Christmas Land: A World Of Limited Imagination

Christmas Land is a Christmas romantic comedy directed by Sam Irvin. The plot sees a busy big city woman Jules (Nikki Deloach), inherit her Grandmothers Christmas themed farm, there is a debate as to whether she will sell it or not, but deep down she knows what her Grandmother would want.

So these generic Netflix/Hallmark/CBS Christmas films are starting to get to me. They are all very much the same in story and nature and you can guess the reveals coming from a mile off. I can no longer find things to enjoy about these films as they are just so tediously average.

The romance in this one was particularly wooden, sometimes these types of films can be made slightly more bearable by a strong lead romance, but not this. The two romantic leads act like strangers for most of the film and then all of a sudden they love each other at the end? Come on really? I can’t quite come up with the right word to describe their relationship, but whatever the opposite of chemistry is that is what they have.

The drama here once again, did not feel organic to the story it felt forced. That could be said for pretty much everything in these films, but this one especially had no need for the drama plotline beats, it added nothing and only served to needlessly complicate the narrative.

Pros.

It is watchable

Cons.

It is generic

It is lazy

The romance doesn’t work

The drama adds nothing

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Wondering Tongue

A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge is a slasher horror film directed by Jack Sholder. The plot follows a new group of teens lead by Jesse (Mark Patton), who again find themselves being terrorised by everyone’s favourite stripped jumper enthusiast. However, this time Freddy seems to want to possess the body of Jesse for his own malicious purposes.

I would be remise if I did not bring up the homoerotic elements that are present in this film, they are clear as day and the story around them is damning, heart breaking for Patton and a little confusing. I would advise you to go and read up about it, as there is quite a bit too it, or watch the documentary Patton later made about his experience making this film.

That said.

I applaud this film for trying something new. It tries to breakaway from the standard slasher structure of a killer picking off kids one by one, with the plot this time being about Freddy possessing someone to do just that, oh wait. I think this film is worse for deviating from the traditional slasher structure.

I think my key issue with this film is that Freddy is not featured enough. Yes, I understand they are going for the possession angle, but we come to these films to see Freddy do his thing, and yes we get that but with much reduced screen time.

Overall, though it still has some goofy 80s charm this film tries to hard to be something it isn’t and loses sight of itself as a result, we need more Freddy!

Pros.

A few funny kills

The goofy charm

Cons.

Not enough Freddy

In its attempt to not be a slasher it becomes boring

The experiences of Mark Patton, and what he was subjected to

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Sister Tempest: Watch Out For The Cannibal Cold This Winter

Sister Tempest is a comedy horror musical film directed by Joe Badon. The plot sees two sisters troubled relationship come under scrutiny from an Alien tribunal. Adjacent to this one of the sister’s new roommate’s illness leads her to become a cannibalistic murderer.

This one was a lot of fun; the premise is just as whacky as it sounds, and it never lets up for a second. I enjoyed how the film never went the way you were expecting it to go, where you thought it was going to zig it zagged. The more or less light hearted tone, also made it a nice breezy watch.

The acting was strong with Anne (Kali Russell), being my particular favourite. She was a strong lead and had just the right amount of rootability to keep me invested in the plot for the entire runtime. I have to give props to the script here as well, as Anne as a character is quite well fleshed out over the course of the film and you feel like you really get to know her and her sister.

I didn’t find the film scary, though I did appreciate its gore. The comedy and musical elements worked better for me, and I found myself being thoroughly entertained. Smiling the whole time.

Overall, this is a sight to behold, all of the elements work together in harmony to create something special.

Pros.

The comedy

The premise and committing to the wackiness

The acting

The musical elements

Cons.

I did find the horror lacking

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Prom Night: Are High Schools Ever Safe?

Prom Night is a slasher film directed by Paul Lynch. The plot sees follows a group of high school seniors as they are stalked and killed by a masked man seeking vengeance for a crime that happened 6 years prior.

Some say that this film is a giallo/ slasher hybrid, and with certain aspects I can see that. The more surreal dream like elements are very reminiscent its true, they are also easily the best thing about the film.

Personally, I found this to be deeply generic. If you look at the other big Jamie Lee Curtis slasher film that came out only a few years prior Halloween, you see a film dripping in style and identity, with this it could be any other slasher a group of teens being chased by a masked man and picked off one by one; real original.

