Lesbian Space Princess: Yawn Haven’t We Been Here Before

Summary: Making one aspect of who you are your entire personality.

So in an era where we should all be supporting independent animation, this film makes that hard to do so.

Firstly, there is nothing fresh about it, this film seems to act like having a lesbian front and centre is some sort of new novel idea, when it has been done for a long time and is no longer new. Believe us when we tell you that this film will really push down your throat the fact the character is a lesbian just in case you forgot.

Secondly, as far as adult animation goes it looks very similar to a lot of other projects, whilst there is nothing inherently wrong with sharing an animation style, it would be nice if there was something to differentiate it.

Thirdly, you have the fact it is adult animation which means cringe and at times edgy jokes, which are met with a sigh.

Overall, if you want to see an incredibly bland film that thinks having a lesbian in it is something new and novel when it isn’t then this is the one for you.

1/5

Pros.

It’s short

Cons.

The humour

The characters

It rama DEI into every pore of the film

It is cringe

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Cinema Issues: Gender, Sexuality and Modern Pixar

For anyone watching Toy Story 5 it becomes clear from the off that there is something insidious under the surface. This is the entire subversion of gender roles. Now this has been explained away by staff as “how little girls play” however this was clearly a deliberate creative choice. Kenna Harris even admitted there were other versions of the play sequences yet they went with the ones they did.

Remember after a string of recent flops Pete Doctor said that the studio would get back to making films for everyone, it sure doesn’t feel like it.

When looking at Toy Story 5 and asking question why did it do that, you only need look at the creative team. Harris was the co director, she has never directed anything major for Pixar before, she was brought in with veteran Andrew Stanton. She is also a woman who views herself as being non binary, showing that to the core of her identity is disputed ideas around gender. One cannot jump to blaming her immediately as Stanton and the wider team at Pixar would have had to sign off on the charges to the characters.

This feels like a continuation of a studio that has one thing one the mind, remember when they forced in a same sex kiss into Lightyear, or when Pixar staff were upset as had to remove the larger LGBTQ+ themes from Elio. Clearly they want to push gender stuff and LGBTQ themes though their kids films, which is dicey.

To answer the Elephant in the room about what they did in Toy Story 5, we can answer in 3 parts.

Jessie- is now far more masculine and aggressive, during the romance scenes with Buzz she is mostly disinterested and focused on her anti tech crusade, she isn’t shown as having any softness bar once.

Woody- as the former male leader character is humiliated, no one respects him, he has to fight with buzz about who get the number 2 position under Jessie. In his interpersonal relationship with Bo he is shown to also be dominated.

Buzz- arguably the most notable case. Buzz was hyper masculine in previous films as he was a space ranger action hero toy. Now he is bumbling, seemingly unable to do anything without Jessie, he gives another male voiced toy the kiss of life at the start of the film. Then you have the wedding sequence at the end of the film, after the proposal Buzz’s leg twists up as is traditionally feminine, Buzz is given away as is what happens to women, Buzz gets the ring put on him first (again women), and Buzz is dipped for the kiss (again submissive). Then you have the fact he’s wearing a skirt, people scream oh it’s a kilt, it’s funny isn’t it we don’t remember Buzz being Scottish before this film. They knew they would get a backlash to him wearing a skirt so added in this cop out.

Not only is it character vandalism, but also one has to ask why are they doing this. Why are they trying to destroy traditional masculine elements and traditional feminine aspects within a film aimed at kids. What the film presents you with is a world wherein men act like women and women act like men, can you see the message there.

Pixar as a studio has made it’s bones very clear about what it wants to do, and why and if this sort of stuff bothers you, you shouldn’t be watching their films. It shows how deeply out of touch Hollywood is from reality

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Toy Story 5: Let It Die

Summary: Pixar continues to run a beloved IP into the ground.

Lets stop the story and do an incredibly boomer moment of kids being on screens are bad huh, every grandparent in the room just let out a cheer, whereas everyone under the age of 50 says shut up. Of course the villain is sympathetic as the days of having evil villains are long gone, we all just need to be more empathetic and listen to each other.

Jessie has to get a backstory, because God knows audiences were crying out for that, but hey what would a Disney product be without a girlboss. Herein, they do the incredibly cringe Taylor Swift song to try and get the Swifties to care about a franchise that hasn’t been relevant in 15 years. Of course in order to give Jessie her moment Woody had to be humiliated, gaining a beer belly and a bald ‘sun bleached’ spot.

The most depressing thing of all is how this is just a franchise that should have had the life support out pulled ages ago but Disney is too scared of new ideas. We get these needless retreads and time with side characters that no one ever asked for.

Overall, Disney as a company is creatively bankrupt.

1/5

Pros.

One or two funny jokes

Cons.

It’s needless

The screen commentary is tiresome

We don’t need a Jessie backstory

Girlboss slop

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Vivo: Yet More Woke Slop For Kids

Summary: an old musician plays one last song.

So Lin Manuel-Miranda is the most overrated character in the film industry in the last 20 years. His music is always just the same.

He here plays a kid that tries to stop his Grand Uncle from being happy as he likes his life in poverty and would rather his uncle be miserable in order for him to be happy, just like most spoilt brats.

Of course Vivo doesn’t fit in and is an outsider and shows all the hallmarks of every other progressive woke character you have seen in the last decade.

The film fixates on the Afro-Latino community as they are a massive audience for your film and feels very much as though it doesn’t want none members watching it.

Overall, what were Sony Pictures Animation doing with this.

1/5

Pros.

One good song

Cons

Pacing issues

Ugly animation

It’s boring

It just feels forced

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Cinema Issues: Angel Studios Sells Out

Angel Studios knows who their audience is, when they first came about they were anti Hollywood, they stood for something, they were independent.

Now they are putting mentally ill men who think they’re women into their films, and taking potshots at capitalism, all to attract talent like Seth Rogen and one of the kids from Stranger Things.

The funny thing was the left would not touch any of their films due to the associations they keep, and now they have alienated the only audience they ever had. There is even some talk that the folks over there called the audience pigs.

The next time they want to make a film like Sound of Freedom they won’t find anyone willing to support them now.

The fact is they are adapting a book all about the evils of communism whilst then flipping that and saying well actually capitalism is worse.

This might be the biggest self inflicted mortal blow any studio has ever performed.

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Stranger Things Tales From 85 Overview: A Defiled Corpse Is Given The Weekend At Bernie’s Treatment.

Netflix killed Stranger Things that is very very important to state at the top, whether it was gay Will with superpowers being the real hero, the lack of a bonus 9th episode, or the horrible documentary wherein you realise the Duffers used ChatGPT to help write episodes.

They ran it into the ground. No spin off from it could ever do well now.

However they thought going back to the hey day of the show might get around that. Let’s not talk about the fact that they couldn’t even get a single major cast member back for this.

Despite the episode lengths being shorter this felt longer than the last season that’s just how bad the pacing is. Binging it in order to get this review out relatively quickly but it was a slog.

The formula of the show is a depressing retread of the main show, nostalgia, mysteries without good answers, and Marvel-esque writing with no emotional depth.

The animation is also ugly in every possible scene.

Really the question when it comes to this is why, just why. There was no need no one wanted this.

0.5/5

Pros

The music is okay

Cons.

It is needless

The voices are jarring

The story is dull

It is badly paced

The ending

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Cinema Issues: What Happened To Kids Movies

In this Cinema Issues article we are talking about the recent spate of soulless kids movies. This isn’t about any one film or even one studio but a broader issue.

There are still some kids films that manage to bring heart into their films, and that manage to feel deep rather than shallow and without personality but by and large this is an exception to the rule.

Kids films used to have substance to them and be more than just references and loud noises, they would stick to universal themes and not try and force in left wing activism, they would have stuff for adults as well as kids, rather than seemingly pitching stories that only adults would get.

It feels as though a lot of these films aren’t even aimed at kids anymore, for example Hoppers had a plot about environmental activism and a mechanism around body hopping kids wouldn’t understand that. These films market with the idea of oh look small animals to appeal to kids but when the film starts there is far more too it that just goes over the kids head.

As we’ve said time and again, almost all of these things can be traced back to two things. One due to the rise of short form content a lot of these films think they don’t have to work on good narratives and can instead just throw quick moments or scenes together to keep child engagement. Alternatively, you have the fact that the goal with a lot of films, not just kids films, for a long time has been to push politics not to actually entertain. There is the idea that if you push progressive content into kids films it’s will get them to normalise these ideas and embrace them as they age. This isn’t true and is pretty creepy to begin with.

If you have kids honestly these days the better bet is to get a steaming service and put on animated films of yore, back when they had to try and back before they needed to shove left wing messaging into everything.

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Super Mario Galaxy Movie: Nostalgia Missing A Soul

Summary, the Mario Brothers are threatened by the arrival of Bowser Jr who has set out to find his father after the events of the first film.

So on the press tour for this film Charlie Day was asked who his Luigi from recent American History was and said the murder who shot the CEO in an act of left wing defiance. This was pretty breaking at the time of writing this review, and sadly it does impact enjoyment of the film, as Luigi was a highlight before this incredibly poorly thought through statement.

The film itself is good and perfectly serviceable, and more of the same if you or your kids liked the first film you will like this, however, where this film is let down from the first is that it doesn’t have the same emotional core. The first film had Mario’s feelings of insecurity, Bowser’s love of Peach and even the depressed Luma to give the film stakes this one really doesn’t have that. You have the father son stuff with Bowser and his son, and the sisterhood storyline between Peach and Rosalita, but neither of these hit the same depth of feeling as the stuff from the first film. It was nice to see Mario and Peach as a couple get teased out more, this is an important part of the games that the first film did not spend enough time with. One assumed that that Mario asking Peach out would be one of the post credits scenes of the film but it wasn’t.

The adventure is interesting you see a lot of the galaxy and a lot of new things, this is mainly a chance to set up new films or to promote different IPs, obviously a film cannot spend the same amount of time with a universe as a game, but it does feel like in each of these cases it is just window dressing it is like look its Star Fox, or oh look its Daisy rather than having the world’s feel lived in or the characters seem like they matter. For example if they had replaced Star Fox with a different Nintendo character would it really have mattered at all, not really. That’s the problem in a nutshell. Nowhere is this truer than with Yoshi, not only do they have Yoshi be out and about in the over world without anyone thinking it was weird, but also all the character’s function is to follow Mario around and act like one of the minions characters. The fact is if you were to play one of the Yoshi games you would see the character has a lot more personality than he was given in the film.

The music was a lot better this time around, it was more classic game music rather than horribly forced in pop music, and the end credits that showed scenes from the film in puppet form was a lot of fun so it gets bonus points for those things.

Overall, it is serviceable and fun to a degree but there is a hollowness to it.

3/5

Pros.

Mario and Peach

The Music and Puppet Show

The scope of the film

Cons.

It has a lot of new characters but they don’t need to be there and it just feels like a shop window

The emotional core of the film is not enough

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Hoppers: Pixar Is Trying To Indoctrinate Your Kids

A young woman decides to make her grief everyone else’s problem.

So this film shows that Pixar learnt absolutely nothing from previous failures and that it is going to continue to be preachy and force in left wing messaging into kids films. The oddness here is the messaging would clearly go over a child’s head, some of it is high concept so they are just trying to pander to the parents who have been forced to see the film. The whole film goes on and on about environmentalism, so get ready for that.

The film itself would be quite distressing for kids, you see a number of scenes that play upon the fact that the lead’s Grandmother recently died and you have that emotional manipulation from Pixar. You also have scenes of small animals looking in danger or being distressed to traumatise little kids if that was not enough.

On top of that the lead is incredibly unlikeable. She makes everything about her, she wants to keep the glade open, she feels angry, she is grieving etc. She uses people and the Mammal King in order to achieve her own ends but we are supposed to root for her. It shows you the modern Hollywood morality where they are like ‘she has a righteous cause who cares if she is a good person she automatically is as she cares about what we care about’.

Don’t let the focus on talking animals trick you, that is just a gimmick to push political messaging.

1.5/5

Pros.

The Mammal King

Some of the sillier aspects

Cons.

The political messaging

The deeply unlikable lead

The emotional manipulation

The scenes of animal distress

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Goat: Life Post The Right Side Up

Summary: On its surface this film looked generic, the idea of a sort of off brand Space Jam, looked readily apparent, and we shared that view via our socials. However, the film actually has some charm and manages to have moments that do make you smile.

That is not to say it isn’t a generic sports animated film, it is you have seen things like this before many times over, however, it is not soulless as it may first appear from the marketing.

A point to be made about the film is that it is strongly reliant on internet meme and social media culture so if you are older or not the most active online then you may be confused by a number of the references.

Overall, a watchable animated film with some charm.

3/5

Pros.

The charm

Its watchable

Its well paced

Cons:

It’s repetitive structurally

You have seen it before

It is too similar to Space Jam

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