The Running Man: The Pretend Horrors Of Trump’s America

A kernel of punk rock wrapped in layers of modern day progressive nonsense.

This was a weird one for me to see, that being because I was unsure when it was coming out for me, you see as I have said elsewhere I have moved to Belgium, and unlike other things that mostly come out around the same time as they do in other territories, this film had a split release date. It was coming out in some parts of Belgium this weekend and some next weekend, luckily for me it came out in my part on the former. Maybe this is a common occurrence that I will get used to, but for me coming from the UK with one standard release date for things it was a little odd.

So that personal anecdote aside lets get into it. So firstly, let’s get a few things clear this is a woke movie, in every sense of the word, it parodies the right’s ideas of poor people just not working hard enough, it has the lead be a hero for leaking information to his union, it has the lead in an interracial relationship, as that is the only way you can make a white leading man acceptable anymore. As well as of course all the villains are white men. If you need a little more proof, everyone who helps the lead along the way would be a target voting base for a left wing party, effeminate men, urban minorities, and college educated women. Do you feel preached at yet?

The film does have some good action scenes and a cool anti-establishment feel at times but then it will ruin it by having a line like, I am from the half of the country that gives a damn about people, once again do you get it yet? The style and the vibe you would argue are the best thing about the film. The idea itself in execution works like a neutered John Wick, in the sense of when he is hunted down by assassins, however, rather than intense gun battles you get Glen Powell nude from behind, which access critic Grace Randolph had as one of the main points of her positive review. The desperation and thirstiness is strong folks.

For me personally the best bit of the film was Michael Cera’s character and his Home Alone esque murder house, that was a lot of fun, but the sequence was relatively short.

Overall, all the people who are calling this so timely, need to actually seriously question whether they are delusional and have a look around them, no one is dying on your reality tv shows. Shut up. Yes that does mean you Patton.

1.5/5

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The Long Walk: Stephen King Slop

Summary

A group of boys go for a walk.

So the easiest way to describe this is to call it Stephen King slop. In that frame I mean if this film was not based on a short story by King it would not have been made, it is very forgettable and there is nothing novel about the premise.

Basically it is a forced march, people die if they stop walking. It is a comment on dystopia’s and authoritarian states, I must say I am thankful that I have not seen lots and lots of online comments going oh this is modern day America, however, it seems very likely that the people who made it wanted those sort of comments.

The characters each have one defining characteristic to them and they are not much beyond that, all very one dimensional. Moreover, there are lots of things that happen that you just have to turn your brain off to and ignore as if you thought about it too much your brain would explode as they make no sense. The fact that the kid that wins the overall walk doesn’t sleep and doesn’t need to due to the fact that he has had a tough life and is an orphan is one such thing you will notice over the course of the film.

Overall, deep unneeded.

1.5/5

Pros.

A few funny moments, unintentional.

It is short

Cons.

It is dull

The characters are one dimensional

You have seen things like this before

The ending is predictable

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The Secret Life Of Chuck: A Surprising Amount Of Dancing

Summary

A man, Tom Hiddleston, learns to seize the day.

This may be one of the best releases of this summer. Not only is it an effective story in the sense that it is both emotionally uplifting but it also manages to disconcert and have just enough under the skin to give you a chill on the way out.

I was not prepared for the number of dance sequences that were going to be in this film, surprisingly there were several long sequences, however, don’t let that put you off the science fiction mystery of what is going on and what is real and what isn’t is more than enough to give film life. In a sense this film reminded me a lot of The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty, and I do mean that to be a positive comparison.

Overall this is a weird and strange film, it is not a comedy, nor is it a horror film, it has science fiction elements but also long dance sequences it is an eclectic film and one that will no doubt have a Marmite like appeal, for our US friends that means you’ll either love it or you’ll hate it.

4/5

Pros.

The mystery

It is fun

You care about the characters

The world is fantastic and dense

Cons.

It makes things too blunt a little more ambiguity would have been better

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Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part Two: The End

Summary

The final battle.

So this the better one of the two-parter. They throw everything they have into the Battle of Hogwarts effects wise and that makes for some great action. I would have liked things to be a little more inventive, like these are wizards and witches who can conjure things out of thin air. Hagrid, Robbie Coltrane could have let lose her collection of magical creatures with a number of pay offs to previous films, but no.

I enjoyed that this film took things away the central trio and tried to give other characters moments this helped to make it feel less like another round of teen angst. I did not like seeing the flashforward at the end and seeing where all the characters ended up as I thought that it was underdeveloped and once again ignored world building to focus on the three characters.

Overall, a much better second half but not one that is perfect

3.5/5

Pros.

The battle

Giving other characters some spotlight

The tone

The pacing

Cons.

They could have done more

The flashforward is not explored enough

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Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part One: The Love Triangle That No One Needed

Summary

Harry, Ron, Rupert Grint, and Hermione set off to find the horcruxes.

So this film is a mess. From top to bottom.

For two key reasons. Firstly, you have the fact that rather than focus on a world that Voldemort, Ralph Fiennes, has taken over and show us what that is like, or show us the Order of the Phoenix fighting back against Voldemort and his forces, we get to follow Ron, Harry and Hermione as they trapes over the countryside.

Secondly, and very much woven into the first reason is the fact that of the Ron, Harry and Hermione storyline a hell of a lot of it is taken up with the awkward sort of love triangle. This just feels far too YA and is not of any interest to anyone. It feels like needless filler to justify the need to split the book into two films. They could have spent that time showing us more of the world.

Something I will applaud the film for is that it does go to some quite dark places and handles the mature subject matter well. When Hermione is being tortured in Malfoy manner it feels very distressing and real, and in this moment the series really does manage to shed its childlike image.

Overall, forget worldbuilding lets have a love triangle instead.

