Star Wars The Rise Of Skywalker: This Is Going To Be A Long One

Star War The Rise Of Skywalker is an epic science fiction film directed by JJ Abrams. The plot ends the Skywalker saga that has been set up by the previous films and sees the final showdown between the light side of the force and the dark side.

Where to begin with this film? Is it terrible? No. Is it in any way good? No as well. There are so many things to unpack with this film, this might be a long one.

So firstly, the opening fight scene where Kylo Ren (Adam Driver), is slicing through rebels with ease and it looks awful. The choreography of this scene is clearly supposed to make Ren look scary and powerful; however it was somewhere around the moon walk stab that I laughed out loud; it does not open the film on a good note.

Secondly, when the final order is raised, it does not look impressive rather it looks cheap and it looks as thought they had skipped out on getting good visual effects. This is recurring through the film; this is not a one-off issue.

Thirdly, the humour there is something really particularly bad about the humour. Now, I am not saying every film needs to be direly serious, but it would have been better here than what we got. This film even more so then The Last Jedi is trying and failing to replicate the MCU. We have a deadly serious scene with franchise spanning implications and then before any of the emotional impact can register bam we get a quippy joke, it is irritating.

Before I get to my final issues with this film I just want to talk about a few things this film got right.

I enjoyed some of the new characters this film set up, even if they were severely underdeveloped, I would like to see some of them come back in future films/ Disney Plus series, there is potential there.

Personally, I thought the only moment of this film that actually worked was the final battle and even then all the stuff about Rey’s (Daisy Riddley), origins ruined it a bit. The final desperate fight in this film was the only thing that actually felt like Star Wars to me, having the Rebels effectively facing extinction and then just when all seemed lost help arrived- this was a cheer worthy moment, the only one of the film.

Now my two major issues with the film. Nearly all of the interesting characters from the previous films were blatantly ignored or reduced in favourite of focusing on Rey and Kylo Ren, and whilst I can understand that both of them are popular characters it just feels like a huge missed opportunity, poor writing and a slap in the face. Moreover, the reveal of Rey taking the Skywalker name at the end of the film did not make me cheer, it did not elicit any kind of positive emotion in me rather it made me cringe… and that was how the film ended, on a cringe.

Overall, this film single handed dealt more damage to the Star Wars brand than anything else in it’s history, at least The Last Jedi had guts.

Pros.

The one cheer worthy moment

A few cool new characters

Cons.

Doing nothing with most of the characters

The cheapness and the cringe

The bad and poorly done fight scenes

The eye rolling moments

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Bloody Hell: Don’t Try And Be A Hero, It Is Not Worth 8 Years

Bloody Hell is an action horror film directed by Alister Grierson. The plot sees Rex (Ben O’Toole), attempt to stop an armed robbery in his attempt an innocent women is killed, and he is sent to prison. When he is released from prison some view him as a hero others a monster, anyway his new found celebrity status proves too much for Rex, so he gets on a plane heading to Finland hoping to leave all his craziness behind: then he gets kidnapped by a family of cannibals.

I enjoyed this film more than I thought I would, and I have found over the days since I watched it, it has returned to my thoughts quite a few times. The greatest issue with this film is that the opening of the film, Rex getting to Finland is incredibly slow, however, once he gets captured things get much more interesting.

This film does a lot with a little, and even though only one or two locations are used, and the set pieces are not that elaborate or fancy, they still feel suitably tense and nerve-wracking. You are filled with dread hoping that Rex will be able to slip out of his restraints before the cannibals come to finish him off. Likewise in the final fight scene despite it being relatively small scale we are treated to a gore feast that is one of the best you way ever see.

My favourite thing about this film is its use of inner monologues, Rex talks to himself, no more than that he has full on conversations with another version of himself. I think both Rexs have great chemistry with the other and the banter between the two never leaves you wanting.

Overall, a strong B movie that makes the most out of what it has and has one of the best final brawls in recent memory.

Pros.

The ending fight

The final joke

Rex’s conversations with himself

The tension

Cons.

The opening is painfully slow.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Gemini Man: Technology So Good It Takes You Out Of The Film And Makes You Ask For A Refund

Gemini Man is an action film directed by Ang Lee. The plot sees best mercenary in the world Henry Brogan (Will Smith), go up against a younger version of himself, for reasons.

So, lets get a few things out of the way. Firstly, the writing is a mess (one of the guys who wrote Game Of Thrones wrote this, so I am not surprised), things just kind of happen and there is no real reason for it. Does it make logical sense to create an army of young Henry’s who are all inevitably going to rebel against their creator Clay Verris (Clive Owen), no it does not and that’s only the beginning of it. To think too hard about this film gives you a headache from the stupidity. Secondly, the visuals which were the big thing about this film are not all that impressive, they are fine that is about as far as I would go.

However, the de-aged CGI Will Smith does not look as horrible as I was expecting, yes the appearance is initially jarring and a bit too uncanny valley, but you get used to it over the course of the film until by the end it doesn’t really bother you anymore.

