Bodom: Teen Angst and Killers

Bodom is a Finnish horror film directed by Taneli Mustonen. The film is inspired by, but not based on the real-life Lake Bodom murders in the 1960’s. The plot of the film revolves around 4 young people who go out to the forest to try and figure out what really happened all those years ago and surprise surprise things go poorly.

This is a weird film; I don’t know whether it is because of cultural differences or if it is just poorly made. It goes from a slasher film to a teen drama, for a surprisingly large amount of time, and then back to a kind of slasher film again in the end. It doesn’t work as the different elements don’t go together well.

The characters aren’t likeable either, they all seem to be bad people just to different degrees. The lead girl approves the killing of two boys because someone told her that one of them had taken nude pictures of her and spread them around, she didn’t ask to see the pictures, she has been told that they don’t even exist and yet she still goes forward with the killing; because that makes sense.

As a horror film it is not really scary, it feels angsty, it feels like a teen drama and it makes me think has it been mislabelled as a horror film? The other girl only went ahead with the killings to get rid of the main girls new boyfriend because she was worried she was going to lose her, and it all feels like a bizarre love triangle that would be more at home in a teen tv show like Riverdale than a supposedly serious horror film.

Overall, this is just a clash of a film, none of the elements work well together and it just feels jarring to watch. I wanted to watch a slasher film, but this really isn’t one, it was not only a disappointment but also a slog to sit through.

Pros.

It has an interesting concept.

Cons.

It doesn’t work.

It is boring.

The characters are intensely unlikable.

The twist midway through serves to ruin it.

1/5.

Torment: The Savagery Of Children Today

Torment is a Canadian horror film directed by Jordan Baker. The plot sees newlyweds Sarah (Katherine Isabelle) and Cory (Robin Dunne) go to Cory’s country house with his 7-year-old son for some family time. However, when they get there, they see that something is wrong, something is deeply wrong, and it only gets worse from there as masked killers begin to plague the family.

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with this film, you know it is a promising film when the review starts off like that, but you have seen it a million times before and done better. This film as I affectionately named it is The Strangers without any of the charm, or a dumb version of You’re Next.

Everything that happens in this film is predictable and lazy, the scares, the kills, the story structure it is all just aggressively average. The only praise I can afford this film is that the killers look cool, their masks which are made out of the sons stuffed toys, why who knows, look frightening and I will give them credit for that.

However, that is where the compliments end.

The son in this film is the worst, yes, it is easy to go on about how terrible child actors are, so I won’t do it too much, but I don’t think the issues with the character were the young actor’s fault. The issues with the character are that he is intensely unlikable, I get that his mum died and in his own way he feels like Sarah is replacing his mum, but the way he talks to Sarah the things he says, he could easily be the villain of the film. I was waiting for the moment at the end of the film where he defected to the psycho family, but sadly they went with a soppier ending.

Another issue I have with this film is that it has a fascination with it’s leading lady, to a pervy uncomfortable degree, in the beginning especially Sarah is either coming out of the shower or in the throws of sex with her husband. It does not feel done with any intention other than to objectify the lead actress and it makes you feel dirty watching it.

Overall, this film is just dull, predictable and incapable of offering anything new. It doesn’t seem to understand human interaction, or not to be creepy either, so yeah don’t watch this.

Pros.

The masks are cool.

Cons.

It is repetitive.

It is played out.

The kid wants his step mum dead and behaves in a way no one would.

It is creepy and pervy.

1/5.

Reviewed by Luke

Vivarium: A Beige Hell

Vivarium is a science fiction thriller film directed by Lorcan Finnegan. The plot sees young couple Gemma (Imogen Poots), and Tom (Jessie Eisenberg), become trapped in a lifeless samey suburban nightmare with no way out. One day a package arrives that contains a baby the message on the box reads something to the extent of raise this and get out, things only get weirder from here.

I was quite excited for this before I watched this, however I was deeply let down by a number of factors throughout the film and I thought overall the film was subpar.

The two positive I will say of this film is that it has a great premise, it is suitably creepy and fills the viewer with a sense of existential dread, and that it has a get pair of actors leading the show. Eisenberg and Poots are a good pair, on a par with Eisenberg and Stone yeah probably, but not on the same level as Eisenberg and Stewart. Both give solidly good performances and are engaging.

