The Last Train To Christmas: Ruining An Interview By Urinating On The Tape Recorder

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Tony Towers, played by Michael Sheen, is a club owner on the verge of bankruptcy, however when he enters a train that allows him to travel to other decades of his life he tries to change things in order to be a success, however, as he does this he realises what really matters to him.

This was a powerful film; I know the above summary might make the plot sound a bit generic but trust me it really isn’t. As Tony begins to learn that his success comes at the cost of his brother’s, played by Cary Elwes, physical and mental health and then tries to save him it hits you like a ton of bricks. The bond between these two characters is incredibly strong and Sheen and Elwes play off each other really well over the course of the film.

I found the morality of the film and the impact of Tony’s choices to be fascinating and not go in a way that I was expecting. I thought the ending of the film felt incredibly well done and earned, the one thing that bothered me about it though was that the two didn’t talk, I felt like this was needed for us to know that Sheen’s Tony had been truly successful.

Overall, potentially a new Christmas classic.

Pros.

Elwes

Sheen

The emotion

The morality

Cons.

The ending

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C’mon C’mon: Joaquin Phoenix Proving Why He Got An Oscar

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Johnny, played by Joaquin Phoenix, must look after his young nephew Jessie, played by Woodie Norman.

For the most part I thought this was a beautiful film about lonely souls finding each other and bonding. I thought Phoenix was at his most paternal here and his relationship with Norman’s Jessie felt very organic, powerful and real. A number of times the scenes between the two as well as some of the scenes where Phoenix’s character is talking into his radio equipment about Jessie were so sweet and wholesome that they almost brought me to tears.

Now this film won’t be for everyone there will be some that view it as boring or as pretentious, especially because it chooses to be entirely in black and white, however I think the intimate focus and this colour choice help the film to stand out and give it personality.

The only thing I don’t like about this film is the long drawn out sequences where the children that Johnny interviews go on about their fears for the future. To me I thought these were dull and took away from a tight and compelling main story about the bond between boy and uncle.

Overall, Phoenix is an incredible talent.

Pros.

Phoenix

Norman

The emotion

The style

Cons.

Some of the sections drag on

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South Park The Return Of Covid: We All Wish We Could Escape This Bleak Future

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The residents of South Park try to travel back in time and stop the outbreak of the covid epidemic.

I enjoyed this special far more than I did the last, mainly because I thought the message of learning to live with the disease, saying enough is enough, and trying to regain a semblance of our old lives, where being locked down for several months a year isn’t the norm, is not only agreeable but should be encouraged. It is nice to see things like this as a counter weight to the scare-mongering.

I enjoyed the friendship of the boys being the central focus and thought that the future Cartman, voiced by Trey Parker, storyline was actually quite sweet and well done. I know some fans will not like the final fate of Cartman but I thought in some ways it was poetic to the character we knew all along, though this is by no means the end and probably a series of the show years from now will give him a whole different future.

This special I also found to be funnier than the last and it made me chuckle a good number of times during it. I am still quite apathetic to the topic of covid and hopefully this will be the last time the show mentions it as the jokes are starting to run dry.

Overall, better than the last and hopefully the last time we will see the series tackle covid.

Pros.

The message

The ending

The jokes

Cons.

The covid jokes have been done to death

It goes on for a bit too long

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Epic Movie: Willy Wonka In A Whole New Sinister Light

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The guys behind those Movie films reunite to make a spoof of the fantasy adventure genre.

This one is going to be controversial. For many a lot of the Movie films are some of the worst ever made, if you check out worst films of all time lists all across the internet you will see the likes of this film and others within the Movie family of films gracing many of the spots, however I actually liked this film. Yes I know.

Though not all the jokes land, some come across as overly sinister or mean spirited, I did laugh at quite a few of them. Moreover, I thought a lot of the songs were strong and they stayed with me for a long time after watching, they were catchy.

None of the cast are going to win awards but they are all doing their respective shticks fairly well. I thought Crispin Glover was a delight as a sadist and perverted Willy Wonka, his scenes stole the show for me.

Overall, certainly a film that will be an acquired taste comedically, but one that has some good moments which do enough to overshadow the bad.

Pros.

The songs

The jokes

Glover

Cons.

A few jokes are in poor taste or feel mean spirited

It goes on for far too long

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This Is The End: This One Aged Poorly

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of deeply privileged friends get together to hangout at the end of the world.

I remember enjoying this one a lot when I was younger, oh boy has it not aged well. Firstly and rather obviously there is the issue of James Franco who is allegedly a Hollywood creep, and then secondly there is such a feeling of smugness and privilege that it makes the film almost hard to watch at times.

Senses of humour change as you age certainly within the last eight years mine has. I didn’t really find myself laughing much at all here and quite often I found the jokes to just be annoying. Moreover, I found the everyman appeal the film was going for to be ruined by the fact that you realise these characters must all have large sums of money and could just buy their way out of the situation, it makes the whole scenario feel far-fetched.

The only sequence that I enjoyed was the Emma Watson scene, she makes it hilarious and I would like to see her do more comedy film she seems to have really great timing.

Overall, it was funny maybe five plus years ago but now it just feels like a group of entitled man childs complaining about being rich.

Pros.

Emma Watson

One or two laughs

Cons.

Mostly unfunny

It feels smug and entitled

A lot of the bits drag on for far too long

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Shallow Hal: Why Are Fox Making A Sequel To This?

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We get an incredibly obvious parable about not being a shallow dick. How is this a film?

