X-Men Dark Phoenix: No More Mutants Please

X-Men: Dark Phoenix is a superhero film directed by Simon Kinberg; it belongs to 20^th Century Fox’s now defunct XCU (X-Men cinematic universe), taking place after the events of X-Men Apocalypse and is based on the Phoenix Saga from Marvel Comics.

Prior to writing this review I had been putting off watching this for a second time, it is a horrible film. Can I just ask the question before we get into the review, who thought letting Simon Kinberg a man who can’t even write films lead alone direct them, direct this was a good idea? All of the good X-Men films had very little involvement from this hack, or if he was involved, he was heavily reigned in by the director of whichever movie he was working on.

That said let’s get into the review.

First off, the action scenes in this film are atrocious, when you realise that they belong to a block-buster superhero film they seem even worse. They are a mad rush of CGI paired with the weakest blandest fight scenes you might ever see in your life, it is so lifeless and boring, it makes you wonder if they gave up on this film before it even started filming, and Fox wanted to release it just so it would cost, new franchise owners, Disney money; makes you think.

Secondly the acting, I can’t even bring myself to really go into this, so I will only talk about 2 noticeable bad performances, the rest are painfully average and feel so underdeveloped that you begin to question whether they even exist. James McAvoy as Professor X and Michael Fassbender as Magneto are the only 2 okay performances and even then, the incredibly bad, prequel era George Lucas esque bad, writing takes away anything it can from either performance.

The first of the woeful performances is Sophie Turner as Jean Grey. If I had to put together a list of the worst performances, or worst actors of 2019 Turner would surely be on it. I understand she was in Game Of Thrones and that was popular, empathies on was, but that doesn’t mean she is a good actress. Her performance has as much range and emotion as a bin bag floating down the side of the road, she can’t maintain an accent and as such it keeps slipping, she just can’t act, she can’t and if Hollywood learns one lesson from last year it should be to dump Sophie Turner as fast as they can.

The second performance and perhaps the more controversial pick is Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique. Never before in the history of film has it been clearer that an actor has only been in a film because they were contractually obligated to be. It is clear from the very first moment she appears on screen, in her human form because Lawrence doesn’t like the makeup, she is being payed millions to wear, that she doesn’t want to be there. Her now infamous line of “you should change the name to X-Women”, made me both cringe and feel annoyed at the same time, and shows everything that is wrong with this film.

Overall, I have to say bravo to Dark Phoenix as it actually made me like the rotting carcass that is X-Men: The Last Stand so well done for that!

Pros.

McAvoy and Fassbender are okay.

Cons.

Sophie Turner shouldn’t be cast.

Jennifer Lawrence should have left when she stopped caring, they should have let her go.

Someone should have stopped Simon Kinberg from ripping the X-Men apart.

The overuse of CGI hurts.

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

V.F.W: Beer,Brawn And Blasting

V.F.W is an action horror film directed by Joe Begos. The plot revolves around a group of ex-soldiers lead by Fred (Stephen Lang), who must defend their V.F.W outpost against a deranged drug lord and this army of junkie minions; fighting to see the light of a new day.

In terms of being an action movie, this is on par with Guns Akimbo for being my favourite of the year so far. This is very reminiscent of pulpy, grindhouse esque B movies of old, there is a focus on over the top gore and a lot of punk wardrobe choices. I’ve heard this film compared to the Expendables, but really that couldn’t be more of a disservice to the film. V.F.W actually has characters you care about and heart and soul, rather than just being a nostalgia vehicle to give old action stars the chance to meet up once again and get a nice fat paycheck.

Moreover, Stephen Lang is a far better action hero here, that Stallone was in the Expendables, you buy him as this solider that never really came home, never really wanted to; he lives to fight. We see this juxtaposed by the fact that he is getting old and his body won’t really let him fight, like it did when he was a young man, anymore and you can see that on screen: just in the little details. I think the paradigm of a solider who likes being a solider, but who physically can’t be anymore, is a neat angle to explore with this character and it helps Fred to feel well rounded and nuanced, rather than just another action hero.

The gore in this film is also brutally bloody in the best way, right from the off we see a man’s head explode from a shot gun blast and that sets the tone for what is to follow. I think good gore can really add to a horror film, good gore is usually comic and deliberately over the top: not the kind of gore you get out of something like Hostel where it get uncomfortable to watch after a while, but that is my own personal taste.

