The Witches: Be Careful What You Eat

The Witches is a family comedy film directed by Nicolas Roeg. The plot follows a young recently orphaned boy Luke (Jasen Fisher), and his grandmother (Mai Zetterling), as they become wrapped up in a Witches plot to turn all the children in the UK into rats. The film is based on the Roald Dahl children’s book of the same name.

This film terrified me as a kid, so did the book for that matter. The way this film sets up witches with the mythology it creates is incredibly well done, the witches of this film are both terrifying and also hilarious. You can tell the creators of the Muppets were involved with this as the creature design is both distinctive and memorable. You will not see anything else like when the grand high witch (Anjelica Huston) takes off her face for the first time.

I think as far as family films go this film has some genuinely scary moments, maybe it is the crazy late 80’s early 90’s drug fuelled feel of it all, but the first time a kid gets turned into a rat will scare any child and maybe even some adults, for sure.

I think there is a lot to enjoy about this film, it is good fun, and quite a great whimsical adventure. If you enjoy fantasy, then you will definitely enjoy this. It is also a really great adaptation of Roald Dahl’s seminal book, so if like me that book has a special place in your heart then you will really enjoy this film.

I feel like as far as Roald Dahl based films go this is incredibly underrated and is often overlook in favour of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but this is actually a better film. Check it out!

Pros.

Great monster design.

Genuinely scary.

The best Roald Dahl film.

The madness of it all.

A feel-good adventure.

Cons.

None

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

All Hallows Eve: Creepy Clowns Are Back!

All Hallows Eve is horror thriller film directed by Damien Leone. The plot sees a babysitter finding a video tape that features a series of grisly murders committed by a sinister looking clown. As the film progresses the murders featured on the tape start to spill over into the real world and the babysitter becomes the clowns next target.

Despite being quite the low budget affair, this film is scarier than any horror film I have seen in recent memory and shows that talent trumps big budgets any day of the week. This film is consistently menacing from start to finish, the clown is by far the creepiest thing about this film and only becomes more frightening as the film goes on; he put Pennywise to shame.

The one thing I didn’t understand about this film was how it all fit together. At first, I thought all three of the tales on the videotape were connected and it was all part of a larger narrative, but then the second feature has an alien in it and really has very little to do with the other two segments. So, I don’t understand what it was meant to be because surely if it was an anthology film the third segment would be unrelated to the first. I thought that was a strange decision.

I liked the ending when the clown broke out into the real world, I thought this was for sure the scariest moment of the whole film.

Overall, I think this is one of the best hidden gem horror films I have seen in a long time, it is terrifying and bone chilling to watch. The clown is the scariest I have ever seen in cinema and I wouldn’t be surprised if he shows up in my nightmares. If you’re a fan of horror, then this film is a must see!

Pros.

It is terrifying.

The clown is hellish.

There are some great jump scares.

The ending breaks the fourth wall in the best way.

Cons.

I don’t understand if it was supposed to be one whole feature or an anthology.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Aquaslash: Blood In The Water

Aquaslash is a horror film directed by Renaud Gauthier. The plot sees a group of recently graduated high schoolers head to a waterpark to celebrate, however once they get there, they realise that there is a killer on the loose and heads and torsos then begin to role.

In a world where never everything possible has been turned into a film I would have thought a slasher set at a waterpark would have been done before, but I have never seen quite anything like this film. This is a strange film of inconsistencies; the tone goes from light and jokey to dark and menacing in a split second this happens often and is bizarre. However, where in other films tonal issues can break the film, in this they confusingly work.

However, it does take things a bit far a few times. An example of this would be that the character of Tommy (Paul Zinno), right from the beginning we see that he beats his girlfriend and is just a terrible person, yet in the third act he becomes somewhat of a hero and we are supposed to root for him? It is an odd character turn and I for one was happy when he got sliced into little pieces.

The gore in this film mainly comes from the fact that the killer has placed blades inside one of the parks three waterslides and then people start going down them; you can imagine what happens next. I found the gore to be just to my taste, it was grisly, but never too much.

The plot of this film is nonsensical and the late in the game reveal of who the killer is only serves to stretch the already thin plot thinner. However, you are not watching this film for a tight, insightful story, you’re watching this film to watch a gory, slasher film set at a waterpark, so does it matter?

Overall this is a bizarre film, if it was something else this would almost certainly be a bad review, but Aquaslash works in a way I can quite put my finger on, the gore is well done, and it is nice mindless fun.

Pros.

The gore.

The premise.

The laughable plot.

Cons.

Making a hero out of a domestic abuser?

If you want more than just mindless gore, then you might be disappointed.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Isle: Lost At Sea

The Isle is a British mystery thriller film directed by Matthew Butler-Hart. The plot sees a group of sailors become stranded on a remote island. As they begin to recover and start to explore, they soon realise that something is very wrong. The island is haunted by a ghost hell bent on revenge.

I genuinely don’t think there are enough films about seafaring and sailing as such I found this film to be refreshing. In many ways this film had a similar vibe to Robert Eggers excellent The Lighthouse, crucially we need more sea-based horror films.

I think the thing that is the most striking about this film is how original it is. It has such a strong sense of personality and is truly unlike many other horror films. The horror is a slowly built over the early part of the film, a lot of the horror focus is placed on atmosphere and creating this unpredictable sense of mystery; where you aren’t quite too sure what is going on.

I think the acting is all superb and is refreshing to see such well done performances, my one note would be that the backstory of the sailors could have been explored more. I understand that the island and its residents are the main focus, but the sailors do get a little short changed. The backstory of the haunting is interesting if a little disappointing, as the film teases the wife of Hades and I was hoping that was where it was going, but it wasn’t.

My other issue is with the design of the ghost herself. She is essentially just a woman in makeup there is nothing wrong with that it could be done creepily, however when she starts using her powers, especially during the final sequence, it looks terrible. The effects themselves are not well done, I don’t know whether it was a budget problem, or a technical one, but they look almost laughably bad and really serve to take you out of the final battle scene.

Overall, this film score points for originality and strong performances, but is short of glory because of its side-lined sailors and terrible effects.

Pros.

Originality.

Creepy.

Strong performances.

Cons.

The effects.

The sailors feel side-lined.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Dog Soldiers: Howling At The Moon

Dog Soldiers is a British horror film directed by Neil Marshall. The plot sees a group of soldiers come under attack by a pack of werewolves while doing a training exercise in a remote part of Scotland. The two groups must fight to the death as only one can walk away victories.

I watched this film again recently and have to say it hold up far better than I thought it would based on my childhood remembrance. I think the thing that works so well about it, and lasts the test of time, is the practical effects of the werewolves themselves; they are people in costumes and makeup rather than CGI. Across the course of the film we get a good look at these creatures and they are impressive, they look big and intimidating; they look like how you would imagine werewolves would look.

The cast features some great performances from familiar faces. Sean Pertwee plays Sargant Harry G. Wells, the fierce but loveable leader of the group of soldiers; Pertwee brings his usual roguish charm to the role and has a number of memorable lines and funny movements. We also see a hateable turn from Liam Cunningham as special forces solider Captain Richard Ryan; Cunningham plays the villain surprisingly well and the mystery around his character is really well done.

This film very much has a B movie sensibility to it that it uses for all the pulp fun it can. There are moments of comedy in the film as well that are surprisingly effective, they don’t take away from the horror or the tension rather they add to it in a strange, but also cool way.

Overall, this is a very strong debut for Marshall, who is by all means one of the most underrated directors in the horror genre today, well worth checking out if you can get your hands on it.

Pros.

The tone and also the dark humour.

The B movie feel.

Sean Pertwee.

Liam Cunningham.

The werewolves themselves. Practical over CGI.

Cons.

The beginning is slow, too slow.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Kill List: A King To Be

Kill list is a British crime horror film directed by Ben Wheatly. The plot follows two ex-soldier hitmen Jay (Neil Maskell), and Gal (Michael Smiley), who’s job soon takes a turn for the strange as they become entangled with a cult, though they don’t realise it at first.

I think this film is excellent, truly excellent. I think if any film could be the Wicker Man equivalent of our modern times it is this; and that is not just because they share some similar plot threads. The reason why I think so highly of this film is because of how subtle it is, you don’t realise that you’re watching a horror film, most of the film is more crime focused, until the last 10 minutes; but then when the film ends you see how it was really a horror all along.

