The Girl In The Spiders Web: Can The Spider Hurry Up

The Girl In The Spiders Web is a thriller film directed by Fede Alvarez based on the Millennium book series written by David Lagercrantz. The plot sees Lisbeth Salander (Claire Foy), as she battles against a mysterious criminal organisation that has ties to her past.

I understand this property is well respected, the book this film is based on is held in high esteem: I have not read it myself so I can’t say, but what I will say is if the plot of this film is any indication for the story and plot of the books they had been vastly over credited.

There was nothing here that I had not seen done better before elsewhere. Most of the twists and turns were painfully apparent from the get-go, and quite frankly I was bored watching it: there were big stretches within this film when I was desperately hoping for something interesting to happen, but it never did.

Foy is fine, is fine she has been a lot better elsewhere, but she is not out right terrible. The acting front much like everything else in this film is very meh, the one good performance and it is more a result of a styling and costume rather than actual acting is Claes Bang, as a villainous enforcer who has a great presences and a few interesting action moments.

Overall, deeply underwhelming.

Pros.

Claes Bang

Cons.

The performances are average

The script is boring and lazy

The plot is predictable

The action is fairly weak and run of the mill

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

War: An Action Film Minus The Action

War is an action film directed by Phillip G. Atwell. The plot sees FBI agent Tom Lone (Jason Statham), track down the assassin (Jet Li), who killed his partner some time prior. A personal war ensues between the two men.

So usually one can enjoy Jason Statham action movies for the dumb spectacle they are, usually they are made better for not taking themselves seriously and for playing up the more campy elements. However, clearly this film did not get that memo, this film takes itself far, far too seriously to be any kind of fun, but more than that this film is boring.

Additionally, for an action film there is precious little action on display here, usually it is just a person walks into a room, shoots some people, then leaves, that is all there is too it. Even the final set piece at the end of the film is disappointing and surprisingly tame. This film seems to have a tell not show policy towards its action and it is all the worse for it.

On the performance side of things, Statham plays Statham as always but without any of the charm. Whereas Li has the presences but doesn’t actually do anything interesting for the entire film. Neither character has anything even barely resembling a personality and the whole film feels like a cliché wrapped in a stereotype.

Overall, this is one of the tamest most boring action films I have ever seen.

Pros.

None

Cons.

It is boring

It is tame

The characters aren’t fun to watch

The ending is disappointing

It is cliché and played out

0/5

Reviewed by Luke

Horizon Line: Running Out Of Fuel

Horizon Line is a thriller film directed by Mikael Marcimain. The plot follows a young will they wont they couple Jackson (Alexander Dreymon) and Sara (Alison Williams), as they become trapped on a plane out at sea after the pilot has a heart attack. Though Sara has rough knowledge of how to fly the plane, the ever-depleting fuel tank and lack of anywhere to land is turning into a nightmare scenario.

I have been waiting for months to see this film, due to the pandemic release dates being shuffled around and I have only just now got a chance to see it. I have to say for the most part it was quite disappointing.

I don’t know if it is because I went in with too high expectations, but most of this film just felt samey. It felt for the most part like yet another generic thriller that we have all seen hundreds of times before.

The acting as well was also very ordinary. This would have been Williams’ film to shine, but she does nothing: most of the film illudes to her character having some emotional baggage or more to her, but no she is just as dull as she appears. I don’t know whether it is Williams’ performance or whether it is the writing, but her character has no charm or personality whatsoever, which makes it hard to root for her and takes tension out of the film.

The only saving grace, was the sequence after they get out of the plane. It was an interesting twist to present us with the character safety to only then moments later take it away. However after this well-done piece of misdirection we then get the tease of a shark attack that never materialises, which I suppose could be put down to the filmmakers trying to subvert our expectations, but really it just felt disappointing again.

Also the sheer convenience of the ending reeks of bad writing.

Pros.

Some of the twists work

Cons.

Other twists don’t work

Williams’ is incredibly bland

It feels familiar yet also inferior

The tension dissipates when you realise that you don’t care about the characters at all

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Da Vinci Code: Hide Your Bibles

The Da Vinci Code is a mystery thriller film directed by Ron Howard. The plot follows Professor Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) as he is drawn into a feud between two secrets sects of Christianity that have been around since the times of Christ.

Much like my previous review The Girl In The Spiders Web, this film came out to some fan fare as the book that predates the film is beloved, also much like that film this film struggles to meet those high expectations. I have not read the book but if the film is anything to go on, then it is about 1000 pages too long.

At times this film reminded me somewhat of the Nicolas Cage National Treasure films, though I prefer those. I think this film took itself far too seriously, which is fine as it is not supposed to be a comedy but at the same time some parts of the film were unintentionally hilarious.

Speaking off the Paul Bettany evil monk villain is easily the best part of the film. Yes, this character is hard to take seriously and is hilarious at times for all the wrong reasons, but at the same time he also has quite a few good moments including his final shootout and has a great on-screen presence and threat throughout.

Overall, the biggest issue with this film is that it is one for about an hour too long, as such the pacing is terrible and though the film has some high moments the long tedious stretches drag it down.

Pros.

Bettany

The mystery when it finally gets revealed

The world

Cons.

It is too serious

The hilarity within is unintentional

National Treasure did it better

Hanks is very average

2.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Nina Of The Woods: The Most Boring Film Of 2020?

Nina Of The Woods is a thriller film directed by Charlie Griak. The plot follows the titular Nina (Megan Hensley), as she is brought into provide local flair during the shooting of a big foot documentary. Naturally as you would assume from this sort of film things quickly go wrong and become all too real.

So, I have no issue with mediative slow-burn horror films I love The Witch and The Wind, and I even have a soft spot in my heart for It Comes At Night, however I found this film pushed it too far. By that I mean to do slow burn horror right, you need to have an atmosphere that feels bleak and oppressive even if nothing actually scary is happening on screen. The issue here is that this film does not have an oppressive atmosphere of any kind, instead it is the slow brooding introspection of an art film this does not mix well with the type of film this is. Moreover, nothing happens for the first hour and I do mean nothing. Comparatively in Egger’s Witch the baby has gone missing and the family is under supernatural attack in the same amount of time. My point is that this film is just too slow to a point of becoming tedious.

The acting is fine, no one is good let alone memorable. The look of the film seems quite cheap which needn’t be the case as the Blair Witch Project, which this film so desperately wants to be, did a very similar thing with an equally small budget without looking cheap.

Overall, the filmmakers attempt to challenge the genre has deeply back fired and resulted in a film that is borderline unwatchable.

Pros

The film was not offensively bad

Cons.

It feels too long despite being short

It is a drag to watch

The approach taken by the filmmakers seems at odds with the genre

It is a bad attempt to replicate The Blair Witch

It is not as smart, or as deep, or as game changing as it thinks it is

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Spree: Never Drink The Water In An Uber, Who Knows Whats In It

Spree is a black comedy horror film directed by Eugene Kotlyarenko. The plot follows a young rideshare driver called Kurt (Joe Keery), who is trying desperately to kickstart his Youtube/influencer career. However, when his efforts don’t reap any rewards he turns to murdering his rideshare passengers to gain infamy and attention.

This along with In The Shadow Of The Cloud are my two favourite films of the year so far. This is something so darkly funny about this films critique on modern influencer culture, that humour I believe comes from truth; no doubt there are people out there who do this sort of thing for dark web fame. It makes one reflect on the purpose of it all and questions around validation, does having a large following make us better than anyone else? Are follower numbers simply meaningless? These are good questions to ponder.

Keery gives a terrific performance here, managing to convey both a deeply shy and awkward person who is just trying to get famous and also a cold-blooded killer who has no issues with poisoning people or running them over. Keery manages to make both parts of Kurt’s personality feel different enough yet whole within one person at the same time, no easy feat. Fans of Steve from Stranger Things will have a lot to enjoy here.

Overall, a very interesting film that becomes more so the more you think about it afterwards, the satire our social media society needs.

Pros.

Keery

The satire

The deeper questions

The horror and mania of it all

The ending

Cons.

Some moments are a bit too cringe

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Pusher: Do You Have My Money?

Pusher is a Danish crime thriller film directed by Nicolas Winding-Refn. The plot centres around Frank (Kim Bodina), a drug dealer who falls into desperation after a few of his deals go bad, and his growing debt put him on the wrong side of a local local drug lord.

This film oozes style, however, unlike some of Winding-Refn’s other films, this film manages to perfectly nail the balance between style and substance. The world of Danish crime this film sets up feels very visceral and real, it is also refreshing to watch a film about organised crime that exists outside of the North America (Mexico and The US for these purposes)/ Italy sector.
Bodina and a young Mads Mickelson are terrific in the lead roles and present their characters with hidden depths beyond just the usual thuggish stereotype. We see these characters as essentially desperate characters forced into a bleak and violent world by circumstances outside their control, and to a degree we sympathies with them.

The ending is incredibly bleak, but also open ended enough to not feel depressing, we are left to draw our own conclusions and reflect on the choices made.

Overall, one of the best crime film I have ever seen. Incredibly strong.

Pros.

Bodina

Mickelson

A new focus and perspective on organised crime

The ending

The style

Cons.

It may be a bit too bleak for some

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Escape Room: More Than That Thing Your Friends Drag You To

Escape Room is a horror film directed by Adam Robitel. The plot sees a group of people participate in an escape room with a grand prize of ten thousand dollars cash. However, as the experience progresses they soon start to realise that the danger is far too real and that each of them has been chosen for a reason.

I missed this when it was originally released and have since had a vague desire to check it out when I could, so as I was settling down on New Year’s Day and scrolling through Netflix I decided to put it on. This was my first film of 2021.

I am pleased to tell you that it did not disappoint me. At first I thought it was going to just be a blatant rip-off of Saw, but as it went along I found that there was quite a bit more too it. The ending is especially interesting as it implies something much larger and much more sinister (think Cabin In The Woods), that I can’t wait to see explored in the sequel.

Though I did not find it scary, I did find it to be suitably tense throughout. As such I was often glued to the screen trying to see how the characters were going to get out of this latest death trap. In that regard the escape room puzzles and traps themselves were all very original and creative and I enjoyed how the tied in character backstory into the design.

I would say that the performances for the most part were very average, no one really stood out to me in any way and they all just seemed like fodder; if I had to pick a favourite it would probably be Deborah Ann Woll’s Amanda as she had the most personality and character development throughout the film.

Overall, a very worthy horror film with a great ending that really wets your whistle for the sequel, hurry up Sony!

Pros.

The originality

The tension

The escape rooms themselves

The ending

Cons.

The characters were quite generic

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Get The Gringo: Bringing Hand-Grenades To Office Meetings

Get The Gringo (Or as it is known in other territories How I Spent My Summer Vacation), is an action film directed by Adrian Grunberg. The plot sees an unnamed heister (Mel Gibson), become imprisoned in a corrupt Mexican prison, he must fight for his own survival as well as to protect a child who he has befriended.

So, yes none of my Mel Gibson action film reviews would be complete with me condemning his personal life and views, take that as a given here as always.

However, that said I really enjoyed this film and Gibson was a big part of the reason I did. He is magnetic in this film, despite being unnamed and undeveloped, in a few different ways, he has enough action hero charm that you don’t question it and instead get swept up in the adventure. As the film ends you can’t help but cheer for his character.

The plot of the film is quite smart, it is simple and self-contained enough to not be overly complicated, whilst also having enough twists to keep you constantly engaged and asking what is going to happen next. The third act is particularly well done in this respect, it has some great action set pieces, but also an almost Soderbergh level of suave to the final tie up.

Overall, I enjoyed this film a lot and I thought it was terrific.

Pros.

Gibson

The action

The twists and turns

The ending

Cons.

Some of the characters feel underdeveloped to the point of becoming stereotypes.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Sweeny: No One Needs To See Ray Winstone Like This

The Sweeny is a crime film directed by Nick Love, the film acts as a reinvention of the classic 70s series made for a new generation. Veteran inspector Jack Regan (Ray Winstone) is brought into a world of pain after he becomes caught up in a series of crimes that cost him his job and his new love.

I did not like this film. Sometimes crime films are bleak and gritty, but this film takes it to a whole new level, everything is unpleasant and there is not an inch of joy to be found anywhere throughout.

None of the characters are in any way likable, with Winstone in particular being extremely vile and in an era of police violence under a new intensity the idea to make a violent officer a lead is beyond comprehending. You do not root for the lead characters at all, really you are left thinking at the end of the film it would probably be better if they were shut down.

The actual plot of the film is very generic and has been done better before. I could guess right from the off where the plot was going, and it did not surprise me in anyway. This is nothing you have not seen before.

Overall, this is a deeply off-putting film for several reasons.

Pros.

It is watchable

Cons.

Winstone

The insensitivity

It is incredibly predictable

The characters are loathsome

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke