Ghostwatch: The British Blair Witch

A BBC crew investigate a haunted house little do they know the entity wants them there.

So Ghostwatch is something of a legend in the UK it was a found footage film that many people thought was real as it was shown on TV to look as real as possible and that caused a lot of social commotion. It was Blair Witch before Blair Witch.

The film takes the form of a televised ghost hunt, we have a traditional old fashioned BBC presenter leading us through a night that will prove whether ghosts exist or not. However, as the night progresses things start to go awry in a very Late Night With The Devil sort of way.

What works so well about this film is just how real it appears it does genuinely feel like it’s an actual televised ghost encounter. If I had been shown this at the time on live television I would had thought this was real too. There is some elements that might look a little dated by today’s effect standards but on the whole it holds up very well.

I liked the film’s atmosphere and its non-reliance on jump scares, however, for anyone familiar with the Enfield Poltergeist there are a number of familiar elements which might make the film seem a bit obvious, though this is made up for with quite a different ending to how that case went.

Overall, a British horror gem.

4/5

Pros.

It is scary

It seems real

It has a good ending

It makes the most with a limited budget

Cons.

Too many nods to Enfield

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Dr Terror’s House Of Horror: Don’t Do Tarot Kids

Summary

Christopher Lee and his friends board a train, wherein they meet a fortune teller, Peter Cushing, little do they know it will change their lives forever.

There is just something about old school British horror that you can’t quite replicate anymore. Maybe it is the setting or the creepy edge that the lives of the upper classes seem to have in these films- meaning perhaps too many films these days are focused on the working class and the plight of poverty rather than excess.

I liked the wrap around story telling device and the fact that each story also worked on its own, both things are important in an anthology. The stories themselves were a mixed bag as often is the case with these short of films, I found a few of them to be good and a few entertaining but flawed. I would suggest that the Voodoo one is the weakest as it doesn’t have much more beyond its central conceit.

I would say that the stories themselves and the effects still hold up, yes you can see strings in a few shots or things look a bit low-fi here and there but on the whole it still works well.

Overall, a good way to spend Halloween.

3/5

Pros

It has a lot of charm

Terrific performances

Some good scares

Cons.

It looks a little dated at times

The stories are a mixed bag

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Beetlejuice Beetlejuice: Aging Like Fine Wine

Summary

The Juice, Michael Keaton, may have aged, but much like wine it has got better not worse.

This film truly felt like a blast from the past, it doesn’t feel like we get films like this anymore, silly and fun with no mention to politics of moralising. It was nice to see the world that we all remember from the 80’s original further expanded, I thought that this film added a lot of much needed clarity and hopefully if we do get a 3^rd film it can do more of this.

The returning cast all gave great turns, and Jenna Ortega did feel like a natural addition to this world and the family, however, I would say her sub-plot was the weakest of the film. On that note some of the more interesting plot lines such as Beetlejuice’s wife, Monica Bellucci, do feel a bit short changed as they don’t go anywhere meaningful.

It is nice to see Tim Burton being Tim Burton again and I would say for fans of the director this is a must see return to form, it feels like everything he was doing in his pre 2012 career again rather than some of his more questionable recent turns.

Overall a fun film that won’t set the world on fire.

3/5

Pros.

It is fun

It explores the world

The returning cast

Cons.

Some weaker plot lines and some unfinished ones

It never hits the heights of the first

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Terrifier 3: Blowing Up Kid’s Christmas

Summary

Art the Clown, David Howard Thorton, is back and this time he is dressed like Santa Claus.

So if you want to write this film off as just another gore fest then I would say to you what did you expect? Did you watch the last two film? Personally, I think that is just people trying to be trendy by being contrarian to a popular new release.

I found this to be an improvement over the second film, but I would say that some of its issues were still there. Namely that the film has pacing problems and has Art get away in the end, this is problematic as it just feels like we are then going to have to wait for yet another sequel which is going to be yet another showdown between Art and his nemesis, Lauren LaVera. I think at this point there battle should already be over and Art should have moved onto a new group of victims ala Freddy or Jason.

I did enjoy how over the top this film took the gore, I thought the mall scene with the bomb was pretty funny, as was freezing Santa Clause, I liked the black mirror it held up to the holiday of Christmas and took every opportunity to make it as nasty as possible.

Overall, if you are a fan of the franchise you will like this one.

3.5/5

The black mirror

The gore

The comedy

Some great kills

Cons.

It is badly paced

Art got away

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Strange Harvest: The Strangest Day Of A Cops Life

Summary

A serial killer carries out an occult murder spree in California.

I thought this was an incredibly engaging horror film, it took the whole true crime craze and mixed it with found footage to do something new and fresh.

The idea of a evil serial killer is already morbidly fascinating but then mix in that they have occult powers and are trying to bring in an ancient evil God to the world and you have the recipe for a great film. For the most part the film delivers on this and is a strong horror film, particularly the final third.

However, my issue with this film is that some of its sub-plots are either knowingly or unknowingly comedic. You don’t want to laugh but they are so unintentionally funny at times that you cannot help but to. I think that this mismatch hurts the film but isn’t major enough to cause serious issues with it widely.

Overall, a fun mixing of genres but not perfect.

3/5

Pros.

A good mixing of sub-genres

It feels fresh

It has a great ending

Cons.

Pacing problems

Issues with tone

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Transformers One: A Film No One Wanted

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Transformers prequel no one needed.

Who wanted to see Optimus Prime, Voiced by Chris Hemsworth, and Megatron, voiced by Brian Tyree Henry, as slacker bros before becoming enemies? A grand total of no one. The idea of seeing them almost as spoofs of themselves entirely unserious on Cybertron does take away from them as character and seems frankly incredibly out of character.

Moreover, the fact that they can transform makes no sense as the earliest reference point had them scanning earth vehicles in order to assume disguises, yet now they just turn into cars for no reason, they don’t even have a reference point as they haven’t been to Earth yet.

The fact that after this much time they can’t figure out how to make a crowd pleasing Transformers film is frankly baffling. Bring the cartoon, the original, to life have giant robots fighting and maybe a human side kick for good measure if you need to, they shouldn’t be lead, and the baddies should be bad, not this weak stuff.

Overall, a massive misstep.

1/5

Pros.

It has a few endearing moments

Cons.

It is unnecessary

It makes little sense

It ruins the lore of the series

It is dumb

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Star Wars Revenge Of The Sith: Who Really Has The High Ground?

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The era of the Republic comes to an end.

In many ways this is the best of the prequels, though I would still personally put it behind Phantom Menace but that is just me. By best I mean the most meme worthy, a lot of memes came out of this thing. Joking aside I do think that the effects look better here than in the rest of the trilogy and that that helps to add a sense of immersion that is lost when the CGI effects look bad.

I think that the action here is also a lot better, you open straight too it and get the Dooku, Christopher Lee, fight which is well done. I think the best action sequence is possible the beach landing on the Wookie home world in terms of sheer scale though nothing can beat the Anakin, Hayden Christensen, Obi-Wan, Ewan McGregor, fight at the end.

I would argue that the dialogue is better than in the last film though it still has moments where in veers into bad territory. I think some of the early scenes with Anakin and Padme, Natalie Portman, are especially bad for this.

Overall, it is a good ending for the trilogy but the script could have done with another draft

3.5/5

Pros.

The fights

The effects

The stakes

The pacing

Cons.

The dialogue

A few needless side plots and characters

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Black Cab: Get An Uber

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Nick Frost plays a cabbie with an attitude.

This film has an interesting aesthetic but fails to do much more with it than the bog standard. I like the idea of a horror film about a cabbie driving down northern country lanes in the dark worrying about ghosts, however, in reality the film is just very standard.

I found the bulk of the film to be entertaining if Frost’s performance was a little over the top at times, however, where things really started to fall apart for me was in the third act. This is due to the time loop nature of the haunting with the ghost being made by his actions and then so one and so forth, and I found that to be a tad bit obvious from the start.

As for Frost playing against type, he is okay, it is not on the level of some funny man turned dramatic actors we have seen in recent years. I found his character to only have a few menacing moments the rest of the time he seemed either just angry or bumbling. The idea of him as a scary villain never really came through for me.

Overall, a serviceable if forgettable ghost story.

2.5/5

Pros.

The setting

The premise

The atmosphere

Cons,

Frost as a villain

The ending

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Never Let Go: Halle Berry Isn’t A List Anymore

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Halle Berry and some kids live in the woods.

The twist that civilisation wasn’t really destroyed was obvious. The fact the film tries to have its cake and eat it too, being like see Berry’s character was lying all along, but then not really as the creature was real feels like a cop out and ruins any good will this film had going for it.

Moreover, this film just feels like yet another in the growing and increasingly plagiarised apocalypse horror sub-genre. Think about Bird Box and The Quiet Place and now think about this, think about The Village and now think about this, can you see the, shall we be charitable, borrowing. This film is more than a little derivative.

In addition, no one has given Halle Berry the memo that she is not lead actor material. She tries to seem genuine as the kids mother and also at times scary or manic but she just comes across as someone trying to act crazy, at no point is she believable.

The film tries to build towards a crazy third act but you have seen it all before and nothing shocks you about it.

Overall, a waste of time

1.5/5

Pros.

It is short

It is watchable

Cons.

It has been done better before

Berry

It has pacing issues

The ending

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Beezle: The Witch In The Walls

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A house infested with a witch goes through generations of trauma.

There was a kernel of a good idea here, we don’t get many witch films and less so that try and unorthodox narrative approach, it plays more like an anthology than a linear narrative.

However, in execution we come undone.

I can some up the issues with this film into four key areas, the characterisation, the witch, the scares and the ending. There is a throughline of mediocrity throughout all of these things and that was a disappointment.

So first things first, the initial two segments are fine nothing special but it is clearly the third where things start to get weird. Enter Nova, Victoria Fradkin, a character who’s whole dimension is just that she’s horny and wants a kid. You could argue had this been written by just a man that it was incredibly sexist and reductive but she helped write her own material so she was okay with it. Nova, wants to have sex wearing her partner’s dead mother’s lingerie and is constantly pressuring him for sex to a point where it becomes uncomfortable. Moreover, there are a number of nude or near nude scenes that just feel almost as though Fradkin is showing off for an ego trip, and when you realise her close relationship with the director it all starts to make more sense.

The witch could have been special and unique but instead it is just another demon like figure that behaves in the same way and never really does much of anything. To role scares into this one the film relies heavily on jump scares, did you just see that face? That kind of thing, to which I thought gave it a tacky feeling.

Finally the ending is the ending of so many found footage films after becoming possessed Nova kills her husband and then I guess sits in the snow, or does some random off screen action for it all to continue with a new family. Paranormal Activity did all this decades ago.

Overall, amateurish at best.

1/5

Pros.

It has a good premise

Cons.

It is not scary

It has pacing issues

It is creepy at times

It wastes its villain

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