The performances are superb and so are the characters. Jay and Gal are not written to be likable, right from the off we see Jay through a negative lens, but that is the point. This film achieves something few others do, it takes characters that are fundamentally bad/unlikable and by the end it makes you care about them. In the final sequence of the film you want Gal and Jay to be okay, you really do.

The folk horror aspect is also really well done, as I mentioned before a good comparison would be The Wickerman, but there is also some Hereditary in there too. I think the ending is fascinating and it makes all of the events of the film take on a whole other meaning; a rewatch is a necessity. I loved how all the actions of the two main characters had been mapped out by the group and everything was leading up to that moment.

Overall, I think from a writing and structure point of view this film is a triumph and I think from a horror point of view this is also incredible. I think more people should see this as it seems to be quite unknown to some. One of the best films I have recently.

Pros.

The folk horror.

The crime thriller aspect.

Making you care about awful people.

The ending.

All of the little details.

Cons.

None

5/5

Reviewed By Luke

Wolf Creek: The Australian Michael Myers

Wolf Creek is an Australian horror thriller film directed by Greg Mclean. The plot follows a group of tourists that become targeted by a demented xenophobic serial killer who hunts them down with the intent to kill them. This film was based on a series of real-life backpacker murders that happened in Australia a few years before the film was released.

In horror circles, this film has a reputation, it is held up as being a great slasher film and one of the best Australian horror films. However when I put it on I was incredibly disappointed with it. I thought it was boring and that it couldn’t hold a candle to other Australian horror gems like The Babadook and Boar.

I thought the only redeemable thing about this film is John Jarrett. Jarrett is an Australian national treasure and his involvement with this is the thing that got me excited for it. He plays the evil killer Mick Taylor and he gives the best performance he can, he is manic and off the wall and his character is the only really memorable part of this film.

My issues start with the fact that this film is boring, there is only about 10 minutes of it that are actually interesting and watchable. This film suffers from some of the worst pacing issues I have seen in a long time, the first act is a chore to get through and makes you want to turn it off and it doesn’t pick up until the last 10 minutes; even they aren’t worth the wait.

The characters are bland and forgettable and the based on true story bent to it has been done to death and this film is not doing anything new or interesting with it.

Overall, this film is a bore and one that is a test of strength to finish

Pros.

John Jarrett.

Cons.

It is boring.

It does nothing new with the format.

The characters are paper thin.

It takes a lot to finish it.

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Sacrament: When Does Something Become Bad Taste?

The Sacrament is a horror thriller film directed by Ti West. The plot sees two Vice reporters Sam (AJ Bowen), and Jake (Joe Swanberg), tag along with Patrick (Kentucker Audley), to visit his sister Caroline (Amy Seimetz), in a remote commune somewhere in Africa. However, once they’re there they release that it is far from God’s Kingdom on Earth and things quickly turn murdery.

As you all know I go back and forth on Ti West as the director I really like House Of The Devil, but everything else I have seen from him has either left me cold, or I have outright hated. After having a conversation with someone about West they recommended that I watch this film and so I did and I have to say, I enjoyed it more than I thought I was going, but I have mixed feelings about it.

I think doing a found footage version of the Jones Town Mass Suicide is a risky move, even if they did call it something else. This film is apparently inspired by said mass suicide, but in parts it is almost beat for beat the same. This, in my opinion, is a risk that pays off as it adds a real sense of danger and tension to the film and the suicide scene itself stays with you a long time after you have seen it; it is truly haunting.

However, I think the suicide scene does go a little too far, it crosses a bridge of just being shocking for the sake of being shocking and enters into the realm of bad taste. We don’t need to watch a baby getting injected with poison for it to be an impactful scene, all of the people writhing around on the floor in an eerily realistic manor does that job just fine.

I think this is defiantly in the stronger half of West’s filmography for sure, the acting is great all round, there is a keen sense of unease and worry throughout. The drama feels slowly ramped up over the course of the film rather than it just happening near the end, which is one of the main things I don’t like about West’s other work; this film feels like it flows, rather than being in two halves like The Innkeepers.

Overall, I think this is a good effective horror movie, that pushes the boundaries of taste and maybe goes a little too far with it along the way. If you don’t like Eli Roth’s Hostel because of how it presents itself, you won’t like this. Definitely one to watch if you have the stomach for it.

Pros.

Good acting.

It flows well.

The sense of drama and danger.

The ending.

Cons.

The ending.

It goes too far.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Brahms The Boy 2: Are Haunted Doll Movies Dead?

Brahms The Boy 2 is a horror film directed by William Brent Bell; it is a sequel to the 2016 film The Boy. Revolving around a family that, after a home invasion, moves to the British countryside to try and regain a sense of normality. However, they move in a stone’s throw away from The Hillshire Estate, which has one special prosocline resident that quickly becomes obsessed with the new family.

Please let this ‘franchise’ end here, there was no need for this film and my god there is certainly no need or reason for a third film. This film spends its hour and a half runtime tearing apart and ruining everything interesting from the first film and replacing it with haunted doll clichés. The first film earned my praise when they revealed that no nothing paranormal was going on, instead it was a killer in the walls.

However, this is how the second film continues that reveal, the Braham’s in the wall is just never mentioned again, and the doll is revealed to be evil or possessed or something. So, they go from a smart twist to a wannbe Annabelle film; what a waste. Rather than be a sequel that fits with the first, this feels incredibly at odds from the beginning.

The acting is nothing special either, Katie Holmes fills the Lauren Cohen role from the first film and is hugely outperformed by Cohen. The only difference between Holmes’ character and Cohen’s is that Holmes is a mother that has to worry about her disturbed kid. You would think this extra character dimension would allow for a more emotive performance, but no Holmes’s expression doesn’t change once over the course of the film, other than to occasionally shout, clearly this was just a paycheck role for her.

The kid is annoying right from the beginning and doesn’t get better, however, as I have said before I am not going to call out a child star for being bad at acting, it is low hanging fruit.

The only good thing about this film is the performance by Ralph Ineson who plays the groundskeeper who is secretly under the control of Brahms. Ineson seems to be the only person in this film that cares about giving a good performance and you can tell he is trying; he deserves better than this.

Overall, this film wasn’t as terribly bad as I thought it was going to be, that is as much praise as I can afford it. It is lazy, the cast other than Ineson don’t care, and it ruins the first film entirely.

Pros.

It is not terrible.

Ralph Ineson.

Cons,

It is lazy.

Clearly no one cares.

It ruins the first film.

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Blackcoats Daughter: The Best Episode Of Sabrina Ever

The Blackcoats Daughter is a psychological horror film directed by Osgood Perkins. The plot is split into three separate narratives, one for each character, that culminate together in the final act. It tells the story of two girls who are left behind at their Catholic boarding school over break. Things quickly become sinister when it becomes clear that one of the girls is in league with a demon; a bloodbath ensues.

When I first saw this film the other night, I didn’t know what I thought of it, a few days later as I am writing this review I still don’t. This seems to be a recurring theme of Perkins work; it is incredibly polarising.

On the one hand it is incredibly drawn out, to the point of feeling indulgent or as though it is trying to kill time, at points and the split narrative can be confusing even after you have seen it; as there are a lot of little details that are easy to miss, I recommend if you are going to watch this film to watch it twice.

However, when you do start to pick up on the little details and things it becomes far more engaging and far creepier to. In fact I thought this film was genuinely quite scary and it made me jump, more than I have done in a long time, at one point in the film. I think the horror in this film comes as a result of figuring out what is really going on and how everything fits together.

Another to praise in this film is the performance of Kiernan Shipka as Katherine, the main girl and the one who is in league with the forces of evil. Up until watching this I was convinced she couldn’t act, her performance in the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is painfully bad, though now I think that this might have been bad writing, because here she was fantastic. Shipka plays evil and creepy so well, she is really quite menacing in this film and puts the performances of everyone else to shame; this film will serve as a testament to her acting forever more.

Overall, certainly not a film for everyone, but if you like slow burning horror then you will find something to like here.

Pros.

A great twist.

Shipka.

Creepy and unsettling.

Well done.

Cons.

Slow and confusing at points has to be watched twice to fully appreciate.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke