Dr Terror’s House Of Horror: Don’t Do Tarot Kids

Christopher Lee and his friends board a train, wherein they meet a fortune teller, Peter Cushing, little do they know it will change their lives forever.

There is just something about old school British horror that you can’t quite replicate anymore. Maybe it is the setting or the creepy edge that the lives of the upper classes seem to have in these films- meaning perhaps too many films these days are focused on the working class and the plight of poverty rather than excess.

I liked the wrap around story telling device and the fact that each story also worked on its own, both things are important in an anthology. The stories themselves were a mixed bag as often is the case with these short of films, I found a few of them to be good and a few entertaining but flawed. I would suggest that the Voodoo one is the weakest as it doesn’t have much more beyond its central conceit.

I would say that the stories themselves and the effects still hold up, yes you can see strings in a few shots or things look a bit low-fi here and there but on the whole it still works well.

Overall, a good way to spend Halloween.

3/5

Pros

It has a lot of charm

Terrific performances

Some good scares

Cons.

It looks a little dated at times

The stories are a mixed bag

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Black Cab: Get An Uber

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Nick Frost plays a cabbie with an attitude.

This film has an interesting aesthetic but fails to do much more with it than the bog standard. I like the idea of a horror film about a cabbie driving down northern country lanes in the dark worrying about ghosts, however, in reality the film is just very standard.

I found the bulk of the film to be entertaining if Frost’s performance was a little over the top at times, however, where things really started to fall apart for me was in the third act. This is due to the time loop nature of the haunting with the ghost being made by his actions and then so one and so forth, and I found that to be a tad bit obvious from the start.

As for Frost playing against type, he is okay, it is not on the level of some funny man turned dramatic actors we have seen in recent years. I found his character to only have a few menacing moments the rest of the time he seemed either just angry or bumbling. The idea of him as a scary villain never really came through for me.

Overall, a serviceable if forgettable ghost story.

2.5/5

Pros.

The setting

The premise

The atmosphere

Cons,

Frost as a villain

The ending

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Stop Motion: The Darkside Of Wallace And Gromit

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young stop motion animator, Aisling Franciosi, tries to get out from under the shadow of her own mother and create her own stop motion project.

I admired the originality of this film, it tried hard to do something new within the horror landscape and within a genre that likes to repeat patterns and tropes that is to be applauded. I also thought the idea of the stop motion project coming to life was interesting and led to some really good scares.

Likewise the interspersing of stop motion shots within the rest of the normal film really helped to push the uniqueness as well as to give us some disturbing and unique visuals. I appreciated what this film tried to do even when it didn’t fully land.

My main complaint with the film would be that it followed the very overdone breakdown storyline as the lead becomes more and more insane to a point where she becomes in a sense possessed attacking those around her. We have seen this done many many times in horror and it feels stale.

Overall, a unique film with some good scares held back by a familiar character arc.

3.5/5

Pros.

The stop motion scenes

It is unique

It is well paced

Some good scares

Cons.

A familiar character arc

A wasted supporting cast

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Reawakening: Life Changing Conversations Whilst Playing With Model Trains

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After ten years missing a young woman shows up on her parent’s door step, but is it really her?

This film is well done and well-acted but not one that you would want to watch more than once. It is in that same category with films like Locke brilliantly done but depressing as hell and with no rewatch value at all. Once the mystery is revealed, the final nail is placed in the coffin of rewatching this film, and in a sense that is fine you don’t need to watch everything 100 times for it to be good.

Jared Harris and Juliet Stevenson are both fantastic as grieving parents who desperately want to see their daughter again, and both display such a terrific range, going from stunned silences into fits of rage and heartbreak within a matter of moments, it truly is a masterclass in terms of performance.

Overall, it is a good film but not likely one anyone will want to watch more than once.

3/5

Pros.

The performances

Its engaging

The pay off

Cons.

It is depressing

It has some pacing issues

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Starve Acre: Who Needs Babies When You Have Rabbits

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A grieving couple, Matt Smith and Morfydd Clark, develop an unhealthy relationship with a rabbit.

This maybe one of the best horrors this year and certainly not one to sleep on.

It is a traditional British folk horror film, with a strong emphasis on atmosphere. This leads to some great scares later on but also a wider disturbing sense to the film that sticks with you long after it has ended. Just thinking about the rabbit now long after I have watched it I feel unnerved.

Matt Smith does well as a moody lecturer, you both root for his character but he also has enough edge that you don’t fully trust him. Morfydd Clark proves once again how good she is at horror and gives a tour de force performance, second only I would say to her performance in Saint Maud. I think her portrayal of a grieving mother here is incredibly well done, it is both sincere but also a little manic and unhinged at times.

Overall, one of the best British horror films of recent years.

4/5

Pros.

Smith

Clarke

The scares

The atmosphere

Cons.

A slow start pacing wise

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Amulet: Never Trust The Church In Horror Films

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A homeless man employed as a handy man for a church property begins to worry about the old woman dying in the attic.

This film has some interesting ideas but the ending stops it from coming together into anything interesting. At times this film could be called almost experimental in style as it messes about with sub-genre tropes in order to try and produce something new and fresh.

I would argue that the film does manage to do that, however, rather than riding off into the sunset the film gives us an ending that feels subversive. Now this is a risky gambit, it could work well or it could ruin the film and sadly it is the latter here. The ending proves to be a moral lesson and flips everything we know about the character, yet does so without very much set up making it feel quite jarring.