Overall, this is ridiculous, over the top, bloody fun and I can’t recommend it enough if that is your kind of thing. Lang is great and the film is a thrill ride from start to finish. A must watch!

Pros.

Stephen Lang.

A better version of the Expendables.

The over the top gore.

The dumb fun of it all.

Characters you genuinely want to see survive until the end.

Cons.

None

5/5

Reviewed By Luke

Kong Skull Island: The King Above All

Kong: Skull Island is a monster movie directed by Jordan Vogt-Roberts; it is a reboot of the King Kong franchise. The plot follows a group of scientist and soldiers as they travel to the uncharted Skull Island and find creatures beyond imagination, including the legendary Ape King Kong, who is the last of his species.

Though it may not be the most popular opinion, I believe of all the Monsterverse films thus far this is by far the best. My absolute favourite thing about this film is its soundtrack, it is absolute 70’s perfection, Jefferson Airplane, Credence Clear Water Revival and Black Sabbath all grace the soundtrack of this film and it is magnificent.

The style of this film is further compliment to the soundtrack, this is a very stylised film, this is clear in multiple ways and I believe unlike something like the Babysitter that is overly stylised, this is just the right amount as such it gives the film a fantastic sense of identity and uniqueness.

Crucially what this film does that makes it better than the Godzilla side of the Monsterverse, is it maintains the balance between human action and monster action; neither one takes focus from the other. The human characters are on screen enough to be developed, but they aren’t focused on to the point where we don’t get to spent time with Kong. We get plenty of time with the great ape himself, his origin is slightly different from what we have seen in the past, but it is still well done.

My two favourite human characters in any of the Monsterverse films are in this film. Firstly, we have Brie Larson’s character of Mason, who is an anti-Vietnam war photographer, she is a very interesting character and I like how they almost give her the human, monster relationship with Kong that we have seen in previous films, but then subvert it at the last minute. The other character I really like is Hank (played by John C. Riley), he is a pilot that has been stuck on Skull Island since World War 2, so for 28 years. Riley in this is fantastic, perhaps the best I have ever seen him, he has great comedic moments, but he also has great emotional dramatic scenes. The scene at the end of the film when he returns home after he has been away for so long is tear inducing, it is almost impossible to not cry when this scene comes on.

Overall, this film manages to achieve something that few other monster movies do, it strikes a harmony between the human and non-human characters, making all of its character interesting. The style and the soundtrack of this film also helps it to be exceptional, I hope that Godzilla Vs. Kong can be as good as this!

Pros.

The soundtrack.

The style.

How it handles Kong.

How it handles its human characters.

Cons.

The strange skull creatures.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Doctor Who (Season 12): A Season Of Extremes

Doctor Who is a British science fiction show that has just completed its 12^th season; which my review today will be covering. The plot of the show centres around a time traveling character called The Doctor (played by a multitude of actors over the years, but is currently portrayed by Jodie Whittaker), who goes on various adventures through time and space.

The last time I talked about this show I suggested that it was on the decline, beyond hope, but having now finished the latest series I am slightly more optimistic about it. The finale, the Tessla episode and Frankenstein episode I thought were good, the rest well I will get to them. Having good episodes is a step up from season 11, where they were all either incredibly forgettable or bad.

What’s more in these episodes were the writing is stronger and more Doctor central Jodie Whittaker’s portrayal of the character is better. When she is playing it straight her version of the character works, it doesn’t when she is manically talking to herself, or showing no empathy towards the companions. Speaking of which, an opinion of mine that hasn’t changed is that the companions this season are terrible, they have nothing to do, no personality, and only serve to steal focus away from the Doctor; BBC if you’re listening kill off one or two of them and give Jodie Whittaker and the Doctor more time to shine. I was really hoping in the season finale that they would have killed a few of them off, but they don’t have the balls anymore for real stakes where characters might die.

Finally, this season is a season of extremes, those bad episodes I was talking about before are really, really bad. Is it an improvement in quality to go from a season of really boring bland episodes to then have a season where every episode is either good or awful? Current year Doctor Who seems to love giving lectures, there are multiple moments in multiple episodes where the Doctor looks into the camera and gives us a talking to about one thing or another and it just annoying, really annoying. Good science fiction is escapism, the audience doesn’t want to constantly be reminded how bad they are and how humans are destructive terrible creatures, yet Doctor Who never got the memo clearly.

Ps. This is only a minor thing compared to the other things I’ve talked about here, but can the Doctor go back to visiting other planets please? I understand they might not have the budget for it, but to set every episode on Earth, or Earth like locations is just lazy and it loses all the appeal of the Doctor being able to go anywhere in time or space.

