Strange Worlds: Disney’s Fear Of LGBTQ+ Kisses Reaches New Heights

Summary

3 generations of a family of explorers go on an adventure to save their planet.

This film is fine, just fine. In terms of family adventure films it hits all the areas you would expect it to, but it doesn’t do anything new or exciting with the concept. Likewise in terms of thematic narratives, the idea of fathers and sons being different and having to recognise and accept that difference in order to have healthy relationships is nice to see repeated but again a message that a lot of other films have hit better before.

Moreover, this film does two things I really don’t like and that I think hurt it dramatically. Firstly it is gutless in its LGBTQ romance, it has a Gay male romance sheerly to use it as a smoke screen to show off how progressive as a company Disney are, but then when it comes to the big final moment at the end of the film where these chaps would kiss the film instead opts for an arm around the other instead. Why is that? Well frankly it is because Disney is gutless and wants to have their cake and eat it to, they want to appear progressive but also not offend the Chinese market or the right wing western market that might have a problem with this. It doesn’t cut both ways. I would have liked this film more and respected Disney more as a company if the two guys had kissed at the end.

Secondly, I dislike how the entire second and third act is an incredibly thinly vailed message about the environment, that not only reads as shallow and without anything new to add, but also as preachy and condescending. The vast bulk of the latter stages of the film just boil down to a lecture on how we are killing the planet, as though this is something the average moviegoer can change, it isn’t by the way that’s a job for world leaders but hey.

Overall, gutless and poor.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

There are a few endearing characters

Cons.

Disney is too afraid to have its same sex characters kiss

The environmental message is irritating and blatant

It has pacing issues

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Slumberland: Hanging Out With A Pet Pig

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After losing her dad, played by Kyle Chandler, Nemo, played by Marko Barkley, ventures into a world of dreams and nightmares in order to see him one last time.

I think the strengths of this film lie on the shoulders of Jason Mamoa and Chris O’Dowd, Mamoa for his effortlessly charming nature and surprisingly endearing turn and O’Dowd for just how much human realness he brings to his role as a guy suddenly forced into being a father. Of the two I would probably give it to O’Dowd as I think a few of his scenes where he is opening up emotionally with Nemo are quite powerful, as is the ending when he is racing to save her.

In terms of wider fantasy, the film has a few interesting set pieces but is mostly by the numbers. There is nothing that you won’t have seen done before especially if you are a fan of the genre. However, I did appreciate the gothic sense of style this film has which is almost certainly a by product of its source material, there is something very ancient and other worldly about this film, especially as it rarely features smart phones.

Overall, a surprisingly good Netflix film with some strong performances

O’Dowd

Mamoa

The heart

The gothic sensibilities

Cons.

It is nothing new

The CGI is a little patchy in places

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Disenchanted: It Is So Much Fun Being Badder

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Giselle, played by Amy Adams, makes her long awaited return.

I thought this film lacked a lot of the same heart the first film had, that is not to say this film is soulless but rather it feels more cynical than the first did. Obviously this film was made to tap into the nostalgia market, because legacy sequels are all the rage right now, and for the most part in that regard it just left me cold. It couldn’t evoke a lot of the same emotions as the first film and often I found it to be nothing more than just fine.

Adams is still trying and that is nice to see, other actors might have just phoned it in and spent Disney’s check. Her and James Marsden, for the few minutes he features, are the two stand outs of the cast for me. I liked that this time around they let Adam’s Giselle explore her evil side, and become a wicked step-mother I think it gave a greater sense of genre parody and also gave Adams more to do acting wise.

Overall, watchable and slightly above average for Disney + fare, but nothing great.

Pros.

It is watchable

Watching Giselle break bad

Adams

Cons.

Pacing issues

It never justifies its existence

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Hocus Pocus 2: This Time With More Alexas

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Sanderson Sisters return again.

I found this film to be mostly charming, I liked the updated humour and thought that the Sisters interacting with modern technology was a lot of fun. The film definitely benefits a lot from making the Sisters front and centre for this new instalment as it gives them a lot of time to shine. This is doubly good as the new lead of the film Becca, played by Whitney Peak, is incredibly dull and forgettable and the originals are needed to step in and save the film from her.

I think the stand out stars of this film were Sarah Jessica Parker’s Sarah, Sam Richardson’s Gilbert and Doug Jones’ Billy. Sarah Jessica Parker brings such a warmth and child like sense of wonder to her role that really helps to separate her character from the other Sanderson Sisters and makes it hard to root against her. Richardson is always very easy to warm to and that is no less true here, he has great chemistry with Jones and the two should get their own spin-off. The return of Billy could have felt in many ways just a nostalgia grab, but Doug Jones really does add a sense of agency to Billy and gives him an arc that adds weight to his return which really does work well.

My main issue with the film is the ending wherein the Sisters are basically redeemed and then killed off, seemingly setting the stage for Becca and her pals to become the new witches going forward. Now this sucks on multiple levels, firstly they shouldn’t have been redeemed the enjoyable thing about these characters was in how cartoonishly evil they were at times, secondly the seeming replacement characters are dull and have no soul or personality, and finally these films are about the Sanderson Sisters so to get rid of them from the franchise would be hugely folly.

Overall, still a good time but the ending spoils it to an extent.

Pros.

The humour

Jessica Parker, Richardson and Jones

It does justify its existence

Cons.

The ending

The new trio of leads are just awful

Lyle Lyle Crocodile: A Surprising Delight

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A singing crocodile, voiced by Shawn Mendes, enters a families’ life and changes it forever.

Is this the greatest film ever? No. Will this be the film that gets you into the music of Shawn Mendes? Probably not, but maybe.

Though this film will never set the world on fire I think it was a lot better than it had any right being. The best thing about it is certainly the energy and the heart that the film has, this film is a fun ride that is undeniable and during that ride it will make you feel things, you’ll laugh and you’ll cry and by Jove you might even end up liking the songs of Shawn Mendes. Before watching this I had never heard a Shawn Mendes song but now after watching it I can safely say I might listen to his music now, I feel like the film was a good taster for it.

I think the performances across the board were good, especially Javier Bardem and Constance Wu, both gave off real warmth and had us care about their characters. In the case of Wu this film really reminded me of the charm and charisma she had on the early seasons of Fresh Off The Boat I hope she keeps making films where she gets to have fun and show off that side of herself.

There are some rather obvious issues with the film such as weird CGI for the crocodile and incredibly blatant product placement, but to me I thought both of these added to the so bad it is good appeal of the film. Certainly it is more of a goofy watch then a serious film that you have to sit down and experience, it reminded me in many ways of the recent Sonic movies.

Overall, a lot of fun was had.

Pros.

It is a fun ride

It is very well paced

It makes you laugh and cry

Lyle is incredibly likeable and cute

Cons.

It is nothing new, but in a sense it doesn’t need to be

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The Curse Of Bridge Hallow: Marlon Wayans The Family Film Star

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family moving into the suburbs are surprised to find that Halloween decorations are coming to life all over town.

Marlon Wayans in a family comedy? The phrase seems wrong doesn’t it, when I think of Marlon Wayans I think of his plethora of adult focused parody films or perhaps some of his surprising dramatic turns, but never once do I think of him as being a family film star. That said I actually liked him in this and thought that he was the best part of the film, without him this film would have been a lot worse that’s for sure.

I think the premise of the film feels very familiar and nothing new is added to it here, for the most part everything is incredibly predictable and you know where it is heading. Obviously as this is a family film the scares are fairly light on the ground, but Wayans does bring one or two laughs to make up for it.

The wider cast outside of Wayans might as well not even be there because none of them even register. For the most part they are a collection of phoned in performances and cliches lacking anything even remotely resembling character or personality, this is why Wayans and his character anchor this film so well as they at least bring some charm to proceedings.

Overall, a fairly average film made slightly better by Marlon Wayans.

Pros.

Wayans

A few funny moments

It is watchable

Cons.

It is very familiar and predictable

Most of the cast here aren’t very good

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Hocus Pocus: Is It The Season Of The Witch

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A trio of witches are resurrected in the modern day by a group of kids.

For a long time I had heard what a Halloween season classic this film was, but had personally never seen it. Now after having watched it I can see the appeal, but I wouldn’t call it a classic.

In my mind this has a very American, very Disney feel to it everything is very comfortably middle class everyone is very white and there is no real peril throughout. Now am I saying that is inherently a bad thing? Not necessarily as sometimes that is the sort of film you want, I enjoyed the whimsy of the film and thought the horror elements were there enough to keep me engaged.

The kids were all fairly bland as they often are in these sort of films, they have very basic issues like relationships and having just moved to town but that isn’t really enough to get you to care about them. The witches played by Sarah Jessica Parker, Bette Midler, and Kathy Najimy far much better and are far more defined, your feeling towards these characters will determine whether you like this movie or not. Personally, I liked all of them and thought they all had their own moments to shine, I would have liked a little more backstory on their part and further character development but it’s a family film so that is unlikely.

Overall, a lot of fun but nothing particularly astonishing.

Pros.

It is fun

The witches are all entertaining

It has a low-fi charm

It has a number of good jokes

Cons.

The witches could be better developed

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The Munsters: Use My Body To Keep You Alive

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Rob Zombie brings back The Munsters.

I saw a few episodes of the original series when I was a kid, but outside of that I have come to this project with very little familiarity with the IP. Mainly I came because I am a big fan of the films of Rob Zombie, also I wanted to see how his first foray into the world of family filmmaking went. In all honesty this film is a mixed bag, and if you aren’t a fan of Zombie’s style then you will almost certainly not like it.

I think that Zombie’s sensibilities work better outside of the family genre, I think now after watching this that Zombie needs the gore and the mania as compliments to his work. That is not to say that this is entirely without charm, to the contrary I found myself quite enjoying some of the more out there nods and jokes here and Sheri Moon Zombie is as delightful as always. However, on the whole I would say the film’s comedy left me freezing cold.

I do question who this was for, was it for the original fans? New ones? Who? I don’t think the film at all justifies its existence, even though it has many opportunities to in as the film is seemingly on for eons- maybe it just felt that way.

A saving grace of this film was the score, it gave me something to latch onto.

Overall, the only reason this film gets a slightly better than average score from me is because I am a Zombie fan and really appreciate his signature style, most other people would rate in lower.

Pros.

Zombie’s direction flair

The zaniness of it

The score

Cons.

It is too long and doesn’t justify its existence

The comedy doesn’t work, and the family friendly feel holds the film back

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Pinocchio: Chapek Is Spitting On The Disney Vault

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Yet another unwanted live-action remake of a classic Disney movie.

As soon as this was announced I knew it was going to be bad, but boy howdy did I not realise just how bad it was going to be. Disney has been churning out these soulless remake for a while now and for some reason people are still watching them, maybe it is part of a masochistic new TikTok trend.

I think the worst thing about this film is that its CGI looks straight up horrible, it looks like something from several decades ago and is frequently distracting. I understand that Disney and their various studios are having a hard time with VFX talent, but come on these effects are nowhere near finished and it shows. This is probably why they dumped this on streaming because they know it wouldn’t fly in cinemas.

Moreover, this film reflects the continued downswing of Tom Hank’s career with his performance here being almost as bad as his one in Elvis earlier this year. It is not just Hanks as no one seems to be turning up for this film and it really shows, the cast just don’t care.

I won’t bother saying how this film never does anything to justify its existence as I find that to be self-explanatory.

Overall, if it is a Disney live action remake it is best avoided.

Pros.

It makes you appreciate the original film

Cons.

It has some of the worst effects of the year

The performances are awful

It feels rushed and unready for release

The pacing is noticeably bad in many parts of the film

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Luck: Mindless Slop That Isn’t Worth Your Kids Time

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Unlucky Sam, voiced by Eva Nobelzada, discovers the world of luck.

I have written before about the fact that often animated films aimed at families and children don’t feel the need to try to be good or to match the standards that people would expect from films with the idea that children will eat up any old slop, and this really does embody that idea.

In many ways this film feels dead behind the eyes and truly soulless, there is nothing of meaningful substance here, instead it just went through the motions and churned out tired fantasy tropes that we have seen again and again. They also force in some songs for who knows what reason, probably because a focus group recommended it, and in these song and dance numbers we get another good luck at again studio executives trying to pander to the youth of today in the most cringe way.

I think the vocal performances across the board were nearly consistently terrible, with Nobezada sound bored and asleep at the wheel with the line delivery of low battery robot and Simon Pegg doing his best Mike Myers as Shrek impression. I am a huge fan of Pegg as an actor but I question why he was cast here, he really doesn’t bring much to the film and someone possessing a real Scottish accent who is also a talented voice actor say someone like James McAvoy could have done a much better job of it.

Overall, don’t subject your kids to this, they won’t look at you the same way afterwards.

Pros.

It is pretty bad but it is not unwatchable or offensive

Cons.

Nobelzada

Pegg

The story is stupid and contrived

The songs

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