This film is made bearable by the charisma and charm of Will Smith in full on dad mode. Much like The Rock, Smith just has something about him that makes all of this films better (when he is trying), it is this special something, this spark that makes this film watchable and fun to a dumb degree.

Moreover, Mary Elizabeth Winstead is in this film continuing her action hero trajectory and plays Smith’s side kick/ back up. I enjoyed seeing Winstead she always makes her roles memorable and I thought she brought a great physicality to the role: she easily held her own in the fight scenes and was a believable action hero. I thought she also had a great partner chemistry with Will Smith and the journey their characters go on together feels genuine.

Also very quick side note, Benedict Wong only has a minor role in this film, but he is awesome and steals every scene he is in. He is a magnificent performer in anything.

Overall, though it makes no sense and the gimmick tech adds nothing, there is still a lot of dumb fun to be had here and Smith and Elizabeth-Winstead stop it from being all bad.

Pros.

Wong

Smith

Elizabeth- Winstead

It is dumb fun

Cons.

The tech gimmicks don’t work and maybe even backfire

It is dumb and poorly written

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Outside The Wire: Captain America Has Changed

Outside The Wire is a science fiction action film directed by Mikael Hafstorm. The plot imagines a future were the Russia Ukraine crisis has spilled out and become an international war being fought by both human and machine soldiers. We follows drone pilot Harp (Damson Idris), as he is sent into this theater of war to help Captain Leo (Anthony Mackie), stop nuclear weapons from falling into the hands of terrorists.

All of these futuristic action films are starting to feel the same in my mind and I am finding it hard to tell them apart. There is nothing unique or particularly new or interesting here to sink your teeth into most of what we see is just recycling ideas from other works.

The plot as a whole is very eh, again it has been done better before. Furthermore, the twist (that I am not going to spoil as it is a fairly recent film, is obvious and predicatable and is utterly underwhelming they could have done so much more with it, but they settle for mediocrity.

The only pro I will say for this film is that the interplay between Mackie and Idris is on strong form. The two have a great rapport and the banter between the two of them is easily the highlight of the film; it made me smile several times.

Overall yet more bland, generic science fiction that even genre die hard will struggle to like.

Pros.

Mackie and Idris

Cons.

It is generic

The twist isn’t good

It is poorly paced

It is dull

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Jack Reacher: Closer To The Real Tom Cruise

Jack Reacher Never Go Back is an action film directed by Edward Zwick, based on the novel series by Lee Child. The plot this time around sees Jack Reacher (Tom Cruise), become wanted for murder after a military contractor betrays his employer. Furthermore, a young woman called Samantha (Danika Yarosh), appears on the scene who has a personal connection to Reacher thereby making her a target.

This film is just plain boring, there is no other way to describe it. The coolest bit of the film is the dinner fight scene in the first five minutes after that it quickly plunges off a cliff, do yourself a favour and turn this off after the five-minute mark.

The action is all very humdrum nothing special or memorable as we have come to expect of Cruise in recent years, all the stunts and fight scenes seem very tame and safe and fail to illicit anything more than an uninterested shrug from you.

Cruise’s performance here lacks all of the charm that made the first film so good, the character seems aloof at best and cold and almost sociopathic at worst. The character is given an emotional journey, but he seems no different at the end to how he was at the start. It is very underwhelming.

Overall, deeply generic, and not worth your time.

Pros.

Cobie Smulders has a very good scenes, sadly she is wasted for the rest of the film

Cons.

It has been done better before

The action is not exciting

Cruise seems bored

The film is badly paced, and you lose interest quickly

0.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Bad Boys: Cars Need Cupholders

Bad Boys is a buddy cop action film directed by Michael Bay. The plot follows two Miami police detectives as they get wrapped up in a narcotics investigation that threatens them on both a personal and professional level.

Before watching this, the only Bad Boys film I had seen was the most recent entry For Life, however watching this film actually made me like that less. That is not to say this is a bad film quite the opposite to be truthful with you, watching this allowed me to see how all the jokes and other elements I liked in For Life where actually just repeated from this film; the unoriginality is staggering.

Say what you want about Bay, as a director he was at this prime in the 90s and this film proves that. This is everything you would want from a buddy cop action film, explosions, laughs, catchphrases…. well maybe not everything; this is no Lethal Weapon after all, but there is enough there to keep you entertained.

Will Smith and Martin Lawrence have a great comedic back and forth, no Gibson and Glover but few can aspire to that level of greatness. I think this film manages to nail the tone perfectly between silly and serious as it can by its nature go from a jokey scene between the partners to them witnessing an important death that still feels resonantly impactful, without being jarring in the transition.

Overall, is this as good as Lethal Weapon no, no it is not, but it is definitely on the high end of the buddy cop scale, there is a lot to love here as long as you aren’t too demanding. Smith and Lawrence are electric together on screen.

Pros

The humour

The switch in switch out tone

Smith and Lawrence

Cons.

Some of it is a little cliched

It is not as funny as it thinks it is.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Girl In The Spiders Web: Can The Spider Hurry Up

The Girl In The Spiders Web is a thriller film directed by Fede Alvarez based on the Millennium book series written by David Lagercrantz. The plot sees Lisbeth Salander (Claire Foy), as she battles against a mysterious criminal organisation that has ties to her past.

