Gnomeo & Juliet: The Cracks Are Showing

Gnomeo and Juliet is an animated family film directed by Kelly Asbury. The plot is basically a retelling of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, but with garden gnomes and a huge amount of dated references.

You know a film is going to be good when it opens by slagging off Shakespeare. This is one of the most mind-numbing films I have ever seen; it is so dumb I can’t see how anyone would be entertained by this.

It is not funny or charming in any way, at least bad kids’ movies like Peter Rabbit have a so bad it’s good factor to them, this one is just aggressively average. Not a single one of the actors seems to be trying. I don’t blame them for just taking the cheque on this one though to be fair, but it will hardly be the highlight of their resumé.

Another thing that I found off-putting was how often the film tried to ram the music of Elton John down your throat. Yes, I like Elton John, Yes he has good songs, do I want to hear them bastardised and put on repeat? No, no I don’t. What makes this more egregious is that it forces in songs when they don’t even need them just for the hell of it, almost as though they’re trying to torture the audience.

Overall, this is incredibly low effort and it shows. There are plenty of animated family films that standout for their storytelling or for their animation or their message, but this just seems corporate, cynical and cheap. Don’t waste your time.

Pros.

One good unintentional laugh

Cons

It is so dumb

It’s lazy

None of the actors are trying

It is boring

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Smallfoot: Bring Back Channing Tatum!

Smallfoot is an animated family fantasy film directed by Karey Kirkpatrick and Jason Reisig. The plot follows Migo (Channing Tatum), a young yeti who dares to think differently. Migo believes that creatures called Smallfoots (Humans), exist, a view that gets him banished from his village. So, he sets out into our world to capture and bring back a live Smallfoot to prove himself right.

This film is made good by the never-ending charm of Channing Tatum. Tatum hasn’t been in anything for a while, so I had forgotten what a fabulous on-screen presence he has. I kid you not, if a lesser actor has the role in his stead then the film would never have been able to rise above average. This film owes a lot to Tatum.

What I really enjoyed about this film is its heart. The inter character relationships are particularly strong amongst the main cast, with the bond between Migo and Percy (James Corden), perhaps being the most heartfelt of all. This is furthered by the fact that Corden is playing a toned-down version of his usual ‘character’, which really helps the character to be likeable and not grating.

The one area where the film falls down is in it’s supporting cast. There are plenty of talented names amongst this films’ supporting cast, but most of them have little more than one or two lines and leave no impression on you at all. It is an insult to the craft to even call a lot of these minor characters and they’re so paper thin that they might as well be non-existent.

Overall, a happy family film that will leave you feeling good.

Pros.

Tatum

Character relationships

A toned down Corden

Feel good message

Cons.

The side characters aren’t even characters

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Rio: Feeling Blu?

Rio is an animated family film directed by Carlos Saldanha. The plot sees nervous Blue McCaw Blu (Jessie Eisenberg), go on a trip to Rio to save his species. One he is there; he is kidnapped by poachers and must fight to return to his owner as well as save the other birds.

This film worked for me in a lot of different ways, right from the beginning when we see Blu as a little baby bird I was on board; it was so cute. Couple this with the fact that two of my favourite actors provide their voices to this film (Eisenberg and Jeamaine Clement), it was always going to be a hit for me.

I think the story of his wild animal learning to be wild again was really well done and I think the role was cast perfectly with Jessie Eisenberg. He has the shy, timid, neurotic nerd who will rise to the occasion and save everyone vibe down to a tee and it was perfect for this role. His Blu was loveable and relatable despite being an animal. He also had a lot of on-screen chemistry with Anne Hathaway who voiced the other Blue McCaw Jules.

Clement was everything that I would want him to be in this. He was the villain and evil Cockatoo with a chip on his shoulder and evil in his heart. Clement was wonderfully hammy and milked the role for everything it was worth, my one complaint would be that he only got one song; said song was excellent though.

Overall, this is a sweet film that really appealed to the animal lover in me, the voice cast did a really great job and I ended up really liking it!

Pros

Blu himself

Eisenberg

Clement

Eisenberg and Hathaway have great on-screen chemistry

Cons.

It just needed a little bit more

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Hotel Transylvania 3: Dead And Loving It

Hotel Transylvania 3 is an animated fantasy family film directed by Genndy Tartakovsky. The plot sees Dracula (Adam Sandler), and family go on a summer cruise as a means to unwind and spend more time together as a family. Dracula himself is on a quest to find love after he realises how lonely he is, however, the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with turns out to be the great granddaughter of his worst enemy.

The Hotel Transylvania trilogy is one of ups and downs, the first film was strong and had a keen emotional arc that worked, the second abandoned this and instead decided to focus on cheap jokes and walking back the character development of the first film. The third film, however, is the best of the 3, it loses the ensemble of the previous films, they are still there just not focused on, and instead tells a very personal story focusing on Dracula coming to terms with moving on after his wife’s death 100 years ago.

The concise storytelling allows for us to really go on the journey with Dracula and connect with him. Much like the first film the emotional heart of this film is strong and powerful, it made me feel something. I also thought having Mavis (Selena Gomez), come to terms with her dad dating again, to get another perspective on the issue, was a touch of genius from a writing point of view as it brought it all together.

Overall, this film learns from the mistakes of the previous films and betters them in every way, creating a film with something meaningful to say that will hit you with the same emotional weight as a good Pixar film.

Pros

The focus on Dracula

The strong emotional connection/ message

Mavis and how they use here

Moving the character development to interesting and new places

Cons.

I wish we got more of Dracula and Jonathan, Samberg and Sandler have great on-screen chemistry

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Maleficent: Jolie Past Her Prime?

Maleficent is a fantasy family film directed by Robert Stormberg. The plot serves as a retelling of the classic tale of Sleeping Beauty, this time for the evil witch’s point of view. This time around we see that said witch Maleficent (Angelina Jolie), was actually the victim of human aggression on the part of the evil King Stefan (Sharlto Copley).

This film is to me the perfect example of the phrase style over substance. We get a lot of cool looking fantasy creatures, but do they do anything meaningful? Do you care about them? No to both. Even Maleficent herself is hard to warm to, this whole film feels very clean, like it was made by a group of marketing personnel, there is no heart or soul and if you watch it you will see what I mean.

Copley is one of my favourite actors and given the right director and the right script he can work wonder, but he is wasted here. We are supposed to believe that a poor orphan boy grew up to become king of a small country, I don’t think so. Not only that, but the film builds up the relationship between him and Jolie’s character, only to be like no he was evil the whole time. You’re left feeling like you have had your time wasted.

Jolie is not much better served. They try to make her character warm and sympathetic; they fail at both. They try and create a motherly bond between her, and Sleeping Beauty here called Aurora (Elle Fanning), which one again comes off as disingenuous and hard to believe. Which might say something about Jolie’s acting ability these days.

The only character who seems to be having fun and possess any kind of whimsey is Fanning’s Aurora, she is definitely the saving grace of the film.

Overall, this film feels too marketed tested and corporate, it has no soul.

Pros.

Elle Fanning

The world building

Cons.

They waste a talented cast.

The CGI creatures do nothing.

It feels boring and forced.

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Princess Diaries: The Disney Formula

The Princess Diaries is a comedy family film directed by Garry Marshal. The plot sees Mia (Anne Hathaway), find out that she is the next in line for a fancy foreign throne, but will she accept the mantle of Princess and future Queen?

This is your stereotypical Disney film, every girl become a Princess standard wish fulfilment. Nothing new there. However, despite the lack of originality I found the predictability of this film some what comforting, the film as a whole defines the term ‘comfort viewing’, there is nothing challenging to it, it is just warm turn your brain off fun.

Hathaway does a commendable job in the role; she is very easy to root for and her transformation feels earned; even if the ending feels overly sentimental and a bit forced. For those people who make insane internet conspiracy videos about how celebrities are vampires, you will find something to write about here as Hathaway looks very similar to how she looks now in the current year of 2020; it’s a bit trippy.

I enjoyed the relationship Mia has with her Grandmother Clarisse (Julie Andrews), the current Queen, I thought by the end of the film it felt quite genuine. Andrews character is definitely one that grows on you overtime, as I found myself liking her more and more as the film went on.

Overall, this is your standard Disney fare, you know what you’re getting if predictability and a lack of surprises sounds like comfort and safety to you right now then this is the film for you.

Pros.

Anne Hathaway

Julie Andrews

Safety in predictability.

Disney charm.

Cons.

It is predictable as hell.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Artemis Fowl: Judi Dench As A Fairy Commando

Artemis Fowl is a family fantasy adventure film directed by Kenneth Branagh; based on a series of YA novels. The plot follows young Artemis Fowl (Ferdia Shaw), as he must recover a priceless object, that is the very key to life for the Fairy world, so that he can save his father Artemis Fowl Sr (Colin Farrell).

So going into this film I had heard a lot of bad things, I had heard some people say that this was the worst film of the year so far. However, I have to say I enjoyed this film a lot, more and more as it went on. What you’re about to read might be the only positive review of Artemis Fowl out there.

Firstly yes, I admit none of it makes sense and it is incredibly dumb, but if you can turn your mind off you will find it is some of the best, escapist fun this year. The dialogue is corny and hammy, but it only adds to its charm. Basically it boils down to this, if you want to see Judi Dench dressed as a Fairy commando saying, “top of the morning to ya”, then you will enjoy this film, if that sounds bad then this is not the film for you. For me it was one of the best moments of the film.

I adored the style of this film, it reminded me of something like Percy Jackson or the Vampires Apprentice it perfectly captured that fantasy coming of age angle and I for one would love to see more from this universe.

Overall, this is the most fun I have had with a movie in a long time, if dumb, strange, stylish, manic fun sounds like something you would enjoy then definitely check this out!

Pros.

Judi Dench

Colin Farrell

The dumb fun

The style

It is hilarious, maybe not in an intentional way

Cons.

None

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Hotel Transylvania 2: A Little Bit More Dead

Hotel Transylvania 2 is an animated comedy fantasy film directed by Genndy Tartakovsky. The plot follows on from the events of the last film and sees Dracula’s (Adam Sandler) daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez), marry Jonathan (Andy Samberg) and have a baby. This is great news for Dracula, and he couldn’t be more excited, but as the baby is born he has to come to terms with the possibility that it might be human, and that Mavis and her child might move away.

I think this film is a step down from the first. Both in terms of emotional beats and also in terms of nuance. The first film really made Dracula a sympathetic character and his arc of coming to love Johnathan in his own way was really well done, however, in this film we have that same arc repeated just replacing Johnathan with Mavis’ baby. Moreover, this film back both Johnathan and Dracula act like dicks and it ruins any likability they had from the first film; I would assume this is easy plotting, but it cancelled out any kinship I felt with them.

Furthermore, the relations between humans and monsters in the first film had nuance, the way Dracula came to terms with humanity changing to love monsters was well done. Here the monster human divide is handled as incredibly in your face, poorly disguised social commentary that has all the subtly of a brick on fire breaking a window. I assume they must have taken on new writers for the second film. If so fire them, if it is the same people, have them reflect why they did this.

Overall, while the film is still good and fun in many ways, it feels like a step back. The character arcs don’t progress but regress in the worst way, the writing in this second film really is sub-par and it brings down the film overall as a result.

Pros.

More of the same

The humour is better

Some good emotional moments

Cons.

A lot of ham-fisted emotional moments

The characters regress

The social commentary is a bit too in your face for my tastes

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Rugrats Movie: Back In The 90’s

The Rugrats Movie is an animated adventure comedy film directed by Igor Kovalyov and Norton Virgein. The movie carries on the plot of the TV show and shows the introduction of new character Baby Dill. The plot details Tommy’s (Elizabeth Daily), struggle to adapt to having a new brother and no longer getting all of his parents’ attention, this struggle ends up with the kids in the woods depending on each other to survive.

I grew up watching the Rugrats cartoons on video, and I have seen all the movies countless times before. However, as a rewatched this recently it was almost as though I was seeing it for the first time. There are quite a lot of deep emotions on show in this film a lot of thoughtful topics being broached, that as a kid I would not have picked up on but watching it now I appreciate.

I enjoyed what this film had to say about having siblings and about familial bonds, whether it reflects your life or not, I think there is at least a small amount of relatability that we can all take away from it. I was genuinely surprised about how insightful this film was at times, it gives you far more to think about that your standard kids film.

Overall, I thought this was a fun film that reminded me why I liked the cartoon, I also enjoyed the fact that it wasn’t always an easy watch and that as an adult there was a whole other subtext to it that put everything in an entirely new perspective, there is certainly a hidden depth to it.

Pros.

The brother’s relationship

Capturing what I loved about the cartoon.

Funny jokes.

Surprisingly insightful.

Cons.

The supporting characters really didn’t have much to do.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Space Jam: Who Said Product Placement

Space Jam is a basketball themed live action CGI film directed by Joe Pytka. The plot sees acclaimed basketball player Michael Jordan be drafted into a match alongside characters from the Looney Tunes cartoons. Together they must defeat evil mutant aliens that have stolen the talent of some of the NBA’s best players.

I have not watched this film since I was a kid, watching it again now I have to say it is the embodiment of the hectic crazy 90’s spirit. None of it makes any sense and everything is either a mad dash for product placement or badly put together CGI. However, that is the charm.

The CGI is terrible, it is clear that Michael Jordan is not really there and a lot of the time there is a slight delay in between a Looney Tunes character saying something and Jordan’s reply, because he clearly isn’t in the same room as the voice actors and it has been badly put together. However, I won’t be too harsh on it because though it took me out of it, it was good for the time period.

I think in terms of Looney Tunes film I preferred Back In Action, as that had more of the manic energy of the cartoon and this seems to focus more on the basketball at the expense of said energy, other than a few moments that remind you these cartoon characters could be anyone.

Overall, this is a testament to the craziness of the early 90’s and its weirdness only adds to its charm, but as a Looney Tunes film it doesn’t live up to the cartoon.

Pros.

It’s a great basketball film.

Bill Murray.

The craziness of it all.

Cons.

It is not a good Looney Tunes film.

Most of the characters feel quite empty.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke