Orphan First Kill: Grey And Lifeless

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ester’s origins are explored with the help of a simply awful lighting and colour gradient combo.

Really this film shouldn’t have been made. They add in some new twists and turns here, but for the most part it can’t hope to compete with the twist from the first film that Ester, played by Isabelle Fuhrman, who everyone thought was a child was in fact a grown adult. Once you know that twist a lot of the places this prequel goes to are not very exciting.

Moreover, as I said in the above summary there is some really quite poor lighting and colouring choices in this film that makes vast parts of it hard to see or tell what is going on, furthermore this is only worsen by a grey hue that seems to stick to the film throughout giving it a dull and lifeless air.

However, it is not all terrible as the film for the most part is very watchable. In addition a surprisingly out of left field evil turn from Jessica Stiles makes for captivating watching, the film would be a lot wore without Stiles in it that’s for sure.

Overall, a very average film that didn’t really need to be made.

Pros.

Stiles

It is watchable

The ending

Cons.

Once you know the twist from the first film it takes a lot away from this prequel

The lighting and colour work is awful

The pace is aggressively bad

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Nope: You Will Never Look At Clouds The Same Way Again

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A family of horse trainers come under threat from a massive otherworldly entity.

This could potentially be Jordan Peele’s best film. Now that might be a controversial claim but stay with me, I think by being far more obvious and straightforward in its plotting rather than abstract and heavily reliant on subtext this becomes the director’s most accessible and dare I say enjoyable film. It is nice to be able to just watch this film and enjoy the character’s journeys and to understand the film once it ends rather than having to wade through a lake of fairly on the nose racial subtext to be able to draw some sort of a conclusion.

All of the performers here are on good form, Kiki Palmer, Steven Yeun, Daniel Kaluuya all give strong performances and Brandon Perea becomes a standout as soon as he arrives, definitely a scene stealer. I would have preferred for Yeun’s character to have a bit more development, as he feels a bit thin outside of his one defining childhood trauma incident.

My main complaint of this film is that the pacing is quite noticeably off. When you reach the final ten minutes of the film you find yourself questioning how much longer it can go on for, as the two previous spots in which you thought an ending was near turned out to be very wrong.

Overall, possibly Peele’s best, however, the pace could use some work.

Pros.

The narrative

Subverting traditional alien abduction narratives

The performances

It is quite funny in parts

Cons.

The pacing

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Ava: A Movie We Have All Seen About 5 Times Before

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jessica Chastain plays yet another cold emotionless spy, but this time she is a girl boss. Oh we have seen this before from Chastain and just like her ill-fated venture with Simon Kinberg this too is a mess.

The clear feminist girl power vibes here couldn’t be any more striking it they reached through the screen and physically hit you in the face, there is nothing wrong with that but I do wish that this film and Chastain’s other feminist themed action films at least had something interesting and new to say.

Moreover, though no one can doubt that Chastain has action hero prowess, her performance here and in her other action roles feels just a little bit too try hardy and as though she is trying to prove something. We all know her credentials so she needs to have more of that laidback self-assured confidence that a lot of other action hero actors bring to their roles.

The plot is fairly uninspired, you have seen it before and the twists and turns are incredibly obvious from the outset. Chastain does a little to elevate the incredibly trite material but even then it can’t be saved, which is a shame as a lot of talented actors had their times wasted making this.

Overall, flawed and not really salvageable.

Pros.

Chastain is trying

A few well done action sequences

Cons.

Chastain is trying too hard

It has nothing new to say from a feminist/ gender studies perspective

It is bored and played out from the beginning

The pacing is awful

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Spiderhead: Chris Hemsworth Might Be The Next Anthony Hopkins

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Prisoners in a luxury prison are used as guineapigs for mind-altering pharmaceuticals.

It has been a long, long time since a Netflix original film has managed to impress me, however, this film managed to buck that trend.

I thought though the premise has been explored before, I enjoyed where this film took it. The twists and turns keep you guessing and it didn’t end up going in the way I was expecting it to. I thought Chris Hemsworth was a completely inspired villain, Hemsworth needs to take more of these sort of roles, he was not downright sinister but rather slightly unsettling and I thought he was very effective in the role.

Miles Teller on the other hand was a fairly forgettable lead and he wasn’t really able to blow me away in any significant way. Many other actors could have had that role and would probably have been better able to do more with it then what Teller can muster up. Comparing Hemsworth to Teller, really highlights the flaws in Teller’s performance.

Overall, a fun film with a good performance from Hemsworth.

Pros.

Hemsworth

The premise

The twists and turns

The ending

Cons

Teller

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Watcher: The Moral Of The Story Is Don’t Wave To People Who Watch You Randomly

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young woman, played by Maika Monroe, and her partner, played by Karl Glusman, move to Romania after the latter gets a job offer. However, during their time their women start getting killed and the lead finds herself facing more and more danger.

Other than her partner not being evil, despite being a dick, this film has little surprises in store. For the most part everything happens as you would expect it to in a thriller film and the mystery of what is going on is not much of one as it is incredibly obvious. The film does try and throw a few jump scares at you especially towards the end but they don’t land as they are blatantly signposted.

However, despite being obvious I do think this film has merit. It is incredibly tense and gripping and you can’t look away throughout it, It is always nice when a film can keep my attention. Moreover, Monroe continues to highlight what an unsung talent she is here landing another great and strongly compelling lead performance. I think the pros for this film just about outweigh the cons.

Overall, a fine thriller film made better by solid tension and a great lead performance from Monroe.

Pros.

The tension and suspense throughout

Monroe gives a really strong performance and conveys the stress and fear the character would be feeling in that situation in a very realistic way

The ending feels therapeutic

Cons.

It feels very familiar at times

Most the twists and reveals feel blatant and obvious.

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Abandoned: Straight Up Slop, Hard And Lacking Nourishment

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Yet another horror thriller film about post-partum depression.

How many times are we going to be served the same slop? Is there supernatural goings on or does the lead character have post-partum depression, and or is the baby possessed or does the lead have post-partum. We have seen it so many times before and frankly I am becoming agitated with the generic storylines that keep making it into horror cinema, the Babadook did the idea well and all the films that have come after it have been bargain basement knockoffs at best.

What’s more I am beginning to question whether Emma Roberts can act or whether she simply gets roles because of who her aunt is. We have all seen and enjoyed Wild Child, Adult World and American Horror Story but outside of those productions Roberts seems to be phoning it in, unable to communicate any kind of emotion at all in any of her performances.

The mystery here isn’t a mystery if you have ever watched a horror film or a thriller before, it is just mind-numbingly obvious.

Overall, Roberts is slumming it for an easy pay check.

Pros.

It is watchable, it is not offensively bad.

Cons.

Roberts is awful

The mystery is entirely predictable

You have seen this film before

It is not scary or thrilling

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The Warriors: Shirtless Street Gangs

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A street gang from Staten Island must get back home after a get together of all the New York gangs goes awry and they become hunted.

To many this is a classic cult film and whilst this didn’t hit me in the same way something like Battle Royale did in that regard, I did find a lot to like about this film.

To get the negatives out of the way first I didn’t like the pacing off this film, it felt far longer than it actually and does drag in places. Moreover, the performances are a deeply mixed bag some of them are good but some are laughably bad, to the point where there is no way you can imagine them as gang members.

In terms of what I enjoyed, I liked the style of the film I thought it was very distinctive and had almost an apocalyptic feel to it that I thought worked really well. Furthermore, I also thought the film communicated great threat during its runtime, as such you were worried for the fate of the characters as danger seemed to lurk around every corner.

Overall, not perfect but very much a snap shot of a point in time.

Pros.

The style

The ending

The threat

Cons.

The pacing

Some of the performances were quite bad

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Emergency: The Responsible Thing To Do

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two college students, played by RJ Cyler and Donald Elise Watkins, plan to go on a seven party tour, however, these plans are turned upside down when a drunken underage girl falls into their care.

This film really didn’t know what it wanted to be. The dramatic elements and the comedic elements worked against each other totally. The drama of the film couldn’t be properly developed as the film spent too long trying to be funny and takes breaks away from its seriousness to try and crack wise, and likewise the comedy is mostly ditched in order to try and make a serious point. Neither thing is done well due to the other.

In interviews, people involved with the film view the shift within it as some what of a subversion, going from what you would think of as a teen sex comedy into more of a political dramatic film with a message. However, it is not as clever as that makes it out to be, basically they have sex jokes for the first half of the film and then force in a bunch of politics in the second half to try and seem deep and to have a point. As you might be able to guess the message doesn’t really land and the whole thing just comes off as pretentious.

There are a few funny lines here and there, hence why the film doesn’t get lower, but for the most part this is a slog to get through.

Overall, nowhere near as clever as it thinks it is.

Pros.

A few funny jokes

A good message, though it is poorly communicated

Cons.

The message is poorly done and feels forced in

The film feels pretentious and smug

The opening scene about trigger warnings is cringey as hell

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The Aviary: The Most Boring Movie About A Cult Ever Made

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Two women, played by Lorenza Izzo and Malin Akerman, escape a cult run by the love interest from the Mindy Project

Really there isn’t a whole lot to say about this film. Its narrative of self determination and the roads that lead lost people to join up with cults and other harmful organisations is nothing new. Indeed most aspects of this film have been well-mined before by other better projects and this just feels like it is trying to replicate them to justify its existence.

The saddest thing about this film is the fact that it wastes an incredibly talented cast. Izzo, Akerman, Messina and Holt have all been really good in previous projects so there is a well of talent to draw from, yet this film just ignores that and has them be boring, forgettable and beige.

They try and do a horror/thriller aspect to the film wherein the characters believe they are being pursued by their former cult, or are they? However, in the end this just leads to a trite predictable conclusion.

Overall, a generic snooze fest that wastes good talent.

Pros.

It is watchable if there are no other options and you can’t go and do something else

Cons.

It wastes the talent

It is incredibly generic

It is dull

The actors are given nothing to work with

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The Silverton Siege: What The Mummy Gets Up To On His Off Days

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Loosely based on real world events, this film sees 3 young South African self-described freedom fighters hold a bank hostage whilst demanding the release of Nelson Mandela.

I thought for the most part this film was quite strong. It had good stakes and never let the tension slow down, by not having any respites or lulls in side stories or God forbid comedic relief this film allowed itself to be constantly engaging and intriguing.

Moreover, I thought the performances across the board were strong, I would not say there was a single weak performer. Thabo Rametsi was a compelling lead who really sold the struggle and inner turmoil of the character he was playing. Arnold Vosloo was also magnificent in his role and really brought something to the film.

I thought the social commentary of the film worked for the most part, however, in some areas it was laid on pretty heavily and as such felt a little clumsy. It certainly raised awareness and made me think a lot more about that time and place in world history, but I do think the writing could have been a bit stronger in this regard.

Overall, an above average Netflix film but certainly not something that will set the world on fire.

Pros.

Rametsi

Vosloo

The tension

Cons.

The social commentary is a bit too in your face and obvious

Pacing issues