I thought the story was also quite convoluted, I lost track of the motivations a lot of the time as the film can’t seem to stick to one plot line for any length of time.

I didn’t think of the characters were particularly likeable and I don’t think the cast did anything of note to impress, I think it was all deeply by the numbers and low effort.

Overall, I understand some people regard it as a cult classic, but to me it just screams generic.

Pros.

It is watchable

Cons.

The story is convoluted

The cast are very bland

It feels very by the numbers

The kills feel repetitive

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Annabelle Creation: Demons Love A Good Chair Lift

Annabelle Creation is a horror film directed by David S. Sanberg, serving as both a prequel to the first Annabelle film as well as adding to the Conjuring Universe as a whole. The plot this time around serves to explain the origins of Annabelle the doll, showing how the possession occurred.

This is the best film in the Annabelle trilogy by far, as it is actually scary. I enjoyed the tragic reveal of Annabelle’s creation and I think it is smart to actually show us the demon controlling the doll rather than just the doll itself. I am surprised to note that the demon actually looks like how you would imagine a demon to look, not like the Conjuring Universe’s other demons that are basically just people with yellow eyes.

Personally, I think the scarecrow scenes where the scariest and best done of the whole film.

I think by and large the film wastes most of its cast, with veteran actors like Miranda Otto brought in to do very little. Though it does continue Lulu Wilson’s rise in the horror genre, she has been in 3 ‘good’ horror films to date and is shaping herself to be a generation z scream queen for sure.

I thought the ending was clever, tying the end of the prequel into the start of the first film it is not a new idea but it is effective here and it helps us to further understand the timeline.

Overall, though a series of clever decisions this film proves itself to be more than just a collection of jump scares.

Pros.

The scarecrow scenes and showing us the demon

Lulu Wilson

The ending

It does what it says on the tin, it explores Annabelle’s origins and it does it well

Cons.

The cast bar Wilson is wasted

4/5 Reviewed by Luke

Demons: Never Put On A Conveniently Placed Mask

Demons is an Italian horror film directed by Lamberto Bava. The plot sees a group of cinema gowers become the victim of a centuries old mask that turns people into demons.

This is the film that killed the giallo subgenre, the Americanisation is clear to see, this film owes more to films like The Evil Dead then it does something like The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, which is not in and off itself a bad thing, it is just noteworthy.

My main complaint with this film would be that the plot felt confused, I wasn’t quite sure what it was saying most of the time, a lot seemed to be going on and not much of it made any sense. That said I did like where the film ended things teasing a world overrun by these demon creatures and a human safe haven/resistance.

It feels very 80’s in approach, with the music and the tone, but it also feels very forgettable as a result. It blends in with a sea of other 80s based slashers and supernatural affairs. The acting is also quite so so, no one is memorable and most seem to be over acting in an effort to get noticed.

Overall, a sad death of a subgenre

Pros.

It has a promising ending

Cons.

It feels generic

The acting is bad

It has lost touch with its roots

It is hard to follow

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Holidate: Netflix’s Sexist Holiday Film, ‘A Woman Can Only Be Happy If She Is In A Relationship’

Holidate is a Christmas themed romantic comedy directed by John Whitesell. The plot sees a couple of single people (Emma Roberts and Luke Bracey), start spending the holidays together, to throw off the bad societal conotation of spending the holidays alone. Obviously, as the film goes on they start expressing romantic feelings towards one another.

This film is awful it may be one of the worst films of 2020 in my opinion, it is offensive. So, not only does this film push almost every stereotype under the sun, it also has a lot of very troubling notions about women and their place in society. Firstly, a big deal is made because Robert’s character is not looking for a man and because she has been without one for 6 months, the horror. Secondly, the male lead pretty much cheats on her during the film and during the emotional resolution of the film she apologies to him for overreacting, pardon me what?

I understand this is a rom-com, but that narrative that you can’t be happy alone and that women, especially, need a man to be happy is toxic as hell and it is the central theme of this film. Whoever wrote this film should be fired and not allowed to work again.

Roberts if fun and likeable, she is the only positive note about this film. The male lead is incredibly bland and forgettable, I can’t remember his name right now.

Overall, this may be the most sexist out of touch Christmas movie I have ever seen.

Pros.

Emma Roberts

Cons.

It is sexist

It promotes bad messages

It furthers stereotypes

The ending is wrong

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Conjuring 2: A Random Elvis Sing Along Interlude

The Conjuring 2 is a horror film directed by James Wan. The plot this time around focuses on the Warrens (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga), involvement in the Enfield Haunting. As the Warrens head to London, they are stalked by a mysterious demonic nun, who seems intent on Ed’s death.

Personally, I find this film scarier than the first. Hilariously bad English accents aside, this film is genuinely frightening, the crooked man is by far my favourite part of the film and the segment with him in it is really well done; still waiting on that spin off film.

I found Valek the demon nun scary at first, but then I think it gets over exposed. Also a lot of the horror this time around is jump scary related which gets very stale very quick, see a dark corner, hear a drop in the music, here comes a jump scare.

I still find the Warrens to be likeable protagonists, Wilson and Farmiga are charming leadings. They have their personalities expanded a bit more here which proves to be sweet, but it also serves to derail the tone of the film. Of course I am talking about the Elvis scene, where midday way through the film, as the demonic activity is still going strong, we get scene where Ed just starts playing a guitar for the whole family and singing. Why? Any tension that was there in the film is immediately taken away.

Overall, the world and new horror elements (The Crooked Man), makes this worth checking out, there are some odd choices that ruin the film somewhat, but it is still worthwhile.

Pros.

The Crooked Man

The Warrens are still very likeable

Quite a few good scares

Cons.

The Elvis scene

The use of jump scares

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Spell: Never Forget Your Roots

Spell is a horror film directed by Mark Tonderai. The plot sees successful lawyer Marquis (Omari Hardwick), find out that his abusive father has died. As a result he takes his family back to where he grew up to pay their final respects. During the trip the family’s plane goes down over Appalachia and Marquis wakes up in the attic of an old school hoodoo practitioner who has sinister designs for him and his family.

I went into this film with high expectations and it met them. I enjoyed the examination of traditional folk magic, it is not a topic often covered in the horror genre especially this type, but here it is done well and to great effect, creating some genuinely tense and unnerving scenes.

Like most good horror films, this one priorities atmosphere over jump scares. Over its runtime the film creates a constant sense of unease, we never know if Marquis is going to escape or what the fate of his family is and there are a lot of teases and red herrings scattered in throughout to throw us off.

There are also some grizzly bits of gore that will make you skin crawl and make you wince, yes I am talking about the nail scene.

My one complaint of the film would be its ending. Yes, the final showdown is exciting to watch, but it feels too neat. Things go from a tense cat and mouse game that seems skewed against Marquis, to a brawl that will either see him and his family safe or dead: naturally this does away with any tension.

Overall, a very effective horror film that I enjoyed very much if the ending could have been better it would have been getting top marks.

Pros.

The atmosphere

The gore and the scares

The focus on folk Magic

Omari Hardwick

The supporting cast

Cons.

The ending is too neat

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Operation Christmas Drop: Army Porn

Operation Christmas Drop is a romantic comedy Christmas film directed by Martin Wood. The plot sees congressional aid Erica (Kat Graham), travel to a US Army base in Guam to decide whether keeping it open is cost effective. Whilst there she falls in love with handsome, saintly, soldier Andrew (Alexander Ludwig). The two then help to give all the native islanders a great Christmas.

The biggest issue with this film is how into the army it is. I am by no means knocking the armed forces in America or anywhere in the world, but at the same time you don’t want to watch a film that sucks up to them for too long either, to a point this is basically an enlisting advert.

The romance is sweet, not to a sickening point, but it is also nothing special. You have seen this love story before, a lot of times before and believe me it hasn’t gotten any fresher. The odd thing about this film is how conservative it is with the romance, opting to not even have the characters really kiss. I get it is trying to be family friendly but come on.

Overall, this is passably watchable, no Knight Before Christmas or a Christmas Prince, but still worth your time if you have nothing better on.

Pros.

It is watchable

It is fairly upbeat

Cons.

The romance is predictable and familiar

It feels like an army recruitment ad

It is too safe and family friendly

2/5

Reviewed by Luke