Irish Wish: Lohan’s Wish Should Have Been To Redo Her Career

Summary

Lindsay Lohan plays a book editor who travels to Ireland and hangs out with a Saint, yes this is what Netflix has come to.

I enjoy a so bad it’s good Hallmark, or Hallmark like romcom film just as much as the next person, but I have to say, and maybe it’s the quarter Irish blood in me, that this film is offensively bad. It is not 0/5 bad as there was still some jokes to be had at the films expense, but it is fairly egregious. The main reason for this being but the film is given the Emily in Paris treatment, all of the Irish characters are reduced to stereotypes and cheap caricatures, and of course the isle has to be magical because why leave cliches behind. The only way this film could have been more stereotypical would have been if she had her wish granted by a Leprechaun rather than a Saint.

However, the worst crime this film commits is that it’s boring, there were multiple moments where I considered turning off and I watch a lot of these sort of films every year especially around Christmas so I’m used to it. The issue here being that you just don’t care about a lot of the characters, such as they have a long series of side cutaways about Lohan’s characters mother, played by Jane Seymour, that just go nowhere she doesn’t even turn up in Ireland. It is due to how dull and undeveloped these characters are that the dull scenes feel even duller.

Overall, a Netflix rom-com that whilst has a number of so bad it is good laughs also suffers from some incredibly bad pacing and being boring.

2/5

Pros.

It is laughably bad

Lohan tries her best

Cons.

Pacing

It is boring at times

It is deeply offensive to the Irish

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Kinds of Kindness: The Wrong Kind Of Experiment

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A trilogy of tales that have no business being together.

I have been a fan of this director for a long time, the Lobster, the Favourite and Poor Things are all terrific films, this however, is a failed experiment. It is a film that wants to be experimental, that wants to challenge audiences, it will not be what you’re expecting it to be, and that is not a bad thing if it works, but it just doesn’t.

We are presented with three tales, one of which is bad one, of which has somewhat redeeming elements but is mostly bad, and one that works well. Sadly the good segment the 2nd segment is not the front or the end of the trilogy but rather smack dab in the middle meaning you don’t get the satisfying good start to the feature nor the big finish to salvage a mixed product, you start the film feeling disappointed and you end the film feeling disappointed.

Now to get into why the segments work or don’t work, crucially comes down to execution. The first segment is about power and control and what we’ll do to have stability in our lives yet the segment doesn’t go far enough to demonstrate this and is far too ambiguous in its ending. Secondly, we get a segment about loved ones and what we would do to have one that we thought lost back, this segment works because the concept is strong enough that it makes up for poor execution whereas the other two can’t be saved like this. The idea of the double is a horror mainstay and it is so for a reason, it is effective. Thirdly, we get a segment about religion and cults which could be interesting there is enough new, novel and intriguing ideas here to create a feature film of its own, however the film squanders the time it has in this segment, it does silly things like have Emma Stone do a TikTok dance when we could be giving the characters a satisfying ending.

In a sense this film reads like someone taking a victory lap not making a film for a mass market audience, but rather making it for themselves and assuming they are enough of a name to draw in audiences.

Overall, a film with a strong series of premises but one that can’t execute on most of them.

2.5/5

Some funny moments

The second segment works

It has a lot of good ideas

Cons.

The first and third segment don’t come together

It is too experimental

The Tik Tok dance

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Maxxxine: Which Actors Haven’t Done Porn

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Mia Goth fresh from her controversies rounds out her horror trilogy.

As some of you may know I am not a fan of Ti West as a horror director there is just something about his style of shock horror that I have never cared for and found off putting. In a sense I think shock horror can often fall on the wrong side of lazy and be disgusting or controversial for the sake of it.

Whilst West’s trilogy here for the most part has stayed on the positive side of this line and not veered off too much into the wrong side of shock horror. However, when the film does try to be shocking such as with the reveal of the religious cult it comes off as confused. Whilst West’s trilogy can be seen to reflect an idea of embracing grime and hardship in order to succeed, and that negative aspects of life are important especially in the face of zealous religious upbringings, the message doesn’t quite come home with the rounding out of this trilogy, and instead the religious cult feels like a joke.

Goth continues to play the character of Maxine with the same unhinged determination she did in the previous films, however for anyone looking for further depths or more aspects to this character or Goth’s performance they will be sorely left wanting. In terms of characterization it is more of the same, yes we get to see the interaction between child and parent but that isn’t as illuminating as fans of the trilogy would want it to be.

The main highlight of this film for me, is a surprisingly great and at times menacing turn from Kevin Bacon, true he only has a minor role but he makes the most of every second of screen time he gets.

