Pet Semetary: Toddlers With Top Hats

Pet Semetary

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Of all the older versions of Stephen Kings films this is probably the best, I won’t even bother to mention a lot of the newer adaptations of King’s work as they are mostly meh at best: I never wanted to see Pennywise dance or lick a piece of glass, but hey that’s me. By comparison to the remake this version of Pet Semetary might just be a masterpiece.

In terms of scares there is something of a fever dream quality to the film, where things never seem quite right. I enjoyed the gothic world the film creates where those we love can come back as evil versions of themselves, I think the premise is rife for exploration into the human condition and for the most part this film does that. There were a few unsettling moments that were made scary by the atmosphere the film had built, sadly in this regard the film also has an oddly comedic, campy charm to it that often takes away from a lot of the scares- on the plus side it does make the film hilarious.

I think the ending of this film is much better to what we got in the remake as well, as it ends with the hint of bad things to come, but it doesn’t go out of its way to show you, it leaves it to your imagination and there is defiantly something to be said for that approach.

Overall, a lot of goofy fun, not perfect but a damn sight better than what would follow it. PS. The Ramones tie in song rules and still holds up today.

Pros.

The end credits song

The ending

The scares

The unintentional comedy, though this does take away from the scares

Cons.

A little dated now

Quite slow pace

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, one on one Q and As and the ability for you to tell me what to review next. Check it out! https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Jakob’s Wife: Marital Problems With A Blood Red Tinge

Jakob’s Wife

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film really is a testament to what one actor can do for a film. There are many moments, especially early on in the film, before the film allows itself to have fun, whereby the film loses you and starts to drift off into a sea of mediocrity. However, the performance from Barbara Crampton as the titular wife Anne manages to keep this film above water and singlehandedly makes the film what it is.

To get into its stride this film has to divorce itself from the serious, that is the problem of the opening half an hour, the film takes itself far too seriously and tries to pass itself off as a drama- this doesn’t work. Cut to later in the film and Anne is licking blood off the floor, whilst trying to tell her husband it’s not her who is a vampire or evil and all you can do is laugh; this is far more engaging.

In terms of vampire scares this film is a nice mix of modern and classic vampire lore and scares and there are a few scenes between Anne and her master that could have been lifted from Dracula itself. I thought the idea of not having the master be out and out evil, yes they do a lot of evil things but there is also a need on the films part to get us to feel sorry for the character or to see their side, was interesting and it did add an element of moral ambiguity to the film that I think really helped to enhance Crampton’s performance.

Overall, a film made by Barbara Crampton.

Pros.

Crampton

The sympathetic Master character

Merging vampire lore

The comedic moments

Cons.

The first act is painfully slow and takes itself too seriously.

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Antebellum: A Lecture Disguised As A Film

Antebellum

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

This film came and went, with many having the good sense to avoid it as it tried to piggy back desperately on Jordan Peele’s new horror sub-genre. However, it can’t hope to match the inherent intelligence of Peele’s films or his uncanny ability to perfectly blend together social commentary and horror into one narrative whole.

Continuing on, the worst part of this film is its paper thin writing. The metaphor and message of Antebellum is stuffed into your face to the point of nausea, and to make matters worse it thinks it is being subtle and insightful with it- that is really not the case. This film mostly ignores the fact that it is supposed to be a horror film, and instead focuses on well worn social commentary: this quickly turns into a lecture.

The style is oddly jarring as the time travel elements don’t really work together, the clash is not outrightly terrible, but it does take you out of the experience and bothers you more and more as you think about it.

Likewise the acting isn’t anything to write home about, and for all those who said this was going to be Janelle Monae’s break out performance I think you can all see how wrong you were.

Overall, this film tried and failed to copy Jordan Peele, but it is nothing more than a pale imitation.

Pros.

The premise has promise

Cons.

Janelle Monae

The lecture

The two time periods clash

It doesn’t understand the word subtly

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Bad Witch: The Relatable Witch

Bad Witch

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Comedy horror often has the issue of favouring one element over the other, however, as a rare exception this film manages to perfectly capture the essence of both and balance them together well, forming a perfectly rounded comedy horror film.

