Furiosa: Summer 2024’s Most Obvious Flop

Summary

We return for a prequel almost a decade after the film it is proceeding.

Whilst I can see what WBD wanted to do here in keeping the Mad Max brand alive, this was not the way to go about it.

I think the biggest crime of this film was that it came out so long after it would have been relevant. The issue with long awaited sequels and prequels is that they have to do more to justify not just their existence but to explain why a contemporary audience should care. In my mind it is that failing which is why this film is so maligned.

In terms of the wider Hollywood culture this film is not a girl boss film, in fact it is quite the opposite. The character is not a Mary Sue as she has to go through quite the trial to get to where she is and has to be taught how to be badass rather than it just coming innately to her. I think Anya Taylor-Joy is an action star in the making as I did think she was very believable here and I would dare say that her version of Furiosa eclipsed that of Theron.

The story is good, if overly long, the idea of a war between the main factions of the wasteland is a good idea. I would say that they could have done more with it and shown a larger amount of the battles on screen but that was clearly not the story they wanted to tell.

Overall, I think it is a good film with a few issues namely relevancy and pacing.

3.5/5

Pros.

Taylor-Joy

The idea of a wasteland war is interesting

Some good set pieces

Engaging characters

Cons.

The pacing is brutal

It is not really relevant anymore

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Velma Season 2 Overview: Please God Let It Stay Dead

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Scooby Doo franchise is once again vandalised.

There is nothing that can be said about this show that hasn’t already been said. This show is the most clear cut example of a film or tv show that hates its IP, not only is this a self-insert for Mindy Kaling, the woman who joked about how she had forced a man to kiss her which is sexual harassment, but it just hates the Scooby Doo brand.

Velma, voiced by Kailing, could only be more annoying if she did everything in a high pitch squeaky voice, she is hateful towards men, towards women, toward anyone that is not like her. Honestly in real life she would be the villain, despite her saying on the show she’s so progressive she is actually really horrible and judgemental to everyone around her, the show thinks it can get around this by going oh but we acknowledge she’s a bad person so its fine. Nope having horrible unlikeable characters is all on the writers.

They pull out all the cards to make this edgy, with the sex and the violence but they need to realise the reason other adult animations can get away with that sort of thing is because people care about the characters, no one cares about Velma. I was honestly surprised there wasn’t a scene of Velma having sexual relations with the well-known great dane, but hey Warner Brothers Discovery said she can’t have the dog appear in the show. The fact I expected to see that shows you just how low and gutter trash this show is, it will do anything for a cheap shock laugh.

They also made Scrappy Doo the villain of the season, which because of how the show is made him the hero of the season instead, which is an odd feeling when it comes to Scrappy, but hey ho. Velma dies in the final battle so hopefully she and the series never come back.

Overall, just as bad as the first season but now a little bit extra stale.

0/5

Pros.

None, this was a few hours of my life I’ll never get back

Cons.

Kailing

It is not funny

It hates the IP

It is frequently gross for no rhyme or reason

Velma is an awful person

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The Acolyte Episode 6: Appealing To Less Than 30% Of Your Audience

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Remember folks the male gaze is wrong and to be called out yet a scene made for the female gaze is terrific and wonderful, a double standard everyone.

I apologise for having this review out a few days late, I have been away and so have been using my reserve for reviews, but fear not I have returned and now here is my thoughts on the latest episode.

You can tell this episode was co-written by Leslye Headland as it is one of the weakest of the whole season. Firstly you have the very obvious thirst scene designed to appeal to those less than 30 percent of female fans and small segment of the LGBTQ+ community, which again reflects my comment in the summary.

Secondly, you have the fact that the Jedi suspect Sol, Lee Jung-jae, as being the one behind the massacre which makes no sense, can they not sense things in the force, can some of them not read force echoes? Are you meaning to tell me that in the entire battlefield not a single item had a force echo attached to it which will show who the killer was. Once again we see the Jedi being portrayed as dullards. The whole point of this show seems to be to have the space cops, as the show wants you to think of them being the bad guys, the Jedi are incompetent they are evil and no doubt they just killed all the space witches for the hell of it. The social commentary is so thick that it blocks out all light or sense of sanity a viewer might have.

Thirdly a perhaps most cynically of all you have the helmet moment and the reference to Darth Vader. Now I have seen some people try to excuse this by saying its foreshadowing, foreshadowing what exactly how one of the twins becomes Darth Vader? No, nor is it foreshadowing how that twin will fall to the dark side as they will both be grey Jedis at the end of the show. They can’t be Sith as to have a non-white person as a villain would be incredibly problematic in this day and age, and they won’t be full Jedis as that would make them space police and you can’t have that either as everyone is supposed to hate the police now. So grey jedis or morally ambiguous force users they will be. The reference to Vader is simply more desperate pandering to try and hit you with the member berries in order to care more

Overall, boring, dumb, creepy and cheap.

0.5/5

Pros.

At least it’s almost over

Cons.

The thirst scene and the female gaze, the hypocrisy and the creepiness of it

The Darth Vader moment

The Jedi are bad okay

It is just not Star Wars

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The Watchers: Nepobaby The Movie

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

M.Night’s nepobaby tries to make a film like her dad.

Dakota Fanning has a lot of bad luck picking projects. It is a shame for her as she deserved better than this.

The film has a group of people get lost in a wood and then they have to perform every night for the watchers, shapeshifting creatures trying to mimic humans, they have to escape and one of them follows the gang back to civilisation. That’s the whole plot summed up for you in two and a bit lines, the film goes on and on about its lore as though it is the most interesting thing in the world, it seems to think it is incredibly deep when it actual fact you can see the bottom.

The twist is that it is not Fanning’s character that is the watcher but rather the old woman who has been menacing but is supposedly a goody. Again this twist is so obvious that M. Night would have laughed and thrown it in the fire and questioned whether what he had for dinner that night was throwing him off. Here however, it is treated as though it is clever. It is not.

Moreover, the villainous fairies from Irish myth have been cropping up a lot recently in horror and as such I didn’t find them all that scary as it was just the same thing again. They are freaky to look at in their watching mode, but other than that there is nothing really scary about this film either.

Overall, M. Night should give his daughter some lessons and help her learn how to make a good twist.

2/5

Pros.

The watchers are freaky to look at when not human

It has a good atmosphere, that it does nothing with

Cons.

The twist is terrible

It is not deep

It isn’t scary

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Hearts Of Stone: Gal Gadot Is An Action Star

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Gal Gadot continues to be the best female action hero.

So a lot of people will dislike this film, because a lot of people dislike folks from Israel right now, antisemitism is rampant, but if you can put down your flags and your angry banners for a minute, then you’ll see this was actually a Netflix gem that far too many people slept on.

The plot is standard action fare, nothing much new, but Gadot approaches it with such charm and charisma that you remember why Wonder Woman worked so well. It is incredibly hard not to warm to her and root for her, moreover, unlike other wannabe action stars, looking at you Millie Bobby Brown, Gadot has the moves and the physicality to be able to pull off the fight scenes and make it look real.

I think that for an action film the pace was quite good, we didn’t waste time with too much exposition, we just got straight into it which was positive. From there we got some action, which I’d say it was a good, pretty great by Netflix standard, and then we were out. It made other Netflix action fare like Atlas look like sluggish messes.

Overall, Gal Gadot will always be an action hero.

3.5/5

Pros.

Gadot

The pace

The action

The charm

Cons.

The plot is dumb

The wider cast are mostly wasted

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Lord Of The Rings The Two Towers Extended Edition: An Old Man Gets Beat Up By A Tree

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Ents march and war comes to Helm’s Deep.

Personally, I found this to be the weakest of the trilogy, still damn good when compared to a lot of the trash Hollywood dolls out but it had more issues than either of the other films.

For me these issues are best described as pacing related. There are vast sections of the film that I find just go on for far too long, such as but not limited to the whole sequence before the Ents march, the many romances of Aragorn, Viggo Mortensen, and a lot of the early Rohirrim stuff was also incredibly slow. I admit I was watching the extended edition so maybe it wasn’t so bad in the normal edition.

Also one small nitpick before we get into the positives, I am also not a big fan of Gollum, Andy Serkis, and think that the franchise as a whole overuses him and as such seeing his much bigger presence here made me like the film a little bit less.

However, that aside I thought this film did a lot to expand the world in interesting and new ways, Treebeard and the Ents are a particular favourite of mine, when they actually march. I also thought that this film made Gandalf far more important and that really helps him to shine, quite literally as a character. When he returns that is a powerful scene but so is the scene in the halls of the Rohirrim, it really shows him off.

The battle at Helm’s Deep is strong, possibly the strongest of the series, though I think the battle that results in the death of the Witch King is perhaps ultimately just a bit better. I thought the action felt very real and visceral though I must say the scene with the skateboard was a bit cringe.

Overall, a decent follow up to fellowship, with some good battles, however, it is slowed down by some padding and bad pacing issues.

4/5

Pros.

It is epic

It builds the world well

The action

A lot of good Gandalf

Cons.

Too much Gollum

The pacing issues

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The Acolyte Episode 5: It Would Have Been Better If The Sith Had Killed Every Character

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A lot of characters die, the show wants you to care but frankly you’re happy to see them go.

So this was the big action episode with all the fights and the lightsabers that had been teased for a long time. If you are the kind of person who just seeing some lightsabers is enough to make you happy, then good news you’ll love this episode, however if you require more substance than I can safely say you will be disappointed. The action choreography was weak, they have clearly taken influence from martial arts films and what not and that is fine but some of the actors they have trying to pull off these moves look like there is no way in hell they actually could. The action is pretty fake looking at times too, it looks like something you might see on a better than average Youtube channel that recreates movie fights, not the sort of thing you expect for a show with 180 million dollar budget.

Moreover, as I said in the summary a bunch of characters die, and you either feel indifference or kind of want them to. The show and its terrible writing has done such a bad job of making you care about any of the Jedi, even at sometimes making you hate them for how not like Jedi they are, that when they die it has the wrong emotional effect. I also thought it was cringe as hell that it was only the Padawan that gave the Sith a fight, as the rest of the Jedi’s were easily chopped down and they were experienced Knights, but because the Padawan is a know it all girl boss, played by Dafne Keen, she could go toe to toe with the Sith fighter. It is silly and stupid and the perfect reflection of modern Star Wars

Oh the twist, the dude from The Good Place is the Sith, yes that’s right folks the most obvious and laziest choice is the correct one. Everyone guessed from the minute he showed up that he was and as the show has gone on people were like it can’t possibly be him that would be too obvious and yet the show gave you just that. The issue is people don’t seem to understand just how poor the writing actually is so of course they can’t misdirect you or give you a good twist it is far too hard for them.

Moreover, Mae, Amandla Stenberg, continues to be the most schizophrenic character in Star Wars history flipping between emotions every few seconds. In the flashbacks she cares about her sister, then she wants to kill her, she is on her mission to kill all the jedi, then suddenly gets bored and stops, she wants to escape and live with her sister then knocks her out and leaves her with a Sith who likes killing Jedis. This is not good writing, it is as though they cannot decide on how they want the character to be so they keep having her do different things that are entirely at odds with each other it is hard to follow. Moreover, the fact they had to strip the sister down so Mae could switch clothes with her feels like some odd pervy fan service, though there is no nudity you know that scene will feature heavily in deviant art for years to come.

Overall, though this episode is more interesting that last weeks I would say the baffling character decisions and the stupid writing makes it worse.

0.5/5

Pros.

The new Sith could be interesting

Cons.

Mae and her mood swings

The terrible writing

The reveal is obvious

You don’t care about any of the deaths

Girl boss X-23

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The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes: Rachel Zegler Before She Imploded Her Career

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A franchise that ran out of steam a decade ago is brought back because Hollywood is creatively bankrupt.

Why do we need to know more about the world of the Hunger Games it was a ripped off western Battle Royale with some added dystopian ideas. Honestly, I thought when they ended that franchise after its two part finale that it was dead, evidently not.

Where I think this film suffers when compared to the main saga is in the acting, on the one side you have a dude so bland and forgettable that you will find it hard to remember his face scene to scene let alone when the film ends. On the other hand you have the internet’s darling Rachel Zegler doing her best girl boss impression, by looking smug in every scene even when she is in danger. Clearly she was remembering how she alone is updating and bringing about world wide change with her new Snow White film and that is why she looks like that.

They name drop characters and ideas from the main series of films here, and you just feel like cool okay do you have anything else. Throwing a few oh remember this person or thing from the other films isn’t a substitute for good story telling or worldbuilding.

Overall, a pointless unneeded film.

2/5

Pros.

An interesting idea

It is relatively short

Cons.

The acting is awful

It is unnecessary

It uses cameos in place of world building

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The Acolyte Episode 4: Amandla Stenberg Is The Most Oppressed Person On The Planet

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

We get another fun and needed episode of the Acolyte.

If you couldn’t tell I was being sarcastic. Now to address somethings before we begin, I had a few people ask me why do I cover this show if I don’t like it, and there’s two reasons for that and no it is not because I am going crazy, though the show makes me fee like that at times. Firstly, it is because I think bad writing and bad content deserves to be called out so that other people can see this and stay clear, a lot of people are seeing and engaging with these reviews, according to my stats, so I am providing a service. Secondly, because a lot of trolls out there tell me to shut up and call me names because I am critical of the show and I will not bow to pressure and stop.

That said lets carry on, so this week we get a slightly better time than last week but not by much. We get to see more of the Sith who is very obviously the twin’s mother, as Jodie Turner Smith is billed to be in more episodes. They try their best to make her scary or do much of anything with her but ultimately it just comes off as cheaply done character work that tries to set up this great mystery when in actuality it is all obvious.

Then there is the return of Ki-Adi-Mundi only 100 years before he was born. Now I am no Lord of the EU or Master of the Lore, but it just seems to me like they needed someone vaguely recognisable to put in here, they don’t have even the slightest regard that this breaks cannon or anything like that they just do it for the sake of it. Moreover, after that the show then changed the characters Wookipedia entry in real time in order to try and get around what they knew to be a lore destroying moment. Once again it just shows a level of disrespect that this show has towards the audience and the franchise as a whole.

The flip with have with Mae, Amandla Stenberg, finally deciding to give up her mission and to try and find her sister instead made little sense. Ultimately the show couldn’t answer the question of why now, why had she not done this before, why would she want to see her sister after threatening to kill her. It is just a heel turn for the point of plot. Speaking off as always Stenberg is a devotee of the Alaqua Cox school of acting and shows no emotion as Mae goes through this massive character shift. She is not a very good actor.

PS. I took an extra day writing this as whilst I was writing it Stenberg’s diss track to the fans dropped and I needed some time to process that. Not only does it show just how out of touch she is, calling herself oppressed when she and her family are millionaires, whilst also making a video about racism whilst constantly bragging and focusing the shot on her for maximum narcissism. However, the reason I wanted to include it is because it just shows you what the people making this show think of you the fan, yes there may be some racists and she may have suffered some abuse, but to make a video where she says that all Star Wars people are haters and want to oppress her and stuff like this is not the way to combat racism. All this does is make the fandom even more divided as non-racists are angry that she is lumping everyone in together.

Finally, we have an incredibly forced scene that I just want to draw your attention to as I think it highlights everything wrong with modern Star Wars. There is a scene in which the gang find a new alien character and rather than call it it as people would, they instead decided to debate its pronouns. Now this scene is bad for a couple of reasons, firstly there was no need for it, it was done so they could say oh look we are talking about pronouns on the show aren’t we diverse, but it just shows how shallow and forced in this message is and how they are just ticking things off a list. They don’t actually care about meaningful representation just the appearance of it. Secondly, the scene slows the whole episode down which makes it stick out even worse, the writing is so poor it makes you consider was it written by an AI.

Overall, though it wasn’t as bad as episode 3, it is still pretty terrible and makes you debate the difference between awful and god awful.

1/5

Pros.

It is more watchable than the last episode

Cons.

The destruction of the lore

The pronoun scene

Mae’s randomly shift in personality

They couldn’t be bothered to let us see the Wookie Jedi fight

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Lord Of The Rings The Fellowship Of The Ring Extended Edition: There And Back Again

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A fellowship is born.

What can be said that hasn’t already about one of if not the greatest trilogy of films ever made.

For me personally, the first film is my favourite of the three, as it so perfectly establishes the world and the characters. The opening sequence in the Shire is so happy and playful and easily makes you care about the characters, which then juxtaposes really well when compared to the darker subject matter later in the film.

Moreover, the film really does give us a number of epic and instantly memorable moments, I’d say more so than the other two films but that is just me. I think the Weathertop fight and then Arwen’s, Liv Tyler, chase sequence are some of the best moments in the trilogy as it really puts into proportion the level of threat and the power of the dark lord, plus I am a huge Nazgul fan.

Of course the fight sequences here and the action are also very strong, whilst not being on the same par as Helms Deep, or the final battle, the forest battle sequence that ends off the film and kills Boromir, Sean Bean, is still very well done and adrenaline inducing.

Something I am quite surprised by with these films is how well they hold up in terms of visual effects, considering the CGI has to be coming up for 20 years old it looks a hell of a lot better than some of the effects shots we are seeing today.

Overall, to me this is maybe the best fantasy film ever made and is better than its sequels, with only the overly slow pacing at times slowing it down.

4.5/5

Pros.

The cast

The stakes

The world

The journey

Some many iconic book moments replicated

Cons.

Overly slow at times

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