The Railway Children: Back When Trains Weren’t Awful

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After their dad, played by Ian Cuthbertson, lands in prison a wealthy family must move up to a small Yorkshire town to start over.

I think this film is a British classic, there is just something so wholesome and sweet to the picture that it is hard not to like. It also feels fundamentally British in a way that is hard to describe, any British readers of this review who have seen this film will know what I mean.

A further thing I enjoyed about this film is how it has quite a gothic and unsettling undercurrent to it, so much so that it feels like at any minute the music could change and the film could become a ghost story. Perhaps this was unique to my viewing and other people will not read the film the same way, but I thought there was very much an off-kilter dream like quality to the film and I quite liked that about it.

I thought the performances across the board were terrific, and due to this you started to see the characters as real people rather than actors playing characters and became lost in that world.

My only complaint about the film would be that the beginning was a little slow and that it took some time to get into its groove, however, once it hit that groove it was a delight.

Overall, a British classic.

Pros.

It is very wholesome

It feels deeply British

The characters are all very easy to warm to

The underlying sinisterness

It’s a lot of fun

Cons.

A slow first act

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Brian And Charles: Build Your Friends

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A lonely but gifted man, played by David Earl, builds a robot, voiced by Chris Hayward, and a friendship between the two blossoms.

I think this film really strikes a chord with those of us out there who have known loneliness, isolation or torment by our peers, in many ways it is a beautiful tale about friendship and standing up for yourself. It truly is hard to not feel something whilst watching this film.

However, therein lies the problem with it for me. Perhaps somewhat paradoxically this film made me care about Brian and Charles so much that during the third act where it looked like Charles was going to be burnt alive I could barely get through it. The film bonds you to these characters in such a way that when they face harm it almost feels traumatic.

I wouldn’t view this film as a comedy, so in that respect I would say temper your expectations, but it does have feel good elements and an ending that makes you want to cheer. Ultimately this film takes you on an emotional rollercoaster, but laughter isn’t on the track.

Overall, a touching film that at times succeeds a little bit too much.

Pros.

You really care about the characters

It has a great ending

The performances are all top notch

Cons.

Seeing bad things befall Charles almost feels a little traumatic and that can be hard to watch

It has pacing issues

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28 Days Later: The Walking Dead Before The Walking Dead

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

One of the most definitive zombie films of all time. Also the film that really gave us the running zombie.

I really do think this film holds up. I would even be so bold as to say that it is up there with Romero’s Night Of The Living Dead in terms of importance within wider zombie cannon. I think so many shots from this film have become synonymous with the image of the zombie film and in that you can see the films titan like status.

I think the film does a really good job of keeping up the threat throughout the film, and no point in the films runtime do you feel perfectly comfortable as you never know when things are going to turn bad. I would classify this film more as a thriller film than as a horror as I feel it is more tense than scary, but that is just my personal taste.

The performances across the board are really strong, from a young Cillian Murphy to a deranged Christopher Eccleston and back to born survivor Naomie Harris. You will be hard pressed to find a bad performance here as even the child actor of the cast manages to be somewhat decent and not let the side down. Boyle really does a good job of picking a talented symbiotic cast that all play off each other really well.

My only issue with the film would be that after a point the zombies somewhat fade into the background and the remaining soldiers become the real villains of the piece. I think that the zombies should always be front and centre in these sort of films and that the soldiers should have a smaller presence in the film.

Overall, for the most part a classic that still holds up.

Pros.

The tension

The cast

The ending

The gore

Cons.

The soldiers get far too much focus

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Mothering Sunday: Prepare To Be Depressed

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Set in a post WWI Britain this film tells the tale of Jane, played by Odessa Young, a maid who falls in love with a wealthy man, played by Josh O’ Connor.

This film was fairly bleak across the board. With the amount of death and heartbreak in it one questions whether this is even a romance film, or whether it is simply a drama about the impacts of post war trauma and gilded cages. I was so depressed by the end of this film that I had to watch something happy and upbeat almost straight away, be warned.

Moreover, the film has a needless amount of nudity throughout. This goes in both directions and feels as though it has just been stuffed in to give a shock to the older market that would usually come out for this sort of fare. Rather than feeling daring, or perhaps subversive, this instead feels incredibly try hardy.

For positives I would say that this film is certainly watchable, Colin Firth and Olivia Colman both give strong performances even if they are only featured infrequently. However, The leads seem far too detached for most of the film, which makes it hard to care about either of them, or even the film itself at times.

Overall, I am curious who this was made for?

Pros.

It is watchable and Firth and Colman give good performances

Cons.

The excessive amount of nudity

It is depressing

It is hard to care about any of the characters

It is terribly paced

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Good Luck To You, Leo Grande: A Sexual Prime Is Never Over

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After the death of her husband a woman, played by Emma Thompson, grapples with rediscovering her sexuality.

I think this film is a marvel. Not least for what it does in terms of pushing age boundaries in Hollywood and reconstructing the idea of a nude scene, but also because it is so earnest and tender.

For the most part the film is a series of conversations in a room between Thompson and a male prostitute, played by Daryl McCormack, who she hires. This could easily have become very boring and drawn out however, the film does a great job of exploring these characters and allowing us to see further and further past their carefully crafted masks as the film progress.

Furthermore, I thought the conversations between the two often became very heartfelt and insightful, not only reflecting the struggles of life but also the very notion of British repression. I thought the two actors had great chemistry together and the screen really came alive when they were interacting.

Overall, I thought it was a wonderfully thoughtful film.

Pros.

Thompson

McCormack

The writing and the insight

The feel good nature of the film

It made me smile frequently

Cons.

It certainly won’t be for everyone

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It’s A Wonderful Afterlife: Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past Got Real

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mother, played by Shabana Azmi, becomes so obsessed with who her daughter, played by Goldy Notay, is going to marry that she starts killing people who she views as getting in the way or to have slighted her daughter. Sadly for her these people later come back as ghosts that haunt her every waking moment.

I thought this film had a lot of charm, is it the best film ever? No. However, there is more than enough to enjoy here. I liked the spin this film put on the idea of the traditional mother worried about daughter being single storyline and thought the added horror comedy elements really helped to bring it all together in a strong way.

I thought a lot of the jokes landed and I found myself laughing a fair bit throughout, I thought Sally Hawkins’ best friend character had all the best lines, though maybe some would say these days there was an element of cultural appropriation within her character.

My main issue with this film is as it so often is the pace of the film. I thought the film was overly long and had too many needless asides and sub-plots, it could have been a lot better if it had been half an hour shorter is what I would say.

Overall, above average though not quite up to the level of Gurinder Chadha’s later work Blinded By The Light though few films are.

Pros.

It is a lot of fun

The performances are good

Sally Hawkins

Cons.

It is too long

A few of the jokes don’t age well

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Dashcam: Triggering Libs And Running From Demons

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Annie Hardy, played by Annie Hardy, live streams her travels to England wherein she comes into some demonic trouble after pretending to be a food delivery driver.

I had been excited for this film for some time, then I read that some cinemas in the UK were banning screenings of this film as it was so offensive, naturally this made me want to see it more even though it proved to most likely just be a marketing tool, and now after seeing it I would say it mostly lived up to my expectations.

I don’t think this film is a homerun in the same way Host was, I think there is a lot to like for sure but it is not without its issues. My main issue with the film was the fact that the shaky cam got a bit too much at times with it going here there and everything to the point that it was hard to see what was going on. Moreover, the film is further made hard to follow by the fact that it never gives concreate answers to anything that is happening and you don’t know what is going on a lot of the time.

That said, I do think this film is scary and has a number of good scenes that stick with you after watching. The abandoned world of night time England made for a refreshing setting and also somewhat of a novelty.

Hardy’s lead is supposed to be unlikeable, I would assume, to give you mixed feelings as she comes into trouble. On the one hand you want to see the monsters get her but then again you also sympathise. I think there is some commentary trying to be communicated through that depiction within the film but it is not strong enough that I could tell you what it is.

Overall, a strong and refreshing horror film only held back by too much shaky cam and a lack of concreate answers.

Pros.

Strong scares

A novel and refreshing setting

The tension

The ending

Cons.

Too much shaky cam

It is never clear what is going on

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Scottish Mussel: A Vanity Project That Backfires

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ritchie, played by Martin Compston, is a Glaswegian criminal who decides to become a pearl thief, the film follows him in that pursuit.

This film is a vanity project plain and simple. Tallulah Riley writes, produces, directs and stars in this film in which she tries to convey an anti-poaching message that she believes to be important, sounds admirable right? Well… there are also copious scenes wherein Riley strips down into a small bikini to go and dive into Scottish streams, a task which would in real life be damn near suicidal, these scenes feel very drawn out and would under a male director feel almost pervy, whereas with Riley the question has to be why did she frame herself in this way? Was she trying to show off? Advance her modelling career? Provide a cheap thrill? Whichever, the scenes feel uncomfortable to watch.

Worse still this film is the opposite of an advert for Riley as an actor with her remaining stiff as a board throughout, only seemingly being capable of maybe one facial expression during the whole runtime of the film. Money well spent.

The only reason this film doesn’t get lower is that it is very aggressively average and by the numbers but isn’t necessarily bad. The uncomfortable scenes to one side I found the film to at least be watchable and mindless.

Overall, Riley burns money in a vanity project that doesn’t actually make her look good.

Pros.

It is mindless

It is watchable

Cons.

It highlights Riley’s ego

Riley doesn’t give a convincing lead performance

The film as a whole is trite and entirely predictable

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The Queen’s Corgi: Not Suitable For Kids

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Queen’s priced corgi Rex, voiced by Jack Whitehall, goes missing and must find his way back to the Palace.

In many ways this is not a film for kids. There are a lot of adult jokes and references that kids just won’t understand. Whilst I do enjoy this films lambasting of Trump, I think more broadly that this films comedy should have been toned down. For lack of a better terms these anthropopathic dogs are horny and make constant sex jokes which feels uncomfortable at times. Couple this with a sequence in which Rex is being hunted down by Trump’s female dog in order for the two of them to breed, which Rex, does not want, and is somewhat assaulted and you can see there is a lot of bad taste issues here.

The film as a whole is fairly by the numbers, it is a plot that you have seen many times before with cliched characters that you will have met many times over the years especially if you watch a lot of animated films. I would say that this film approaches so bad it is good range, but doesn’t quite get there as the bad taste stuff holds it back rather than adding any sort of charm to it. Ultimately you are left questioning the screen-play writer.

Overall, a strange film that most certainly isn’t for children.

Pros.

The Trump parody

The Queen and Prince Phillips relationship

Cons.

The sex jokes

The icky and troublesome sequence with Trump’s dog

It is aggressively by the numbers

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Black Ball: It Is Hard To Like A Cheater

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The bad boy of British bowls is born.

This film is almost entirely devoid of any charm. The whole premise feels as though it has been done before many times over, and nothing new is done here. The cast are almost entirely without any warmth or charm and you spend your time wondering asking which character you dislike the most.

My biggest question is why did they book Vince Vaughn for this? And also why did Vince Vaughn want to do this project? I don’t have answers for either of these questions but I spent a large portion of the film being baffled by his involvement.

Usually I would never have a bad word to say about Paul Kaye, but here is a rare exception. Kaye is not a good leading man and even when he wins in the end and it is supposed to be a happy ending you still find it hard to like him, due in no small part to the fact that the team win by cheating.

Overall, a waste of time and money, with a few funny moments that make it slightly more bearable

Pros.

A few funny moments

Vince Vaughn always gets a point from me

Cons.

Kaye

Almost everyone is unlikeable

The film doesn’t need to exist

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