The Kid Who Would Be King: The School Play Version Of King Arthur

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new retelling of the King Arthur legend.

I am very mixed on this one, on one hand I enjoyed that it felt like a fresh take on the King Arthur legend apart from all the other adaptions of the story, it also had an incredibly distinct British charm and sensibility to it that I thought added a lot to the film. Moreover, it featured Patrick Stewart and I find it hard to not like something with Stewart in it.

However, on the other hand this film lacked any fun or imagination it needed to really come to life. There are some sections in the film that feel imaginative and well-executed perhaps even Harry Potter esque, but then they end and the film replaces them with a long drawn out beige scene in which the film progresses but doesn’t make you feel anything whilst doing so.

Additionally, what may be the greatest crime of this film is that it wastes Rebecca Ferguson in a villain role wherein she is given nothing to do and is kept off-screen for most of the film. This is an incredibly baffling decision as Ferguson is an incredibly strong performer so by not including her the film shoots itself in the foot.

Overall, it has potential but does nothing with it.

Pros.

The British feel to the film

A number of imaginative scenes

Patrick Stewart

Cons.

It doesn’t execute on its potential

It splits into dull

It wastes Rebecca Ferguson

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The Phantom Of The Open: Aim For The Bunker, Then Hit The Green.

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The true story of the worst golfer of all-time.

This was an unexpected treat, made doubly so by the fact that this film was directed by Craig Roberts one of the most underrated talents working today, until watching this I was not even aware that Roberts had moved into directing but I can now say it suits him.

This film was the perfect balance of trippy abstractness and British working class values, never fully leaning to one or the other and though that might sound strange or even paradoxical it works well. Moreover, the film is incredibly uplifting and feel good which after the couple of years we have all just had gives it an extra point from me, there were multiple times whilst viewing that I had a smile on my face.

Mark Rylance is outstanding in the lead and really sells both the character and his journey, as such I think it would be nigh on impossible to watch this film and not be rooting for Flitcroft as he is incredibly affable.

Overall, one of the best films of the year so far, certainly check it out.

Pros.

The abstract scenes

Rylance

The feel good aspects

The ending

Cons.

A few slight structural issues

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The Duke: Down With The TV License

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A working class man, played by Jim Broadbent, steals a priceless work of art to blackmail the British government into doing more for senior citizens.

I enjoyed a lot about this film, I thought that it was inspiring, a nice look into a forgotten time period of British history, and also boasted a great message as well. Furthermore, this film really highlighted Broadbent’s acting abilities and becomes a fine showcase for him, he manages to cover the whole range from affable to anger and fully sinks into the character.

However, there was something about it that left me cold, which is hard to put my finger on.

My main issues with the film were the awful pacing which made it stretch on for far longer than it needed to, even brushing up to becoming boring at times, and the inclusion of the Anna Maxwell Martin character: who seemed to exist solely to make the statement that not all posh people are bad. Martin’s character is basically reduced to a cliché, and her appearance during the trial scene was cringey as hell and made the scene itself hard to watch.

Overall, a perfectly fine film but one that is also easily forgotten.

Pros.

The message

Broadbent

It shines a light on a lesser known event in British history

Cons.

The pacing

Martin

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Cemetery Junction: Are The Kids Alright?

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of young people come of age in 70s era Britain.

There is some charm to this film for sure, I found its final scene to be heartfelt, hopeful and warm and still a ways away from overly sentimental. Moreover, I also thought whenever Ricky Gervais was on screen the film perked up, sadly he didn’t show up all that often.

That said, I also think this film has a lot of issues. Most prominently, it feels more like the co-directors of Gervais and Merchant reminiscing about a very specific time period in recent British history rather than a film with a narrative to tell in its own right. In that regard it gave us a very fixed version of the coming of age, wayward teen story that I think we have all seen before. It felt to me as though the film was more interested in showing how life was then rather than telling any kind of story.

Further in that vein, a lot of the characters didn’t come across as real people rather as cliches or architypes used to push the narrative in a certain direction and to set up later character decisions. Moreover, when the film did try and hit on sentimentality a lot of the time it came across overly so, which is why I singled out the ending for not doing this, as it was a nice change.

Overall, not without charm but widely I don’t see the point in this film or why it needed to exist.

Pros.

The ending

The sound track

Gervais as an actor

Cons.

The writing

It doesn’t need to exist

The emotion often feels overly sentimental

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Keith Lemon The Movie: The Pinnacle Of The British Film Industry

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

ITV tries to make some more money by stretching out the deeply unfunny and talentless persona of Keith Lemon to a feature film, the result a rare zero percent on rotten tomatoes.

I will preface this review by saying the only reason this film has a 1 is because it makes for a good drinking game, one takes a drink whenever any of the characters are being annoying, which is most of the time, and you end up good and drunk before the film has even reached the end of the first act- you are then spared the rest.

This might be one of the worst films I have ever seen. It certainly is the most desperate. A character and a concept that are the lowest common denominator, and that hide in the darkest corners of ITV2 are forced onto our film screens in what I can only describe as a perverse display of poor taste. Truly this film will only be funny to you if you are a young teenager. Even then it might struggle. None of its jokes are funny, but it tries too hard at every turn to be which just makes it even more desperate. It aims for edgy shock humour a lot of the time which only adds to this.

Most of the celebrities involved with it are British C-D listers that clearly need the money and it shows by how far they are willing to debase themselves by being in this.

Overall, stay as far away from this film as you can.

Pros.

Make it into a drinking game and make it bearable

Cons.

It is not funny

It is edgy for the sake of it

It is desperate

It has no reason to exist

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The King’s Man: France As A Country Just Doesn’t Exist I Guess

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A prequel to the Kingsman films set during the First World War.

Going into this I had heard mixed things, and after seeing it I come to you with mixed tidings. The film does somethings right it is by no means a bad film, but it also has several major issues that stop it from truly excelling.

Firstly the good. I liked the films anti-war stance showing the needlessness of the slaughter and how to die for one’s country is not noble or heroic but rather tragic and needless. I thought as far as social messages go it was very well delivered and important.

Moreover, the new characters here all work well, Colin Firth and the rest of the gang don’t make any sort of time travel like cameos here so we are given a fresh cast, of which Ralph Fiennes is the standout as a grieving and over protective father who has turned to outward passivism to protect his family from the world.

I also thought the comedy mostly worked, the jokes often made me chuckle, there was nothing side splittingly funny but I enjoyed it for the most part. However, the one noticeable exception to that rules comes with Rhys Ifans Rasputin who relies mostly on physical and gross out comedy for his comedic moments, these come across as unpleasant to watch and if anything succeed too well in grossing you out.

Continuing with the negative, the Rasputin sequence is far too dragged out and lasts for a good half of the film, you will be surprised to learn he is not the big bad of the film despite how prominently the film features him. As you might assume the film suffers from a terrible pace and long outstays its welcome.

Finally, two smaller nit picks that bothered me about the film. France is never mentioned in the film despite having a large role in World War I, which if I were French I might find insulting, why they decide to leave the French out is beyond me. Furthermore, I also dislike how the sequence is done after the death of Fiennes’ characters son, played by Harris Dickson, he moves on far too quickly for the scene to mean anything and it quickly loses any emotional impact it could have had.

Overall, better than some have made out but not quite good either.

Pros.

Fiennes

The anti-war stance

The comedy for the most part

Cons.

The pacing

The gross out humour

Leaving out France and not giving the character adequate time to morn.

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The Devil Rides Out: Christopher Lee Becomes A Magical Warrior Of The Lord

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A satanic secret society infiltrates British high society and Christopher Lee is all that stands between them and their dastardly ends.

Yes, yes I know this film has some racial undertones and is in many respect problematic, but it was from over fifty years ago so I am not hugely surprised. I have acknowledged these elements but for the purpose of my review I am going to try and look past them as little more than a product of their time.

Without further ado on with the review. Christopher Lee was a fantastic actor; he commands the screen here as Duc de Richleau. He brings such gravitas to the performance it is hard to look away, you really buy his performance consistently throughout.