*Also, I am not even going to go into the timeless child twist, because we would be here all day if I did.

Overall, a step up from the woeful season 11, but this show is still bad in a lot of ways, critical ways, and has a long, long way to go to even be half decent Who.

Pros.

Some strong episodes that actually feel like Doctor Who.

Whittaker has some moments of greatness.

Cons.

The companions other than Bradly Walsh, are annoying, devoid of personality and worse of all distracting.

Whittaker also has some terrible moments.

The lectures and the complete lack of subtly.

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Godzilla, King Of The Monsters: A Weak And Ineffective King!

Godzilla: King Of The Monsters is a monster movie directed by Michael Dougherty. The film belongs to Legendry’s Monsterverse and follows on from the 2014 Godzilla film. The plot of the film revolves around humanities discovery of ‘the Titans’ and then their efforts to wake them up. Once they have been woken up, surprisingly they wreak havoc and then it is up to Godzilla to get them all in line.

I have been putting off this review for a long time, this is a film that a lot of people have strong feelings about, some love it, some don’t. The film didn’t do very well when it came out, which has affected the Monsterverse as a whole, but it has a dedicated cult following. For me, personally I liked Kong Skull Island, but both the Godzilla films have left me cold. Here is why.

My issue with the first film was that it didn’t have enough Godzilla in it, so when it looked as though the sequel was going to have more monsters fighting and less of the horrible human characters, I was excited, and yes there is far more monsters fighting, but now maybe it is too much. There is only so many times you can see a huge CGI creature hit another giant behemoth.

The human characters are dumb and bland, there is some strange eco-terrorism sub plot that is going on, that never really gets explained and their goals make no sense either. The twist that Vera Farmiga character has been working for them all along, isn’t hugely surprising, but you don’t care because she is boring and underdeveloped. Millie Bobbie Brown is only in this film because of Stranger Things she is probably the best of the human characters, but that’s not hard, a piece of wood could be better than all the human characters in this film.

The writing in this film is dumb, so, so dumb, unapologetically so, but that is half the fun. There is one bit in the film where they drop an oxygen bomb on Godzilla, which… how does that even work? If you’re one of those people that like things like The Fast and The Furious, were nothing makes sense and it is just pure spectacle then you might like this film.

Don’t even get me started on Kyle Chandler, who much like Annabelle Wallis can’t act. Seeing Chandler’s name on a casting sheet is a huge red flag for me, as he has never been good in anything.

Overall, this film is a disappointment as it managed to screw up both the human characters and the monsters, while also lacking the heart that made Skull Island so good.

Pros.

Millie Bobbie Brown is okay.

The first half an hour is entertaining.

Cons.

After that it becomes repetitive.

The human characters are terrible.

The plot is ridiculous.

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Guns Akimbo: A New Kind Of Internet Celebrity

Guns Akimbo is an action comedy film directed by Jason Lei Howden. The plot follows Miles (Daniel Radcliffe), a man who awakes to find pistols bolted to his hands after an online argument split over into the real world, he is then forced to compete in an internet age style, to the death gladiator match with raving badass Nix (Samara Weaving).

I didn’t really have any expectations when I went in to watch this, I knew it was going to be wacky, as the name and premise alone inform you of that, but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised with how much I ended up enjoying this film.

The writing was very sharp and tight, it uses every line well, being both informative and funny. Some of the dialogue was clearly trying to lampoon modern internet culture, I believe this was done well and it made me chuckle a few times. Rhys Darby plays a homeless man who helps out Miles in his time of need and I have to say, he might be the scene stealer of the film; Darby is hilarious here.

I like Samara Weaving as an action hero, I think she plays badass very well, for the most part she is your standard quippy anti-hero, but there is an added dimension to her that sets some emotional stakes. I think if Weaving carriers on picking projects like these she could easily become the 2020 version of what Sigourney Weaver was in the 1980’s, a badass female action star.

Daniel Radcliffe is also fantastic here, his career path of picking odd projects to prove himself as an actor as well as to steer away from his Harry Potter image is in full effect here. Radcliffe’s character is relatable as well as a believable action star, I like where the film leaves his character and I hope we get to see a sequel so we can see more of him. I also liked the on-screen chemistry between the two leads, I thought they had great banter together and I would love to see them in more films together in the future.

