Crash Pad: The Most Toxic Male Character In A Film Possibly Ever

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A hapless romantic who finds out the woman he has been seeing is married is surprised when her angry alpha male husband moves in with him.

Though I love Thomas Haden Church his character in this is one of the most toxic characters ever put to film, though I suppose that is the point. Yes, some of the lines that Church’s character comes out with are utterly repellent over the course of the film, but from a narrative perspective this is needed to show how much our sweet and sensitive protagonist has changed him and vice versa.

Speaking of this is Domhnall Glesson’s film. Gleeson plays Stensland a romantic who spends his days watching Dawson’s Creek and his nights dreaming about finding the one. I found this film really managed to tap into the very specific comedic talents of Gleeson and capitalise on them near perfectly: the only time I have seen it done better is in Frank with Michael Fassbender.

The comedy in the film is fairly hit and miss. It made me laugh a few times, but it certainly wasn’t a laugh a minute. I would say more hits than misses for sure. Gleeson and Church have a strong back and forth and by the end of the film their friendship feels very genuine and believable.

I thought one of the big negatives of this film was relegating the phenomenally talented Christina Applegate to a weak supporting part. Applegate plays Church’s characters wife Morgan and is used as nothing more than a romantic interest. The film deeply underserves both the character and the actor.

Overall, Domhnall Gleeson shines through a troubled film.

Pros.

Gleeson

Church

It has a nice message in the end

Cons.

Some of the lines are incredibly off putting

Applegate is deeply underwritten, and the character is not allowed to be more than a romantic interest

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My Super Ex Girlfriend: Deeply Sexist Hollywood

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Unassuming office worker Matt Saunders, Luke Wilson, begins a relationship with Jennifer Johnson, Uma Thurman, who would later turn out to be a superhero. All seems to be going well at first and then the two suffer a bad breakup.

This film hates women. Maybe that is a touch hyperbolic but there is more than enough proof to demonstrate this film’s negative opinion of women. Firstly, the lead is crazy and becomes aggressive and manic when she feels jealous of another women, which feels sexist to its core. It furthers the idea of the hysterical woman who is controlled by her emotions and who needs a man to keep her in check.

Moreover, there is a plethora of sexist jokes coming in from the supporting cast with Rainn Wilson’s Vaughn, being perhaps one of the sleaziest side characters ever and worst of all we are still supposed to like him despite the fact he only views women as sexual objects to use for this own pleasure.

Uma Thurman and Luke Wilson are fun to watch on screen and do have the odd funny line or smile inducing moment hence this film not getting lower, but that does not make up for the fact that this film is sexist in nearly every possible way, deeply and utterly.

Overall, proof of how bad the studio comedy can be when it is not worried of being called out online.

Pros.

Thurman

Wilson

Cons.

It is sexist

It pushes harmful stereotypes

The side characters are toxic as hell

The film’s jokes mostly don’t work

It is offensive

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Ride The Eagle: The Best Film Of The Year That You Have Not Seen

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man must complete his deceased mother’s to do list in order to receive her cabin as his inheritance.

There is so much depth, heart and soul to this film- it is beautiful. This film made me cry and I would wager it would do the same for you, as it strikes the feels harder than ever the saddest of Pixar films. However, that is not to say this film is sad, far from it. If anything this film is a joyful embrace of life, living in the moment and chances taken.

The performances across the board are terrific. Jake Johnson excels in these intimate character driven indie comedies and he really brings a rawness to his performance here that makes it instantly memorable. J. K Simmons is also strong here though he only has a very minor role, whilst he is on screen he does steal the scenes and has a few good lines. The same can be said for D’Arcy Carden, who has a really strong chemistry with Johnson, so much so that I would like to see the two star in more things together.

The ending is both heart-breaking and also smile inducing and is almost certainly going to make you feel something. A big part of this is the wonderful performance by Susan Sarandon who plays the deceased mother through a series of VHS tapes she has left behind for her son to watch, Sarandon’s acting is powerful, and I challenge you not to cry in the film’s final ten minutes.

Overall, an indie gem that you need to see.

Pros.

Johnson

Carden

Sarandon

Simmons

The ending

Cons.

It won’t be to everyone’s taste

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Here Today: Don’t Eat The Lobster

2 /5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A faded comic with early stages of dementia struggles to come to terms with the changes in his life, until he meets a young woman who becomes a powerful friend and companion.