Moreover, the film handles its stakes very well. Though only small in scale the film makes its stakes feel far grander and it is hard not to get caught up in this battle between good and evil. The tension coursing through the film is often palpable especially when it comes to scenes of mental sparing.

The film is beautiful to look at, even though a few of the scenes look quite poor by today’s standards, especially the car chase. However despite this there is longing towards this style of film making within me wherein whole films are not just massive dumps of CGI that underpaid visual effects people were forced to make during one long weekend wherein they couldn’t go home and were paid below minimum wage most likely.

Overall, there is a charm to this film that we don’t seem to see anymore.

Pros.

Lee

The stakes

The tension

The Angel Of Death scenes

The ending

Cons.

The rather blatant racism

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Last Looks: Charlie Hunnam Finally Finds His Big Screen Franchise

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A retired PI, played by Charlie Hunnam, must come out of retirement to solve the mystery of a daytime TV actor’s, played by Mel Gibson, dead wife.

I thought this was a very well done film. It illuded very much to the golden age of noir films in many ways, however it had more than enough personality to it that you can ignore some of the familiarities.

I have been saying for a long time that Hunnam is a terrific actor who sadly never seems to get cast in the right roles to make him into a big star, but once again he is great here. However, I would say he is outacted by Mel Gibson, yes I know Gibson is controversial but I tried to put that to one side when watching this. Gibson’s hammy British daytime TV actor is hilarious whenever he is on-screen, add to that Gibson’s ability to bring the emotion and deliver some quite touching scenes and you have a scene stealing performance.

The mystery was fairly well done, it was familiar but not predictable I didn’t guess where it was going.

My main criticism of this film would be that it gave Morena Baccarin so little to do, it felt like a huge waste of her talents, though maybe they will develop her character out if the film gets a sequel.

Overall, a charming whodunit.

Pros.

Hunnam

Gibson

A good mystery

Laughs and heart

Cons.

It doesn’t give Baccarin anything to work with

Pacing issues

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The Last Train To Christmas: Ruining An Interview By Urinating On The Tape Recorder

4.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Tony Towers, played by Michael Sheen, is a club owner on the verge of bankruptcy, however when he enters a train that allows him to travel to other decades of his life he tries to change things in order to be a success, however, as he does this he realises what really matters to him.

This was a powerful film; I know the above summary might make the plot sound a bit generic but trust me it really isn’t. As Tony begins to learn that his success comes at the cost of his brother’s, played by Cary Elwes, physical and mental health and then tries to save him it hits you like a ton of bricks. The bond between these two characters is incredibly strong and Sheen and Elwes play off each other really well over the course of the film.

I found the morality of the film and the impact of Tony’s choices to be fascinating and not go in a way that I was expecting. I thought the ending of the film felt incredibly well done and earned, the one thing that bothered me about it though was that the two didn’t talk, I felt like this was needed for us to know that Sheen’s Tony had been truly successful.

Overall, potentially a new Christmas classic.

Pros.

Elwes

Sheen

The emotion

The morality

Cons.

The ending

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Villain: The Saddest Of The Gangland Films

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A recently released convict, played by Craig Fairbrass, must try and save his families pub from gangland threats.

To me this film failed to be in any way fun, yes though it is a different type of fun a lot of the gangland films, particularly those with Danny Dyer, have enough charm or gravitas to keep you around and enjoying yourself until the end of the film, this didn’t have that.

Not only was this film depressing, it was morbidly depressing, and seemed to go out of its way to be grim and off putting, honestly watching it made me sad. I understand the point the film was trying to make by having Fairbrass’ character die at the end, the superfluousness of his life style and how in the end even if you win you die, and it did deliver this message however, it just made the film feel even more of a downer and left a bit of a bad taste as well.

Fairbrass is fine he is playing a slightly toned down version of his Rise Of The Foot Soldier character. He tries hard to try and round the character and to add emotional depth though this ends in a colossal failure.

Overall, who was this made for?

Pros.

It is short

Fairbrass is trying

Cons.

The ending

It is depressing

There is no charm to it

It has pacing issues galore

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