Mechanic Resurrection: The Most Pervy and Exploitative Film Of 2016

Written by Luke Barnes

Mechanic Resurrection is an action thriller film directed by Dennis Gansel. The plot follows Arthur Bishop (Jason Statham), a very effective assassin who gets roped into pulling of a series of puzzling murders, after someone from his past kidnaps his girlfriend (Jessica Alba). Apparently this is a sequel to the 2011 film The Mechanic though I wasn’t aware of that until I started writing this review.

From that brief description of the plot you can see how this film is furthering the sexist damsel in distress stereotypes but hold on dear reader- it is far worse than that. Not only does this film want to carry on old cliches and stereotypes, it also takes every opportunity, and I do mean every, to ogle Alba’s body. This film seems averse to Alba wearing many clothes at all and frequently objectifies her, including in quite a icky sex scene; honestly after watching this film you need to take a shower.

The film is made better than some other subpar, Statham flicks by the fact that it is mostly played for laugh, or at least that is how I took it, and it never tries to be too serious. Though this does not translate over into Statham’s performances and he plays the role deadly serious, without even a hint of charm in the entire film.
Overall: I guess my takeaway from this film is that the days of Statham being in good action films like the Transporter series, or Crank are long over, and now he seems content to just make mediocre, sexist action fare and collect a pay check.

Pros.

The film doesn’t take itself too seriously

The dumb and over the top kills

Cons.

Statham plays it far too serious and has no charm

The way they treat Alba’s character throughout

Everything to do with Tommy Lee Jones’ supporting role

2/5

Beyond The Gates: If You Find A Random Video Tape Throw It Away!

Beyond The Gates is a horror film directed by Jackson Stewart. The plot serves to homage classic 90s genre films and has two brother (Graham Skipper and Chase Williamson, respectively), beginning playing a supernatural board game that has very real-world consequences and threatens to endanger their lives.

This film was a lot of fun, I enjoyed its wink and a nod tone and thought that it was a perfect retro throwback. However, it was also far more than that, I also thought that the premise was quite inspired, it was like a hellish version of Jumanji but with less time spent in the other world, I am surprised I have not seen this done before, but I haven’t, and it felt fresh to me.

Skipper, Williamson and Margot McKenzie who make up the main trio all do solid work and sell the scares. I thought the shotgun scene was particularly well done on the part of Skipper and Williamson, they both seemed genuinely scared, like they weren’t acting, and that allowed me to become more emotionally invested in the scene as a result.

Finally, I would be remiss if I did not talk about horror veteran Barbara Crampton who is also in this film. She plays the guide of the game, a figure who can communicate between worlds, and she is just as magnificent as you would expect and does a lot with a minimal amount of screen time.

Overall, an unexpected treat.

Pros.

Crampton

The leads

The horror

The retro throwback feeling

Cons.

It is a little slow to start

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Moxie: Inclusive, Until It Isn’t

Written by Luke Barnes

Moxie is a comedy, coming of age film directed by Amy Poehler. The film sees high school student Vivian (Hadley Robinson), become bored with the sexist statis quo of her highschool and with a little punk rock guidance from her mum (played by Poehler), decides to bring about a feminist revolution at her school. It is based on the book of the same name by Jennifer Mathieu.

I am not going to lie; this one was hard to get through. When I heard the early in the film line of why should we care about The Great Gatsby “it was written by an old white dude, about an old white dude”, I cringed so hard I turned the film off. However, as I intended to review it I put it back on later; also whilst I have you I just want to say it is heavily debated that F. Scott Fitzgerald did not in fact write The Great Gatsby, with some believing it to be the work of his wife Zelda- so yeah.

That one line speaks for the entire tone of the film. I applaud the ideas on display here, the film does make some solid points, but it also beats you over the head with them again and again and takes any of the fun out of the film, instead making it feel like a lecture. Feminist ideas have been conveyed in tons of films, in a more accessible and lets face it better written way, Booksmart and Misbehaviour both come to mind, but much like the comedy films of Will Ferrell this film thinks loud and brash is the way forward.

Overall, I will be blunt this film is deeply contrived in the writing department. The cringe factor gets unbearable as the film goes on. Which is sad because if you turn off the holier than thou politics for a second, there is actually quite a wholesome coming of age story buried somewhere deep down. The struggles that Vivian and her friends go through, are very familiar to anyone who has ever been outcasted before or made to feel lesser, this film could have been a rallying moment for the outsider a moment to seize your power and reclaim your life. However, in its incredibly over the top efforts to seem inclusive, it ignores and excludes others who might feel the same.

It’s ironic.

Pros.

Hadley Robinson is a strong newcomer

Poehler has a few funny jokes and honestly this film could probably do with more of her as she is the best thing about it (in an acting sense, to be stressed).

An important message of empowerment

Cons.

Ignoring others who might feel left out and excluded from the awful highschool experience

Focusing far, far too much on politics

Forcing its message down your throat, rather than trying to actually handle it in a meaningful way

Some of the cringiest dialogue I have ever heard in my life.

1.5/5

Raya And The Last Dragon: A Win For Kelly Marie Tran, A Loss For Everyone Else

Written by Luke Barnes

Raya And The Last Dragon is an animated action adventure fantasy film directed by Don Hall and Carlos Lopez Estrada. We follow Raya (Kelly Marie Tran), a warrior who sets out to collect all the pieces of the dragon gem, to save the world from a dark evil.

So before I get into this review, I just want to say how nice it is to see Kelly Marie Tran come out swinging like this after all the hate she endured online, it is truly inspiring.

I enjoyed the premise and thought the story was a neat idea, it was original yet also a little familiar.

However, sadly that is where my praise for this film ends. I did not hate this film, but I did think it was very, very generic.

So firstly, none of the characters feel likeable- they just don’t click. They all have their moments here and there across the course of the film, but these aren’t enough and the second the film ends you forget all about it and its character’s none of them leave an impact on you.

Likewise the emotional heart of this film feels very hollow. The two big driving forces in terms of the heart of the film, are Raya being able to revive her dad and Raya’s rivalry with her arch enemy Nammari (Gemma Chan), both of these plot threads are resolved, but the payoff leaves you feeling cold and unmoved. Disney animation needs to take a few cues from Pixar to fix this.

Another fault of the film comes with ancient dragon Sisu (Awkwafina), who is the comedic side kick of Raya for most of the film. The issue with Sisu is that the narrative builds her and other dragons up to being these immensely powerful beings and yet they don’t show the dragons doing anything to justify this reputation. Moreover, Awkwafina is not funny in the role and doesn’t not nail the performance, her character feels like it is trying to be Eddie Murphy’s Mushu and Robin Williams’ The Genie, all at the same time and yet doesn’t bring the charm of either.

Overall, this is very watchable and is fine fare for families just looking for something easy to watch. However, I would not say it is worth the price point, as the film itself is deeply average. Wait till June.

Pros.

Kelly Marie Tran gives a good performance

The lore and the world is interesting

Cons.

The emotion doesn’t stick

Awkwafina is badly miscast

It is very safe and predicatable

2.5/5

Nest Of Vampires: Sucking Blood In The UK

Nest Of Vampires is a British action horror film directed by Chris Sanders. The plot sees an MI5 officer become wrapped up in the affairs of a vampiric cult after trying to find the people responsible for the death of his wife and the disappearance of his daughter.

There is something of an early Neil Marshall here, still rough but full of promise.

I enjoy British horror quite a lot, not knocking anywhere else’s horror, but there has always been something special to me about homegrown horror; there is just a certain edge to it that I haven’t seen elsewhere. The last Marshal comparison I will make today, in Dog Soldiers you can see what I mean about this edge, the dark countryside area, the rough practical effects, the gore- there is just something to it.

That is very much the case here as well, there is a grime to it all- I think that is the best word for that special British something that I am talking about. The grime makes everything just pop that little bit more. The violence stands out and becomes even more visceral, and the characters and the world feel real and lived in.

I enjoyed the plot of the film for the most part, there were a few pacing issues here and there, but I thought it worked well and I have not seen a vampire film like this in a while and it had almost a retro like appeal to it that I enjoyed.

I thought the horror of the film was strong, I wouldn’t call it scary rather oppressive as the action elements often stop there from being jump scares and that sort of thing. However, I do think the action and the horror work well together to create almost a dark fantasy film, which again is an under represented genre in current cinema.

Overall, a very entertaining watch, more so perhaps if you are already a fan of British horror cinema.

Pros.

That special something

The action

The horror elements

A strong villain

Cons.

A few light pacing problems

The lead could do with more development

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Know Fear: Commune With The Darkness

Written by Luke Barnes

Know Fear is a horror film directed by Jamison S. LoCascio. The plot follows a family who come under demonic attack and must do battle with an otherworldly beast. Each member of the family has to commune with the demon in order to fight back, this takes multiple forms for each different family member, but one by one they do battle.

Demonic possession films are a dime a dozen at his point, and the genre is oversaturated, and that is why this film makes me happy- because it provides us with something fresh. The demon here doesn’t just target the kids, or the wife no it goes after everyone which makes for a nice change from the usual Conjuring Universe shenanigans.

Moreover, this film has far more of an intensely personal dimension to it, than a lot of other genre fare. We are given a very intimate look into the film of this film; we view them as real people more so than characters in a film and that makes the scares and the threat far more impactful.

Overall, a nice breath of fresh air in an overcrowded subgenre.

Pros.

The intimate feel

Focusing on the whole family and each individually

The scares

The freshness of it

Cons.

A bit slow at times

4/5

Coming To America 2: The Antithesis Of Wakanda

Written by Luke Barnes

Coming To America 2 is a comedy film directed by Craig Brewer. The plot sees Prince Akeem (Eddie Murphy), become King and travel back to America once again to find his long lost son: who is needed for a succession crisis in Zamunda.

So, it needs to be said that this film is problematic and what makes it worse is that no one seems to be talking about it. Apparently, during the events of the first film, (though unseen to us), Prince Akeem was set up by his best friend and tricked into having sex with a woman- already pretty icky right? To make it worse Mary (Leslie Jones), is shown to openly get Akeem high, once again without his consent, thereby drugging him to make him easier to have sex with. This is all treated as a joke.

Moreover, the vaguely racist Jewish white face character of Saul returns once again played by Murphy, and it doesn’t sit well.

However, I will compliment the film and say that it is funnier that the first film it made me laugh far more than the first one did. It is not laugh out loud funny by any means, though it goes without saying that comedy is subjective, but it does have a few moments that make you laugh.

I also enjoyed Wesley Snipes’ character General Izzi, I thought he was wonderfully strange, and it was a shame he did not get more screen time, because Snipes made the most out of every second he was on screen- maybe even stealing the show from Murphy.

I think the major issue with this film was fairly obvious, and almost inevitable. There was no need for his film to exist, it adds nothing to the first film, and has an incredibly predicatable story that follows all modern sequel tropes as though it has a checklist. If you don’t see the successor twist coming at the end, then you must have your eyes closed, as it is blinding.

Overall, though funnier than the first film, this film feels trapped in a bygone time.

Pros.

It is funnier than the first film

Wesley Snipes is great

Cons.

The rape storyline and the fact it is played as a joke

The white face and the stereotypes

A lot of the side characters feel paper thin

2/5

Ghostbusters: Loud Does Not Equal Funny, An Irritation

Ghostbusters is a science fiction comedy film directed by Paul Feig. The plot sees a new group of Ghostbusters rise up to take the fight to everything that goes bump in the night.

Yes, much like my Rise Of Skywalker review this will be a long one so buckle up.

I have seen this film 3 times now, the first two times were on release when I firstly went to see if it was as bad as I had heard, and then secondly went after being invited by a friend. After the second time I vowed that I would just forget about this film and move on, however, the other night (years later), I saw in on streaming and thought ‘eh maybe I am remembering it worse than it is’, nope….. It is just as bad as I remembered.

Do you know what the main issue is with this film? It seems too much creative freedom was given, usually it is a good thing for the creative in control of making a film to have a large amount of freedom, not here however, as they abused that privilege.

This film feels like a sketch that they dragged out for over two hours (that is a common complaint of mine with the films of Kristen Wiig, but it is especially true here). There is far too much improv comedy, that reeks to me of them thinking that they are naturally funnier then they are. The original Ghostbusters were silly, yes they were comedy films, but there was also a seriousness to them. The balance between comedy and seriousness is maintained and used well hence why they are funny, here the balance is way, way off and it is painfully unfunny.

As many others have said, the only funny thing about this film is Chris Hemsworth’s dumb receptionist character, which in itself could be viewed as a harmful stereotype adding to the ‘hot but dumb’ cliché. Hemsworth is the only part of the film that actually worked for me in a comedic sense, there was not even any unintentional humour as you might expect from this kind of thing, no it was all just flat and repetitive.

Moreover, the characters are all almost entirely unlikeable, they all seem to have one personality trait that is played up and up and up to the point of mind-blowing annoyance, to be funny? They have all the depth of a puddle of vomit, and seem to go out of their way to be confrontational towards the audience in kind of a meta way that just comes across as petty that it was left in.

Overall, this will be remembered as one of the biggest misfires in the history of modern Hollywood and for very good reasons the sequel to it is dead in the water, with the next film in the series ignoring it all together. Just bad all-round.
Pros.

Chris Hemsworth is funny when he is on-screen

Cons.

The rest of the cast are painfully unfunny

The comments scene feels overly petty

The characters are one note and annoying

This is a stain on the career of everyone involved in it, with the exception of Hemsworth

The CGI is bad

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Chocolat: Chocolate’s To Boost Your Sex Drive

Chocolat is a romantic comedy drama film directed by Lasse Hallstrom, based on the book of the same name by Joanne Harris. The plot sees chocolatier Vianne (Juliette Binoche), move to a small religious French town in the middle of Lent, as she begins to sell her devilish wares whilst most of the residents of the small town are fasting she quickly makes herself a number of enemies. Can a good heart and a lot of chocolates change the locals minds about her?

Finally! After all this time, after countless numbers of films that demonise them, finally I have found a film that has positive Traveller representation: honestly it is nice to finally find a film that treats this group of people as humans, as not as some sort of easy scape goat for whatever ills are going on at the time, however, it is also sad as it makes me think of few other films share this film’s progressive outlook.

I enjoyed this film for the wholesome good time that it is. There are some sad things that happen in it, but in the end everything works out and everyone has a nice party- and in the times we are currently living in sometimes that is all you need to stop the nihilism for finally settling in.

There are a number of strong actors giving great performances here. Firstly, you have Binoche who creates a character that is perhaps one of the most likeable characters in all of cinema, and who you immediately want to see succeed, but also one that clearly has a dark past and is somewhat empty. Secondly you have Doctor Octopus himself Alfred Molina, as the films villain who is equally as sublime as the lead. Molina plays the leader of the town who takes an immediate dislike to Vianne and who goes to war with her, the two have an interesting relationship and Molina adds a lot of layers and depth to the character. Finally, you have the always marvellous but often overlooked Peter Stormare, as the real villain of the film an angry drunk/ wife beater shopkeeper who also forms a dislike of Vianne after she has a negative impact on his life. Stormare brings us a character that is easy to hate, but who also has more to him than simple villainy: moreover, he also brings some of his trademark weirdness to the role and gives us a few scenes that are unintentionally hilarious.

Johnny Depp is also in this film, at the height of his heart stealing good looks and he is a perfectly fine romantic lead. Shame they didn’t cast an actual traveller in the role but ah well it is Hollywood after all.

Overall, a lovely heart-warming film.

Pros.

The wholesomeness

A nice happy ending

The romance

Positive Traveller representation

Cons.

A few slow moments

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Six Minutes To Midnight: Peak Britishness

Six Minutes To Midnight is a British spy thriller film directed by Andy Goddard. The plot sees Thomas Miller (Eddie Izzard), a British spy sent to infiltrate a boarding school for the daughter of the Nazi high command operating on British soil mere weeks before the onset of WW2.

There is something so British about a period piece, set around the war, and featuring Judy Dench; it is almost like a Britishness trifactor.

When I first saw the trailer for this film, I thought it was going to be a very tense spy film. However, when I watched it my expectations were met, though they were also a little underwhelmed at the same time. Yes, there is some spy thriller elements, but the film could do with losing a few of the slower sequences in favour of more sustained prolonged tension. Like honestly, I don’t care that one of the girls clearly feels left out from the rest, this is not a coming of age film, I want spy thrills.

Izzard handles most of the dramatic heavy lifting and manages to have quite a few strong character moments. I would dare say she is the strongest performer in this film, yes even out performing Dench and veteran actor Jim Broadbent. However, that might not be that hard as neither is given much to do, and Dench is just playing the same character she always plays, a sassy old woman.

The villainous reveal in this film also receives a portion of my ire, it is so painfully obvious. I won’t spoil it for you, but from the opening few minutes you will be able to guess it.

Overall, Izzard is trying to keep this film together and just about manages thanks to some strong tension and character moments. However, the film could do with being trimmed down and with having Judi Dench and Jim Broadbent being given far more to work with.

Pros.

Izzard

Some strong tense sequences

The ending

Cons.

Wastes a large amount of the cast

The identity of the villain is painfully obvious

3/5

Reviewed by Luke