Overall, there are some good scares here and it does feel fresh, sadly the ending just didn’t work for me.

3/5

Pros.

Scares

It feels fresh

It has a great atmosphere

Cons.

The ending

The pacing is a bit off in places

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The Loch Ness Horror: Why Do Even Our Straight To Streaming Movies Need Americans In Them

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Whilst exploring Loch Ness a submarine comes into some trouble.

Yes you heard that right folks there’s a submarine in Loch Ness a closed body of water that has limited access ways to the wider sea or the coast, clearly it was airlifted in.

This film is a cross between a student film under very very very low budget indie, at times the production values are so incredibly cheap that you question if the whole thing is not just some AI experiment. There are exterior shots of the ship that goes to rescue the submarine that quite clearly aren’t real.

The acting if one could call it that, reminds me of the sort of acting you might see out of an nepo child after their daddy has paid their way into the film. You have a mixture of can’t do an accent, won’t do an accent, and a few scatterings of Americans thrown in there because they can’t get any work back in the States.

As someone who has been to Loch Ness I don’t understand why this film couldn’t even use shots of the location, were they too poor to afford it, did the location say no? Who knows, but one thing I can say for sure is that this film knows nothing about the lore of the Loch Ness Monster, and just stitches together some bad monster movie cliches in order to have something barely resembles a coherent storyline.

Overall, why did I watch this, why did people make this, why did this need to exist, all of these and more are more entertaining questions than anything this film can put forward.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It is not even in so bad it is good territory

It looks cheap

It knows nothing of the creature and its lore

It is dumb

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Swede Caroline: Growing Wild and Free

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A mockumentary film about the world of competitive vegetable growing.

This may be one of the best surprises of the year so far, it seemingly came out of nowhere and had little to no fanfare but it was easily the funniest film of the year by a wide margin. Whilst I often say of comedy films that they had some good laughs but it was not a laugh a minute, I would argue this was. For the most part I was laughing consistently throughout.

I thought the characters were all very likeable and distinctive and that is a hard feat considering that for some of them we only meet them for about 5 minutes or so, yet still they manage to leave an impression. I think why the characters worked so well is because they are believable, as in perhaps it is a British thing, but I for one could see parallels between the characters in this film and to people I know in the real world.

I think the only area where it lost me somewhat was when it tried to hit into darker subject matter. I understand the parody was of true crime docuseries so it needed to have those darker themes but I thought that it would have been better served by maintaining a consistent tone throughout.

Overall, a hidden comedy gem.

4/5

Pros. It is funny

It is relatable

It is original

It uses its runtime and cast well, there isn’t any waste

Cons.

The darker moments and the inconsistent tone

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Seize Them: An Aimless Trek Through The Welsh Countryside

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A queen, played by Aimee Lou Wood, loses her thrown and must go on a journey to get it back.

So with the cast this film had I was optimistic, I thought that it had every chance to be a new British comedy gem, but it just didn’t go far enough. My main criticism of this film is that it is too tame and really quite underdeveloped.

Whilst I thought Wood and co.’s adventures were enjoyable to watch they weren’t very funny, the humour widely didn’t work as it was too tame and felt like something out of a family film. Any chance the film had to be bawdy or edgy it never uses as it prefers instead to be incredibly safe. Moreover, the characters never felt three dimensional, they try and give them some personality and some backstory but even then you never understand them in more than just a puddle deep sort of way. The ending of the film is also incredibly predictable.

The main praise I will give this film is that it put Aimee Lou Wood, really in my opinion the star of Sex Education, up front and in many respects Wood is easily one of the best British actors working right now but too often she is overlooked or cast in a supporting role so it was nice to see her starring here. However, they don’t really give her much to do except be bratty for most of the film, that is except for the scene where her toes get blown off wherein she gets to do some acting.

Overall, Wood shines but this film is far too safe to be either funny or good.

2/5

Pros.

Wood

The toe scene

Cons.

It isn’t funny

The ending is so cliché and trite

It is too safe

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Wicked Letters: Naughty Words To Make Your Elder Relatives Blush

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A series of profanity laden letters cause havoc in a small town.

Comedy can be so subjective, in many cases you can think a film is brilliant if it matches your sensibilities but if it doesn’t it can come off as unfunny, boring or even depressing, and I find that in this case I am leaning towards the latter. Though there were funny moment in this film is was far more of a dramedy then the trailers suggested it to be and at times I found it to be very depressing indeed.

Jessie Buckley is the saving grace of the film and her character is likeable and easy to root for, over the course of the film you want to see her free and you want to see everyone that keeps punishing her for being a little different be put in their place. Luckily it is that sort of film and the ending does give you the resolution you were looking for. Without Buckley this would be a much worse film.

Olivia Coleman on the other hand, and I say this as a fan, needs to find a new schtick, she has played a mentally ill posh woman so many times now in almost every role that she has been type cast. Again I won’t spoil it for you but I will say it is super obvious very early on in the film who is writing the letters to Coleman’s characters and if it was a different actor in the role I don’t think it would be so obvious.

Overall, it is nice to see British cinema still has some life blood but this just wasn’t to my tastes.

2.5/5

Pros.

It has a few funny moments

Buckley

Spall

Cons.

Coleman

It is depressing

The tone is all over the show

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