At times the world of this film becomes more interesting than the story we’ve been presented with on screen, my takeaway from that is that more film should explore Hollywood during this time period, delve deeper into the grime whether they’re a horror film or not.

Overall Maxxine is the best of the trilogy and one of West’s better films, however, there is something lacking that keeps it from being truly great.

2.5/5

Pros.

The world

Bacon

Some good tense moments

Cons.

Goth is limited in her performance

It doesn’t go as far as you would want with the Cult

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Sting: There Is Nothing More Scary And Depressing Than A Flat Block

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Arachnophobia in the confines of a flat block.

I have never suffered with a fear of spiders, I have known many who have and to them this film must be terrifying. Essentially this film is a creature feature with an air not too dissimilar to Evil Dead Rise, though that was more about demons than spiders. There is something about the urban decay of an apartment block that makes the threat posed by this film feel far more real and lived.

I thought there were a number of good grisly moments, as well as some light body horror/gore nothing too strong however. I would say this film definitely leans on more of a comedic side of horror than an actual scary side, with their being a degree of levity to the spider kills.

I would say this theme that has been recurring in 2024 of step dads needing to assert themselves and find their place in the family unit is becoming drawn out and I would dare say overplayed. Whilst the story can be done in an endearing way it quite often repeats the beats seen in other films which gives off a repetitive feeling especially if you are a repeat watcher of horror films

Overall, fun but not the greatest horror film you will see this year.

3/5

Pros.

The kills

The confines

Some of the silly aspects work

Cons.

It is badly paced

Too much family drama

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In A Violent Nature: Like Friday The 13th Without Any Of The Charm And More Walking

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The slasher film is defiled.

This film reads as being made by someone who hates slasher films. They don’t just hate them they have no respect for what they are or for those who like them. In this person’s opinion they need to be deconstructed and remade. This film lazily clings to slasher tropes whilst hating slashers with every fibre of its being.

It lacks the comedic campy charm of a slasher film, instead it tries for the pretentious air of an art house film but it fails to be anything more than puddle deep. This film thinks to reinvent the slasher genre by taking away any of the fun or joy of it and replacing it instead with long drawn out shots of someone walking, and I mean long scenes of walking. It’s solution to re-invent the slasher it appears is to make it boring.

Not only that but the traditional teens and silly young people that would make good fodder for our slashers and now replaced with clear adults who possess no charm and can barely act. These characters are at best grown worthy, with there being several scenes such as cancel culture’s not real and an incredibly unrealistic awkward and forced lesbian romance that came out of nowhere because it’s 2024 and we need that, these scenes make you realise that the writer lacks talent.

This film quite clearly thinks it’s more than it is, it is an example of everything wrong with art house cinema, a sad waste of talent and a film few will like.

Overall, a terrible charmless affair, that is cringey at best and dull at worst.

1/5

Pros.

It has one good kill

Cons.

The characters are awful

It is boring

There is no fun to be had

It has pacing issues

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Everybody Dance

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Children with different disabilities find joy in the art off ballet.

This film is incredibly important as it highlights the power art and dance has to enrich people’s lives. The subjects of this documentary are never presented as victims rather as people with a passion. It’s incredibly important within the narrative of this film that the people featured are never defined by their disabilities but rather their drive to and determination to be great at ballet.

I found this feature to be charming in many ways, it is a very affable tale and it is easy to like the subjects as their enthusiasm for the art of ballet is very palpable. Before watching this I had never been very into ballet but after watching it I am certainly more interested than I was before.

I think what I like most about this film is that it shows off how film as a medium can be used to show the happiness and joy that exists all around us everyday in the world, but that we might not see as we are too busy living our lives and doom scrolling.

Overall, a must see.

5/5

Pros.

It is lovely

It is uplifting

It makes you passionate for ballet

It is the feel good sort of thing you need to see to be reminded of the good in humanity

It never treats its subjects as victim but rather as people

Cons.

None

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The Crow: The Darkest Of Angels

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A true icon of 90 cinema.

Every day I think about the fact that they are remaking a film that never needed to be remade. Apologies for talking about the no doubt awful 2024 remake of The Crow, but after watching a re-release of this film recently I am now convinced but there is no hope for the remake and that it is ultimately disrespectful.

There is something so grimy so comic booky about this film that has just been lost in the modern comic book film landscape. The closest comparison point could be Sin City but those films are over a decade old now. In a sense this film reads more as a comic book come to life than anything else, it bleeds off the page, the rawness of the comic book which inspired this film helps to create the world and the emotion that drives it.