2.5/5

Pros.

The mature tone

A few good battle scenes

The Deathly Hallows story animated is well done

Cons.

Too much angst

A deeply unnecessary love triangle

Little world building

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Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince: Killing Time Whilst J.K Rowling Gets Paid

Summary

Despite war being declared, Harry returns to Hogwarts for a 6th year.

This is only marginally better than the previous film, and you will find that the issues I had with that film crop back up here. For example, there is more filler, lots more. Whilst you may be wondering what Voldemort and co are up to, or how they’re taking over the world, you won’t see any of that. Instead, you get a Ron, Rupert Grint, love triangle and even more needless teen angst.

I will give this film that it at least fills in some of Snape’s, Alan Rickman, back story which is interesting and you get to see more of Voldemort’s horcruxes which again is welcome, however, it feels like the build up to another film. Even the death of Dumbledore, Michael Gambon, feels like it should lead to more but then the film just abruptly ends after the central trio decide to go and hunt down the remaining horcruxes.

The more we see of the Death Eaters the more interesting they appear and yet the film never allows us to spend much time with them, even less with the Order of the Phoenix members. Who get next to no screen time.

Overall, too much angst not enough exploration of characters outside the main trio.

2.5

Pros.

Some interesting wider world stuff

The horcrux plot line

More time with the Death Eaters

Cons.

It is slow

It has too much angst

It feels like filler

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Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix: The Wrath Of A Karen

Summary

Harry Potter faces his greatest nemesis yet a karen, Imelda Staunton.

This ties the first film for being the worst in my opinion, there is so much wrong with this from the fact of how the whole film is an act of filler, both in universe as people don’t believe Voldemort has returned, and also in a meta sense as this delays the inevitable war for future films pushing it down the road.

Furthermore, outside of the ending fight this film is a mess of teenage angst and Moody outbursts, it feels far more like a YA film than a fantasy adventure film. Once again I would like to see far more background on the Order members and get to know them, rather than have to go back to Hogwarts yet again.

Moreover, the idea that Dumbledore, Michael Gambon, would allow a teacher into the school who was hurting students as a means of discipline is just ridiculous, and the film goes oh he can’t do anything otherwise the Ministry of Magic will turn on him as a means of explanation. However, the films set him up as such a powerful force that the Ministry wouldn’t dare, and he would never allow a student to be harmed at Hogwarts. It just breaks its own logic.

The dementor scene at the beginning of the film is really the only good one of the entire film.

Overall, filler in everyway.

1/5

Pros.

The dementor scene

Cons.

It is boring

It breaks its own logic

It is filler

It has too much YA garbage in it

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The Monkey: Tatiana Maslany Is The Fun Mum You Never Knew You Needed

Summary

Oz Perkins follow up to Long Legs focuses on an evil monkey, who ‘holds the key’ to life and death and he’s ‘gonna get me’ and all of us as he is seemingly a harbinger of the end of the world.

So for me this was a step back from Long Legs and in many ways a tonally strange film, it seemingly didn’t know whether it wants to be a horror film or a comedy film and tries to mix and match different elements that don’t come together well. I would argue that this is probably also a weaker film than The Black Coats Daughter so it is not even second in the Perkins ranking.

The monkey itself was interesting, I liked the mythology around it and would have preferred if they had played into its connection to the Apocalypse, rather than waste time with an needless father-son story that really just felt like it was there to make the film long enough to be feature length.

Overall, it was okay but not some of Perkins better work.

2.5/5

Pros.

The mythology

Maslany

The kills

Cons.

The humour

The pacing

The father and son side plot

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Dog Man: Ahead Of The Pack

Summary

Dog Man cleans up crime.

So I was not aware that this was based on a book going in, I was not aware it was related to Captain Underpants either. I just thought it was a kids animated film, and I would say you can watch it as that, there was not any references to anything else that you wouldn’t get.

I thought that the dynamic between Dogman, Petey, Pete Davidson, and Little Petey was sweet and had a nice wholesome message. I found myself getting a little emotional at the end I have to say, it definitely had the feelings in the bag.

I would say however, that stylistically the film dropped the ball, maybe this is part of it and I am not aware but the editing was really strange like a lot of things would just randomly happen without much rhyme or reason. It had a feeling of okay now the next thing to it that I found a little off putting. There was also a lot of meta jokes and comments on it being a film which became a little bit grating over time.

Overall, a slightly above average kids film brought up by its wholesomeness.

Pros.

The wholesomeness

Ricky Gervais

A few good jokes

Cons.

The editing

The pacing

The meta commentary

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Bridget Jones Mad About The Boy: Later In Life Dating

Summary

Bridget Jones, Renee Zellweger, is back.

I think this is probably the film of the year so far. In many ways this is a near perfect film, the only thing that I didn’t like was the creepy sort of age play relationship sub plot- I didn’t like it as it felt icky plus you can guarantee that if such a storyline was done with a man and a younger women these days people would be up in arms.

That aside I thought this film was just the right amount of old notes brought back to play homage to previous film and also new ideas. It was fun to see the family dynamic of seeing Bridget with kids, it was nice to see the dysfunctional single mother be played without the judgement, she cared about her kids deeply and was there for them whilst also having her own thing. Take note Hollywood that is how single mothers should be.

I thought how they handled the passing of Colin Firth’s character was both beautiful and sad, there was a real melancholy there, but the film handled it in a mature and grown up way. I think the final time we see the ghost of Firth’s character at the school play is a fantastic moment and one in which it is hard not to shed a tear.

Overall, a wonderful send off for the franchise.

4.5/5

Pros.

It is sweet

It gives the characters a good send off

It merges the old and the new well

It is well paced

It is funny

Cons.

The icky relationship

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