Cold Storage: Being Named After A Biscuit

Summary, a couple of storage workers accidentally release a deadly alien organism.

In a post Stranger Things world, it is noticeable that Joe Keery is trying to stay in the genre space. This in many ways felt very similar to older genre stuff such as Hole or something of that nature wherein it isn’t quite YA but is softer horror.

Keery was a likeable enough lead and anchored the film but it was a shame the film didn’t give us more of Liam Nesson considering he was the big name on the poster.

The film isn’t scary so much as it is gross, and if that’s what you’re into then you’ll enjoy this film. It is enjoyable but not really as a horror film.

Overall, fun and not much more

3.5/5

Pros.

Keery

The little we get of Nesson

It’s a nice little adventure

Its well paced

Cons.

It doesn’t really work as a horror film

The leads have no chemistry

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Cinema Issues: The Death Of Film Criticism

Once upon a time film criticism was respectable, you had your Eberts and later Kermodes. However, then came the internet wherein the access critic really began to flourish.

These people are often flown out to movie premieres given goodie bags and nice meals in exchange for saying a film is the best thing ever. They shill for films and studios on their social media channels, sometimes even taking sponsorships from them. Needless to say this shows the perverting of film criticism you cannot be objective and be in the pocket of a studio’s marketing department.

Then again you see that’s the gig, these “reviewers” need early access in order to stand out, as their actual analysis is weak. As such they are indebted to the studios. They want to rub elbows with celebrities and feel like a somebody when that was never supposed to be the role of the reviewer. The reviewer was either an art appreciator giving their opinion on the art they saw, or a man of the people telling you whether a film was worth the price or not. The issue was these people wanted to try and turn themselves into celebrities, they wanted to chase fame through film criticism usually after other failed careers, see Grace Randolph, or John Campea for that. This made them lose sight of what they were doing.

Much like independent coverage and citizen journalism is bringing balance back to news coverage we need that here. We need film opinions that don’t chase fame, we need honest conversations that don’t worry about upsetting left wing or right wing, we need to look at the films we see through the prism of was that an enjoyable film or not. If we don’t then more and more critics will just become irrelevant, increasingly they already are.

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Cinema Issues: The Failure of the Scream 7 Boycott

In this Cinema Issues article we are talking about the backlash to Scream 7.

At first we were not going to cover this as it gives bad faith actors too much attention however as the weekend drew on and they escalated and escalated we decided to jump in.

If you don’t know Melissa Barrera was fired from the Scream franchise, or chose to leave if you believe her, as she said some abhorrent things about Israel. The idiotic Pro Palestine crowd got very upset about this and had big feelings, and decided they were going to boycott Scream 7 to teach Paramount a lesson.

Then came the second wave, just before the film released a number of “critics” gave the film terrible reviews most having not watched it, or judging the film not based on its own merits but with the politics around it. People like John Campea got so upset that he said the film needed to “Rot In Hell”, yes this is the same John Campea who has casually said the N word despite being very white before now. As you could see they decided to put any sense of professionalism to one side to try and attack the film and punish the people that did the thing they didn’t like politically.

Then came the final wave, the “fans” who all came out of the woodwork to say how this was the worst Scream ever, they didn’t understand fundamental parts of the film such as why the new killers use AI to try and remind Sidney of her past killer status. Or they harp on about how it mentions New York a few times, a reference to Neve Campbell’s absence from the last film, not to the Carpenter Sisters but hey. These “fans” would have lapped it up if Melissa had still been the main character.

The best thing about all of this is that not only did these people destroy their credibility and reveal themselves for being bad faith actors, but also that they failed. The film had a bigger box office opening weekend than any of the films in the series even when you adjust all the others for inflation. Scream 8 is already in pre-production, and the franchise has never looked healthier. Much like with how they tried to boycott Hogwarts Legacy and then that failed this goes to show you just how little power these activists have and how irrelevant they are.

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Scream 7: Free Scream From Melissa Barrera

Summary: The franchise goes back to it’s roots and brings back Sidney, Neve Campbell.

So we’ll say this up front, a hell of a lot of the reviews aren’t talking about the film at all they are talking about politics. They don’t like that Melissa Barrera was fired for abhorrent political views and think trashing the film now will give her some retribution? Anyway, if they want to destroy their own credibility then fine, but for us it’s on with the show.

So for the most part this was an enjoyable film, it was good to see Sidney again, I would have liked slightly more Gale but it was still a cheer worthy moment when she came back, taking down the killer.

It would have been a better pay off if Stu was in fact the killer, even with the weird amnesia angle, as it stood it is a little underwhelming when they reveal who the killers are. However, it works in a meta sense if you think the fans are the killer, the fans’ demand for Sidney to come back etc. If you think about it like that it still works. There is a good chance they may actually bring back Stu for Scream 8.

The teens weren’t given a whole lot to do, and were all distractingly old for teens, Isabel May specifically. The ending that had her follow in her mother’s survivor footsteps was good, however, the relationship between her and Sidney was a bit wooden, there could have been more done to make that feel real and human.

Overall, fun and enjoyable with only a few minor issues.

4/5

Pros.

The focus on Sidney

The ending transformation of Tatum

Joel McHale stole the scenes he was in

Gale’s entrance

Cons.

The reveal is a little weak, but works in a meta sense.

Isabel May needs to be less wooden

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Whistle: This is starting to get old

Summary: We’ve had ouija boards, we have had severed hand games, and now we have a film about a death whistle.

It is starting to get old now, all of these films are the same, a group of teens find something supernatural and it starts picking them off one by one. Basically slasher by item rather than having an actual slasher.

There is also a very prominent lesbian romance which there wouldn’t be an issue with if it wasn’t so forced. Best shown through stilted dialogue wherein Dafne Keen’s character asks her cousin if a girl is straight as though he knows the sexuality of every girl in school

The issue with this film as a horror film is that it has no hook. It is simply people seeing how they’ll die and then that coming for them as older versions of the characters themselves, it has elements of Final Destination but without any of the charm.

Overall, it is watchable but it is starting to get boring.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

A couple of good deaths

Cons.

A strange side plot about a youth pastor

It is dull

It has been done before

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The Burbs: The Neighbours Are Racist Yet Again

Summary: So for some unknown they decided to remake The Burbs, as a TV show done in the style of a Jordan Peele film. You can see where this is going can’t you.

Interracial couple, racism, social commentary etc. It’s about as subtle as a brick thrown through your window with a note attached telling you the sender hates you.

The worst part of the show is just how played out it is there is nothing new about it, the social commentary has been done before, the plot is recycled likely AI slop, and of course Keke Palmer is there as any opportunity to behave like a stereotypical black woman calls for Keke Palmer.

Who could forget it was supposed to be a comedy except anyone watching it. There have been funnier funerals.

Overall, if you have Peacock cancel it and tell them it’s because of this show.

0.5/5

Pros.

It made me appreciate the original film more

Cons

Palmer

Whitehall

It’s not funny

It been done before

It’s predictable

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The Strangers Chapter 3: People Are Strange When You’re A

Summary, so we got the answer of who the Strangers are and the answer is that they are just a bunch of random people. I don’t know why I expected something more, I really don’t. I was hoping they would be part of some grand murder society that was operating all over the US, perhaps even in league with the government for population control, ala the Purge, but no just random nobodies. I thought that was why the town all knew but didn’t say anything about the Strangers but no, it was just the Sheriff’s son and I guess they are scared of him.

The idea that the ginger girl from Riverdale is going to take over as the leader of the Strangers, is odd. She suffers a number of tragedies but that doesn’t just flip a switch in your mind and go okay I am going to kill now. It doesn’t work like that. Perhaps we’ll soon have a girlboss Strangers film wherein the Strangers are all female, perhaps we can get Paul Feig in for that.

Honestly they keep this franchise going as it costs so little to make they turn a profit but I don’t see where it has to go from here, the Strangers are dead, maybe the Riverdale girl takes over but then it’s just her on her own, everything has been explained rather poorly, so yeah it seems like this is the end.

Overall, it’s okay it’s more of the same but don’t expect an interesting ending.

2.5/5

Pros

A few good kills

Some good jump scares

It is short

Cons.

It is underwhelming

The kills are unimaginative

It is boring in parts

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Send Help: Every Office Workers Fantasy

Summary A boss and an employee get stuck on a desert island after a plane crash and the former has to adjust to the new reality.

This is Rachel McAdam’s film fundamentally she carries it, she is the one you root for, she is the heart of the film, she is the funny one. Any plaudits you may have for the film should go to her.

I thought the ending was mixed, on the one hand I enjoyed the tongue in cheek silliness of her corporate rise to power story, but on the other it did feel a little out of nowhere even with the year and change time jump. As it stands the ending is a little jarring.

There were a number of good visceral horror moments that you really felt but these were somewhat let down by a heavy handed use of foreshadowing, which gave away a lot of the surprises before they happened.

Overall, a good effort if not as good as Raimi’s other horror efforts.

2.5/5

Pros

Rachel McAdams

It is funny

There are some great horrifying moments

Cons.

The foreshadowing is too on the nose

The ending is a little jarring

The twists are quite obvious

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IT Welcome To Derry Season Overview: Forgetting Who The Star Is

Summary: Years before the Losers club do battle with Pennywise a different group of kids are targeted.

In the great war between this and the finale season of Stranger Things I would say this is comfortably the winner. This was far more engaging and better done from a production stand point.

I would say the issue that the two have in common was the need for filler, there is a lot in the last season of Strangers Things that could be cut and likewise here they try and have lots of different stories going at once, which dilutes things.

I think bringing in Pennywise full in his clown form only near the end of the show was a mistake as that is who a large portion of the audience are watching for. I liked that the show dived deeper into Pennywise’s backstory even if it does lead to continuity issues. For example where were the native americans when IT reawakens in the 80s, yes some of them may have left the area at the end of the series but not all.

Secondly I think seeing the destruction of the Black Spot was cool but I might have saved it for the next season as it is one of the defining moments in Pennywise’s history.

I thought the inclusion of Halloran was a mixed bag, it was cool to see references to other King projects within the show, but also he got far too much focus for a side character.

Overall, a good if imperfect show.

4/5

Pros.

Pennywise’s backstory

Connections to other King projects

Engaging characters

Good gore and horror

Cons.

Not using more of Pennywise

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Iron Lung: 1000 Leagues Under The Blood Sea.

Summary: A YouTuber is the galaxies last hope, that feels about right for 2026.

So, I went into this having not played the game before, I didn’t think the film did a great job of explaining the world or the mythology and that is my main issue with it. The cosmic horror we got was interesting, the under sea devil/creature, but it was too vague and under explained.

I understand if you want to faithfully adapt the game and the game is ambiguous then you don’t want to change things but I think changing the medium you do need to assume audiences won’t have the same sort of thought patterns.

There were some pacing issues towards the back half of the film and a lot of the stuff revolving around the character’s past were again underdeveloped. Really the issue was that due to the backstory stuff being so underdeveloped when the film went back to that you were groaning and bored.

Overall, a watchable horror film with some interesting concepts but the script needed a hell of a lot more work.

2.5/5

Pros.

Good concept

Interesting world

Watchable

Cons.

The world building is poor

There are pacing issues

Some of the camera work was a bit clunky

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