This film will either work for you or not based on how much you like the comedy shtick of Tiffany Haddish. Haddish is quickly becoming a Jack Black type, meaning that she plays the same character in everything. She arguably can’t act and continues on by reusing and regurgitating the same jokes and mannerisms. To go back to my previous comparison, the same can be said of Jack Black though the difference is that he is likeable.

Honestly, though I like Billy Crystal both his and Haddish’s roles could have been played by almost anyone else and it would have provided the same, if not better, results. Neither of the actors truly made the part their own or did anything to impress me.

Furthermore, the storyline seemed very familiar. There have been quite a lot of films about dementia, and other memory conditions, released over the last few years and they are all starting to get quite similar. Case in point there were scenes in this film that I am now struggling to remember whether I saw in this film or one of the others, they are all just so similar.

Overall, with different leads and a more original story this film could have been something, but as it stands it is disappointing on multiple fronts.

Pros.

One or two funny moments

The pacing is fairly okay

Cons.

Neither of the leads are particularly good

Haddish is annoying

The story is overly familiar

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Twins: Two Brothers Who Are Perhaps Too Close

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito are twins made in a lab experiment who find each other after years apart.

I understand this film is considered by some to be a classic, but personally I struggle to see it as anything above average.

Yes, Schwarzenegger and DeVito have strong chemistry together on screen and a rather impressive back and forth but that only goes so far. I didn’t find either to be hugely funny, and for the most part the jokes of the film left me cold.

Moreover, there were a number of lines that were troublesome for a plethora of reasons, and yes though some will say ‘oh it was made in a different time’ that is still no excuse. Whilst the icky jokes and comments didn’t put me off the film they were enough to be jarring and to take me out of it.

I would say I preferred DeVito’s character to Schwarzenegger’s as he had numerous funny lines and was written as a more interesting character with layers, as opposed to Schwarzenegger’s who was very one note.

Another issue I had with the film was the wider story. Beyond the twins meeting and then setting out on an adventure together the rest of the story here is a mess. It is one of the most overly convoluted plots I have seen in a while, with twists and a needlessly large amount of side characters stuffed in to try and make the film as confusing as possible.

Overall, though watchable and at times even moderately entertaining there is no way this is a classic.

Pros.

DeVito

A few funny lines

DeVito and Schwarzenegger’s chemistry together

Cons.

It is convoluted

There are too many side characters

Some of the lines are icky

The jokes mostly don’t work

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The House Next Door, Meet The Blacks Two: From Surviving The Purge To Fighting Vampires

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After surviving the events of terror night, the Blacks are now beset by vampires next door.

Very rarely is a sequel better than the film that proceeded it, even less so in horror. However, this film is a noticeable improvement over the first.

The first film was very reliant on cliches, racial stereotypes, and trendy internet buzz words. This film, however, actually manages to be funny and to be a worthwhile contribution to the horror comedy genre.

A big part of that is the fact that this time around Karl Black, Mike Epps, is actually likeable. This film makes the character far more sympathetic, so much so that you root for him and want to see him defeat the vampire that is living next door.

Katt Williams as Doctor Mamuwalde, the vampire, is easily the best thing about this film. Williams is a scene stealer and makes for a terrific villain. I would like to see him return in some capacity again if they make a third film as he really adds something to proceedings.

However, the main reason this film is better than the first is because it is funnier. Yes, this film made me laugh several times throughout and it made me smile more than that. Though humour may be subjective I think it is very unlikely someone would find the first film funnier than this one.

Overall, a successful sequel that is much more fun to watch than its predecessor.

Pros.

Williams

The characters are far more likeable

The ending and set up for further mystical adventures

Cons.

Other than Karl the rest of the family are side-lined

Still quite cliched and lazy at times

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Fifty Shades Of Black: Marlon Wayans Needs To Retire

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A parody of Fifty Shades Of Gray.

This film is one of the worst I’ve seen in a while and shows just how far Marlon Wayans has fallen.

Firstly not only is it not funny all of the jokes are the same and are equally painful. The film reads like it was written by a teenager and relies on gross out humour and weak physical comedy to try and get a cheap laugh out of the audience, but even still it fails.

Secondly, this film has a storyline, or should I say a whole character whose soul purpose is to date rape his friend. Yes, that’s right the female leads best friend spends the whole film trying to force her into sex in some fashion. Sick and wrong, and worst of all the film thinks this is funny. Someone wants to have a look into the private goings on of the people who made this film if they think sexual assault is funny.

Thirdly, and this is something the film can be proud of, the film is so bad it makes the Fifty Shades movies better. I never thought I would end up saying that about a film but sadly it applies here, it is just so awful that even those films look better by comparison.

Overall, not only is this film trash those who made it should be made to apologies.

Pros.

It makes Fifty Shades, and its sequels look like fine cinema

Cons

It makes a joke out of sexual assault

It is boring

It tries too hard to be edgy

It is not funny

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Werewolves Within: A Property Deal Gone Bad

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of people in a small town get trapped during a werewolf attack.

Once this film gets going, which admittedly takes a while, and the werewolf begins to actually play a large role in the story this film really takes off- sadly that is about ten minutes from the end.

It has been a while since we had a truly good werewolf film, maybe WolfCop was the last good one but even that was a while ago now. As such I had a lot riding on this in terms of excitement and it struggled to deliver. The final ten minutes of werewolf goodness almost make all of the boring build up worth it.

Therein lies the problem with this film and why it can get no higher, it spends a long time introducing you to basically pointless characters who become werewolf chow and tries to make you care about these characters and the mystery of who is the werewolf. In both of these aims the film fails. I only cared about Finn, Sam Richardson, and Cecily, Milana Vayntrub, the rest of the characters just faded to the background. This film wastes too much time getting to the moments you actually want to see.

The final fight is fun to watch and is certainly a highpoint for the film.

Finally, this is a comedy horror film, but really it is neither. It is not scary nor is it funny. So I ask you what is it?

Overall, a let down that only has a very brief sequence of werewolf goodness

Pros.

Richardson

Vayntrub

The werewolf fight at the end

Cons.

It is not funny

It is not scary

It spends too long with pointless side characters

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iCarly: i’M Cursed

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Carly has trouble celebrating her birthday as she believes she is cursed with yearly bad luck.

These last two episodes of iCarly have been the best of the series so far, they have been less interested in trying to lampoon online culture and have instead focused on our characters as people having fun together. It turns out when they are not trying to force an outdated meme reference into every episode, the series works a lot better.

Moreover, Miranda Cosgrove is finally starting to get back into the groove with the character managing to hit the sweet spot between being likeable and being self-involved. You actually root for the character here and want to see her have a nice birthday, this episode does a lot to make her sympathetic.

Though I enjoyed the main Carly storyline, I thought the Harper and Freddie side stories were on the weaker side and could have definitely done with being further developed because as they stand they seem incredibly throw away. Freddie reverts back to a partying student as he worries that he has wasted his twenties being too serious and mature and Harper can’t talk to someone she admires, both of these sub-plots feel simply written to give these characters something to do as the show clearly doesn’t know what to do with them.

Overall, a good, fun episode of iCarly with some story issues but nothing too bad.

Pros.

Carly’s curse

Miranda Cosgrove

Moving away from referencing/mocking memes

A few funny moments

Cons.

The side stories feel throw away

The episode is badly paced

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The Polka King: Netflix Needs To Try Harder

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Based on a true story. Jan Lewan, played by Jack Black, is the self-styled King of Polka, however when the bills start to pile up he turns to committing wide scale fraud in order to maintain his reputation and keep his family comfortable.

I can’t help but compare this to Bernie the Richard Linklater directed true crime film wherein Jack Black played another oddly eccentric criminal. However where that film had exciting stakes this film just seems to keep the same pace never really ramping up to anything, and then he gets caught. It is underwhelming.

Moreover, Black’s performance is okay, but he has certainly been better. Usually, I would deem it heresy to say anything bad about the singing ability of Black, but here he is particularly not good. I don’t know if it is the repetitive nature of the songs themselves, but whenever it cut to one of his concerts I actively felt off put and couldn’t wait for it to be over.

By far the best thing about this film is Jason Schwartzman, who excels in offbeat comedy films dark and otherwise. Schwartzman made this film for me, and whenever he was on-screen it was a delight. Honestly the film needed more of him, Black was doing all he could to keep the film together, but it wasn’t enough: they should have given Schwartzman more to do.

Overall, a very middling film that is not a great showing for anyone other than Jason Schwartzman who can’t be brought down by the films mediocrity

Pros.

Schwartzman

Black is trying

It is has promise

Cons.

It lacks stakes the crimes all feel very much on the same level

Black singing polka music is off putting

It is painfully slow

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