I enjoyed the comedic gimmick of the unfortunate witch who is just as much of a screw up as the rest of us, I thought it made the character feel very relatable and easily likeable, whilst also helping to bring out and enhance the comedic elements. This film made me laugh a lot throughout.

I also thought the scarier parts of the film worked well, they managed to build on the unsettling moments to create strong through and through scares that stay with you long after the film. I appreciated how the film focused on atmospheric scares over jump scares, I think it is always the more effective route and it is proven so here.

My only problem with this film is that it is poorly paced and does have a few moments that drag on.

Overall, a near perfect comedy horror film that could have been made perfect with a tighter edit.

Pros.

Comedy

Horror

A relatable lead

The ending

Cons.

Pacing, bloat, and needless subplots

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Them: Exploitation Or High Art? The Series Can’t Decide

Them

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

My, my it has been a minute since a horror series has actually given me nightmares and bothered me psychologically outside the show. This is a very powerful show for a lot of reasons, it will scare you both in terms of supernatural horrors and very real ones as well, it will sicken you and make you angry.

In case I wasn’t clear, I think this is one of the best new horror TV series in the last few years, as not only does it have something to say, but it also fully executes its premise to a strong degree as well, it flourishes under its large undertaking.

The themes and messages don’t feel in your face or lecture like, as they are expertly woven into the wider story, though as you are watching it you are given an education on very real world evils that happened and are still happening.

I think across the board the acting is top notch, the only weak spot I could find would be the little girl who gave a few very bad performances at times, but hey I won’t labour the point about child actors not being very good.

I have seen a view reviews comparing this series to the work of Jordan Peele and basically saying something to the extent of this show steals from or rips off his work. Now, though I can see how both share similar ground I would argue that what we are witnessing rather than a copying is the formation of a new socially focused horror sub-genre that all of these works belong to. I also think this series does enough to clearly separate it from Peele’s work.

My one complaint would be that this series often crosses a line, now this is personal to me, I don’t need to see a dead dog’s corpse multiple times shot with a close up angle as well, nor is it necessary to have a prolonged rape scene and show it multiple times throughout the show as well, for these reasons I would say the show often ventures into bad taste. Furthermore, during some of the latter episodes the show seems to revel in the violence that is occurring on-screen rather than acting to condemn it. I can understand why creatively the show would cross this line, in both cases, and choose to do it the way it does, but personally I found it off putting.

Overall, an impressively strong horror series

Pros.

The acting

The scares

The social commentary

Consistency throughout

Cons.

It does fall into bad taste on a number of occasions

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

The Banishing: Wait What?

The Banishing

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

When I saw the trailer for this film I was intrigued. I viewed it in a similar vein as The Woman In Black, a damn fine British horror film, with the added bonus of Sean Harris, one of the best actors you have never heard of. So I went into this with fairly high expectations, and they were not met.

The issue with this film is very simple, it is too ambitious. This film tries to pull off a lot over its short runtime and it collapses in on itself as it goes along; reaching a point where the film becomes so convoluted that you have no real idea what is going on.

Sean Harris is a delight and sell his manic scenes well. Seeing Harris perform so well, almost makes you wish he was cast as the lead rather than as a supporting character, as he out performs everyone on screen.

The horror is mixed, the atmospheric haunted house scares unsettle you more than frighten, and then when the film tries to make you jump it often fails as it is very predictable in these moments.

Overall, this film is crushed under its own weight.

Pros.

The concept

Harris

Cons.

The leads have zero impact

The horror doesn’t always land

It needed more focus If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts, one on one Q and As and the ability for you to tell me what to review next. Check it out

!https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

The Seventh Day: The Devil In The White Collar

The Seventh Day

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

A lot of possession or exorcism films play a lot of lip service to the Church, as such it is nice to see a film that takes a different approach and asks the question what if the monster/demon was the priest? It is an interesting idea as yes, if a demon was possessing people why wouldn’t they possess priests, figures that are trusted by thousands of people. It reminded me a lot of Robert Kirkman’s terrific comic Outcast.

That said, despite the twist being interesting it is not executed well. It is clear which of the priests is evil almost from the get-go, and the film does not subvert your expectations in anyway, the one you think is bad is.