However, both of these positives are undercut by a weak, smug and boring script. The how and why of the whole film is never really explained, as such you don’t know whether it’s aliens or hell or what; this was most certainly by design, but it does not pay off as it leaves the film feeling hollow and anticlimactic. The film seems to be in love with it’s own ‘smart’ premise and seems to think you should be impressed to, however the idea itself may be neat, but they never actually do all that much with it and a lot of it is a slog to get through.

How you know there is something wrong with this film is because it is only on for an hour and a half, but it feels like it goes on for years, maybe they want us to feel like we are trapped in a beige purgatory like hell just like the characters on screen.

Overall, this was promising, but it is the anthesis of everything it set out to be, it is a thriller that is not thrilling.

Pros.

Solid cast.

Interesting premise.

Cons.

It’s boring.

It is in love with itself.

It goes nowhere and explains nothing.

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Hunt: Politics In America

The Hunt is a satirical horror film directed by Craig Zobel. The plot sees a group of far-left extremists gather together a group of people who have written mean stuff about them online and then hunt them down. They perceive the people they are hunting as right wing and as a scourge to society; the film goes out of its way to satirise the current political climate making a joke out of both sides.

Before I get into the review let me just say that this film is incredibly political, it rams politics down your throat, so if you don’t like that sort of thing don’t watch it. When I first started the film, I didn’t like the politics of the film, I thought it felt jarring and dated, however as the film went on and I saw more of it and crucially more of the satire, I realised that it was actually really well done and funny.

This isn’t a horror film that is the pivotal misconception it is far more of a dark comedy; the film is actually really funny at times and has some great laugh out loud moments. Betty Gilpin who plays Snowball has the majority of these funny lines and is by far the standout performer in this film, she is a great action heroine.

The gore and action of the film is also surprisingly good, these sequences are both tense, but also humorous. The bit when two shopkeepers kill three of the captives at the beginning of the film, is really well done it is tight and exciting.

Hilary Swank plays the films villain Athena and she to is excellent. She plays the manic cult leader type so well it seems eerily real; she is a great love to hate the villain. The fight scene she shares with Gilpin in the final act is fantastic it is well choreographed and Swank brings a great physicality to the role which is matched perfectly by Gilpin.

Overall, this film is not going to be to everyone’s taste, but if you stick with it and let the satire work on you it will make you laugh, Gilpin and Swank are both giving it their all and it makes for a great overall experience.

Pros.

It’s funny.

Gilpin and Swank are both great.

The action scenes are superb.

The premise is intriguing.

Cons.

The politics will be off putting for some.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Boar: Bloody Bacon

Boar is an Australian horror film directed by Chris Sun. The film follows a young family that goes on a trip into the Australian wilderness whilst there they are hunted down and terrorized by a giant wild boar with a taste for human flesh. The film features Australian legend John Jarrett, as one of the men who investigate the fence post destruction and discover the boar.

This is classified as a horror film, but it isn’t, it can’t be. This is a film where you have a man singing and dancing along to Vanilla Ice, and a film where the villain is a giant boar; that alone puts it in comedy horror territory. This film reminded me in a lot of ways of the New Zealand film Black Sheep, both tonally and because of their animal villains.

I enjoyed this film, it was a lot of dumb fun, the boar itself was ridiculously over the top and its kills were gory to the extreme. This film gets the gore just right it is not grotesque, but it does love to show off its bloody spectacle. The special effects on the boar itself are good, you do get a good look at it a number of times and it doesn’t look fake even when it has people hanging out of its mouth.

My one complaint about this film is that it wastes John Jarrett, his character gets killed off fairly early into the film and I kept saying to myself surely that wasn’t his end he must be coming back, but he never does, I understand that in a film like this the characters aren’t important and it is all about the monster, but it still felt like a missed opportunity.

Overall, this film manages to balance comedy and horror well, it makes you laugh when it is trying to be funny and it makes you wince and recoil when it is trying to be scary, a very entertaining film.

Pros.

The boar looks good.

The gore is impressive.

It is funny.

It is good dumb fun.

Cons.

The human characters are underdeveloped and wasted.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Devils Candy: Metal Vs Satan

The Devil’s Candy is a horror film directed by Sean Byrne. The plot follows a family that moves into a new house, once there the father of the family Jessie (Ethan Embry), starts hearing strange songs that lead him to black out and paint hellish pictures. As well as this the former resident of the house Ray (Pruitt Taylor Vince), has become possessed by the spirit of the song and has been sacrificing kids to a demonic entity and now has his sights set on the daughter of the family Zooey (Kiara Glasco), that has just moved into his former home.

This film has so much personality, there really isn’t much else like it. A metal themed horror film, that has periodical interludes which cut to a TV exploring the history of Satan. The metal theme really appealed me to, and I thought it made the film feel very original and fresh.

The film had a great off kilter approach to horror, it always did the unexpected it was never predictable. This film was genuinely scary, the paintings that the father did were scary, the overall atmosphere of the film was tense and oppressive, and the threat posed to the children felt frighteningly real.

This film stayed with me long after I watched it, it left me genuinely unsettled.

My one issue with this film was that it was not fun to watch, it was very grim and unpleasant throughout, however that is what a horror film is supposed to be right? Are horror films even supposed to be enjoyable, surely to be scared is not an enjoyable experience. Whatever your answer to that, I think this film will strike a very specific chord with people and will scare even the most die hard, hardened horror fans.

Overall, I think this film is a triumph as far as metal cinema goes and it is a triumph for horror as well, however it is not an enjoyable film to watch.

Pros.

Deeply unique.

Metal themed.

Genuinely scary.

An off-kilter approach to horror.

Cons.

It isn’t very enjoyable.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

47 Meters Down Uncaged: A Shark Attack Film Where You Want The Shark To Win!

47 Meters Down Uncaged is a survival horror film directed by Johannes Roberts. It is a sequel to the passably alright film 47 Meters Down, a film that didn’t need a sequel. The plot this time around focuses on a group of girls who go diving in a newly discovered cave, only to become trapped and at the mercy of a shark.

I have to say it is hard to screw up a shark movie this badly, I applaud the makers of this film for being this inept this utterly devoid of knowing what people want. This film is laughably bad.

First off, this is an incredibly PG affair, there is very little gore even when the sharks are ripping people apart it is all very bloodless, which to me feels like an effort to try and get this film out to the younger teen audience, but in doing so it spits in the face of what modern shark movies are and that is gritty bloodfests.

Secondly, unlike the characters in the first film who were serviceable, the characters here are your usual collection of teenage girl stereotypes and clichés. They are supposed to be experienced divers for the most part, or at least people who have a basic understanding of how diving works. Yet despite this they spend all their time underwater screaming near constantly, which uses up all their oxygen, someone who has been diving once could tell you that.

What’s more the characters in this film are annoying, they spend all their on-screen time either screaming and crying or doing dumb things that will only make their situation worse, but they don’t seem to care, maybe they want to be eaten alive?

The shark itself doesn’t show up until a third into the film which wouldn’t be that bad if the film without the shark was at all in any way interesting, but sadly this first third is a slog and one that is very hard to get through, when the shark does finally appear it leaves you saying finally an end to this tedious boredom.

Overall, Sylvester Stallone’s daughter made her acting debut in this and if this in any indication for things to come, her career is going to be short and very hard to watch. A train-wreck of a movie from start to finish.

Pros.

There are one or two interesting scenes.

Cons.

The characters are dumb and annoying.

The film manages to ruin sharks.

The acting is incredibly weak.

It has no regard for logic or survival skills, even though it is a survival film.

1/5.

Reviewed by Luke

The Marshes: There Is Something Rotten In The Australian Bush

The Marshes is an Australian horror film directed by Roger Scott. The plot follows 3 young biologists as they venture into the Australian marshland to conduct research. Once they get there, they encounter evil and they must fight for their survival, against ever increasing odds.

This was one of the worst horror films I have seen recently, it fails in so many ways that I could barely bring myself to finish it.

Firstly, the characters are awful, they are devoid of anything even resembling a personality, they are irritating and worst of all they care completely unlikable. The most agreeable character of the main 3 is Will (Sam Delich), he is just bland. Then you have Ben (Matthew Cooper), who is just a dick from start to finish he is deeply unlikable, and the film almost goes out of its way to show you just how irritating his character is. Finally, you have Pria (Dafna Kronental), you is by far the worst, she is annoying and deeply unlikable just like Ben, but what makes her worse is that she just does things randomly with no rhyme or reason, I don’t know if it is just poorly written, but her character can go from having a laugh taking about something one minute to screaming the next second and it is as jarring as that sounds.

Secondly, the film makes no sense at all in any way and if you try and figure it out it hurts your head with its stupidity and poor logic. We have scenes that go from nothing to something important in a second and when you are like okay so is this something guess what it is just a dream, this happens over and over again until it gets to a point where it is hard to tell what is and what isn’t a dream. It’s a baffling story decision and one that makes the film incredibly hard to watch.

Finally, and perhaps worst of all, this film suffers from some of the worst lighting I have ever seen in a film. There are sequences of this film where it is too dark to understand what is happening, these are important bits of the film too, at first I just thought there was something wrong with my TV so I adjusted the setting, but no, no matter what setting I put it on it was still incredibly difficult to tell what was going on.

Overall, this is just a bad film and one that isn’t worth your time.

Pros.

None.

Cons.

It is too long, even though it is only on for 1 hour and a half.

The characters are detestable.

The lighting is egregious.

It makes no sense.

Is it a dream or just a waste of my time?

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Monster Party: Addicting

Monster Party is a horror thriller film directed by Chris Von Hoffmann. The plot revolves around a group of thieves that are looking for their next big payday, they decide to rob a house that one of their number works at thinking that the home owners will be easy marks; little do they know that the family that live there are recovering murders.

This is one of the best dark comedies I’ve seen in a long time, the premise itself is hilarious recovering murders trying to deny the urge to kill and failing miserably. The film boils down to a showdown between Casper (Sam Strike), Alexis (Erin Moriarty) and Iris (Virginia Gardner) and Elliot (Kian Lawley), with bloody results.

This is a film that is not afraid to get gory, it does so often and to great effect, the patriarch of the family gets disembowelled and you see his guts hangout of him, like wise Elliot spends some of the film with a recently cut off hand; it is not for the faint of heart.

This film seems to revel in violence and spectacle, as that the main selling point of this film, the characters are thin and underdeveloped, but they do a lot of cool things. I would be very interested to see more of the cult/ program that is working in the shadows to rehabilitate killers and of course more of Lance Reddick.

Reddick is great in anything he turns up in, but he plays the cult master to a tee here and is as per usual fantastic, it is a shame he doesn’t stick around for more of the film, but at well at least he had a few great scenes.

I thought the ending was a little odd, I get that Casper had now become a killer and isn’t the shy wall flower he used to be, but to see him just go into a strip club and start slicing and dicing makes me question whether we are still suppose to root for him at this point. I also would have liked Alexis and Casper to have ended up together as this was teased a good few time throughout the film, but maybe if they do a sequel they will, who knows.

Overall, a good time, nice and easy to watch with a few good laughs and scares peppered in there.

Pros.

It’s funny.

It’s scary.

It has an intriguing premise.

I liked the cast for the most part.

Cons.

The characters were thin and underdeveloped.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Collector: Schlocky Horror Through and Through.

The Collector is a horror film directed by Marcus Dunstan. The plot follows Arkin (Josh Stewart), a thief whose luck runs out when he decided to rob a rich person’s house. As Arkin moves around the house, he realises something is amiss, he can hear screams and there are traps everywhere, his evening with evil serial killer The Collector (Juan Fernandes), is beginning.

The script for this film was originally intended to be a prequel to Saw called The Midnight Man, but that was quickly shot down and this film was born. This film does not feel like it came out in 2009 it feels like an early 2000’s film in both the best way and also the worst way.

The film is highly stylised, everything from the way the film is shot to the opening credits sequences is dripping with personality. That personality is over the top gritty goriness, the film look grainy it looks as thought it was shot on film even though it wasn’t, I would guess that this is a deliberate choice to make the film look more visceral and real. Personally, I loved it.

I also loved the gore of this film; it wasn’t wince inducing it was just right. It was a similar level of gore to that of the Saw films. The traps were ridiculous and over the top, but also whimsically inventive. Furthermore, I enjoyed the fact that who or what The Collector is never explained, much like the Creeper from Jeepers Creepers The Collectors origin is unknown and that adds to the mystery.

The one thing that I thought was bit much was there was a long drawn out sequence of the family’s daughter Jill (Madeline Zima), getting it on with her boyfriend, it felt creepy and way too long. The Collector himself was watching them as well, it was icky. I think the whole sequence could have been done in a tasteful way, but clearly that wasn’t the filmmaker’s intent, clearly, they wanted to show the audience a soft-core porn scene.

Overall, if you like early 2000’s gritty Saw esque films then you will like this, the traps and The Collector himself are interesting and the ending is intriguing.

Pros.

Not explaining the villain.

The traps.

The horror.

The gore.

Cons.

The needlessly long sex scene.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke