Fish Out Of Water: I Wish I Could Swim

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A tale of anxiety, woe and the ocean blue.

As some of you may know if you have been reading my reviews for a while, I like poetry. I have dabbled at it a fair bit in the past to mixed degrees of success, it’s a fickle thing. As such I am impressed that this film managed to condense its entire narrative into one poem, and that from that poem the film is able to go in many different directions and illicit so many different emotions.

I often found this film to be deep and surprisingly thoughtful, it made me smile as much as it made me think and broadly ponder. I thought the film was quite true in a lot of the things it was saying about anxiety disorder and the struggles those of us who have it have to go through. It felt very real and human.

My one critique of the film would be that it is too short. I mean that both in terms of I wanted more but also in that I think the film could have done with a few extra minutes to flesh out some of its themes and deeper meanings.

Overall, a beautifully unique film.

Pros.

How it covered dealing with anxiety

The emotion

The poem

The cinematography

Cons.

It is too short

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Asking For It: Yikes

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The rape revenge-sub genre needs to end, or find something interesting to say.

Many people have called this a feminist film, however, to them I say is it? This film does nothing to advance the cause, or add to the conversation, it just shouts out a lot of things other films have already said about gender issues, but hopes that by being the loudest you won’t realise that this film actually has nothing new to say. It is barely knee deep.

None of this is helped by the fact that the characters are barely two dimensional and are written as hollow cliches, acting more as mouth pieces for regurgitation than as characters. The cast have all been talented in other things so I am left to either assume they either couldn’t be bothered here, or the writing wasn’t good enough to induce a good performance.

Moreover, the greatest crime of this film is that it is deeply boring and never really does or says anything that is worthy of getting your attention let alone keeping it.

A final question I have for you all is this, who was this film made for? Who is supposed to like it? Anyone? No one?

Overall, a poorly executed message film that will no doubt be forgotten about by next week.

Pros.

Hudgens has charisma even if her character is a horrendous cliché

Cons.

The message achieves nothing and is regurgitated

The cast are all barely two dimensional

It has awful pacing

It is boring and generic

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Family Squares: Grief In The Time Of Covid

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of people gather together on zoom after the death of their Grandmother.

I thought this film was surprisingly effecting, there were a number of moments I had a tear in my eye or could feel myself welling up. On first appearance this film is sold as a comedy film and yes there are jokes, a few of which even make you laugh, but in my mind this film is far stronger as a dramatic piece about people dealing with life changes and loss.

The cast is all fairly strong across the board, all are able to be both light and affable and also to bring out the dramatic big guns when required, if I were to single one person out for special acting commendation it would probably be Judy Greer, I thought there were a number of scenes here where Greer really shined and stood out from the crowd through her dramatic work.

My one issue with the film is that the teams/zoom setting will quickly date it, as will all the copious references to Covid, I understand the desire to be topical, but it does become a crutch after a while narratively.

Overall, a warm, touching, sometimes funny film.

Pros.

The cast

Greer specially

The drama and the emotion

The pace

Cons.

The format as well as mentions to covid will quickly date the film

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Sundown: Tim Roth In All His Topless Glory

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A rich man, played by Tim Roth, deliberately stays behind, abroad, after his family holiday is suddenly called off so that he can enjoy single life.

This one will be a hard one for a lot of people to get into, it is doing something quite specific and it doesn’t go where you are expecting it to. Often the pace and the way the film is structured can also be quite off putting as it is slow and at times seemingly random. When the narrative reveal comes late into the film that explains why Roth’s character is doing what he is doing it both allows you to understand the film but also depresses you at the same time. The ending is a real downer.

The only reason this film gets half marks from me is because Tim Roth manages to make what would otherwise be quite a boring and sad film somewhat watchable. Roth seems to be having fun and that translates into you having a bit as well, this film truly owes a debt to Roth as without him it would be scoring much lower.

Overall, certainly not for all, only people with a certain disposition will enjoy this.

Pros.

Roth

It doesn’t go where you expect it to

It is watchable

Cons.

The pacing

The ending

It is dull

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Death On The Nile: Cancel The Gal Gadot Cleopatra Film Right Now

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Hercule Poirot, played by Kenneth Branagh, is back and this time he is trying to solve a murder that takes place on a steamboat.

To address the elephant in the room first, obviously it is unfortunate that this film features alleged cannibal sexual predator Armie Harmer in such a large role, but it is what it is and they filmed it before the allegations came to light so for the most part I just tried to ignore it.

This was a mixed bag of a film. To the film’s strength it boasts a terrific performance from director/ star Branagh who really taps into the emotion of the character and gives us a peak behind the curtain in a way the first film never did, the latter stages of the film really highlight this. Moreover, newcomer Emma Mackey is also terrific and steals a lot of the scenes she appears in.

However, to its detriment the pacing is awful and it feels like the film has been on for hours before the plot-forwarding murder even happens. This is a result of the first act dragging horribly, it is also wildly inaccurate to the time period with music and dancing that belongs in a different era entirely, Branagh seems to be growing bored with the period setting here.

Worse yet, the film features some incredibly on the nose product placement for Tiffanies, perhaps on the same level as Crispy Kreme in the Power Rangers film everyone has forgotten about now.

The worst thing about this film is Gal Gadot. I have defended Gadot against a lot of in my opinion unfair criticism, I think she makes a fine Wonder Woman, however here her serious lack of acting chops really shows, as she is unable to do any accent other than her own, or emote, basic stuff. When she is finally removed from play, midway into the film, you are grateful as she was quite clearly miscast.

Overall, a fun if flawed second film.

Pros.

Branagh as Poirot

Mackey

The mystery

Cons.

The pacing made worse by the awful first act

Gadot

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A Taste Of Hunger: Making Delicious Food Isn’t Enough To Save Your Failing Marriage

3.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A couple, played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau and Katrine Gries-Rosenthal, try desperately to achieve a Michelin Star.

I thought this film had it all, charm, character and drama. The more I explore Danish cinema the more I am starting to become enamoured with it.

I thought both Coster-Waldau and Gries-Rosenthal brought a lot to the film and each gave strong performances. Moreover, I also thought their relationship and its various woes were also conveyed very realistically and in a way that affected you watching. Whilst watching you were never quite sure who was in the wrong in the relationship or whether the relationship should even continue on, but by the end you learn it is far more complex and nuanced than that. Much like life.

I thought the non-linear structure of the narrative became a bit confusing at times, though after watching it I can see why they went for it. I liked the mystery around who was writing the notes and thought the reveal was clever and well set-up.

My main issue with the film would be that the pacing didn’t work. Frequently scenes either needed longer, when trying to convey an important event, or less time, when trying to convey an unimportant one: better editing was needed.

Overall, an intriguing drama film with a compelling relationship at the centre.

Pros.

Coster-Waldau

Gries-Rosenthal

The drama

The mystery

Cons.

The pacing

The non-liner narrative wasn’t always clear

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Tall Girl: Falling Short On Having Anything Interesting To Say

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Yet another Netflix teen film with a terrible message.

This film is so vapid that it’s character can barely be called puddle deep. Clearly whoever wrote this film is not only widely out of touch, and doesn’t know how social media works and effects teens, but also has never met a teen girl before in their life, as the way the teens behave in this is barely even human.

Another thing that will annoy many about this film is the fact that though the central girl, played by Ava Michelle, has body confidence issues about her height it is just a small scale issue in the scheme of things. In a world were people are often bullied and beaten for their sexual orientation or skin colour, a narrative about a girl being sad because she is tall just comes off as privileged and again out of touch. I could give this film somewhat of a pass if it had something good to say about body confidence by the end of the film, but no the film instead gives out yet more toxic messages and then tries to wrap up.

Everything about this film sucks and honestly Netflix really needs to fire whoever runs their greenlighting process.

Overall, this is why everyone thinks Netflix only makes bad films.

Pros.

It is unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

It has a bad message

It is irritating

All of the characters have clear privilege

It has no depth at all

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MILF: Reclaiming Your Sexual Peak

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of mature women start affairs with younger men during summer vacation.

This film makes a very interesting point, many films feature narratives about an older man sleeping with a younger woman but few feature narratives about older women sleeping with younger men and this film aims to address that and normalise it. I think this is a positive in that it is a step towards gender equality within cinema.

Though I would class this film as a comedy-drama, it does try to do jokes however often these don’t land and for me the comedy is more miss than hit, although that might just be a result of my comedic sensibilities. Comedy is deeply subjective.

In terms of pacing the film starts out strong and delivers quite an entertaining first act, but after that it starts to struggle and the pacing gets worse. By the third act the film struggles to keep going, yet somehow also manages to overstay its welcome.

Overall, an important film that readdresses norms and that lands a few laughs, but also one that overstays its welcome.

Pros.

Readdressing narrative cliches

A few good jokes

A strong first act

Cons.

The third act drags

The sex scenes begin to feel needless, tasteless and repetitive over time

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The Tragedy Of Macbeth: One For The Art House Crowd And Not Many More

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A retelling of Macbeth with Denzel Washington and Frances McDormand in the leading roles, no more is needed.

I am sure the art house attendees will love this film; I however was decidedly less impressed. I think the performances from Washington and McDormand are good, not Oscar worthy but good, and the style of the film is cool to look at, but really other than that I struggle to see what is so impressive about this film.

It does little different to any other Macbeth adaption you have seen and though it tries to differentiate itself with its style it is only partially successful. Furthermore, the language choice of old Shakespearian English will be a barrier to entry for some, just as it was with the Fassbender adaption that tried a similar thing only a few years prior; and is probably the better of the two.

Perhaps I am a philistine but through most of this film I was bored. I had seen it all before and though Washington and McDormand are good they are not good enough to get me to invest in something I have already seen before. Moreover, despite clocking in at less than two hours this feels much, much longer and will test the patience of most moviegoers.

Overall, don’t believe the hype.

Pros.

Washington and McDormand

The style

The story is a literary classic

Cons.

There is little new here

The style doesn’t add enough

It is badly paced

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Bruised: Berry’s Career Receives A Knockout Blow

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

In her first directorial role Halle Berry has to give herself the lead role of a disgraced UFC fighter trying to get back in the game, as no one else is offering her roles. It is funny how life mirrors art, though I suppose Berry isn’t disgraced simply forgotten.

If this is how Berry wants to get back into cinema stardom then she has gone the wrong way about it, casting herself feels cheap and more than a little narcissistic, this wouldn’t be so bad if she was able to provide the film with a good performance, sadly that is not forthcoming.

As I have said in many other reviews the actor turned director often doesn’t have a lot of luck making good films that are well received by both audiences and critics, this provides us with another example. Berry certainly throws everything she has at this film, but it isn’t nearly enough. The pace of over two hours is simply grotesque and the story of a broken former star trying to regain past glories is about as played out as they come. If the film had better material to work with then perhaps it wouldn’t be as bad as it is.

As it stands this is just another bad and soon to be forgotten Netflix movie, though it does leave us with a lesson that not every actor has what it takes to excel behind the camera.

Overall, incredibly familiar, overly long and frankly an effort in egotism.

Pros.

It has a good soundtrack

The supporting cast are trying

Cons.

Berry

It is too familiar

It is too long

It is incredibly generic

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