Overall, a very enjoyable experience from start to finish, smarter than most action films and funnier than most comedies. Samara Weaving and Rhys Darby steal the show, but everything in this film is firing with both barrels. My best film of 2020 so far, A Must See.

Pros.

Weaving the action star.

The writing.

The references to our modern-day culture.

Rhys Darby.

Nice and punchy no time wasted.

Cons.

None

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Watchmen: Nothing Ever Ends

Watchmen is a superhero drama series created by Damon Lindelöf, it continues the narrative of Alan Moore’s acclaimed graphic novel, rather than trying to remake it. Watchmen tells the story of Angela Abar (Regina King), a costumed detective of the Tulsa police department, who tries to stop the evil plans of far-right terrorist organisation the Seven Cavalry. Whilst doing this there is a wider mystery at play, that involves some of the original characters from the graphic novel.

First off, I just want to say that yes, this show is political, but unlike a lot of other entertainment shows and films it doesn’t ram it philosophy down your throat, the writing is far too subtle for that.

I think this show was criminally under watched when it was on, as someone who is a huge fan of the graphic novel, I have often wondered what life would be like in a post-squid world and this show scratched that itch for me. It was fun seeing Silk Specter (Jean Smart) and Ozymandias (Jeremy Irons) again, I liked what the show did with there characters and thought that all of the Ozymandias scenes when he was off world were really intriguing.

What the show did with Doctor Manhattan (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) was good, I liked the romance angle between him and Angela, my only issue with his character was that we didn’t really get a good look at his powers, but that is probably because it was confined to a TV show budget. My other little gripe is, because the show brought back all these classic characters the new characters they introduced really needed to standout and in the case of Angela this was a detriment. Though Angela had some interesting scenes a lot of the time I was begging the show to return to Ozymandias or show me more of other characters as I found her to be a bit dull.

However, the best character on the show was one of the new characters, Looking Glass (Tim Blake Nelson). Looking Glass or Wade, is a fascinating character to watch on screen, as he has been emotionally and psychologically scarred by the events of squid night and watching him deal with that over the course of the season and then seeing him learn it was all one big plot is one of the best things I have seen on television recently.

Overall, this is a masterpiece of a show, it successfully follows up the great graphic novel in a way that feels new and fresh, adding something to the world overall. I am glad it is not coming back for season two as it works better as a one of thing. Must See TV!

Pros.

Looking Glass.

How it deals with returning characters.

The world it sets up.

Fascinating character work.

Cons.

Angela isn’t the best lead character and is often out shadowed by others.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Mile 22: Run As Far As You Can It Won’t Make A Difference

Mile 22 is a espionage action thriller directed by Peter Berg. The plot follows a team of special operatives as they race around the clock to try and find the location of missing packages of caesium. It then turns out that one man Li Noor (Iko Uwais), has the locations on a storage drive that is slowly destroying itself, Li is prepared to trade the drive in order to escape the country, as he says it contains secrets that could bring down the government; what follows is the special forces team lead by James Silva (Mark Wahlberg), trying to get Li out of the country.

I had very low expectations of this going in, truth be told I put it on because I just wanted to watch a dumb action movie, I could turn my brain off to and enjoy regardless of its quality. Not only did Mile 22 live up to my expectation of dumb fun, but it was also much better than I thought it was going to be. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t must see cinema, it is dumb and none of it really makes sense, but in terms of an action movie, this might be one of the best I have seen in a while.

The action choreography is great, but as soon as Iko Uwais name appeared in the credits I knew that was going to be true, Uwais is on top form as ever and did a great job of the fight sequences, Lauren Cohen who play’s Alice in the film also had a great fight scene towards the end of the film that I thought was particularly well done. The editing during fight sequences is jumping around all over the place, which can be off putting for some as you don’t really get a good look at anything, personally I didn’t mind the style of editing I thought it added to the overall kinetic feel of the action.

Finally, I want to talk about the twist. All the way through the film we see that the American coms have been tapped by the Russians and that they are listening in, but it is not revealed why until right at the end. Suffice it to say the twist at the end genuinely surprised me, I didn’t see it coming. It would be nice to get a follow-up to this film so we could see what happens next, but we will have to wait on that.

Overall, more than just dumb fun Mile 22 packs some great action scenes and a great twist ending that help to elevate it over standard genre fare.

Pros.

The twist.

The fight scenes.

Iko Uwais.

Cons.

None of it makes sense.

The editing may be jarring for some people.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Mummy: One Of The Worst Films Ever Made!

The Mummy is an action adventure film, directed by the talentless hack Alex Kurtzman. The plot of this film revolved around Nick Morton (Tom Cruise), a solider who whilst on a mission in Egypt accidentally unleashes an ancient evil into the world. This was originally supposed to be the film that kick-started Universal’s Dark Universe, instead it was the film that ended up killing it.

First off, the abandoning of the horror roots of The Mummy series is a crime, but then replacing them with samey over the top generic action sequences is a crime against humanity. Whoever came up with the idea to turn The Mummy into an entirely action driven film deserves to be fired and never allowed to work in Hollywood again. Yes, I know the Brenden Frasier films exist, and yes, they were action focused as well, but there was also some horror in those films, there were many scenes that genuinely scared me the first time I saw them.

What makes this worse is the fact that they cast Tom Cruise in the lead role, he is horribly miscast and also brings no charm whatsoever to the film, he just plays a generic action hero type. The end of film sees him possessed by some kind of demonic force, yet he is still a good guy and the film still wants us to root for him. The film wants you to root for the devil, where was the moral outcry about that?

The supporting cast are all terrible, but for different reasons include some that aren’t their fault. Sofia Boutella as The Mummy does bring a great physicality to the role and she as a character is intriguing, however to the film’s bad luck, Suicide Squad was fresh in people’s minds as Boutella’s Mummy seemed all too familiar to the villain of that film. Also, the over reliance on CGI really shows with her character and the film could have been improved with more practical effects. Annabelle Wallis as the love interest (because that is all her character is), has absolutely nothing to do except be saved by Tom Cruise. It has to be said as well though that Wallis can’t act, she just can’t, wooden would be too nice of a word to describe her acting ability, her involvement in any film should be a huge red flag. Finally, we have Jake Johnson as the comedic sidekick character, who I actually liked, I thought he was funny, and I enjoyed what they did with his character. However, because this film was so poorly made his comedy stuck out like a sore thumb and didn’t mesh well with the overall tone of the film.

Overall, Jake Johnson is the best thing about this film, his character might be on screen for all of 20 minutes but hell you will miss him when he isn’t there. Tom Cruise is terrible, just terrible. This film deserves to rot in hell.

Pros.

Jake Johnson.

Cons.

Alex Kurtzman is a hack.

They ruined a great franchise.

Tom Cruise.

This film hates itself and the audience.

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Bad Boys For Life: Is It Time To Retire?

Bad Boys For Life is an action comedy film directed by Adil El Arbi and Bilall Fallah. The plot returns us once again to the lives of Miami cops Mike (Will Smith), and Marcus ( Martin Lawrence), who are now on the cusp of retirement, with the two men disagreeing about whether they should or not. However, when a figure from Mike’s past comes back to haunt and hunt him, the Boys have to be Bad one last time.

This film knows what it is, it isn’t trying to be clever it is just dumb popcorn fun, think Fast and The Furious but with less of a focus on cars. The life blood of this film is the chemistry and banter between Smith and Lawrence and I am pleased to report that this chemistry is just as strong as ever, you buy them as two cops who have been partners for years and are more like brothers than friends at this point.

Moreover, the boy’s interactions with Ammo, the new policing group that does things differently to the Boys, is fantastic and had me laughing multiple times in the cinema. I think Alexander Ludwig of Vikings fame is the standout of this younger cast and the joke of him being a big burly guy who prefers to stay in the van never stops being funny. Also, some of the meta jokes in this film are also brilliant, an example of one of these is having Michael Bay announcing things at Marcus’s daughter’s wedding, which made me laugh as he was the director of the other two films.

The action in this film is pretty good the choreography is done well, however, when I was watching I often thought I don’t think Will Smith should do these type of roles anymore as I just don’t believe him as an action star anymore, he is past it and it shows in this film.

I thought the storyline of it being Mike’s son that was trying to kill him, was incredibly obvious from the beginning and is a little too similar to Smith’s other recent film Gemini Man.

Overall, I think that for a belated sequel this is probably as good as you could hope for, there are some laughs, it treats the characters with respect, it is an enjoyable turn your brain off sort of film, however it is still far from perfect and the issues that plague the film are fundamental, so aren’t easily changed. See it if you have nothing better to do!

Pros.

Smith and Lawrence’s chemistry.

The Boy’s interactions with Ammo.

Alexander Ludwig.

The meta jokes.

Cons.

The Boys are pasted their prime and it shows.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke