Villains: Please Stop Making Tables Turned Home Invasion Films, We Are Done With Them

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After a bank robbery a young couple find their way into a house with a child tied up in the basement, when they stick around to ask questions the homeowners return and take them prisoner.

When you watch horror/thriller films on the regular you begin to notice that there only seem to be about 5 original premises within the genre. The idea of bad people breaking into someone’s house only to find out that the homeowners are actually even worse than them and doing the clichéd ‘tables turned’ twist. This film has been done before and done better.

The generic nature of the premise sadly holds back the acting talent herein. Bill Skarsgard and Maika Monroe are both strong actors and have a number of good performances to their names to back that claim, however here they are given nothing to work with and though they might try their best their characters are ultimately doomed to be forgotten about.

My biggest issue with this film was that nothing shocked me about it. It went through a Don’t Breathe esque list of check boxes, to make sure it could fully tap into the flipped home invasion cliché, and did everything that you would expect, but added nothing new to spice things up or to keep the audience guessing. From the beginning to the end this film is entirely guessable.

Overall, generic and nothing new.

Pros.

The actors are trying

It is watchable

Cons.

It is stale

It is predictable

It is deeply forgettable

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What If: Zombies?

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

This was easily the best episode yet. I say that both in terms of the concept and execution. I think many of the other episodes, not all but a large amount, have felt too similar usually because they try and adapt certain MCU films, however this feels entirely different and all the better for it.

I am a huge fan of Robert Kirkman’s Marvel Zombies run and I have been waiting for them to adapt it. This episode does justice to that storyline through and through and does not shy away from pulling some narly twists and reveals. I thought the Wanda reveal was especially good in this regard and I am surprised Disney allowed them to do it.

Moreover, I felt like this episode gave some much needed screen time to some of the smaller characters in the MCU. For all the focus Bruce Banner and Peter Parker get Hope Van Dyne also gets her moment in the sun. Hope has felt like a relatively separate MCU character confined to the Antman films and not given much to do outside of them, yet here she is leading the team and we get to see her interact with the other Avengers which makes for a number of heart-warming and emotional scenes. In that same regard I am glad we got to see more from Sharon Carter in this episode as well. The wider universe does not seem to know what to do with her character having her be a love interest in Winter Soldier and having her be a sub-villain in FTWS. Here they get her right however she is a badass spy and that is all she needs to be.

My only complaint would be that the episode feels too short and cuts off leaving us wanting more. Hopefully season two will come back to this universe.

Overall, the best episode yet.

Pros.

Marvel Zombies

The emotion

The darkness

Highlighting secondary, often forgotten about, characters

The fight scenes and tension

Cons.

We needed more

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Malignant: James Wan Sullies His Horror Master Reputation

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Maddie, Annabelle Wallis, begins to experience visons of grisly murders that seem linked to her early years- which she has now repressed.

Where to begin with this one? This film is hilarious, not because it is funny but because it is so dumb and ridiculous that laughing is the only way you can deal with this film. The biggest joke this film tells it’s audience is that it is a horror film, this is simply a lie. If I had to categories it I would say it was an action horror film with a clear B movie influence and elements of comedy. If you go into this expecting the next Insidious or Conjuring you are wasting your time.

Another fundamental error with this film is the casting of its lead. Annabelle Wallis can’t act. Have we not learnt that by now with The Mummy, Annabelle and King Arthur all being bad films and made worse by Wallis’ inability to be anything other than wooden. However, here Wallis embraces a different style of acting: overacting. It seems someone has pointed out to Wallis that in most of her film roles no matter what is going on her face stays pretty much the same throughout and she has now decided to dial everything up to a ridiculous degree. When her character screams it won’t just be a scream it will be several and she will probably throw herself around a bit for good measure, because that distracts from her poor acting ability right?

The people who wrote this film should have a hard look in the mirror because never in all my time watching films has there been so little logic or even basic sense in a film that I’ve seen. Nothing about this film makes sense, at first I thought the film was trying to be deliberately confusing to throw audiences off, but no it just does what it likes and doesn’t bother having it make sense. Even when we get an explanation of what the villain is, we are still never told how it has superhuman abilities…. It just does.

The villain in this film……… is laughable. It is in no way scary and the reveal is blindly obvious from about ten minutes in.

Overall, this shows what happens when the studios give creatives free reign- they make a mess.

Pros.

It is hilarious

It is watchable

Cons.

It is dumb

None of it makes sense

The ending is awful

Annabelle Wallis needs to stop acting

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American Horror Story: Thirst

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Harry Gardner’s, Finn Wittrock, daughter turns out to have an insatiable desire for blood which becomes troublesome quickly. This is compounded by threats from the other vampires/sea monsters, the police chief, Adina Porter, showing up unannounced and Harry’s agent, Leslie Grossman, coming to investigate.

This episode was the worst so far by quite a large margin. It shows a lot of the issues with the show with striking accuracy and precision, almost as though the creatives are trying to physically show us how far the show has fallen from grace.

