The Karate Kid: THE Sports Movie

The Karate Kid is born.

Honestly this film should have been a one off, as you can tell from my other reviews of the franchise the rest of the Daniel run are not good and get steadily worse.

This film works well as not only does it have all the standard beats of a sports movie, but it also has a lot of emotional depth for Mr Miyagi and makes him a rounded character, they could have relied on racist stereotypes and cliches but they didn’t for the most part.

I thought the bullying storyline was very played out even for the time period it came out, but I did like the evolution of the fight your bully and stand up for yourself storyline turning it into this grand sporting event. Doing this allowed the film to feel a little like the later Rocky films but on a smaller scale as its aimed at kids.

Daniel works as a blank slate that you can project yourself onto as a kid, rather than how he gets in the later films.

Overall, a solid teen sports movie with its heart in the right place.

3/5

Pros.

It is a good sports film

It has a good soundtrack

It is fun

Cons.

Some elements are generic

Its predictable

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Moonies Married To The Cult: A Documentary That Teaches You Nothing

Summary

A documentary about the secretive Moonies organization.

This felt like a very surface level documentary, in terms of the fact it covered a lot of things in not much depth. Not only did it assume at the start of the documentary that you already had a working knowledge of who the Moonies are, but it then presented a scatter shot approach to its topic, jumping back and forth between a lot of different points not spending much time with any of them.

It also doesn’t spend much time with more high profile things related to the Moonies such as the death of the former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, and brushes over a number of these sort of things. It makes one question whether they may have had more material they were forced to drop, or maybe they originally planned it to be a series but then it got turned into a film. It is hard to say but one thing is for sure, it does not give you much of an in-depth look or understanding into the group.

It also has what I like to call Netflix witness/expert syndrome, wherein a documentary has a lot of talking heads who are just regular people, who had experiences with the Moonies, but doesn’t balance that out by including experts to contextualise things. When a documentary leans more heavily on ‘I was there’ testimony rather than having expert opinions it immediately loses credibility and is also far less engaging.

This feels like it was made for the short attention span having youths who want a mass market somewhat true crime documentary.

Overall, weak and fairly boring.

2/5

Pros.

I’ve seen worse, at least it had decent production values

It has some really interesting threads that it just doesn’t explore.

Cons.

It wastes one or two great witnesses

It is far too surface level

It jumps between too many things

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Wake Up Dead Man Knives Out Three: The End Of A Deal

Summary

Rian Johnson gives up.

The first Knives Out film was good, the second was bad, but the third is meh. Whilst it is better than the second film which was out and out trash, it is an effort in passive watching and little more. By that I mean the film feels very low energy and as though it was done just to make another one rather than out of a genuinely good idea, or need.

Josh Brolin commands the film admirably, but everyone else is just turning out for the pay check, even Craig’s fateful inspector feels like a flanderised version of himself from the previous films. Craig’s Blanc feels at times almost cartoonishly impotent or incompetent, and behaves at times in a way that is entirely alien to how we have seen him up until that point. Bad character writing.

The commentary of the film is on religion and how it divides us, but I suppose if done in a more effeminate way, is still good I guess, would arguably be the message of the film. Personally, I am not very religious, but I can imagine how if you were you might find elements of this film highly objectionable.

Overall, this feels like it was done to satisfy the Netflix demand for new content and not out of need, or due to some great new idea.

2.5/5

Pros.

It is watchable

Brolin

It has a few laughs

Cons.

There are too many underdeveloped characters

The preaching

It feels purposeless

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Home Alone Three: Fighting Terrorists With Toys

Summary

We remove, Macaulay Culkin, we replace burglars with terrorists, and we have it so the child is only home alone whilst there mother nips to the office. Is it even still Home Alone?

For me personally I prefer the traps section in this film to either of the earlier efforts as it truly feels like this one went all out and gave us this idea taken to its fullest. Perhaps this is gimmicky but to me it worked.

The child is not as affable as Kevin and the family feel like an imitation but at least the traps are good. It was odd that the mother seemed almost modelled after Catherine O’Hara, but I suppose John Hughes did have a type.

I thought the parrot had a number of good moments and brought some levity to the film, though I must say that even it got to a point wherein I felt was becoming a bit of a crutch for the film ultimately.

Overall, there is still some charm to be had here particularly if you like the traps however, I would say that it is not as good as the other two films as films and feels like a made for streaming movie, though in its time it would more likely be a straight to video film.

2.5/5

Pros.

The traps

The parrot

A few funny moments

Cons.

The plot is worse

The terrorists stuff is ridiculous

It lacks the charm

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Five Nights At Freddy’s Two: Blumhouse Actually Managed To Make A Horror Film

Summary

Blumhouse actually managed to make a horror film.

I thought the first Five Nights At Freddy’s was bad, this one I find almost good, they really managed to turn it around.

They managed to fix the tone issues of the first film and have it be actually scary throughout no building forts to happy music. The horror is very by the numbers, there are one or two effective jump scares, but it is more of what you would expect. The marionette was a cool addition and had the right aesthetic.

The story itself I found interesting, I am glad we weren’t returning too much to the first location, however, there is a number of contrivances throughout the film which set up the ending. So at the end of the first film Mike and Vanessa were basically a couple, yet here they walk that back and have this whole weird arc of Mike being angry at her and saying he can’t trust her, now this happens so she can get possessed at the end of the film and become the baddie for the next one, but makes no sense. The fact the writers need to break the logical throughline of their relationship just so they could set up a cliff hanger ending speaks to how bad the writing team is here.

Overall, the film is a step up from the first film, but the writing is still a fundamental issue.

3/5

Pros

It is more horror focused

It is engaging

It has one good jump scare

Cons.

The ending

The writing

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Diary Of A Wimpy Kid The Last Straw: Forced Conflict From A Writer Out Of Ideas

Summary

Greg and his family are back and this time he has daddy issues for no particular reason.

So I thought I was done with the horrible animated Disney + Diary of a Wimpy Kid films and yet here I am.

This time after embarrassing his dad at church, Greg is going to get sent to a military school unless he gets his act together. Cue a series of schemes to try and appear like he’s doing good at school which all go wrong, who could have seen that coming. This whole conflict is weird for three key reasons, one this conflict between Greg and his dad hasn’t been there before, the fact they have the author of the books writing these films and he just forgot that little detail is shocking, secondly is the fact that it is pretty clear to see Greg is accident prone not bad which makes the dad look unfair, thirdly Rodrick is actually bad and he just lets him get away with it. As such you end the film thinking that the dad is an insecure man child, who wants to punish his son for his own failings, which probably isn’t how the film wanted him to come across.

In the images on Disney+ for the film you see them wearing Christmas hats and it is presented as a Christmas film however, there really isn’t a mention of the season anywhere so it doesn’t really come across as a Christmas film. So if that’s what you are looking for then stay away.

All of my points about Greg being a goody goody from my last review also still stand here, it is quite sickening.

Overall, less cringe than the last one but the story and the conflict feels forced.

2/5

Pros.

It is short

There is one or two good laughs here

Cons.

It is boring

Greg is devoid of personality

The conflict feels forced

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Bride Hard: Stop Trying To Make Rebel Wilson A Thing

Summary

Amy Schumer better watch out Rebel Wilson is trying to steal her spot as the number one for slop on Netflix aimed at women.

This time Ozempic Wilson, as we will call her for the rest of the review, is a secret agent who has brought a group of civilians with her unknowingly in order to steal a bio weapon, whilst also being the maid of honour at a bachelorette party. Cut to painful cringe comedy.

The idea that Ozempic can take down a group of guys is just laughable, and not in a good way, the fact she does it all with a face straight out of the Alaqua Cox school of acting makes it funnier. Perhaps this is the death throws of the girlboss genre, they say as a genre dies it begins to parody itself and this certainly feels like that.

The thing is this sort of film was once funny, but that isn’t the case now, now you get a few unbelievable action scenes, a few sassy yaaaaaaaaaas queens from the friends, then cut to credits.

Overall, this is low rent female slop from Netflix, as it thinks this is what women want. However, much like Mel Gibson in a much better film from decades prior they don’t really know what women want.

0.5/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

It isn’t funny

Rebel Wilson should go away

It is slop

It is repetitive

The action is awful

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Back To The Future: Marty’s Mother Is Sexually Abusive

Summary

A classic doesn’t hold up.

I recently watched this film after not having watched it in years, it was not a great experience.

Some films from the Eighties hold up and pass the test of time and some don’t I would argue this is the latter. Firstly, the stuff with Marty and his mother which is played for laughs is really quite an odd choice and is creepy. Marty is being constantly sexually harassed and at times quasi assaulted and yet this is not a big deal and if anything is just a humorous misunderstanding, lets flip the genders and see if it is still a comfortable viewing experience.

Following on from that is the aggressive amount of product placement that is everywhere. Whilst this could be viewed as gimmicky or a funny thing to laugh at it actually is quite distracting and the more and more it goes on and the more you see the worse it gets. It feels less like you’re watching a film and more like an advert.

The smoking gun for this revisionism is that Marty himself is insufferable, not only is he overly cocky and smug a lot of the time, he doesn’t treat those around him well he treats his dad, back in the past, with contempt for being nerdy, and he takes his girlfriend, in the future, for granted, worse yet he never really gets called out for being the way he is. However, when you watch it back you think if Marty was erased from existence the world wouldn’t be so bad.

Overall, a movie that does not hold up.

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable

It has a good soundtrack

Cons.

The stuff with his mother

The product placement

Marty is not a nice person

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Diary Of A Wimpy Kid Christmas Cabin Fever: Worse Than Book Burnings

Summary

I returned to the Disney version of the Diary Of A Wimpy Kid franchise and was a bit sick.

So lets get one thing very clear, Greg is a good kid but also a fundamentally flawed one with his schemes often getting him into trouble, he is not the sort of kid to give away the present he most wants to help those in need, the idea was so American and sickening that I almost turned it off. This idea of the great moral virtuoso is fake kids don’t behave like that.

In addition this film above all others in the space made me hate current day animation and long to return to the two dimensional hand drawn kind of years prior. Everything about this was so ugly, the models how they moved around the space, the way they interacted with the environment, the environments themselves were hideous.

Moreover, Greg’s families personality was just one emotional state the entire film, there was no nuance or development for his family in anyway they started off the film one way and ended it the same.

Overall, this is some of the most soulless animation you might ever see.

1/5

Pros.

It is short

Cons.

The animation is ugly

It feels fake and overly moral

The family has no personality

It is not funny or relatable

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Christmas Karma: London That Famous Latin Location

Summary

Raj from the Big Bang Theory gets political.

So this was the first film I have ever watched on Plex and I have to say it was a good system, better than some streaming services for sure. I am glad this did not come out in the cinemas where I am, as I cannot imagine sitting there and watching it all in one go. I had to take breaks to get over the cringe.

So a lefty luvvie filmmaker that can seemingly only make films about people from South East Asia, think she can reverse the populist rise in the UK by making a film about immigration. She repeats all of the left wing talking points you would expect, immigrants only immigrate due to forced displacement, ignoring economic migration, that the locals are always angry white people, rather than plenty of people who welcome immigrants and want to integrate with society. This is the sort of film that makes people become right wing, by over simplifying a complex topic and present a very basic moral argument between good and bad.

Also this film decided that A Christmas Carol really needed a latina ghost, really? This film is supposed to be set in the UK, why would there be a latina ghost? The number of Latin people in the UK is miniscule. What seemed like to me was an effort in box ticking, they needed to get every group they could think of ticked off the list, they even gave some token white representation by having Danny Dyer be a dumbed down goofy version of himself to go see white people we don’t hate all of you.

The plot is your standard play on A Christmas Carol with the above politics mixed in for flavour, the issue however, is that A Christmas Carol has been done to death and mixing in some race baiting elements isn’t what the film needs to feel fresh.

Overall, I am sure the group this film was made for will like it, but sadly I was not a part of that group. My takeaways from this experience is that Plex is great Christmas Karma not so much.

1/5

Pros.

It has some unintentional comedy

Cons.

It isn’t funny on purpose

It is preachy

It over simplifies things

The moral of it is so obvious throughout

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