In my review for The Holiday I said that I really like Jack Black and that he is good in nearly everything he is in with that being the exception, however, I forgot about this film. Black goes far too over the top here and much like with The Holiday this doesn’t feel tonally right. Moreover, despite trying his best Black’s character comes off as nothing but a dick for most of the film, and I understand that is the point as he is supposed to reform by the end of it, but that just leaves you with a somewhat bearable lead for about ten minutes at the end.

Moreover, it should go without saying that this film is painfully unfunny and despite claims that it is supposed to be body positive and that the lesson of the film makes up for all of its crude jokes this simply isn’t true. This film is about an hour and twenty minutes of fat jokes most of which also boarder on the misogynistic. These range from irritating to frankly insulting.

The fact fox is doing a sequel to this film in 2022 is baffling, no doubt it will be gender swapped for reasons but the terrible jokes will still be the same. Laughing at fat people for being fat isn’t funny it is demeaning and wrong; this is a lesson Melissa McCarthy could stand to learn also.

Overall, a nasty mean spirited comedy film not made up for by Black or by the message.

Pros.

Black is trying.

Cons.

Black is miscast and his performance doesn’t fit the film

The constant fat jokes

The pacing issues

Using a fat suit

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The Whole Ten Yards: Bruce Willis With Long Hair

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jimmy, played by Bruce Willis, Jill, played by Amanda Peet, Oz, played by Matthew Perry and Cynthia, played by Natasha Henstridge, must all come out of seeming retirement when a new threat with ties to their shared past immerges seeking revenge.

Really there is no reason for this film to exist. It does not match the original, though it tries to mimic it. This film does not seem to understand what made the first film entertaining, or maybe it does and can’t quite capture it again. All of the parts are seemingly there to recapture magic but it doesn’t work, it feels as though everyone is just here for the pay check.

The film is not terrible however and still manages to be watchable at times, I found Bruce Willis to again be quite funny though I thought his character was written as more of a one note caricature here which I thought was a disservice. Willis tries hard to keep this film together, that is a phrase I never thought I would be writing, but everyone else around him is just going through the motions.

Overall, this suffers from a common problem needless sequel syndrome, the first worked we didn’t need this.

Pros.

Willis

It is watchable

A few funny scenes

Cons.

The wider cast are wasted and feel just there to get paid

It doesn’t justify its own existence

It can’t recapture the original

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Christmas Eve: Never Get In A Lift Again

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A series of people get stuck in lifts, elevators for The American audience, and have reflective life experiences.

When one begins to dive into Christmas films they are met with one absolute truth, most of the genre is awful. For every Elf and Home Alone there are one million made for TV Christmas films which serve as nothing more than a resequencing of cliches and stale jokes. Though I can’t speak for whether this film was made for TV, as honestly I don’t know, I can say there is a clear reason why this film has a zero on Rotten Tomatoes.

All of the sentimentality in this film feels like it was constructed by a robot that is devoid of human emotion and that does not know how people interact, a lot of the character interactions in this film range from either comically evil and cold to downright predatory and creepy, it is not a likeable bunch yet the film still tries to force in sentiments to the contrary. Even in a Christmas film some people are still going to be trash.

This film trots out Patrick Stewart to try and prop it up, and try though he might, it just feels like he is playing a bargain bin version of his Scrooge character. Even he can’t save this film.

Overall, yet another bad Christmas film.

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The characters are creepy, cold and mostly awful

It has pacing issues

It can’t get the sentiment even remotely right

The ending

It wastes Stewart

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The Whole Nine Yards: Chandler When He Is Not With His Friends

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A hitman, played by Bruce Willis, moves in next door to a dentist, played by Matthew Perry, hijinks ensue.

I thought this film was a lot better than I thought it was going to be. The thing that makes this film is the back and forth buddy relationship between Willis and Perry’s characters, I think the two play off each other really well and this leads to a number of funny scenes.

The premise is nothing you haven’t seen before, shlub thrown into a dangerous situation but somehow comes out of it on top, however there is enough charm from everyone involved that you don’t mind how familiar it is. Willis particularly is on strong comedic form though I would probably say Amanda Peet is the standout here, her characters sheer optimism is infectious enough to get you to like the film.

I would say the downside of the film is that it wastes most of its side cast, even good characters like Peet’s are given enough time to be properly developed. The film wastes Michael Clarke Duncan, which is a crying shame, it could have done so much more with him as he was an incredibly talented actor.

Overall, it is on the better side of average.

Pros.

The comedy

The back and forth between Perry and Willis

The charm

Cons.

It wastes it’s supporting cast

It is predictable

It feels too familiar

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The Holiday: A Christmas Classic?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two women, played by Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz, swap houses and in the process find love.

It goes without saying that this film is incredibly predictable in nearly everyway and is so chocked full of cliches that it is rare to see something other than them in the film, however that is not to say the film is bad. Certainly not. There is more than enough charm here to make up for the film’s misgiving.

I would say Diaz, Winslet and Jude Law, who plays Diaz’s characters love interest, are all well cast and fill out the rom-com architypes fairly well. Each is charming and Diaz and Law have good chemistry together, however Winslet and her pairing with Jack Black fairs worse. I really like Black and have since a young age I think the man can do no wrong a lot of the time, although here proves an exception to that. Firstly, the man has no business being a romantic male lead, he doesn’t fit the sensibility for it and as such his performance is far too big, and secondly though Winslet is really trying there is no chemistry between the two and that seems to be mainly Black’s fault as his performance is fairly wooden and could be played by anyone.

Overall, this rom-com is predictable but charming and could have scored higher if it was not for an incredibly miscast Jack Black.

Pros

Law, Diaz and Winslet

The charm

The ending

Cons.

It is predictable and cliched

Black

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