There are a lot of needless scenes here, and in the series as a whole. An example of this is the scene where Harry goes to get some blood for his daughter and his victims turn out to be rapist murderers who try to rape Harry. Now, the fact that the victims are this adds nothing to the episode as a whole, Harry kills them and moves on and I was left wondering why include them in the plot at all why not just have it be a random person? Yes there is the argument of oh he is only killing bad people so maybe he can still be redeemed, but in the same episode he kills another man/group of people who have done no wrong, thus defeating that argument. To me if feels like it was chosen for shock value, to be edgy because they could, not because it improved the episode at all.

Another big glaring issue this episode highlights is the fact that we are three episodes into the series and there is yet to be a single likeable character. Many people had issues with the last season, but at least it gave us characters to care about, here most of the characters are either written to be unlikable or are so bland, stupid and dull that you find yourself growing to dislike them. Even Evan Peters is not hugely charming here, his character just comes off as a dick and not an interesting one at that.

Overall, this was a poor episode, and the second half of the season is going to need to work very hard to bring this show back to form.

Pros.

It was watchable

Leslie Grossman is a delight

Cons.

The rape subplot

None of the characters are likeable

A lot of it feels just done because they could and not because they should

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American Horror Story: Pale

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

After taking the black pill Harry Gardner, Finn Wittrock, becomes widely successful as a screen writer however, it comes at a terrible cost.

I think this is certainly a stronger episode than the premiere, in multiple ways. We can fully roll into the vampire/sea monster shenanigans now and the episode feels far more engaging because of it. We get slightly more clarity around the rules for these new monsters, though there is still enough mystery there for it to keep you guessing.

Moreover, Evan Peters and Sarah Paulson have far more of a presence in this episode and that helps things along greatly. The two really are the shining lights of the show and each time they are on-screen they easily make the show. Peters is particularly terrific this time around and I love his over the top gothic playwright character.

The family dynamic of the Gardner’s is starting to become a little irritating and needs to be ditched. The kid is a brat and the nagging scared wife who doesn’t understand what is going on and just wants to leave feels like an easy stereotype that we have already seen before too many times.

Moreover, the origins of the pale creatures is not as dark and macabre as it could have been, but it is interesting none the less.

Overall, a stronger follow up episode.

Pros.

Peters

Paulson

We get the full vampire reveal

The origins of the pale creatures

Cons.

The family element is starting to get stale

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American Horror Story: Cape Fear

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Failing screen writer Harry Gardner, Finn Wittrock, move his family to the coast for the winter in hopes of finding inspiration. However, what he finds is a town overrun by pale creatures that feast on human blood.

It has been a while since we last saw American Horror Story on our screens. Is this a return to form for the series after the so-so outing of the last season? Partially maybe, but it is not without its issues. I understand that this is a first episode, so it has a lot to set up, however, it is so slow it puts you to sleep. The pacing in this episode is way off, with the first forty minutes being fairly bland and then things livening up in the final ten or so minutes.

Another thing I think that is hurting the show somewhat this season, is that they are no leading with their strongest performers. Evan Peters and Sarah Paulson are only briefly in this episode is bit supporting parts, with the lead instead being Wittrock and Lilly Rabe. That is not to say they are bad, rather that they might have been better suited to supporting roles as they aren’t really compelling enough to act as leads.

I do like the rather obvious vampire influence over this season, though it is clear they won’t actually be vampires, instead they will be sea monsters as the theme is aliens and sea monsters for this season- at least going off the promotional art work. I think the origins of the pale creatures is set up to be interesting and I would like to see how they tie into the wider lore of the universe.

Overall, it has promise but as first episodes go this was a bit too slow.

Pros.

The pale creatures

The vampire influence

Paulson and Peters in the small doses we get of them

Cons.

The leads aren’t strong

The episode is poorly paced

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American Horror Stories: Game Over

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The series returns to Murder House once again but this time it seems to all be within a videogame.

This is easily the worst episode of American Horror Stories and is amongst the worst episodes of the entire franchise. Why? Where to begin.

Firstly, this episode teases us with the destruction of Murder House, it does not deliver on this and instead gives us one of the worst bait and switch endings ever, it would have been less insulting to say it was all a dream; actually what they do isn’t that far off this.

Moreover, this big episode that will have huge ramifications for the show, at least in set up in actuality it changes nothing, they couldn’t be bothered to bring most of the main murder house cast back. Really? I understand people like Evan Peters and Jessica Lange might be too pricy to return but surely the show has a budget and could have got them to come back for this special episode.

The actual plot itself whereby American Horror Story exists within the universe of the show, but also doesn’t makes very little sense. The constant twist reveals of ‘oh you thought this was real no it’s a videogame’ become so overdone that the episode comes apart at the seams and ends up showcasing the very worst writing that the series has to offer.

Overall, a painfully bad episode that could easily ruin the spin-off series for a lot of people.

Pros.

A few good scares

Cons.

It is meaningless and effects nothing

They don’t bring a lot of the main cast back

The son is awful and completely annoying

The ending sucks so much

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Candyman: Watch Out For Bee Stings

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Years after the events of the previous films Anthony McCoy, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, learns the legend of Candyman. As the struggling artist learns more about the figure he suddenly finds inspiration, however, he also starts to become haunted by the spector- with Candyman himself having a dark purpose for Anthony.

As I tweeted after I saw this, I think this might be the horror film of the summer. Throughout the entire time I was watching this I had a smile on my face. I loved how this film explored the world and lore of Candyman and expanded upon what we had got from previous movies and furthered this idea of possession. I thought the transformation, was also done really well and I think the make up effects that are used are done in a very convincing way, the wounds look painful.

Moreover, I think DaCosta perfectly manages to capture elements of social commentary and weave them into the horror in such a way that the two feel intimately linked together. The horror certainly works on two levels, both of which propagate the other. I thought the final scene in the police car was particularly effecting and powerful. After seeing this I am very, very excited to see what DaCosta does with the Marvels.

It goes without saying, but those that don’t like films that have political messages and who often complain about things being ‘too woke’ should stay far, far away from this film and let the rest of us enjoy it.

I think the performances across the cast were terrific with Yahya Abdul-Mateen II and Colman Domingo and Teyonah Parris each giving magnificent turns and really proving what they can do. Each member of the cast brings something different to the table here, but each are valuable and important in their own way.

My one complaint and it is only a small one, as I think this film is pretty marvellous, is that I wish we got more Tony Todd. Todd is a favourite of mine in the horror genre, and we don’t see anywhere as much of him anymore as we used to and that is a crying shame. We only get a brief tease of him here, but his scene is memorable. Maybe he can come back more if this film gets a sequel.

Overall, simply fantastic, this film restores my hope in these long running horror sagas that we might have another golden age ahead of us rather than the glory days being behind us.

Pros.

The horror

The lore and world building

The message and the emotion

The physical make-up effects

The acting

Cons.

I wish we had more Tony Todd

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Demonic: The Fight Against Demons Has Evolved

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Carly, Carly Pope, has to meet her mum after years of cutting her out after she committed a series of murders. As she enters her mum’s mind, literally, she begins to see things were far darker and more supernatural than they first appeared. A battle for Carly’s soul soon follows.

For full disclosure here, I am a big fan of Neill Blomkamp so bare that in mind throughout this review.

After Chappie, which I have a soft spot for, but a lot of people didn’t like, Neill Blomkamp had a lot of bad luck. Both his Alien and Robocop projects were passed on and it wasn’t clear what was next for the director. However, then I saw the first trailer for this and knew he was back.

There is a lot of demonic possession films out there, I have seen, and reviewed for this blog tons and tons of them. After a point all of these films start to feel similar and you start looking for something new and different enough to bring you back to the genre again, this film did that. Whether it is the black ops army of priests hunting demons, or the new tech that allows said priests and others to venture into the mind of the possessed to fight demons in cyberspace, there are a lot of new ideas here and they mostly work.

Moreover, I enjoyed that the demon looked distinctly different from what we usually see in these type of films, which is either a human with glowing eyes or a red skinned horned entity. I thought the look of the demon with the bird head was distinct enough to be memorable and crucially scary.

In terms of scares this isn’t the scariest film in the world, but it did give me a few good scares throughout.

Overall, it is nice to see Blomkamp back in the game and bringing something new to the genre.

Pros.

The demon costume design

The new tech focus

The army of black ops exorcists

A few good scares

Cons.

It could do with being scarier

A few pacing issues

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Attack The Block: Aliens Should Have Thought Better Than To Attack Inner-City London

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Aliens land in a London council estate during Bonfire Night, a gang of youths are the only thing standing in their way to world domination.

Personally, I think this film is a little overrated. It is a mostly good film sure, but it is not a classic as some seem to view it as.

I dislike the way the characters in this film talk, the street slang sort of language is quickly overdone, and worse yet it perpetuates stereotypes about the youth of the working class; there will be plenty of people in the same situation that don’t talk like that and that aren’t in gangs. So presenting the majority of the tower block being criminal in some fashion feels a little off to me.

Moreover, the film lacks the charm of an Edgar Wright picture, if you will pardon the comparison. The characters feel hard to root for or care about because they don’t really do or say anything to make you like them. The only two that I felt any kind of positive feeling towards are Luke Treadway’s Brewis and Nick Frosts Ron, the latter of whom I only really like because Wright has conditioned me to always find him charming whenever he is on screen.

The thing I will give this film credit for is the scale and spectacle of it. For a modestly budgeted film they do a lot with the effects and the way they build tension. So much so that even though you only ever see the aliens for a moment here and there it feels like more, and enough is left to the imagination to make it interesting.

Overall, as a one off I think this film is a fine watch, it doesn’t need a sequel though, however.

Pros.

The scale and spectacle

Treadaway and Frost

The aliens

Cons.

None of the characters are particularly likeable

How it portrays working class youths

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