iCarly: iReturn To Webicon

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Carly, Miranda Cosgrove, and co go to an awards ceremony only to end up trapped in a forest with Carly’s ex.

Yikes…. Bar the incredibly sexist episode, oh wait there have been a few of those, anyway those aside this is probably the worst episode of the revival series so far.

Why? Well because the premise breaks down to a few out of date jokes about Fyre Fest, and a pointless love triangle that maybe has Carly get back with someone who treated her like dirt, because that is a healthy message to send out to your young fans.

Moreover, the B plot about Freddie, Nathan Kress, and his app is just boring. It really feels like the latter half of the series did not know what to do with Freddie and instead got hung up on the app storyline for some reason. This is a shame as the earlier parts of the series really gave Freddie a lot of great character work.

The only positive thing I have to say about this episode is that I like the romantic pairing of Harper, Laci Mosley, and Double Dutch, Poppy Liu. I think the two have great chemistry and it will be a benefit for the series going forward to watch the two play off each other. Also I am always a sucker for a good romance arc.

Overall, a good episode for Harper, but pretty bad for everyone else.

Pros.

Harper and Double Dutch

A few funny moments

Cons.

The Freddie’s app side plot is dull

The Carly love triangle sends a bad message

Fyre Fest was several years ago, move on

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The Bronze: Does Anyone Really Care About Third Place?

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Hope Ann Gregory, Melissa Rauch, is a former Olympic bronze medallist who now spends her days in an American small town with her adoring public. However, after her life reaches a breaking point she ends up coaching the next generation of Olympic talent, much to her annoyance.

Usually I enjoy films under the Duplass Brothers Productions banner, but this was a rare misfire for me.

My problems with this film begin and end with the central character. There is nothing likeable about Hope, though in the beginning that is kind of the point even by the end of the film when the character journey is supposedly complete she is still a trash person and that makes her very hard to root for as a character. She does have a few funny lines, but it really doesn’t make up for how nasty the character is considering we are supposed to like her.

Moreover, the comedy of the film didn’t really work for me either. As I said Rauch has a few funny lines that work, but widely most of the jokes aren’t good and end up falling flat. A few are particularly bad eye rollers.

The ending also didn’t work for me. This is mainly due to the fact that it did not feel earned, the character does not feel like she has gotten to a place where she would do what she does in the end, frankly I find it unbelievable and that proves poor writing.

Overall, a weak comedy film.

Pros.

It is watchable

Rauch has a few funny lines

Cons.

Most of the jokes don’t land

Hope is a deeply unlikeable lead

The ending

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American Horror Story: Pale

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After taking the black pill Harry Gardner, Finn Wittrock, becomes widely successful as a screen writer however, it comes at a terrible cost.

I think this is certainly a stronger episode than the premiere, in multiple ways. We can fully roll into the vampire/sea monster shenanigans now and the episode feels far more engaging because of it. We get slightly more clarity around the rules for these new monsters, though there is still enough mystery there for it to keep you guessing.

Moreover, Evan Peters and Sarah Paulson have far more of a presence in this episode and that helps things along greatly. The two really are the shining lights of the show and each time they are on-screen they easily make the show. Peters is particularly terrific this time around and I love his over the top gothic playwright character.

The family dynamic of the Gardner’s is starting to become a little irritating and needs to be ditched. The kid is a brat and the nagging scared wife who doesn’t understand what is going on and just wants to leave feels like an easy stereotype that we have already seen before too many times.

Moreover, the origins of the pale creatures is not as dark and macabre as it could have been, but it is interesting none the less.

Overall, a stronger follow up episode.

Pros.

Peters

Paulson

We get the full vampire reveal

The origins of the pale creatures

Cons.

The family element is starting to get stale

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The Protege: Mid Fight Scene Sex, Is This Shoot Em Up?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Assassin Anna Dutton, Maggie Q, sets out on a path of revenge after her father figure/ assassin mentor is killed.

This was a surprise treat, at first I was worried that it would just be a boring and generic action thriller, however as it went on I found the film to have far more personality, humour and charm than I was expecting it to.

This is not the most original action movie in the world, the plot has been done countless times before and no doubt better. Moreover, it is also insanely predictable, and it is clear from a mile away when all the twists and turns are coming.

However, where this film rises above its rather average station is in its performances. I have loved Maggie Q as an action star since I first saw her in Nikita, not only does she pull off action well, but she also has really strong cocksure energy and plays a badass well. A large part of my enjoyment with this film is from watching her interact with the other characters on screen.

In that regard Q is joined on screen by Michael Keaton and Samuel L. Jackson, both provide strong support though I would give the edge to Keaton. I enjoyed the romance/rivalry between his character and Q’s I thought the dynamic was funny and well used, leading to several great scenes.

Overall, a charming action film that whilst not reinventing the genre does prove to be entertaining and very watchable.

Pros.

Keaton

The charm

Cons.

It is obvious

It is a little too familiar

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Reminiscence: This Is Why Westworld Isn’t Good Anymore

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Nick, Hugh Jackman, analyses his memories of the one who got away, Rebecca Ferguson, and realises that he has been played. Nick then sets out to track her down to get answers.

My this one was bad.

Before I slate it I’ll say this, Ferguson and Jackman have great chemistry together, really its electric, and they need to make more films together and carry this thing on as their seems to be a real passion there between the two, they play off each other really well.

Ok, moving on to the bad.

This is what happens when you have everyone praise your deep intellectual show, Westworld, for years and you have a brother who is known by some as one of the best working filmmakers in the game, and you try to rip-off his style. To be blunt, you make pretentious tosh that is about as deep as a puddle and is laughably bad.

The narration throughout the film is the best example of this, it asks all these deep philosophical questions about humanity and the self with all the intellectual sincerity of a teenager going through an emo phase. The writing is really bad.

The mystery is passably okay, however the longer it goes on for you realise all the ways it doesn’t make any sense and how the memory tech writes the film into a corner. Almost everything Nick does in this film is superfluous by the rules and laws set up by the tech, he didn’t need to do anything, yes he would have lost the memory card, but would that really have changed much?

Overall, bad science fiction.

Pros.

Jackman

Ferguson

Cons.

It makes no sense

It is so utterly pretentious

It is poorly written

The ending

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American Horror Story: Cape Fear

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Failing screen writer Harry Gardner, Finn Wittrock, move his family to the coast for the winter in hopes of finding inspiration. However, what he finds is a town overrun by pale creatures that feast on human blood.

It has been a while since we last saw American Horror Story on our screens. Is this a return to form for the series after the so-so outing of the last season? Partially maybe, but it is not without its issues. I understand that this is a first episode, so it has a lot to set up, however, it is so slow it puts you to sleep. The pacing in this episode is way off, with the first forty minutes being fairly bland and then things livening up in the final ten or so minutes.

Another thing I think that is hurting the show somewhat this season, is that they are no leading with their strongest performers. Evan Peters and Sarah Paulson are only briefly in this episode is bit supporting parts, with the lead instead being Wittrock and Lilly Rabe. That is not to say they are bad, rather that they might have been better suited to supporting roles as they aren’t really compelling enough to act as leads.

I do like the rather obvious vampire influence over this season, though it is clear they won’t actually be vampires, instead they will be sea monsters as the theme is aliens and sea monsters for this season- at least going off the promotional art work. I think the origins of the pale creatures is set up to be interesting and I would like to see how they tie into the wider lore of the universe.

Overall, it has promise but as first episodes go this was a bit too slow.

Pros.

The pale creatures

The vampire influence

Paulson and Peters in the small doses we get of them

Cons.

The leads aren’t strong

The episode is poorly paced

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Respect: Musical Biopics Have Been Done To Death

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We follow the life of Aretha Franklin, Jennifer Hudson, and see the highs and lows of parts of her career.

Since release this film has been much maligned, and my review is decidedly in the middle.

Do I think this is a good film? No not really, average but certainly not good. There are positive aspects to this film, the story is interesting, and it keeps you hooked for about two thirds of the film. Moreover, Hudson and Forest Whitaker both grace us with terrific performances, that really help to bring these characters to life and elevate the film.

However, that is where my list of pros runs out. There are many issues with this film, the most glaring of which is the run time. There is no reason for this film to pass the two hour mark, none. Earlier I said, the film keeps you entertained for two thirds and that is very true as by the final third you have already lost interest and are ready to leave or turn it off if you are watching it at home.

Moreover, try as it might this film can’t escape the fact that at its core it is just a very average biopic film. There have been many, many musical biopics over the last few years, but truly this one feels the most soulless and lifeless. There is so much more the film could have done with it’s subject matter, but instead decides to settle for mediocrity.

Additionally, for as good as Hudson and Whitaker are Marlon Wayans is bad. Seeing Wayans appear as a serious actor is always a gamble, more often than not a bad one. That is proven thoroughly by his performance here where he stands out for all the wrong reasons.

Overall, Franklin deserved better than this.

Pros.

It is interesting at times

The songs are still powerful

Hudson and Whitaker

Cons.

Wayans

It is generic

It has huge pacing issues

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American Horror Stories: Game Over

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The series returns to Murder House once again but this time it seems to all be within a videogame.

This is easily the worst episode of American Horror Stories and is amongst the worst episodes of the entire franchise. Why? Where to begin.

Firstly, this episode teases us with the destruction of Murder House, it does not deliver on this and instead gives us one of the worst bait and switch endings ever, it would have been less insulting to say it was all a dream; actually what they do isn’t that far off this.

Moreover, this big episode that will have huge ramifications for the show, at least in set up in actuality it changes nothing, they couldn’t be bothered to bring most of the main murder house cast back. Really? I understand people like Evan Peters and Jessica Lange might be too pricy to return but surely the show has a budget and could have got them to come back for this special episode.

The actual plot itself whereby American Horror Story exists within the universe of the show, but also doesn’t makes very little sense. The constant twist reveals of ‘oh you thought this was real no it’s a videogame’ become so overdone that the episode comes apart at the seams and ends up showcasing the very worst writing that the series has to offer.

Overall, a painfully bad episode that could easily ruin the spin-off series for a lot of people.

Pros.

A few good scares

Cons.

It is meaningless and effects nothing

They don’t bring a lot of the main cast back

The son is awful and completely annoying

The ending sucks so much

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Battle Royale: Katniss Who?

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A disgruntled teacher and family man, Takeshi Kitano, takes a class of high schoolers out to a remote island to have them fight to the death, with the backing of the Japanese government.

To begin, yes I know this is a contrived and often pointed out view but watching this for the first time I see just how badly Suzanne Collin’s ripped this off with her Hunger Games books that later became films. The similarities go way beyond skin deep, and it gets to a point where you can’t help but stare at the unoriginality of Hollywood.

This film was a lot lighter than I was expecting it to be or had been led to believe it was going to be. There is a tongue-in cheek element to it all that makes the incredibly dark dystopian subject matter feel almost silly in a gallows humour sort of way.

I enjoyed the plot and appreciated the fact that it felt true to life, rather than idealised to a point of being nonsensical, I am talking about you Hunger Games. In reality people would be selfish and self-centred to survive, people would do terrible things to their friends if it meant they could save their own skin. The idea of some kind of chosen one who saves everyone she meets and inspires them to their own greatness is just silly, and again I feel it says a lot about the western liberal image of how a person should be.

Overall, certainly a fun watch.

Pros.

Fun to watch

A few funny moments

Enjoyable characters

Cons.

There were a few tonal clashes

Pacing issues

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Annette: The Strangest Musical You Will Ever Watch

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The film charts the life of a stand up comedian, Adam Driver, and an opera singer, Marion Cotillard, after the birth of their first child.

I will say this for the film, I take my hat off to it for committing to being strange, quirky and unique.

Personally, this film wasn’t to my taste. Though I enjoy Sparks I thought the music in this film was a bit overdone. I understand that the film views itself as a rock opera type musical, and that really isn’t my problem with it, my problem is that nearly every line is sung. This reaches such a point where you just want it to stop, and then the film just keeps going.

This film is on for far, far too long.

Moreover, though I admire the quirky elements of the film I find some of them to be clashing, and sometimes off-putting. Maybe it is my sensibilities, but there were certain more interpretive scenes where I had no idea what was going on or how it fit into the story in any real way, yes they were singing about how it fit in no doubt, but by that point my mind had found a way to drown out the singing.

The performances were all fine, though I would say they didn’t feel like real people or characters rather they felt like some sort of twisted, warped idea of what humans are like as viewed by aliens. However, I am sure that was a deliberate choice.

Overall, it was not to my taste.

Pros.

I enjoyed the strangeness

You have got to love Sparks

Cons.

Too much singing, that often isn’t very good

Some of the elements clash

The characters didn’t feel like real people

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