The styling and atmosphere of the film is instantly memorable and was the inspiration for goths and emos everywhere, as truly this character feels like an underdog that people can relate to, with the journey to avenge his late girlfriend truly being a thing of catharsis in the film. You are cheering him on every step of the way and can relate to him in an emotional sense that other more traditional superheroes don’t allow for.

There are a few scenes such as the rooftop guitar scene that come off by a modern sensibility as a little cheesy now, however despite the cheesiness being present it only serves to enhance the film overall and make it if anything more likeable. The film feels like the very best cross between action, horror and comic book films and in that sense there’s something there for everyone.

Perhaps I have a soft spot for the film as it was such an influential film for me growing up and one I watched many times, so perhaps I have a warmness to it that others may not. However, I believe that this is one of the best superhero/comic book films of the 1990s with the only competition being Blade.

Moreover, Brandon Lee manages to make the character both are force of nature in terms of action but also one that has a comedic side and a sentimental side allowing for a character to read as three dimensional.

Overall, this film is a cult classic for a reason and it still holds up now.

4.5/5

Pros.

The action

The world

The relatability

The ending

The aesthetic

Cons.

The cheesier moments won’t be for all tastes

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Deadpool and Wolverine: A Missed Opportunity?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Deadpool, Ryan Reynolds is back.

Buckle up friends this will be a long one. Everybody knows the terrible state the Marvel Cinematic Universe has been in over the last few years, is because of this and because of the importance of mutants in the Marvel Cinematic Universe that I went into this film with incredibly high expectations. Is it also because of this that I left feeling disappointed.

Now the film did have a lot of positive aspects and things to enjoy and this review is coming from a place of someone who cares deeply about the characters, however, it is because of that care that it will be a negative review. Though it was nice to see Wade back on the big screen and treating us to some more blood and gore than we usually do in the MCU, the issues arise as a matter of tone. Deadpool is obviously a comedic character, and has a number of laugh out loud jokes in the film, but there were a number of times I was hoping that the film would take itself seriously, because it needed those moments, yet didn’t. Considering the multiverse stakes of this film and the fact that it has a very heavy emotional arc for Wolverine, Hugh Jackman, it needed those serious moments to truly do it justice and to have heart, yet whenever we get close to one of these moments it is ruined by some forced joke.

I know the creatives are very excited to be in the MCU, however it does feel at times like there’s a little bit of disrespect towards the Fox X-Men universe. For example, take the opening sequence that spoils the end of Logan by having Deadpool desecrate his corpse in order to kill a bunch of people. Now at other points in the film Logan is treated with respect, however, this opening feels like it takes away from that. You could have done something equally as cool and gory using a different montage that wouldn’t have taken away from the most impactful film of the fox X-Men universe.

In terms of cameos this film goes a little over the top at times to a point where you feel like saying okay please no more fan service. Some of the cameos are cheer worthy, such as the return of X-23, Dafne Keen, who I am very glad to see with Wolverine and Deadpool at the end of the film. Some of the cameos are bad such as Channing Tatum finally getting to be Gambit yet feeling like a cosplayer rather than the character himself, he needed longer hair and to be less muscular. And some are massive missed opportunities such as the Deadpool Corps, what should have been an epic moment was just a throw away fight scene.

Another thing that I thought was questionable about the film was how much of it cantered around concepts from the Loki TV show, now this was a popular show but it was not one that will be watched by the whole audience of who would show up for a new Deadpool film. There were many many references made to Loki over the course of the film, and it just seemed an odd decision to base such a big film around events from a Disney + show. I did enjoy the Void return of some of the best Fox characters such as Aaron Stanford’s Pyro and Chris Evans’ Human Torch. However, by far the best character that appears in the Void is Cassandra Nova, Emma Corrin. Corrin clearly is having a lot of fun here and I have never seen her in anything before, at least not that I can remember, but she sure leaves an impression here. Corrin’s villainous character is both menacing and also at times quite funny and likeable, in the truest sense they are a three dimensional character.

In terms of performances Reynolds is much the same as we’ve seen him in the previous two Deadpool films, however there is an earnest side here that is new and which offers the character so new dimensions. Though I must say in contrast to that Wolverine, whom I have wanted to see in the MCU for a long time, has no new ground to cover, we have seen old defeated Wolverine before, in Logan, and whilst it’s nice to see him in the costume for the first time it still feels like there is no new depths of the character explored here. I would like to see, at some point in the future, Wolverine in a teacher role helping a new generation of mutants find their place in the MCU, this would be a new aspect of the character that hasn’t been explored before in any great depth on screen.

The final act of the film is somewhat disappointing, after the Deadpool Corps fight, which features Blake Lively as Ladypool which I liked, you then get Deadpool’s universe saved and all of the surviving characters staying in it. Now for me where this lets down is the fact that I wanted all of the Deadpool characters to end the film in 616, I wanted the film to end with them all entering into a portal together and arriving in the MCU proper whereas now they still feel distant, they are MCU adjacent but they’re not in it and I think that was something the film should have done. I understand that all the worlds will be brought together for battle world, however it just feels a bit of a bait and switch.

Another thing I don’t understand and that’s strange about the film is the fact that Deadpool can clearly travel between dimensions as he takes a 616 based Avengers job interview, yet then later when talking to the TVA doesn’t seem to know much about the multiverse only about time and space. This just doesn’t make sense to me, as okay if the character can just hop between dimensions then it really makes no sense that they were not in the 616 timeline in the end. Moreover, I would have liked to have seen Wolverine to go the Xavier’s school on the Deadpool universe and have him settle there at the end of the film, I thought it would have been a nice moment of hopeful optimism for the character. Yet the film ends on a joke about Chris Evan’s Johnny Storm swearing, yes I rolled my eyes at that too.

Overall, a good and enjoyable film with some great moments but ultimately one that is disappointing and without substance at times.

3.5/5

Pros.

Wolverine is back

X-23

Ladypool

It is nice to see the Fox characters go out with a bang

Cons.

It doesn’t end in the 616

It is afraid to have more serious moments and sometimes ruins good emotional moments with a bad joke

It wastes the Deadpool crops

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The Beast: Love Is An Often Remembered Thing

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A love story is tested against the ages.

This film is not going to be what people expect, in one sense it is a science fiction dystopian film and in another it is a romantic tragedy. The idea of the romance that is central to this film is one that is both engaging, but also deeply unsettling, one could view this film as a horror quite easily.

Lea Seydoux gives a terrific performance as a woman who wants love but can’t remember what it is and is haunted by that fact, she obsesses over prophecy when it is her own memory she’s trying to regain. George Mackay gives an often disturbing performance whilst maintaining a great deal of screen chemistry with Seydoux. If I had to single one out for praise it would be Seydoux she is the anchor of the film.

It is worth saying that this film is not for everyone it is long, bilingual, and it deals with a lot of heavy and complex themes and subject matters. At close to 2 1/2 hours the film can at times suffer from significant pacing issues, however in my opinion these issues are made-up for by the engaging plot which is easily one of the most intellectually stimulating of recent memory.

The ending of the film perfectly subverts expectations, with the audience being totally in the dark as to where the film will leave off. I found the ending both tragically comedic and also strangely affecting.

Overall, a film that will not be to everyone’s taste but one that is well worth the watch if you are a fan of thinking science fiction. This is not for the faint of heart.

Pros.

The themes and ideas explored

The performances

The ending

The dark comedy of it all

Cons.

Pacing issues

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Despicable Me 4: Everybody Wants To Rule The World

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Gru, voiced by Steve Carrell, is back and this time he’s on the run.

In my opinion this is easily the best animated film of the summer and a template for what animated films should be. We had some laughs, we had some emotions and we had a good sing song at the end. There was no heavy themes no need to talk about real world politics, and no literal embodiment of Joy crying twice as there was just no hope left. My biggest take away post seeing this film is that it is for kids and Inside Out 2is for white middle class liberal women who want to relive their girlhood whilst drinking a wine cooler.

Would I say this film was up there with the second and third Despicable Me films no probably not, but I would place it ahead of the first film. My primary reason for this is that I found the plot whilst entertaining to be a little light of stakes. Yes, Cockroach man, voiced by Will Ferrell, is funny but do I buy him as this big bad threat to Gru and his family not really. I also thought that though the idea of Gru taking an apprentice has some good legs, the Poppy, voiced by Joey King, storyline didn’t really explore it, instead wanting to be far more of a genetic Gru is blackmailed storyline. I suppose when they do a sequel if they bring her back it could lead to some interesting moments for the character.

As for the minions, the most important characters in a Despicable Me film I would say they have some stuff to do and do have a number of funny moments but lack as much screen time as you would want or expect. The super minions is an interesting idea but they don’t do much with it.

Overall, good but not the best in the series

4/5

Pros.

The sing song at the end

It is fun

It has some emotional moments

It is well paced

Cons.

Poppy needs to do more

We need more time with the minions

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