I understand this property is well respected, the book this film is based on is held in high esteem: I have not read it myself so I can’t say, but what I will say is if the plot of this film is any indication for the story and plot of the books they had been vastly over credited.

There was nothing here that I had not seen done better before elsewhere. Most of the twists and turns were painfully apparent from the get-go, and quite frankly I was bored watching it: there were big stretches within this film when I was desperately hoping for something interesting to happen, but it never did.

Foy is fine, is fine she has been a lot better elsewhere, but she is not out right terrible. The acting front much like everything else in this film is very meh, the one good performance and it is more a result of a styling and costume rather than actual acting is Claes Bang, as a villainous enforcer who has a great presences and a few interesting action moments.

Overall, deeply underwhelming.

Pros.

Claes Bang

Cons.

The performances are average

The script is boring and lazy

The plot is predictable

The action is fairly weak and run of the mill

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

War: An Action Film Minus The Action

War is an action film directed by Phillip G. Atwell. The plot sees FBI agent Tom Lone (Jason Statham), track down the assassin (Jet Li), who killed his partner some time prior. A personal war ensues between the two men.

So usually one can enjoy Jason Statham action movies for the dumb spectacle they are, usually they are made better for not taking themselves seriously and for playing up the more campy elements. However, clearly this film did not get that memo, this film takes itself far, far too seriously to be any kind of fun, but more than that this film is boring.

Additionally, for an action film there is precious little action on display here, usually it is just a person walks into a room, shoots some people, then leaves, that is all there is too it. Even the final set piece at the end of the film is disappointing and surprisingly tame. This film seems to have a tell not show policy towards its action and it is all the worse for it.

On the performance side of things, Statham plays Statham as always but without any of the charm. Whereas Li has the presences but doesn’t actually do anything interesting for the entire film. Neither character has anything even barely resembling a personality and the whole film feels like a cliché wrapped in a stereotype.

Overall, this is one of the tamest most boring action films I have ever seen.

Pros.

None

Cons.

It is boring

It is tame

The characters aren’t fun to watch

The ending is disappointing

It is cliché and played out

0/5

Reviewed by Luke

Centurion: Neil Marshal Really Seems To Have A Thing About Scotland

Centurion is a historical action film directed by Neil Marshal. The film loses covers the disappearance of the Roman 9^th Legion during its occupation of what would go on to be Britain. We follow Quintus Dias (Michael Fassbender), as he and a surviving group of Roman soldiers try to survive their retreat after the decimation of the 9^th legion.

If there is one thing Neil Marshal is a master of it is visceral visuals, very much like his contemporaries Michael Bay and Zack Snyder, Marshal manages to create a very violent and very real sense of place and danger. This film is pure spectacle right from the off when we see the destruction and slaughter of most of the Legion at the hands of giant balls of fire, and it continues from there.

The film is very much dumb fun, the story is littered with plot holes, and if you are watching it for the narrative or for it to make sense then you are watching the wrong film. If you are watching it for brutal violence and over the top spectacle, such as a man who has a spear sticking through him impaling another man without immediately dying then this is the film for you.

I thought the performances were all good, not great but serviceable and watchable. We see quite a lot of British talent on display in this film, David Morrissey, Liam Cunningham, Riz Ahmed and Noel Clarke all give decent supporting performances and leave an impression, regardless of their amount of screen time.

Overall, this is a fun watch for the gory carnage alone, don’t watch it if you want serious or thoughtful as it is neither of those things.

Pros.

The dumb fun

The violence

The over the top elements

Fassbender

Cons.

The villains are quite weak

The choice of display for the opening and closing credits is weirdly jarring

The ending doesn’t make any sense

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Doomsday: North Of The Wall Is An Angry Scotsman

Doomsday is a science fiction action film directed by Neil Marshall. The plot imagines a future United Kingdom that has been ravaged by a deadly virus, as a result of this Scotland (the disease’s epicenter) has been sealed off to the rest of the world and left for dead.

Ignoring how close to our own reality some parts of this film are, this was quite a fun time. I enjoyed the Mad Max aesthetic and thought that the world itself was begging to be explored further, I was left wanting to know more about what happened during the films time jump.

I thought it was nice to see a bad ass female action hero in the lead, Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra), is very much in the same vein as other early 2000s feminist icons like Selene (Kate Beckinsale), from the Underworld films and Alice (Mila Jovovich), from the Resident Evil films. Eden has a great on- screen presence boosted by great physicality in the performance from Mitra, she is a very believable action hero. However, her character doesn’t have much in the way of a personality which I find to be my only real issue with the real.

The ending is edgy enough to feel satisfactory and leaves the door open for a sequel, should we want to return.

Overall, a fun time if a little troubling due to our current circumstance.

Pros.

Mitra

The premise

The world and the world building

Malcolm McDowell is always a welcome presence

Cons.

Eden might be cool, but she has no personality

4/5

Reviewed by Luke