Saipan: Roy Keane Implodes His Career

Summary: the lead up to Ireland’s attempt at the 2002 world cup.

I question the need for this film, it was entertaining but I don’t know if there was enough of a story there for a feature film.

One thing I will give it credit for is that it never took anyone’s side and it showed the unprofessionalism of all sides of the endeavour. Mick, Coogan, had points, but so did Keane, Hardwicke. In that respect you could not call it a hatchet job against Keane.

I think the film does a lot to show the experience of the footballers during the tournament and to make you feel like you were there with them, it also makes football feel like a personal endeavour rather than a billion pound industry. This film can be watched without any knowledge of football, I for one did not know anything about the sport or this world cup before watching the film yet found it very accessible.

Overall, a watchable film but one in which I would question why it was made.

2.5/5

Pros.

It’s watchable

It has good performances

It is engrossing

Cons.

What was the point?

Pacing issues

It ends abruptly

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Cinema Issues: The Problem With Budgets

In this edition of cinema issues we are talking about the issue with film budgets and how it is leading to more and more films flopping.

I am writing this after the first weekend of 28 Years Later The Bone Temple wherein the film has underperformed. The film was good, it had good reviews, what was the issue? The budget was 65 million, for reference the budget of the first film from back in the noughties was 8 million, even adjusted for inflation that wouldn’t be anywhere near close to 65 million dollars.

Now there may well be shared costs between this and 28 Years Later itself as the films shot back to back, but that aside why did a film of this scope have a budget of 63 million dollars.

Therein lies the issue, and it is one that is plaguing Hollywood. Budgets are too big and need to come down, the box office has contracted less and less people are going, you cannot still be making films for 250 million dollars or even 100 million dollars the days when large crowds would go and films could break even more easily is largely over it seems.

Somewhere around the late 2000s, early 2010s one man understood that to almost guarantee profitability even when a film is bad or poorly reviewed the film needed to be made for next to nothing. That man was Jason Blum. He was ahead of the curve and now Hollywood needs to take a page out of his book.

If 28 Years Later Bone Temple had been made for 20 million then it would be close to breaking even now.

CGI really is the thing that is draining budgets, and in a sense the wider implication of AI could bring that down, but so could a return to practical effects and more innovative film making.

Ultimately something needs to change, if studios don’t want to suffer flop after flop they need to get serious about the market for these films now and budget accordingly.

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Rental Family: Someone Give Brendan Fraser A Hug

Summary, A depressed man finds meaning in playing pretend.

So I got a early screener for this film, not a common thing for me, but there you go. Going to say that upfront.

This film was terribly depressing, I had seen in the trailer it be called a feel good film, I don’t see where that element was.

It felt in many ways like a spiritual sequel to the Whale, it was more of Brendan Fraser being depressed. This time being saved by a little girl and an old man. Each of which have their own horribly depressing stories. I put off writing this review as I knew I would have to go over all this again and feel depressed.

There is some comedy in the concept of the rental family and the inherently silly goofiness of it, but by and large this is a drama film.

I suppose you could argue the ending is somewhat bittersweet, Brendan Fraser gets to continue on in a father like role to the little girl and things seems to change for the better, but at what cost. Likely for the jailbreak Fraser’s character should be in prison.

Overall, not a good way to start the year unless you want to be depressed.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is competently made

There is some novelty to it

Cons.

It is depressing

There really isn’t a lot of levity

The side characters, particularly the people at the agency don’t get much development

It’s badly paced

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Cinema Issues: Sinners Fans Strike Back, The Oscars Melt

In this edition of cinema issues we are talking about the reaction to Sinners being Oscar nominated within the tribalistic fan base of the film. Increasingly the Sinners fandom is becoming one of the worst of recent memory.

Let’s crack into why that is.

Firstly, they are delusional they seem to think the film is bigger than Jesus and that it is entitled to win all 16 Oscars it is nominated for. No film ever in history has done that but they think Sinners has to, otherwise it will be racist.

Secondly, they are already making narratives about how white folks are going to stop Sinners winning or saying that it won’t go home with anything etc. Personally I believe it was nominated to show the Oscars aren’t so white after all and do believe it will walk away with nothing or very little in total number of awards. However, to imply a racial conspiracy where white people as a race are out to get the film and are all working together to keep it down is hysterical and racist.

Thirdly, increasingly they have turned Sinners into a culture wars issue and made it about race. Almost everyone who is pro Sinners whether they are black or a liberal ally has to attack white people in the same post or say oh I don’t care what white people think. The whole point of films are that they are for everyone we shouldn’t be in a place where a film is seen for “one group”, and that other people aren’t allowed an opinion on it. The visceral hatred toward white people that is common place within discourse on Sinners shows that sectarianism is rising within cinema and awards shows and that is not something we should be happy about.

Fourthly, they are silencing dissent, if anyone speaks out about Sinners in a negative way they are called racist. If they themselves are black the Sinners fans then imply they are race traitors or not proper black people, this furthers the bigoted approach and creates rifts within the very community they are supposedly championing. By demanding one thought that must be adhered to there is fascist elements within the Sinners community that deal in the language of racial hatred.

If you want to see for yourself what I am talking about go on any social media app and type in Sinners and scroll through the comments and you’ll see it.

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Cinema Issues: The Witch Has Melted

In this edition of cinema issues we are talking about Kathleen Kennedy, the Karen in chief herself, and the power of nepotism.

So first things first Kennedy only got to where she was by being friendly with Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. That’s it.

Under her tenure the Sequel Trilogy died as it was devised without a cohesive plan.

A Han Solo film flopped after Kathy refused Lorde and Miller any kind of creative control.

Most films that she announced never happened.

And most of the shows on Disney plus she greenlit, were either forgotten about in the case of Skelton Crew, or died a humiliating death looking at you Acolyte.

What were her successes in this obituary, I suppose people like Andor, she was involved with that I mean mildly but I guess that’s her win. Remember she wanted to go out on a win. She can’t have the Mandalorian that was all John Faverau and Dave Filloni.

She leaves Star Wars as a husk of a TV brand that is increasingly irrelevant and that spat so many times on its fans they stopped coming.

Now she is leaving Lucas film and a man is taking over as creative director, I guess the force wasn’t female after all.

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28 Years Later Bone Temple: Ralph Fiennes Gets His Goth On

Summary, after deciding to stay on the road Spike joins up with the Jimmy Saville gang.

The film does not explain why Lord Jimmy and the other Jimmies take their name from Jimmy Saville, the well known child abuser, but hey maybe that will come up in a future film.

I would say that this film is more consistent than the first, as in it feels like one film not two cut into one. However, this film feels like a spin off rather than a sequel. It feels disconnected in some ways from the first film, Aaron Taylor Johnson set off looking for his son at the end of the first film yet isn’t in this at all.

Jack O’Connell has a lot of great scenes as Sir Jimmy and this is certainly his film. It is horrifying to explore the warped psychology of the Jimmies and the film is right to focus on them. However, there is a Mary Sue here, one of the female Jimmies later revealed to be called Kelly wipes out scores of her fellow Jimmies who are bigger than her with ease. This is irritating, the film could have fixed this with one line of dialogue saying she had been with the Jimmies longer than the others and so was more brutal or hardened.

Fiennes has a lot of fun jumping around and pretending to be the Devil, that bit is fun, but the rest of his bonding with Sampson and their comedic misadventures misreads the tone of the film and can be a bit distractingly silly at times.

Seeing Cillian Murphy return at the end and hearing the theme of the original film is a cheer worthy moment to end on. It will be interesting to see where Hannah is.

Overall, a more consistent film than the first Years later, but let down by a triumvirate of tone issues, disconnection from the first film and Mary Sue energy.

3.5/5

Pros

Jack O’Connell and the Jimmies

Ralph Fiennes pretending to be the Devil

Seeing more of the world

Cillian Murphy’s return

Cons.

Whilst likeable Kelly is a Mary Sue

The tone is wildly off going from a scene of people having their skin cut off to nude dancing for no reason.

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Primate: So It Has Come To This

Summary: A monkey goes bad after being bitten by a rabid animal.

Truly we are at the bottom of the barrel, rather than come up with fresh concepts we are recycling the same old idea of animal attack films. How many times do we need to see bad dogs, bad monkeys, bad sharks. It’s all the same.

This film is exactly what you would expect it to be, bad teen cast, that cannot act, being hunted down by a monkey. Again does it follow logic or make sense, nope, do the human characters behave like people with brains? Of course not.

The scares aren’t there as if anything the film is frustrating, you could easily escape the situation in a number of ways but it just keeps carrying on, seeing the Monkey act out is not scary it feels like people deliberately keeping themselves in harms way.

I cannot for the life of me understand why this is held in high regard on rotten tomatoes as it is just another generic horror film.

Overall, give it a miss.

1.5/5

Pros.

It is short

It is unintentionally funny

Cons.

It is generic

It is badly acted

It is irritating

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Cinema Issues: Tribalism and Sinners

In this edition of Cinema Issues we will be talking about the response to the Golden Globes not giving Sinners best picture.

We can break it down into a few different categories but all are based on the same logic, the characters were the same race as me therefore I must defend it and act like it was the biggest deal in the history of cinema. Part of the black community seems to think that Sinners is “their” film, I’ve seen a good few of them write it and that if you don’t like it or don’t think it was amazing you’re either a racist, or if you’re black you’re a traitor.

The internet is full of mental illness.

Let’s get into the first category, this I will call the fake fan. These people say that Sinners was better than everything else up for the best picture yet if pushed admit they haven’t watched anything else, and so have no frame of reference.

Secondly, you have the it was my favourite film or it made more money than, your subjective opinion doesn’t matter, how much money it made only mattered to the thing it won, not to best picture. Demanding it to win best picture as it was your favourite film of the year places far too much importance on yourself.

Thirdly, RaCiSm. These are the claims that despite the winners being more diverse than ever overall. The Golden Globes or those who vote for them are racist and as such that’s why Sinners didn’t win. These people are race baiters who still act like it’s 1950 and that black people never win anything, clearly they didn’t even watch the show.

Fourthly you have the people treating an awards show like sports and act like they have a team they are dedicated to, this is ridiculous, cinema is subjective to those voting for it, it isn’t about merit its about personal taste.

Overall, the increasing tribalism and sectarian nature of the internet continues unabated and it’s depressing. A black dude can like Hamnet more than Sinners doesn’t make him bad and if you’re community thinks that then you’re pretty toxic.

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Starfleet Academy Episode 1+2 Review

Summary

They said this wasn’t your parents Star Trek and it isn’t, that was good, competently done science fiction. This is feeling porn. Feelings Porn is a new phrase that I am coining, it is when every episode has to have a character cry, when everyone talks about their feelings, when all the male characters are soft and when masculinity is dead. This show is that in spades..

Honestly I am bringing you my review of these two episodes rather than the series as I don’t think I’ll be watching anymore. As many of you know I didn’t like Discovery but thought Strange New Worlds could be okay at times, but this is just YA slop. I don’t know why Kurtzman is still in a job I really don’t.

It is exactly what you would expect, minimal to no action, lots of quirky one liners and awkward comedy and of course every character is LGBTQ+ something. It is so stunning and brave that you won’t be able to tolerate more than about two episodes of it.

It feels like glee in space, minus some of the singing. I don’t know who thought that this was the way to push the franchise forward rather than you know Kirk and Spock and actual science fiction.

No doubt this show complete it’s 2 season run and then disappear. Hopefully the Kurtzman lead vandalization ends soon.

Overall, not for fans of Star Trek

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It is cringe

It is preachy

They hate the fans

It feels like parody

It is badly paced

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Cinema Issues: The Duffer Brothers Are Hacks, Findings From The Documentary

In this edition of Cinema Issues we will be talking about the Stranger Things documentary.

Now this article won’t be about how the documentary wasn’t secretly a 9th episode.

This article is about what the documentary says about Stranger Things as a show, and critically the Duffer Brothers.

So let’s consider one thing this documentary came out when the Duffers were unpopular after the season finale, and only made things worse. I wouldn’t be surprised if Netflix did this knowing the Duffers were going to Paramount and wanted to salt the ground.

The documentary raised a number of points. It showed that the Duffers did not have a deep plan for the show or a multi season trajectory, the Brothers admit they didn’t have a finished script when going into production, which isn’t abnormal but it does destroy the idea that the Duffer’s had a plan or were all about attention to detail.

Moreover, it shows how the Duffers didn’t understand their own lore or characters as they needed actors and others involved with the show to correct them. One writer even asked why there weren’t any demogorgons, bats, or dogs in the final battle scene, but the Brothers didn’t seem to understand why that would be important. It shows incompetence. They had demogorgon fatigue and so decided against consistency in storytelling.

The actors appeared miserable, and as though they could not wait for the show to be done, this contrasts with the image of everyone being back and happy to have one last trip to Hawkins. It could also suggest behind the scenes dramas and what not.

In a still from the documentary they had ChatGPT open on laptops, so likely the Duffers were using AI to create scenes. Worse yet the maker of the documentary tries to defend them going, “you try keeping track of 19 characters without using it”. Good writers could and have done it before.

They off screen pivotal bits of information such as that Joyce and Hopper went to school with Henry and what happened to the Military in favour of a bloated and indulgent epilogue.

They have tried to play the victim post release of the documentary and said they were under time pressure by Netflix to get the final season out. They had 3 years and 400+ million to make 8 episodes of TV, it’s not Netflix’s fault you’re incompetent.

I have seen theories going around post the end of season 5 and now post documentary suggesting that the Duffers bought the idea of Stranger Things first season from someone else, and then when it became popular have been writing it themselves and blagging. I have also seen the idea that one of the other writers is actually the creative genius not the Duffers and they left somewhere around season 3 or 4 leaving the Duffers to struggle on their own. Even after the final I had some doubt about these theories but after watching the documentary I now believe them.

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