Channel Zero, Candle Cove: Looking In The Abyss

Channel Zero: Candle Cove is the first of Channel Zero’s horror anthology series, which draws heavily on popular creepypastas and internet folklore using them as inspiration for the show. Candle Cove follows Mike (Paul Schneider), a troubled man who returns to his own home to figure out the mystery of what happened to him and his brother when they were kids. The series revolves around Candle Cove a magical TV show that would just come on at random times of the day and is only visible to kids, the series is manic and disturbing and makes the kids who watch want to kill themselves and others and it is up to Mike to get to the bottom of it and stop it.

I haven’t seen all of the seasons of Channel Zero, only 1,2,3, and I have to say out of all of them this season is the strongest. There is something incredibly menacing about the puppets of Candle Cove, this is doubly so when they start appearing in the real world and start tormenting Mike and the others. Whether it is this or something like The Children of the Corn there is something deeply troubling about seeing little kids kill, a base thing that you know at the core of your being isn’t right, that makes this show all the scarier.

Most of the acting in this season is done well Schneider plays manic and disturbed really well and you never know whether you can trust him or not, he is an unreliable narrator throughout, but this adds to the sense of mystery as you don’t know what is real and what isn’t.

My main issue with this series is that I thought it had too much going on. As well as all the Candle Cove stuff, you have various other plotlines, such as a person made out of teeth that appears sporadically throughout the series for no real reason. These extra plot threads don’t enhance the show in any way, rather they make it feel messy and overstuffed. I believe that this show could have really benefited from having better writing and I think if it had this that it could have been an incredibly strong horror series.

As it stands, there are good horror elements in there and a hell of a lot of tension, but the cutting away to plotlines that go nowhere and that you don’t care about undercut these elements and water down their effect, this is something the other seasons of this show suffer from as well, it is because of this I can’t score it highly.

Pros.

The Horror.

The Tension.

Schneider.

Cons.

Needless plotlines.

The Tooth Monster,

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Horse Girl: One Of Netflix’s Worst

Horse Girl is a drama film directed by Jeff Baena. The plot follows Sarah (Alison Brie), a woman whose normal life starts to unravel, and she becomes more and more unhinged; the later parts of the film get into things like alien abduction, cloning and mental health, with a lot of the film being up to your interoperation of events.

When I sat down to watch this on Netflix the description for it made it sound like a horror film, that is what I was expecting and my oh my it is not that. Well it isn’t in a literally sense, but it does show the horrors of mental health and how someone can easily slip into a manic episode and that is a pretty terrifying thing to think about.

That said thinking about this film is more fun than actually watching it. Large sequences of this film are dull and drawn out, most likely in an effort to make you care about the main character which you never actually end up doing. What makes this worse is that a lot of the film’s abstract elements, come across at best as confusing and at worst as a deluded sense of self; as this film seems to think it is far deeper than it actually is. This is an art film in very much the worst way.

Alison Brie gives a good performance, especially with what she has to work with, she makes Sarah both a vulnerable and frightening character at the same time and easily carries a lot of the film’s dramatic scenes. However, everyone else in the film with no exceptions are the most unlikable group of human beings ever assembled. By that I mean none of the characters have any warmth or likeability, maybe that was a conscious choice who knows; Debby Ryan’s character perfectly captures my point.

It is films like this that have given Netflix the reputation that they will make anything, Horse Girl adds yet another weird unpleasant title to Netflix’s already growing stable of bad films. Though I think this film has some good elements and Alison Brie is okay overall it is tripped up by its huge ego, that is clear in near every scene, as this film isn’t deep it’s pretentious.

That is an hour forty-five minutes of my life I am not going to get back.

Pros.

It is neat to think about.

Alison Brie is okay.

Cons.

It is the worst type of Art film.

It’s not deep it just thinks it is.

It’s dull.

You end up hating most, if not all, of the characters.

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Bohemian Rhapsody: The Man Behind The Band

Bohemian Rhapsody is a musical biopic drama film. The plot revolves around the life of Queen front-man Freddie Mercury (Rami Malek), his rise to fame, his years with Queen and then his death. This film pulls no punches where that latter period is concerned, I have heard people criticise it, but I think it deals with his aids diagnosis and death in a dignified way.

Before I get into the review, yes, I know this film was directed by a prolific abuser, but it can still be enjoyed as a film in spite of that fact.

My first impression of Malek’s Freddy was that I didn’t like him, I didn’t like what Malek was doing with him, I thought it was cheesy and over the top. However, over the course of the film, especially towards the end, I had a drastic change of heart and Malek really won me round with his performance: he particularly excels in the film’s emotional moments.

What’s more this film reminded me how much I like Queen and their music, each one of their most famous songs were used and in a way that made them feel relevant, rather than in other musical biopics when they feel forced in for the sake of it. I particularly thought ‘We Are The Champions’ was done beautifully in the context of the film.

My one issue with the film is that it has too many characters. This film is supposed to be a Freddy Mercury biopic and for the most part he does get centre stage, but at the same time there are a lot of needless sub-plots and side characters that I found to be distracting. In that same vein I found the moments of the film where the focus shifted to the other members of Queen to be dull, this is after all a story about Freddy Mercury, this to me felt like the surviving members of Queen forcing themselves in, as they were heavily involved in making this film.

Overall, I think this is a great musical biopic, it did everything you would want a biopic about Freddy Mercury to do, it gave you a look at his life and at him as a person. The songs I thought were used to good effect and my only critique is that it could have been more organised and focused.

Pros.

Malek.

The Songs.

A good look at the man behind the band.

Didn’t stray away from darker areas.

Cons.

Too many characters that stole focus.

4.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Spider-Man Far From Home: Gone Yet Not Forgotten

Spider-man Far From Home is a Marvel Superhero film directed by John Watts. The plot of this film follows Peter Parker (Tom Holland), and his friends as they go on a European vacation after the world-changing events of Avengers Endgame. In this film Peter considers his place in the world after the death of his hero Tony Stark (Robert Downy Jr) and ponders if it’s time to just be a regular kid and give up being the friendly neighborhood Spider-man.

I have to admit I was one of the few people who wasn’t taken with Spider-man Homecoming or Tom Holland’s portrayal of the character. Maybe it was because I grew up during the Raimi era, but Homecoming did little for me and I believe Peter was better used in the Avengers film he appeared in. However, I liked Holland and his portrayal a hell of a lot more this time around, I truly think he has grown into the character over time.

Holland manages to capture the emotion of the character really well ,excelling in the film’s dramatic moments, him dealing with his grief over the death of Tony is a truly moving thing to see. What’s more, I liked how Holland plays the character in the sections of the film that see Peter just being a regular teenager and whenever it is him and his friends interacting on screen it is a joy to see.

The soundtrack of the film really helps with this, Watts is definitely drawing on 80’s Teenager movies like Ferris Buller’s Day Off and other works of John Hughes and it shows 100% in the soundtrack. It feels like this film could easily have come out in that time period and that really enhances the film for me.

The wider connections to the MCU are fantastic and it is nice to see Peter fight classic Spider-man villains like Mysterio (Jake Gyllenhaal), and the dynamic the two characters have is electric. The end credits stingers for this film leave the franchise in a really interesting place and I can’t wait to see where they will take the character from here.

My one issue with this film is that they continue to make Spider-man and Peter Parker feel like Iron Man Jr, I understand the father son dynamic between the two is important for Peter’s arc, but to have Tony so involved in his story makes him feel like he has less free agency of his own and is rather Iron Man’s side kick and I don’t like this for the character, hopefully Spider-man 3 goes another way with it.

Overall, a very solid film, a strong step up from a lukewarm first entry, both Watts and Holland feel more in their respective groves this time around. They need to watch out and make sure to not turn Peter Parker into Iron Man Jr, as that was my main cause of concern when watching this film.

Pros.

Watts is better.

Holland is better.

Gyllenhaal is incapable of giving a bad performance.

The end set-up.

Cons.

Iron Man Jr?

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Malevolent: Menacingly Average

Malevolent is a British horror film directed by Olaf de Fleur Johannesson. It follows brother and sister duo Angela (Florence Pugh), and Jackson (Ben Lloyd Hughes), who pretend to be paranormal investigators to make money. However, when they arrive at their latest case both siblings learn that not only is the paranormal real, but it wants to see them dead.

When I was going through Netflix and I saw a horror film staring beloved up and comer Florence Pugh I expected big things and boy was I disappointed! This film is as run of the mill and as generic as a horror film can get, all of the ideas this film has have been done before and so much better. It reminded me in a lot of ways of The Boy from a few years ago, expect that felt novel and fresh and this just feels like a retread.

This film greatest crime is how average it is and how it seems to be okay with it, everything from the performances to the scares had me at an eh. The horror genre is in a near-constant effort to reinvent itself: because there are only so many times you can jump at a jump scare before it becomes obvious and crucially not scary. This is what I think befell this film, had it come out 5 years ago it could have done well, but it came out now and that my dear reader is what killed it.

Another baffling thing this film does is have Florence Pugh a British actress speak with an American accent. This is a British film that takes place in Britain, so it would make sense if Pugh spoke with her normal accent, I wouldn’t mind but her and her brother being American’s doesn’t really fit into the plot at all and it just seems a bit odd.

The ending the of the film, when it is going full kilter into all the lip-sowing action, is when it is at it’s best and I will give it that. The ending is genuinely a bit creepy and left me thinking about it after the credits rolled, if the rest of the film could have been like that it would be a much better film.

Overall, this film felt incredibly bland, it had all been done before, and other than a creepy ending and a somewhat decent performance from Pugh, it is on the bad side of forgettable.

Pros.

Creepy last 10 minutes.

Florence Pugh gives an okay performance.

Cons.

It’s boring.

It has been done before, better.

The accent thing bugged me.

It is very much a 2014 sort of film.

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

The Current State Of Doctor Who: Please Someone Put It Out Of It’s Misery!

*Bonus Content

Doctor Who is a British institution it has been so far decades, but what I want to talk about today is how the series has been since it’s 2005 revival, the steady decline. I have watched Doctor Who since I was a kid, I loved Eccleston and Tennant’s Eras, I stuck around during the Smith years, I skipped Capaldi and I came back for Whittaker.

For me what makes Who Who is off world adventures, unique and memorable aliens, and story lines and characters you care about, these I would stay are the staples of good Doctor Who that feature in most iterations of the show. However, New Who seems to have an identity crisis it is so hellbent on being new and different that it is hemorrhaging viewers like it’s going out of style.

Remember what I said a few lines up about what makes good Who? Well let’s look at some of the recent episodes of Doctor Who and see if they stack up. Jodie Whittaker’s Doctor seems to have a fear of going off world as most of the episodes of these newer series are set on Earth, that shouldn’t be a bad thing in and of itself as there are plenty of cool things they could do with it, but oh my they don’t.

Then you have memorable aliens, New Who seems to like to have most of it’s villains be humans, so it can make overt and blatant political points, but to it’s credit when they do have new alien villains they do work well such as in the Nicola Tessla episode. Although something that New Who seems to do, most likely to play on audiences’ nostalgia is bring back classic monsters and I’m sorry but it is just cheap. You can’t have your cake and eat it; they want so badly to be new and fresh and yet they still play up the nostalgia to get people to stick out the new series. What’s more when they do bring these classic monsters back, they ruin them, here’s looking at you Dalek New Year’s Special.

Finally we have characters and storylines that you care about, now I have no issue with Whittaker’s portrayal for the most part, I think she can shine when the writing is good, but the issue here is that it very rarely is and this leads to the new Doctor having a sycophantic personality. Moreover, the companions are fine, but there are too many of them, this stops anyone of them from getting meaningful development outside of tropes and clichés. In terms of storylines, we might have one good storyline such as ‘Fugitive of the Jadoon’, followed by a never-ending wave of trash like ‘Praxeus’. The writing is horrific and often far too on the nose, yes before you say it I know Doctor Who has always been a political show, but it was done in a subtle way, now it has become a weekly lecture about the evils of humanity and how we are terrible and for me that just isn’t fun.

So across my criteria current year Doctor Who is a failure.

I hope the BBC end this before the ratings drop much lower, current Who is already an embarrassment of what it used to be, but surely it can’t get any worse.

I will be back to do a review of the new season when it ends!

Luke

Narcos Mexico Season 1: A New Era Of Narcos

Narcos Mexico Season 1 is a crime drama series and spin-off to the Netflix series Narcos. The new series as the name would suggest shifts the focus of the program from the cocaine fields of Columbia to the weed fields of Mexico, though some familiar faces do make a return. The series chronicles the rise of the Guadalajara Cartel and Felix Gallardo’s (Diego Luna), kidnapping of American DEA Agent Kiki Camarena (Michael Pena).

To briefly describe this series, it is more of the same, if you liked Narcos and enjoyed seeing the DEA slowly busting drug dealers over a period of years than you will enjoy this. As usually there are some cheer worthy monuments (in this season it is the burning of the weed fields), some sad moments (Kiki’s death), and a hell of a lot of frustration as the corrupt system gets in the way of these agents doing their job.

As someone who loved all of that in previous seasons, I fully enjoyed Narcos Mexico Season 1, I found it to be both captivating and thrilling and it proves the creative team behind the show still has it.

Michael Pena plays against type here, he has done some dramatic work before (End Of Watch, Fury), but he is mainly known for his more comedic work. He played Kiki as a man on a mission, much like characters of past seasons his whole life revolved around bringing the drug lord to justice. My one issue is that the character could be annoying at times and do reckless and dangerous things without thinking about his family, who had moved down to Mexico with him.

I thought Luna’s Gallardo was a villain on the same level of Pablo Escobar (Wagner Moura), this is exactly what the series needed and was the issue the final series of Narcos was disappointing: because the villains were lacking. My one issue on this side of things was that I would have preferred to see Gallardo’s rise and fall within one series as opposed to two, it just feels more dragged out. A lot of episodes have plot points that go nowhere and feel put into pad out the 50+ minute runtime.

Overall, Narcos Mexico Season 1 is good, the characters are working and that is what made the first two series of Narcos feel so special, I still have a few issues with it, such as I feel like it didn’t need to be spread over two seasons and that I found Kiki’s character annoying at times. Ps. Don’t even get me started on Raffa or more adeptly the worst character ever written.

Pros.

Back to basics in a good way.

Interesting new villain.

It feels fresh again.

Cons.

It is too dragged out.

Some of the characters are annoying.

3/5

Reviewed by Luke

Toy Story 4: Saying Goodbye

Toy Story 4 is a computer animated comedy film directed by Josh Cooley. The plot continues on from the ending of Toy Story 3 with the toys now having moved on from Andy and are now loving life under Bonnie. However, one of the toys feels as though he doesn’t fit in this new world anymore and questions where he does belong, this toy is Woodie (Tom Hanks).

I firmly believe this film doesn’t need to exist, Toy Story 3 wrapped the character arcs up for everyone in such a nice and satisfying way we didn’t need to revisit them, maybe in 30 years when the series will inevitably be rebooted, or remade, but we didn’t need another sequel. Pixar billed Toy Story 4 as an epilogue, a whole film that would serve as the end. So, it is by that definition I will judge this film.

I thought this film was good, but not great, by far it is the weakest instalment in the quadrillage. This film is very much Woodies film and yes, he has always been the main character of these films, but he has just been one part of a larger ensemble. Here he is the main focus. As such characters like Buzz (Tim Allen) and Jessie (Joan Cusack), are not really in this film, they have sort of appearances here and there, but they are given nothing of note to do, Jessie especially.

In terms of characterisation Woodie goes on quite the journey, he starts the film trying to make Bonnie into the new Andy, when he realises, he can’t do that and Bonnie makes Forky (Tony Hale), a new toy to replace him, he realises he needs to move on. In many ways Woodie is the audience in this film as he realises the time has come to say goodbye. They tie into this Bo Peep (Annie Potts), coming back into Woodie’s life, she is the one who got away and she shows him, very much the film shows us that it is okay to move on.

Audiences of my generation have grown up with these films and now we are being told it is okay to move on and leave the Toy Story films behind and I think there is something beautiful about that. Though I think this film was deeply unnecessary and was most likely a cash grab it still had heart and it still had soul, I liked seeing where it left Woodie and I hope they leave him there.

Ps. Please Pixar don’t make Toy Story 5!

Pros.

The ending.

Woodie’s Arc.

The new characters are good for a laugh.

Cons.

Side-lines Buzz and Jessie.

You can’t shake the feeling this film doesn’t need to exist.

3.5/5

The Full Monty: Bearing It All

The Full Monty is a comedy film directed by Peter Cattaneo. The plot follows a group of unemployed men in Sheffield who turning to striping to make money. This film isn’t afraid to touch on some very real, very dark themes, such as the rights of a father, body image and sexuality, but it handles them all in a thoughtful and mature way.

This is one of those late 90’s early 2000’s films that were social realist with a twist of fantasy in there. It tries to show the world in a realistic way, not in a Hollywood happy ending sort of way, there is a touch of happiness at the end, but the fate of the guys if left relatively ambiguous. It is in the same sort of vein as Trainspotting.

Robert Carlyle does a great job as Gaz, he plays him as a man who has made a few mistakes, his life hasn’t turned out the way he wanted it to, but he always tries to do right by his son. I liked this angle for the character and thought that the relationship between father and son worked well and was affecting, especially when it looked as though Gaz wasn’t going to be able to see his son anymore.

Another thing that I thought worked really well was Mark Addy’s Dave. Dave has body confidence issue that deeply affect him, we the audience don’t realise this right away, however throughout the film we see how his issues are controlling and ruining his life and his marriage and it breaks your heart. Like I said before this film doesn’t pull any punches it hits you in the face with these unpleasant truths about life and they make you think. I think Dave and the way he is represented on screen is so important for cinema as a whole, as it shows people who are suffering from similar issues that they are not alone.

Overall, I think this film doesn’t really work as a comedy film it didn’t make me laugh once, but it works incredibly well as a drama film. It has a strong message about loving yourself and how there is always hope for tomorrow as well as highlighting a lot of the struggles people have to go through on a day to day basis. Dave’s struggle with body confidence has stayed with me since I saw the film a few days ago and I think that proves just how powerful it is. Half a really important social commentary, half an unfunny comedy film.

I’m mixed.

Pros.

Robert Carlyle.

Mark Addy’s character works on so many levels and the struggle he has to go through is one that so many people can relate to, as such it is deeply impactful.

The social commentary and darker themes.

Cons.

It is not at all funny.

It does drag on a bit at times.

3.5/5

Reviewed By Luke

Yoga Hosers: The Great White North

Yoga Hosers is a horror comedy film directed by Kevin Smith. The film serves as the second instalment in Smith’s True North trilogy after Tusk. The story this time around sees the Colleens (Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp) return, to fight Nazi clones that take the form of Bratwurst people and once again save their hometown. If that premise sounds out there and weird to you, it should. Yoga Hosers is aware that it is an hour and half exercise in nonsense and silliness and is proud of it, it revels in it.

*Before I watched this film, I had heard people say nothing but, bad things about it and I have to say I disagree I quite liked the film. For me the Colleens are likable and funny protagonists, Harley Quinn Smith once again proves that she has a lot of upcoming actor potential. I think the film has strong horror and comedy elements, it leans more towards comedy most of the time though and is at times both scary and funny.

The humour for me worked about 75% of the time, which is less than what I would give Jay And Silent Bob Reboot, but that film was great. That said the humour in this film had me chuckling quite often and had me laughing out loud once or twice. Don’t get me wrong there are some jokes that drop like lead weights, but for the most part the comedy works.

The hidden Nazi’s element on the plot was genuinely scary at times, however this was deeply undercut by having them be bratwurst people, which for me was just a little bit too ridiculous and I didn’t find them scary. There was some quite good gore across the film that might make you happy if that is your kind of thing, personally I love a good bit of gore in a horror film.

A final point to note is that Johnny Depp is in this film as Guy LaPointe a detective who helps the girls out. Depp for me was easily the best character in this film and the one I liked the most, he was charming and likeable and very easy to warm to. I like when Depp plays over the top eccentric characters.

Overall, I think this film has been judged a bit too harshly, yes, the bratwurst people are ridiculous and yes, the jokes don’t always land, but on the whole this is still an above average horror comedy film and one that does have things to enjoy for the right audience.

Pros.

The Colleens.

Johnny Depp.

Wonderfully Silly.

Cons.

The Bratwurst people.

The humour for me is hit or miss.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke