Scared Stiff: How Many Faces Does Your Husband Have?

Scared Stiff is a horror film directed by Richard Friedman. The plot sees the spirit of a slave owner posses a man in modern times. The spirit then forces the man to try and kill his family.

This film could have been incredibly generic if not for the 80’s charm of the effects and the storytelling. Said charm makes this film hilarious, yes it is not scary in any way but it is funny and that counts for something; at least for me.

I thought the flashbacks were actually quite eerie and unsettling, the opening scene where the slave master murders all of those defenceless slaves is harrowing and it gives the film a very solid horror opening.

The mythology of the mask is quite convoluted and seems to change around as the film goes on, I gave up trying to understand the plot somewhere around the 50-minute mark. After that point it just became a wild ride of odd effects and character moments, which aren’t as bad as you might expect.

Overall, if you want a horror film this is not it. If you want a hilariously 80s horror comedy film that will make you laugh, albeit unintentionally, then this is the film for you.

Pros.

The 80s aesthetic and effects

The campy charm

It has a strong opening

Cons.

It is not scary

The story doesn’t make sense

It wastes the mythology it tries so hard to create

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Ghosts Of War: Dreaming Awake

Ghosts Of War is a British supernatural horror film directed by Eric Bress. A group of soldiers during the closing days of WW2 are tasked with holding down an old mansion in the middle of nowhere, that was formally a Nazi base. However, as their stay grows ever longer they start to notice that something is deeply wrong with the house.

Check this film out now! This is one of the best surprises I have had recently, I went in not expecting much and came away very impressed. I won’t say what it is, but the end twist of this film works incredibly well and adds a whole new layer to the film, that then begs to be rewatched and further thought about.

The horror elements are strong and you never quite know what is going on, is it Nazi occultism? Or was the family themselves, that owned the house prior to the Nazi takeover, into the dark arts?. There are a surprising number of layers to it. The horror is well done and creates a tense, unsettling atmosphere that leaves an impact.

Some of the questions this film raises are also quite interesting to think about, though that might be more of a personal taste thing on my part.

Overall, do not sleep on this! It is on Netflix right now check it out.

Pros.

The twist

The moral implications

The WW2 setting

Doing more with the standard haunted house narrative

The scares

Cons.

None

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

SpongeBob SquarePants, Sponge On The Run: Another Feather In Paramount’s Cap

SpongeBob SquarePants The Movie: Sponge On The Run is an animated family film directed by Tim Hill. The plot sees SpongeBob’s (Tom Kenny), beloved pet snail Gary be snailnapped. As such SpongeBob and Patrick (Bill Fagerbakke), must set out on a quest to get him back.

I enjoyed this film immensely, far more than I thought I would. I have not seen SpongeBob in years, but I did use to like it when I was a teen.

My one complaint of this film would be that the animation is ugly, and quite jarring if you go in expecting the old-style SpongeBob animation like I did. The issue with the animation was that it looked too fake, too CGI, and when they added in real world live action elements it became trapped in the uncanny valley.

I really enjoyed the story of the film. I liked the feeling of finality it had to it, I know there is plenty more SpongeBob content on the way, but it was still nice. Seeing all of SpongeBob’s friends talking about how much he meant to them was a touching moment, and the reveals of how they all met was a good pay off for long-time fans.

The highlight of the film for me was the humour and the cameos. The humour often skewed older, a lot of the jokes and references I feel kids off today would not understand, but they made me laugh. I have always enjoyed the absurdist nature of SpongeBob as a show. Furthermore the cameos were terrific though only brief, Danny Trejo leaves a strong impression as El Diablo and Snoop Dogg has a nice little musical number that livens up the first act; of course Keanu Reeves as Sage is magnificent, but that goes without saying at this point.

Overall, this feels like a love letter to the show itself, it feels like it is done with care, it will make you laugh, and the ending will make you cry. Definitely one of the better SpongeBob films.

Pros.

The tribute to Stephen Hillenberg

The trial scene

Matt Berry

The humour

The cameos

Cons.

The animation is horrendous

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Christmas Made To Order: Catching Feelings Quickly And Hard

Christmas Made To Order is a Christmas film directed by Sam Irvin. The plot sees overly stressed architect Stephen (Johnathan Bennett), hire the free spirited, Christmas loving Gretchen (Alexa Penavega), to decorate his home for the arrival of his perfectionist family as you can imagine a romance blooms.

So, this is yet another generic Hallmark rom-com Christmas film; the kind that litters Netflix this time of year. However, where this improves on something like Operation Christmas Drop (Review coming soon), is that the romance actually feels warm and wholesome rather than cold and detached.

This is down in no small part to Penavega, who though she isn’t a big-name actor is slumming it a bit here, but hey we all need an easy pay check here and there. Penavega, is the life and soul of this film and her character’s love of Christmas comes off and authentic, which in turns makes it infectious.

My main and most obvious issue with this film would be that it runs the risk and indeed is overly sentimental. For the most part it is just the right levels of wholesome and sweet, but sometimes it goes a bit too far. The idea of this relationship is already beyond plausibility in a lot of ways, but this just pushes it further.

Overall, it is inoffensive holiday fluff, made better by Penavega and the wholesome charm.

Pros.

Penavega

The romance

It is comforting and fairly inoffensive

Cons.

It is a bit too mushy

It is very average

It has no real plot
2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Christmas Land: A World Of Limited Imagination

Christmas Land is a Christmas romantic comedy directed by Sam Irvin. The plot sees a busy big city woman Jules (Nikki Deloach), inherit her Grandmothers Christmas themed farm, there is a debate as to whether she will sell it or not, but deep down she knows what her Grandmother would want.

So these generic Netflix/Hallmark/CBS Christmas films are starting to get to me. They are all very much the same in story and nature and you can guess the reveals coming from a mile off. I can no longer find things to enjoy about these films as they are just so tediously average.

The romance in this one was particularly wooden, sometimes these types of films can be made slightly more bearable by a strong lead romance, but not this. The two romantic leads act like strangers for most of the film and then all of a sudden they love each other at the end? Come on really? I can’t quite come up with the right word to describe their relationship, but whatever the opposite of chemistry is that is what they have.

The drama here once again, did not feel organic to the story it felt forced. That could be said for pretty much everything in these films, but this one especially had no need for the drama plotline beats, it added nothing and only served to needlessly complicate the narrative.

Pros.

It is watchable

Cons.

It is generic

It is lazy

The romance doesn’t work

The drama adds nothing

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Wondering Tongue

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge is a slasher horror film directed by Jack Sholder. The plot follows a new group of teens lead by Jesse (Mark Patton), who again find themselves being terrorised by everyone’s favourite stripped jumper enthusiast. However, this time Freddy seems to want to possess the body of Jesse for his own malicious purposes.

I would be remise if I did not bring up the homoerotic elements that are present in this film, they are clear as day and the story around them is damning, heart breaking for Patton and a little confusing. I would advise you to go and read up about it, as there is quite a bit too it, or watch the documentary Patton later made about his experience making this film.

That said.

I applaud this film for trying something new. It tries to breakaway from the standard slasher structure of a killer picking off kids one by one, with the plot this time being about Freddy possessing someone to do just that, oh wait. I think this film is worse for deviating from the traditional slasher structure.

I think my key issue with this film is that Freddy is not featured enough. Yes, I understand they are going for the possession angle, but we come to these films to see Freddy do his thing, and yes we get that but with much reduced screen time.

Overall, though it still has some goofy 80s charm this film tries to hard to be something it isn’t and loses sight of itself as a result, we need more Freddy!

Pros.

A few funny kills

The goofy charm

Cons.

Not enough Freddy

In its attempt to not be a slasher it becomes boring

The experiences of Mark Patton, and what he was subjected to

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Sister Tempest: Watch Out For The Cannibal Cold This Winter

Sister Tempest is a comedy horror musical film directed by Joe Badon. The plot sees two sisters troubled relationship come under scrutiny from an Alien tribunal. Adjacent to this one of the sister’s new roommate’s illness leads her to become a cannibalistic murderer.

This one was a lot of fun; the premise is just as whacky as it sounds, and it never lets up for a second. I enjoyed how the film never went the way you were expecting it to go, where you thought it was going to zig it zagged. The more or less light hearted tone, also made it a nice breezy watch.

The acting was strong with Anne (Kali Russell), being my particular favourite. She was a strong lead and had just the right amount of rootability to keep me invested in the plot for the entire runtime. I have to give props to the script here as well, as Anne as a character is quite well fleshed out over the course of the film and you feel like you really get to know her and her sister.

I didn’t find the film scary, though I did appreciate its gore. The comedy and musical elements worked better for me, and I found myself being thoroughly entertained. Smiling the whole time.

Overall, this is a sight to behold, all of the elements work together in harmony to create something special.

Pros.

The comedy

The premise and committing to the wackiness

The acting

The musical elements

Cons.

I did find the horror lacking

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Prom Night: Are High Schools Ever Safe?

Prom Night is a slasher film directed by Paul Lynch. The plot sees follows a group of high school seniors as they are stalked and killed by a masked man seeking vengeance for a crime that happened 6 years prior.

Some say that this film is a giallo/ slasher hybrid, and with certain aspects I can see that. The more surreal dream like elements are very reminiscent its true, they are also easily the best thing about the film.

Personally, I found this to be deeply generic. If you look at the other big Jamie Lee Curtis slasher film that came out only a few years prior Halloween, you see a film dripping in style and identity, with this it could be any other slasher a group of teens being chased by a masked man and picked off one by one; real original.

I thought the story was also quite convoluted, I lost track of the motivations a lot of the time as the film can’t seem to stick to one plot line for any length of time.

I didn’t think of the characters were particularly likeable and I don’t think the cast did anything of note to impress, I think it was all deeply by the numbers and low effort.

Overall, I understand some people regard it as a cult classic, but to me it just screams generic.

Pros.

It is watchable

Cons.

The story is convoluted

The cast are very bland

It feels very by the numbers

The kills feel repetitive

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Annabelle Creation: Demons Love A Good Chair Lift

Annabelle Creation is a horror film directed by David S. Sanberg, serving as both a prequel to the first Annabelle film as well as adding to the Conjuring Universe as a whole. The plot this time around serves to explain the origins of Annabelle the doll, showing how the possession occurred.

This is the best film in the Annabelle trilogy by far, as it is actually scary. I enjoyed the tragic reveal of Annabelle’s creation and I think it is smart to actually show us the demon controlling the doll rather than just the doll itself. I am surprised to note that the demon actually looks like how you would imagine a demon to look, not like the Conjuring Universe’s other demons that are basically just people with yellow eyes.

Personally, I think the scarecrow scenes where the scariest and best done of the whole film.

I think by and large the film wastes most of its cast, with veteran actors like Miranda Otto brought in to do very little. Though it does continue Lulu Wilson’s rise in the horror genre, she has been in 3 ‘good’ horror films to date and is shaping herself to be a generation z scream queen for sure.

I thought the ending was clever, tying the end of the prequel into the start of the first film it is not a new idea but it is effective here and it helps us to further understand the timeline.

Overall, though a series of clever decisions this film proves itself to be more than just a collection of jump scares.

Pros.

The scarecrow scenes and showing us the demon

Lulu Wilson

The ending

It does what it says on the tin, it explores Annabelle’s origins and it does it well

Cons.

The cast bar Wilson is wasted

4/5 Reviewed by Luke

Demons: Never Put On A Conveniently Placed Mask

Demons is an Italian horror film directed by Lamberto Bava. The plot sees a group of cinema gowers become the victim of a centuries old mask that turns people into demons.

This is the film that killed the giallo subgenre, the Americanisation is clear to see, this film owes more to films like The Evil Dead then it does something like The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, which is not in and off itself a bad thing, it is just noteworthy.

My main complaint with this film would be that the plot felt confused, I wasn’t quite sure what it was saying most of the time, a lot seemed to be going on and not much of it made any sense. That said I did like where the film ended things teasing a world overrun by these demon creatures and a human safe haven/resistance.

It feels very 80’s in approach, with the music and the tone, but it also feels very forgettable as a result. It blends in with a sea of other 80s based slashers and supernatural affairs. The acting is also quite so so, no one is memorable and most seem to be over acting in an effort to get noticed.

Overall, a sad death of a subgenre

Pros.

It has a promising ending

Cons.

It feels generic

The acting is bad

It has lost touch with its roots

It is hard to follow

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke