Blink Twice: Nepo Directors Can’t Direct

Summary

Zoe Kravitz, a mediocre actor, decides to become a, mediocre, director.

This may be one of the worst horror films of 2024 up there with In A Violent Nature and I Saw The TV Glow, however, where this film differs from them is that it isn’t offensively bad, but rather incredibly lazy, average and uninspired.

The main issue with this film is that it cannot decide if it even wants to be a horror, at times it is trying for something one may misconstrue for comedy if you squinted. The comedy doesn’t land of course and is the same sort of awkward female nerdy humour you have seen in other films before.

Then you get into the scares of the film, which are probably best described as Get Out if Jordan Peele was a talentless hack who was hit in the head several times and then tried to write something he viewed as social commentary. The comparison to Get Out works as this is social horror, it wants to scare you but also make a point about the lives of the super wealthy, you and every child in the surrounding area could likely tell you what that point is as it is basic and really obvious, rich people treat poor people badly.

Overall, this film highlights why nepotism is killing the film industry and why not just anyone can direct.

1/5

Pros.

It is not offensively bad

Cons.

The humour is odd and misplaced

The horror doesn’t work as the message isn’t fresh

It feels played out

It is boring

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Between The Temples: Mommy Issues

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Jason Schwartzman has the hots for an old lady, Carol Kane.

Even after watching this film and having a few days to think about it I don’t know how I feel.

This is a strange and often uncomfortable sort of film and one that I don’t think I would ever watch again. Below are a few examples of genuine scenes from the film for you to see for yourself.

A scene in which a young woman reads out dirty voice messages to Schwartzman’s character whilst pretending to be his dead wife, he cries and they have sex.

A scene in which Schwartzman’s character professes his love for the old lady whilst his family scream about how she has groomed him, yet then cheer him on as he rushes after her.

A scene in which Schwartzman’s parents try and close the door on the old lady but she won’t leave.

I like cringe and uncomfortable comedy as much as the next fellow, however, I cringed so bad in the cinema watching this that I physically balled up. I would say this went into the bad realm of cringe.

The love story of the film if you can call it that is messed up, I guess that’s the point, and leaves more questions than answers at the end. However, what it does leave you with is a feeling of incompleteness as you don’t understand how Kane’s character feels about the lead.

The main thing I will give this film props for is how Jewish it is and how it focuses heavily on Jewish characters, which in the contemporary media and political landscape is risky, I am glad this film won’t be silenced by the sea of antisemitism.

Overall, an odd and uncomfortable film

2/5

Pros.

It is watchable and some of the cringe comedy works

It is unashamedly Jewish

Cons.

It is too cringe at times

The ending doesn’t feel satisfying

It has pacing issues

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Oddity: The Most Imposing House Guest Ever

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A blind Irish mystic, Carolyn Bracken, investigates the murder of her sister.

So I had heard a lot of good things before I got to see this film, and as such I went in with high expectations and that may have been the problem.

Whilst there certainly was scary aspects of this film, it does have a few good scares, I found it to be inconsistent across the film’s runtime as there were moments you could call scary but also some downright silly ones. The doll for example is silly and never isn’t ‘, even when it kills a guy.

I also thought the ending was weak, I understand it was going for ambiguity to keep you guessing, but I just thought that what it gave wasn’t very satisfying and left the film feeling incomplete.

Overall, a film with some fresh ideas but the execution is a little sloppy.

2.5/5

Pros.

Some good scares

It has moments of freshness

The setting and atmosphere

Cons.

It cannot maintain its tone

It is silly when it really shouldn’t be

The ending

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Star Wars Episode 2 Attack Of The Clones: Everybody Hates Sand

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

The Galaxy stands on the verge of civil war and a senator life hangs in the balance.

When I first watched this as a kid many years ago, I thought it was boring and long and I didn’t really like it. However, as I have rewatched it over the years I find myself growing to like it and find a renewed appreciation for this part of the saga.

There still are pacing issues, and the film does too much but aside from that it is a pretty enjoyable ride. Christopher Lee is great as Count Dooku in the small amounts we see him, and Ewan McGregor really comes into his own in the role of Obi-Wan here, sadly the acting is only really let down by Hayden Christensen and his emo Anakin. Though it is debatable how much is actually Christensen’s fault.

The writing of Anakin’s fall into being an emo teen is quite poorly done and makes you feel at times quite jarred as it seems to come out of nowhere and be quite over the top.

All that said the Jedi fighting in the gladiator ring at the end against the droids/creatures, was a cool visual and will certainly bring joy to most Star Wars fans.

Overall, not as good as The Phantom Menace or Revenge Of The Sith, review coming soon, but still has some charm.

3.5/5

Pros.

The ending

Natalie Portman

Dooku

Some funny and enjoyable moments

Cons.

The writing especially around Anakin isn’t great

The pacing

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Cinema Issues: The Postmortem Of Doctor Who

Written by Luke Barnes

In this cinema issues article we are dissecting the first season of New, New Who and doing a post mortem to see what went so badly wrong with it.

So lets get something out of the way right quick, the series is in a bad way, I don’t care if you think it was some of the most stunning and brave Who ever, the ratings are a slow death. The Legend Of Ruby Tuesday and another episode this season both posted record low viewership numbers for the show, some of the lowest in the shows history. Look it up. Things are bad, and there is even talk that the filmed season batch of episodes may not get released as the BBC debates what to do with them, likely they will get released and the show will just be put on ice come this time next year.

Anyway, as the BBC starts to question everything and panic about its in development Who spin-offs, we will look at what went wrong with these episodes.

I think the main issue a lot of people had with these season was that fundamentally it wasn’t Who, never before have I seen the Doctor have so many dance numbers and act more like a local tiktoker trying to make it big than an alien. In addition the fact that the Doctor called everyone ‘babes’ constantly didn’t make it feel like Who it made it feel as though the Doctor had suddenly become another person.

Moreover, the series was heavily political with a number of controversial hot button issues forced in, just for the show to keep a desperate hold of its increasingly radically progressive audience. Some of it didn’t even make sense like when those people who not be saved by the Doctor because he was black and would rather die, what horribly on the nose message was that supposed to be pushing as it felt like a straw man argument. These ideas where repeated over the course of the season, the issue with clearly taking a side politically is that it then alienates your audience and makes you start to loose chunks of people. It is always better to present two sides and let the audience make up their own mind.

Furthermore, who at Disney or the BBC thought it was a good idea to allow cast and creators to attack the fans, whoever it was I would say is the most responsible for the bad feeling and reception to this season. This is mainly due to the fact of actors telling fans to screw off and then being shocked when their show has bad viewership, you do not treat your fans like that you just don’t. Yet these people look down on their fans and think they don’t need them, how wrong they are.

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It Ends With Us: Turning Domestic Abuse Into A Rom-Com

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Blake Lively stars in a romance film about domestic abuse.

I had heard all about the drama surrounding this film going into it and thought to myself what matters most is how they handle it. However, after watching this film I have questions as to why Lively and some of the behind the scenes creatives wanted to keep the romance elements in the film.

Considering Lively says she wanted this film to be a rallying call for victims of domestic abuse and show a survivors story, the film barely touches on the domestic abuse and even at the climax only has it as a big dramatic fight/breakup. I just think it is odd that they try and romanticize the relationship in the early stages when ultimately this is a story about domestic abuse, it should play more as a tragedy and not a romantic film.

Moreover, the characters are all deeply unlikeable, there is no one here really to like or warm to, Lively’s character is yet another ‘fleabag’ type woman who only wants casual sex and doesn’t want a relationship. Remember men who use women for sex are creeps and misogynists and so it should be equally as condemnable when women do it. She is the character you are supposed to warm to as well as obviously the guy is the baddie.

Don’t even get me started on the fact they play for a love triangle. Honestly if Lively and co wanted this to be a rom-com why not take out the domestic abuse stuff, why base it on a book about domestic abuse, it is such an odd call to try and turn this into an erotic thriller and then go this is for you abuse survivors.

Overall, I don’t see the appeal in this.

1/5

Pros.

It has a good soundtrack

Cons.

It shouldn’t be romantic

Lively isn’t likeable

It has pacing issues

It feels like it’s the wrong genre

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Cinema Issues: The Acolyte Is Cancelled Looks Like Star Wars Isn’t A YA Female Brand After All

Written by Luke Barnes

Image credit, What’s On Disney Plus

In this cinema issues article we are talking about the much deserved cancellation of the Acolyte.

So lets get a few things out of the way first, Disney is a business they cancel things if they don’t have good ratings or make them money, the Acolyte did neither. Disney did not give in to the toxic fans, you overly assume the importance Disney places on any of their customers opinions or politics, it is as simple as did it make this number? No, then it is cancelled. Also Disney does not care about how some shows need a few seasons to find an audience, again did it hit the number they wanted? No, then it is cancelled.

Now let’s talk about why it was so poorly viewed.

Rumour has it that Disney is angry with star of the show Amandla Stenberg, saying that her diss track to own the haters, actually hurt the show in the long run as it caused people to turn off. Looks like Disney knows that attacking fans isn’t the way to go about it, I wonder if they will still do it when Skeleton Crew comes out.

It also might be time to call it on the idea of turning Star Wars into a girl-power brand. Audience data collected by the Wrap says that over 70% of Star Wars’ audience is older males, and the figure only seems to be increasing as time goes by, efforts like this to bring in a different sort of fan are not pushing the needle enough to change that and are also alienating that 70% therefore leading the series to not have enough viewers to stay on.

It may be time for Disney and Kathy to except Star Wars for what it is, a nerdy franchise mainly consumed by older guys and one that will become irrelevant in a few decades when these people start to die off. The idea of bringing in new fans by doing new things isn’t working, this show desperately tried to do that and had the worst viewing figures of all Disney + Star Wars so it might be time to accept new fans aren’t coming in big enough numbers to make the change over survivable for the brand.

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Borderlands: How Not To Adapt A Videogame

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A popular game series is turned into a film by someone who has never played the games before.

Who didn’t see this coming? I think right from the moment the public was first introduced to this film red flags began to appear everywhere. From stunt or joke casting to the way it ripped off what Guardians does with music and the score, there were clear indicators that this film was going to be bad. However, after watching it I can say that it is not offensively bad nor is it terrible, for the most part it is just boring and cheaply made.

I found the action and the games references to at least be somewhat entertaining even if they were incredibly hollow, it was very much look kids there is something from the game remember sans any of the emotional attachment or enjoyment of it. They got in a lot of references but did precious little with each one.

Moreover, the fact that they made it a 12 here in the UK, so a PG 13 if you’re American, was a terrible move. Not the least because most of those who grew up playing the game are now adults and so are ready to see the blood and gore of the games replicated but don’t get it, but also with the fact that the kids this film is aimed are not even old enough to play the games legally.

It is also quite odd that Roth and co decided to have all of the women in the film be about two decades older than their games counterparts? Was this done to bring in older women to watch it , I wouldn’t think it would be there sort of thing. Cate Blanchett was not very convincing during her action scenes and I must say it wasn’t helped by the terrible wig they had her wear.

Overall, there is no point making a film like this if you don’t have a passion for the game and clearly no one involved with this project had any passion for the games.

1.5/5

Pros.

Some funny lines

The action was okay

Cons.

Cate Blanchett, Hart and Lee-Curtis were badly miscast

It wasn’t funny

The lack of gore was disappointing

It was incredibly average

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Rings Of Power Season 2: Can It Be Saved?

Written by Luke Barnes

In this cinema issues article we are talking about The Rings Of Power and what I believe it needs to do in order to be a better second season and in order to set the series up for long term success.

Now as a Tolkien fan I have a very complicated relationship with this show, there is a part of me that thinks it shouldn’t exist, and when I watched the first few episodes of the first season I was convinced it was little more than current year trash. However, as I advanced beyond that I did think there were some good ideas there, deeply buried but there, and I began to warm to it more by the end of the first season. As such I want to suggest ways that the second season could improve on the first and turn the show around, because lets face it by Amazon’s own admission, in the end, the majority of people didn’t finish the first season.

Before we get into it I want to say this is all just my opinion, nothing to cry about, some of it will be changes they can make this season and some will be possible changes they can make before a maybe possibly season 3. The idea of if this show can even be saved will also be discussed.

I think the fundamental issue with ROP that was there in the first season and will be there in season 2 is the fact that those who make the show do not understand or like the IP. As such they inject other things into in order to try and get more people in whilst driving away people who might actually like the show, take for example the fact in the new season they are teasing a romance between Galadriel, Morfydd Clarke, and Sauron, Charlie Vickers which just shows that the creators do not know these characters. They are doing this in an effort to try and get social media shippers to care, and to appear like it is A YA show, they are doing this when they could just use Celeborn instead. Doing things like the YA shipping makes me think that the show can’t be saved.

Moving on I think the show needs to focus on less characters, the Harfoots need to go away as do the Numenorian’s, I would also cut out the Dwarf’s and just have it be about Sauron trying to corrupt different groups of people with Galadriel and Elron in toe to stop him. All the stuff with the Stranger too I would cut out, we just don’t need it, the show is trying to tell too many stories at once.

I would also hype up events rather than going look guys the first black elf, this is tokenistic and irritating virtue signalling. You should have natural diversity and not make a big deal of it just be like yes this is the world, you don’t need to show them off its weird. Look at how House Of The Dragon does it for example, much better.

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I Saw The TV Glow: A Horrifying Voyage Of Mental Illness

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A couple of people begin to believe that they are characters in a TV show.

So where to begin with this film, I suppose we should begin as we mean to continue and in that vein I will open by saying it is a horrible film.

Not only is it the same art house nonsense you would expect, with symbolism, a story that makes no sense, stunted dialogue and more but it also boasts yet another terrible performance from Justice Smith. Smith really is having a bad 2024 starring in this and the Magical Society, the guy can’t seem to catch a break.

The plot is basically around two mentally ill people who fully devolve into their mental illness and begin to harm themselves, yet it is all okay as their delusions are real so when they mutilate themselves its not real, or is it? On top of all that you have them escaping into this TV show as they are actually the characters from that, or so they believe, and Smith is actually a girl, yet even in the world of fiction they are being horribly tortured by a sadistic man who lives in the moon.

If all that sounds a bit much there is also a lot of allegories for trans people and the trans experience during the film and it is supposed to have some sort of political message. However, it just seems like two people desperately in need of help both physical and psychological, hurting themselves and being tortured. The message seems to be lost along the way, unless that is it.

I have watched a lot of hard to watch horror films in my time, meaning both hard to watch as in they make no narrative sense, and hard to watch in terms of being unpleasant but I must say this has taken the cake.

Overall, don’t believe all the 4/5 star reviews saying it is a masterpiece as it reflects a certain type of politics, it is actually a horrible nasty little film that makes no sense and is a sickening experience to watch, especially the latter torture scenes.

0/5

Pros.

None

Cons.

It is horrible to watch

The message, whatever it is, is lost

The performances are bad

The writing is stunted

The ending is terrible

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