Splinter: The Darkness Stares Back At You

Summary

After the death of his wife and son John, played by Bill Fellows, sinks into himself. Whilst gazing into the abyss he begins to feel as though someone or something is watching him.

I thought this film was a smart psychological thriller, it played with you in all the right ways whenever you started to feel like you knew what was going on it then veered in a completely different direction and kept you guessing. The way the film approaches ideas of grief and mourning are also really well formulated and written as it brings a sense of grey tinged moral nuance to things and reflects deeply on a shared sense of emotion that most people can on some level relate to.

In terms of the scares/ thriller aspects of the film I thought they landed really well. Like a lot of good horror films Splinter is very focused on building and establishing an atmosphere, that feels just the right amount of oppressive, throughout the film and doesn’t waste its time stuffing in tons of jump scares.

The performances across the board were strong with Fellows being the obvious standout as the haunted man, the man out of touch with time and reality, the man lost in his grief. Fellows gave a very believable emotional performance that really powered the film forward.

Overall, a good film with an intriguing premise, definitely one to watch.

4/5

Pros.

The themes and message of the film

How it plays with grief

Fellows

The ending

Cons.

The pacing dropped a little bit in the mid-second and it started to lose me a bit

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Witchfinder General: Those Who Claim To Be Holy And Righteous Often Aren’t

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A sadistic witchfinder general, played by Vincent Price, makes life hell for residents of one British village.

There are things to like about this film, such as the distinctly British folk horror feeling that permeates almost every frame of the film, to the decidedly gothic and sinister sense of horror that makes us question all we know about witch hunters and also highlights the darker aspects to the witch trials in terms of morality.

However, for me personally I found this film quite slow going. The pace was really quite oppressive at times, and no I am not some TikTok child with a few second attention span I have watched many other longer films than this it is just the way this one is paced that is the issue. Things take a long time to get going and when they do they all follow a fairly predictable and entry level plot pattern that leads to a very obvious ending.

Overall, though I appreciate the folk horror elements, I find the slow pace and the predictability make this film hard for me to get on board with.

Pros.

The gothic sense of horror

The distinctly British folk horror elements

It is watchable

Cons.

The pace

The predictability

The ending

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Christmas On Mistletoe Farm: You Deserve Better Than This

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A businessman, played by Scott Garnham, must take over the reigns of his father’s farm. Hijinks ensue.

I must say I have seen a lot of terrible Christmas films in my time but this has to be one of the worst I have ever seen, why Netflix ever decided to greenlight this is beyond me.

This film proves fairly conclusively that Debbie Isitt is a hack, or at best a one trick pony. She uses the exact same formula she did on Nativity, a no nonsense lead that needs to learn to cut loose, a stupid and loud sidekick that acts more like a child than a grown man and a large grouping of children who struggle to act. Whilst this worked for the first Nativity and just about managed to for the second, thanks in large part to David Tennant, here it just feels incredibly obvious and lazy, clearly she doesn’t have enough imagination to come up with a different premise and can only move the location of her tale around to pretend to be different.

Moreover, this film is a slog to get through. The pace of this film is awful, not only does it approach two hours, despite having no business to, it also meanders along at such a mind numbing pace that you question whether this is some new form of incredibly insidious torture designed to drive you mad. Nothing much happens across the whole of the film, because once again to be exciting and to have things happen would take imagination and writing ability that clearly the team behind this don’t have.

Overall, offensively slow and uninteresting

Pros.

It would be a good film to put on as you are falling to sleep for some background noise

Cons.

It is borderline unwatchable

It is a slog to get through and feels like a trail fit for the Ancient world

It is the same situations and characters as in Nativity only worse

There is very little at all to like about it

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My Old Lady: A Deeply Depressing Trip To France

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A man, played by Kevin Kline, inherits an apartment only to find it being occupied by an old woman, played by Maggie Smith.

Whilst this film does have some old world European charm to it, for the most part it can’t shake a deeply depressing air that makes it not only hard to watch, but hard to review. I struggled with this film I will be upfront with you and say that, sometimes the heaviness of it got a little too much for me and it made it hard for me to carry on watching it. To think that this film is labelled a comedy drama is somewhat baffling as there is very little funny about it.

The performances were all very much as you would expect, that is not necessarily a criticism but instead a comment in that no one is really playing against type here. If you like Maggie Smith’s recent usual persona you will likely like her here as well, the same can be said for Kristen Scott Thomas.

Overall, I found this one quite hard to get through as I found it at times to be quite depressing and draining.

Pros.

Smith

It is watchable

Cons.

It is deeply depressing

There is no humour to be found

It is quite a slog to get through

The charm quickly fades

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Living: Make The Most Out Of Every Second

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

An office worker, played by Bill Nighy, discovers he only has a few months to live and sets out to live his life to the fullest during his remaining days.

I will preface this review by saying that this is not an easy film to watch on multiple levels, it is both depressing and also at times extremely cringey, especially when the overly formal period characters can’t express themselves at all, but that is all part of it and part of what makes this film so good.

This film truly feels like a British film, by that I mean if it were an American film especially one made by a Hollywood studio then it would have been overly sentimental and sickly sweet, this wasn’t that. The things left unsaid because the character physically couldn’t say them and the bittersweet enjoyment to the man’s final months feels raw and authentic and in that the film presents us with real truth. In that regard I found the ending of the film particularly powerful.

The performances across the board were strong but of course both Bill Nighy and Aimee Lou Wood deserve to be singled out for extra praise. Nighy conveys a lot whilst saying very little and really puts his character through an emotional ringer over the course of the film. Whilst Wood manages a real warmth and plays of Nighy well, they make for a strong on-screen pair.

Overall, not an easy watch, but an enriching one.

Pros.

Nighy

Wood

The emotional nuance

The ending

Cons.

Pacing issues

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Sideworld: Damnation Village

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A horrifying look under the skin of a number of British village.

With the previous two entries into the Sideworld series I was a big fan I enjoyed their creepy blend of folklore and wider mythology and how they feel so specific to different aspects of the British experience. As such I was expecting big things when I saw this film, and I have to say I was a little disappointed. Now I am not saying this film was bad, far from it, but I am saying it felt a little stunted when compared to the two previous films. I don’t know whether it is because this film decided to focus more on a modern and man made area but it just felt limited and frankly a little stretched thin.

That aside all the technical aspects of this film were on point and the film for the most part generated a creepy atmosphere that sucked you in and didn’t let go, leaving you chilled to the bone. I thought the horror elements were perhaps at the strongest here with regard to the whole series. Certainly I was left unsettled.

Overall, Still a fun scary experience but a bit more threadbare than I was expecting it to be.

Pros.

The scares

The atmosphere

It is interesting, but it doesn’t go far or deep enough

Cons.

It is too short

It should have gone into greater depth and really explored the area

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Village Of The Damned: Beware The Stare

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After a mysterious incident all the women of a small town fall pregnant, a while later their offspring develop otherworldly abilities.

I want to preface this review by saying that I have never read The Midwich Cuckoos before, as such I was unfamiliar with the story. Had I seen one of the other numerous adaptions beforehand or shared some familiarity with the story I may not have enjoyed it as much.

I thought this film was really well done, it did a lot of work with atmosphere and had a show but don’t tell sort of approach to the film’s monsters. I have always found there to be something slightly disconcerting about little children especially when they gather together as such this film was bound to trigger fears in me. I thought the ‘evil’ kids here had a well-acted alien quality to them and I don’t know if they were inspired by the classic idea of the black eyed children within folklore, but if so they added a whole new dimension to it.

I also thought the pacing was really well done, far too many modern horror films try and cram in as much artsy imagery and subtext as they can bloating the film into a multi-hour behemoths which then lose sight of their scares, whereas this film does it right. I thought the runtime was tight and left just the right amount of plot to the imagination.

Overall, a very effective creepy kids movie.

Pros.

The scares

The atmosphere

The pacing

The performances

Cons.

It is a little antiquated

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The Horror Of Dracula: From Transylvania To Klausenberg

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A retelling of the classic Dracula tale.

I have long heard that this is one of the definitive takes on the classic novel, however, now after seeing I think that it lacks a certain something. Obviously, I am approaching this old film with modern sensibilities so some things will be lost in translation, but I think that it really suffers from clearly being very low budget. Now I know Hammer Horror was low budget and campy and that was all part of the charm, but I think here due to limitations Dracula, played by Christopher Lee, was able to be set up as a truly terrifying threat.

Moreover, I also think that this film makes a number of odd changes to the book that seem to serve no purpose other than to be confusing, as for the most part it is just swapping around character names and backstories somewhat. I don’t really understand why the film did this as it certainly didn’t add anything.

However, the incredibly strong positive this film has going for it is the legendary Christopher Lee, who easily blends into the role of Dracula and I thought was able to make the role his own and put his personal spin on it. Lee saves this film from mediocrity.

Overall, a very average film pushed up by Christopher Lee.

Pros.

Lee

It is very watchable

The final battle

Cons.

It makes strange changes to the source material for no real reason

It’s low budget hurts it in places

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Caught In The Act: Paint Drying Is More Interesting

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Three city dwelling women head to the countryside to housesit for a friend, whilst there they all decide to take part in a variety show.

This feels like, in every respect, a relic. From the outset I struggled to believe that this film came out in the nineties, it feels older than that. I don’t inherently mean that as a mark against the film, instead I mean that to a modern audience with a modern sensibility this film will seem deeply strange. Perhaps I am showing my age.

Moreover, the banal nature of the story almost purposefully goes out of its way to be uninteresting, as it meanders at such a slow pace that you lose all sense of time and space whilst watching it and slip into a dark abyss.

The performances are fine, nothing really to write home about. The issue on this side of things is that all of the characters struggle to be likeable and as such you can’t really care about their experiences during the film or to latch onto them, as such the boredom is amplified.

Overall, boring in the extreme.

Pros.

It makes watching paint dry seem interesting

Cons.

It is incredibly boring

It feels like an antique, not in a good way

The characters aren’t particularly likeable

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The Railway Children Return: Replacing A British Identity With An American One

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Railway Children return and it has never felt more American.

Straight off the bat I don’t mind the fact that this film decided to tackle the racism amongst American troops station in Yorkshire during WWII, however, I will say the way the film choose to use this plot feels incredibly forced in, because there will just be a section about something else and then bang they will bring it back out of nowhere.

This idea of racial identity is just one of the ways in which this film feels more American than quintessentially British like first film. Honestly, this film could be set anywhere, it could be set in rural America if you were willing to give up the backdrop such is its weak identity.

Further in that regard, the only real thing that links this film to the first film is the return of Jenny Agutter, if it was not for her this film could have been any number of other generic WWII movies. I think the older cast certainly did a lot of the heavy lifting here and for the most part they help to keep the film on track. To me John Bradley was the standout of the adult performers giving quite a sweet and well natured performance that makes you warm quickly to his character.

Overall, it is still watchable and above average, however, it is seemingly having an identity crisis.

Pros.

Agutter

Bradly

It is very watchable

Cons.

The racism plotline feels awkwardly forced in

It feels far too American

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