pros.

It is epic

It builds the world well

The action

A lot of good Gandalf

Cons.

Too much Gollum

The pacing issues

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The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes: Rachel Zegler Before She Imploded Her Career

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A franchise that ran out of steam a decade ago is brought back because Hollywood is creatively bankrupt.

Why do we need to know more about the world of the Hunger Games it was a ripped off western Battle Royale with some added dystopian ideas. Honestly, I thought when they ended that franchise after its two part finale that it was dead, evidently not.

Where I think this film suffers when compared to the main saga is in the acting, on the one side you have a dude so bland and forgettable that you will find it hard to remember his face scene to scene let alone when the film ends. On the other hand you have the internet’s darling Rachel Zegler doing her best girl boss impression, by looking smug in every scene even when she is in danger. Clearly she was remembering how she alone is updating and bringing about world wide change with her new Snow White film and that is why she looks like that.

They name drop characters and ideas from the main series of films here, and you just feel like cool okay do you have anything else. Throwing a few oh remember this person or thing from the other films isn’t a substitute for good story telling or worldbuilding.

Overall, a pointless unneeded film.

2/5

Pros.

An interesting idea

It is relatively short

Cons.

The acting is awful

It is unnecessary

It uses cameos in place of world building

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Lord Of The Rings The Fellowship Of The Ring Extended Edition: There And Back Again

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A fellowship is born.

What can be said that hasn’t already about one of if not the greatest trilogy of films ever made.

For me personally, the first film is my favourite of the three, as it so perfectly establishes the world and the characters. The opening sequence in the Shire is so happy and playful and easily makes you care about the characters, which then juxtaposes really well when compared to the darker subject matter later in the film.

Moreover, the film really does give us a number of epic and instantly memorable moments, I’d say more so than the other two films but that is just me. I think the Weathertop fight and then Arwen’s, Liv Tyler, chase sequence are some of the best moments in the trilogy as it really puts into proportion the level of threat and the power of the dark lord, plus I am a huge Nazgul fan.

Of course the fight sequences here and the action are also very strong, whilst not being on the same par as Helms Deep, or the final battle, the forest battle sequence that ends off the film and kills Boromir, Sean Bean, is still very well done and adrenaline inducing.

Something I am quite surprised by with these films is how well they hold up in terms of visual effects, considering the CGI has to be coming up for 20 years old it looks a hell of a lot better than some of the effects shots we are seeing today.

Overall, to me this is maybe the best fantasy film ever made and is better than its sequels, with only the overly slow pacing at times slowing it down.

4.5/5

Pros.

The cast

The stakes

The world

The journey

Some many iconic book moments replicated

Cons.

Overly slow at times

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