I thought the ending was a little too sequel baity for my taste, and I don’t think this film is really good enough to warrant sequels. The horror was very iffy, some moments were strong and had real promise and other moments were painfully by the numbers and played out.

Guy Pearce brings a lot to the film, but even he cant save this film from mediocrity.

Overall, a few good moments but for the most part very average.

Pros.

Guy Pearce

A few good scares

Cons.

It is painfully obvious

The ending teases an unearned sequel

More than a few bad/ generic scares

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Held: After The First Hour Turn It Off, That Way You Might See A Good Film

Held

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

If I was just reviewing the first hour of this film I would give it higher. The first hour of this film poses an interesting concept, a married couple is forced to do the bidding of an omnipotent stranger- with the goal of purifying their marriage. However, after the hour mark this film falls apart.

With the reveal of what is really going on in the third act, the film ceases to be anything good or original and instead becomes a very blatant and obvious attempt to rip off The Stepford Wives into an inferior product. Moreover, you are annoyed with your self for liking the first hour of this film and feel almost tricked for not having seen the similarities before.

I think the subject matter and ideas that this film discusses are very important, however, the way the film conveys these ideas is in the least subtle and most tasteless way you possibly can. There is a heavy Me Too aspect to this film that translates into their being a constant rape threat throughout that I found uncomfortable, and thought could have been handled a lot better.

Overall, this film is lazy and in your face- a very off putting combination.

Pros.

The premise is interesting

The acting is serviceable

Cons.

The constant rape threat

The reveal and the fact that this film is a discount Stepford Wives

It is annoying at times

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Behind Her Eyes: The TED Talk On How Not To Do A Twist

Written by Luke Barnes

Behind Her Eyes is a supernatural thriller series directed by Stephen Lightfoot based on the novel of the same name by Sarah Pinborough. The plot revolves around a love triangle at a local doctor’s clinic that becomes more dangerous due to the fact that one of the trio can astral project.

This was billed as Netflix’s most recent must binge series and I did, and honestly I have to say it is kind of a mess. The first few episodes start the show off on a strong note, there is a keen sense of place and characters and the hint of something more at play- a supernatural element. However, as the series rushes to its end, things quickly start to come apart.

The last two episodes of the series feature a number of twists that I believe ruin the show. The generic erotic thriller themes of the first few episodes are made more interesting by the tease of something more supernatural going on, and boy do you get that in the last two episodes. Sadly, when we do start dealing with the ideas around astral projection it is boring, poorly thought out and leaves more questions than answers.

Overall, the series does have moments of promise, but it throws it all away at the end.

Pros.

Some early intrigue and the tease of something more

Cons.

It quickly becomes generic

The twist is not very good

The astral projection stuff is riddled with issues

It derails itself

1/5

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer

Dawn Of The Beast: People Should Know By Now That Nothing Good Ever Happens In The Woods.

Written by Luke Barnes

Dawn Of The Beast is a horror film directed by Bruce Wemple. The plot sees a group of graduate students head out into the woods in search of Bigfoot, however, what they find is far more terrifying.

There is only one truly good horror film about Bigfoot and that is the Lost Coast Tapes, the rest of them are frequently terrible. I am pleased to say that though this film has issues, this falls into the category of good Bigfoot horror, and does provide a nice entry into the subgenre.

I think the creature design on both Bigfoot and the Wendigo is very well done, and though we only see brief amounts of them over the course of the film they do leave an impression and look suitably scary or perhaps monstrous.

In terms of scares, the film isn’t scary, it has a few tense sequences and attempts a few jump scares but to limited success.

The issues with this film are all structural and fundamental. The pacing in this film is way off and what is a relatively short film ends up feeling far longer to watch then it actually is- developing a bloat. Moreover, the acting from the human characters is incredibly weak: yes I understand that most wont be watching this to see how layered and well written the human characters are, rather instead to watch monster carnage, but it did impact on my viewing experience.

Overall, a good Bigfoot horror film that is brought down by several glaring issues.

Pros.

Using its monster well

The creature design

A few tense sequences

Cons.

The pacing

The acting

3.5/5

If you enjoyed this review, then please head over to my Patreon to support me, I offer personalized shoutouts and the ability for you to tell me what to review next. Check it out!

https://www.patreon.com/AnotherMillennialReviewer