Stitches: Clowning Around

Stitches is an Irish comedy horror film directed by Conor McMahon. The plot revolves around a Clown (Ross Nobel), who dies during a performance because of the actions of a group of children. 6 years later he rises from the grave, to finish his performance and get his revenge.

This film had been in my periphery for some time, but I hadn’t seen it until just the other day, clown horror is usually quite hit or miss for me, though I do have a fear of clowns. The new IT films didn’t do much for me, I preferred the miniseries, however this and Clown from a few years ago, I believe are excellent clown horror, and capture both the demented fun of clowns, but also their underlying creepiness.

The horror in this film is quite good Stitches, the clown, is scary and menacing at times, obviously it is played more for laughs and often Stitches is more ridiculously over the top than scary. The gore is fantastic and you can tell a lot of hard work went into it, this film seems to revel in it’s gory spectacle and as such there is a lot of gore on display here, everything from seeing someone gentiles cut off, to someone getting their head blown up like a balloon and then bursting. The gore never feels gratuitous, or wince inducing as it is clearly comedic.

The comedy in this film is also spot on, this is the area where Ross Nobel really shines. The dark gallows humour works really well, but so does the more surreal jokes, they all land and this film manages to be both scary and funny; this film should be a template for how to do comedy horror, as it doesn’t sacrifice one for the other.

The young cast are all serviceable enough and the will they wont they love story between Tom (Tommy Knight) and Kate (Gemma Lean Devereux), is sweet and touching. However none of this matter as this is Stitches’ (Ross Nobel’s), film and every second he is on screen is a treat.

Overall, one of the best films I have seen recently a definite must watch if you haven’t already!

Pros.

Ross Nobel.

The Comedy.

The Horror.

The wider clown mythology.

The sweet romance.

Cons.

None

5/5

Dead Hooker In The Trunk: A Canadian Badass

Dead Hooker In A Trunk is a horror film directed by the Soska Sisters. The film revolves around a corpse that ends up in the trunk of Badass’ (Sylvia Soska) car. She can’t be sure whether or not she was involved in the death, so she decides to bury the body with the help of her sister Geek (Jen Soska), a young christen man called Goody Two Shoes (C.J Wallis) and her friend junkie (Rikki Gagne).

The Soska Sisters are probably my favourite horror directors, they have yet to make a bad film, even See No Evil 2 was better for their involvement. I have seen all their films barring their first, which as of the time of writing I have just seen and am now writing about.

The reason why I love this film so much is because of the grindhouse esque, exploitation feel of it, it reminded me in a lot of ways of the early work of Robert Rodriguez, which is high praise indeed. The gore was fantastically over the top and messy, the bit when Geek gets hit in the back of the head and her eye comes out made me both laugh and cheer it was fantastic.

Both of the sisters are fantastic in their roles, they were easily my favourite characters in the film and stood head and shoulder above everyone else, though Goody Two Shoes is also hilarious and has some great lines. I for one think Sylvia Soska makes for a very believable action star and all of her action sequences are really well done.

Moreover, the romantic subplot between Geek and Goody Two Shoes really warmed by heart, I have always been in favour of a good romance in horror films and this one is pitch perfect.

The one issue I had with the film was that the ending was out of synch, the audio and the video didn’t move at the same time and it was jarring and it took me out of it, however, I won’t mark the film down for this as it might not have been the fault of the film it might have been my internet at fault.

Overall, much like the Sisters other work this film is a triumph, simply superb.

Pros.

The gore.

The grindhouse feel.

The Soska Sisters are great.

The action and scope is impressive.

The romantic subplot.

Cons.

None.

5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Keeping Mum: Maggie Smith As A Cold Blooded Killer

Keeping Mum is a comedy crime film directed by Niall Johnson. The plot sees the Goodfellow family get a new housekeeper Grace (Maggie Smith), who seems to be able to fix all of the family’s problems. However, it is revealed that Grace is harbouring a dark secret, she is a murderer, from there hilarity and heart ensue.

This film has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen, Maggie Smith is terrific as always, she plays a craziest murderer well, but one that is only killing to help her family. She plays the character like a kindly old lady with a dark streak. The rest of the good fellow family is also perfect, Rowan Atkinson as Vicar Goodfellow is sweet and bumbling and his romance with his wife that is cheating on him, but then comes around to see the light, is really nice and wholesome.

What’s more Gloria Goodfellow (Kristen Scott Thomas), relationship with her mum Grace is also incredibly well done, and the ending that shows that Gloria has carried on her mother murderous legacy is a nice way to end it.

I think this film is also a triumph for British comedy as it is genuinely funny through and through, there are a lot of laughs in this film’s hour and a half runtime. Most of these hilarious lines come from Maggie Smith, who is easily one of the funniest British performers.

The kills aren’t very gory, so if you are going into this film for the horror or the gore side of things then the film probably won’t do much for you. This film is far more of a heartfelt comedy than anything else.

Overall, this might be one of the best, funniest British dark comedies out there, Smith and Atkinson are both doing a great job and the message of the film is surprisingly heartfelt and sweet. More likely to make you laugh than give you chills this is a must see!

Pros.

It is genuinely funny.

It has great heart.

All of the actors are doing great jobs.

Patrick Swayze is in it.

Cons.

The kills aren’t very gory.

3.5/5.

Reviewed by Luke

The Furies: Killing In The Name Of

The Furies is a horror thriller film directed by Tony D’ Aquino. The plot sees Kayla (Airlie Dodds), be abducted and taken to a battle ground where young women are forced to fight mutant looking men, what’s more each woman is paired with one mutant as a protector, so it is not only a battle between the women and the mutant, but also a battle between the women themselves as well as between the mutants themselves.

I have a series of issues with this film that made me loss interest quickly and want to turn it off.

Firstly, a lot of it makes no sense, things just kind of happen without any rhyme or reason and they aren’t explained. The very first scene of the film is what I thought was a flashforward, but it never seems to appear in the film, and it makes me think, what is it, is it a misplaced scene or something?

Secondly, none of the characters are likable they seem to do everything they can to be as unlikeable as possible, like Kayla herself is prepared to let every single girl in the game die, just so she can find her friend. Yes, not every character needs to be likable, but there is not one character you can root for in this film.

Thirdly, the ending when Kayla gets out of the game and tries to hunt down the men who are responsible for the slaughter is better than the film itself. If this film ever got a sequel, I would like to guess that it would be far better as the premise alone would be infinitely better. The ending is for sure the best bit of the whole film and that it only practically because it is the end.

Finally, the constant references to evil men and the patriarchy becomes a bit jarring and dated after a point, a lot of the time they aren’t actually referring to the men that are hunting them down and killing them rather just men in general, which strikes me as odd, but no doubt it was in an effort to seem trendy.

Overall, this film is painfully average, it doesn’t make sense and it is hard to watch.

Pros.

The ending.

Cons.

It is hard to watch.

It is repetitive.

It tries too hard to be trendy.

None of it makes sense.

1/5

Reviewed by Luke

Preservation: The Deadliest Prey Of All

Preservation is a horror thriller film directed by Christopher Denham. The plot sees young couple Wit (Wrenn Schmidt) and Mike (Aaron Staton) as well as Mike’s veteran brother Sean (Pablo Schreiber), go on a hunting trip, however once they get to the woods, they realise that they are the ones being hunted and a battle for survival ensues.

I have had a run of bad luck recently with the films I have seen, maybe I need to change my viewing habits I don’t know, but of a bad bunch Preservation is probably the best. Though there is very little new on display here, it is about as formulaic and generic as you can get, it is passable as horror comfort food, hollow and meaningless, but entertaining all the same.

I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Pablo Schreiber’s name come up in the credits, I think he has a great stage presence and is defiantly a young actor to watch. He is great when he is on screen, he plays the veteran who can’t readjust to society type of character, he wants to go and live out in the woods off the grid, the character lacks any kind of nuance and is really just an easy stereotype, but Schreiber plays him well.

It is a shame he is killed off within the first half an hour of the film.

I didn’t really like or care about any of the other characters so that was were I checked out really.

The only positive I will say of this film is I thought the kills were good, they were suitably gory and intense and had a nice weight to them that made them seem impactful. I thought the violence of this film was very visceral and well done, it never reached a point for me where I think it went too far.

I think the twist at the end where it turned out the people hunting the main character were just a group of kids didn’t really do much for me, if it was meant to add depth, or raise moral questions it didn’t do either of those things for me.

Overall, it is a passable watch if you have nothing else to watch, however it is not good just merely average.

Pros.

Pablo Schreiber.

It is entertaining enough.

Cons.

You don’t care about the film or the characters really.

It is dull.

It has been done better before.

2/5

Reviewed by Luke

Bodom: Teen Angst and Killers

Bodom is a Finnish horror film directed by Taneli Mustonen. The film is inspired by, but not based on the real-life Lake Bodom murders in the 1960’s. The plot of the film revolves around 4 young people who go out to the forest to try and figure out what really happened all those years ago and surprise surprise things go poorly.

This is a weird film; I don’t know whether it is because of cultural differences or if it is just poorly made. It goes from a slasher film to a teen drama, for a surprisingly large amount of time, and then back to a kind of slasher film again in the end. It doesn’t work as the different elements don’t go together well.

The characters aren’t likeable either, they all seem to be bad people just to different degrees. The lead girl approves the killing of two boys because someone told her that one of them had taken nude pictures of her and spread them around, she didn’t ask to see the pictures, she has been told that they don’t even exist and yet she still goes forward with the killing; because that makes sense.

As a horror film it is not really scary, it feels angsty, it feels like a teen drama and it makes me think has it been mislabelled as a horror film? The other girl only went ahead with the killings to get rid of the main girls new boyfriend because she was worried she was going to lose her, and it all feels like a bizarre love triangle that would be more at home in a teen tv show like Riverdale than a supposedly serious horror film.

Overall, this is just a clash of a film, none of the elements work well together and it just feels jarring to watch. I wanted to watch a slasher film, but this really isn’t one, it was not only a disappointment but also a slog to sit through.

Pros.

It has an interesting concept.

Cons.

It doesn’t work.

It is boring.

The characters are intensely unlikable.

The twist midway through serves to ruin it.

1/5.

Torment: The Savagery Of Children Today

Torment is a Canadian horror film directed by Jordan Baker. The plot sees newlyweds Sarah (Katherine Isabelle) and Cory (Robin Dunne) go to Cory’s country house with his 7-year-old son for some family time. However, when they get there, they see that something is wrong, something is deeply wrong, and it only gets worse from there as masked killers begin to plague the family.

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with this film, you know it is a promising film when the review starts off like that, but you have seen it a million times before and done better. This film as I affectionately named it is The Strangers without any of the charm, or a dumb version of You’re Next.

Everything that happens in this film is predictable and lazy, the scares, the kills, the story structure it is all just aggressively average. The only praise I can afford this film is that the killers look cool, their masks which are made out of the sons stuffed toys, why who knows, look frightening and I will give them credit for that.

However, that is where the compliments end.

The son in this film is the worst, yes, it is easy to go on about how terrible child actors are, so I won’t do it too much, but I don’t think the issues with the character were the young actor’s fault. The issues with the character are that he is intensely unlikable, I get that his mum died and in his own way he feels like Sarah is replacing his mum, but the way he talks to Sarah the things he says, he could easily be the villain of the film. I was waiting for the moment at the end of the film where he defected to the psycho family, but sadly they went with a soppier ending.

Another issue I have with this film is that it has a fascination with it’s leading lady, to a pervy uncomfortable degree, in the beginning especially Sarah is either coming out of the shower or in the throws of sex with her husband. It does not feel done with any intention other than to objectify the lead actress and it makes you feel dirty watching it.

Overall, this film is just dull, predictable and incapable of offering anything new. It doesn’t seem to understand human interaction, or not to be creepy either, so yeah don’t watch this.

Pros.

The masks are cool.

Cons.

It is repetitive.

It is played out.

The kid wants his step mum dead and behaves in a way no one would.

It is creepy and pervy.

1/5.

Reviewed by Luke

Vivarium: A Beige Hell

Vivarium is a science fiction thriller film directed by Lorcan Finnegan. The plot sees young couple Gemma (Imogen Poots), and Tom (Jessie Eisenberg), become trapped in a lifeless samey suburban nightmare with no way out. One day a package arrives that contains a baby the message on the box reads something to the extent of raise this and get out, things only get weirder from here.

I was quite excited for this before I watched this, however I was deeply let down by a number of factors throughout the film and I thought overall the film was subpar.

The two positive I will say of this film is that it has a great premise, it is suitably creepy and fills the viewer with a sense of existential dread, and that it has a get pair of actors leading the show. Eisenberg and Poots are a good pair, on a par with Eisenberg and Stone yeah probably, but not on the same level as Eisenberg and Stewart. Both give solidly good performances and are engaging.

However, both of these positives are undercut by a weak, smug and boring script. The how and why of the whole film is never really explained, as such you don’t know whether it’s aliens or hell or what; this was most certainly by design, but it does not pay off as it leaves the film feeling hollow and anticlimactic. The film seems to be in love with it’s own ‘smart’ premise and seems to think you should be impressed to, however the idea itself may be neat, but they never actually do all that much with it and a lot of it is a slog to get through.

How you know there is something wrong with this film is because it is only on for an hour and a half, but it feels like it goes on for years, maybe they want us to feel like we are trapped in a beige purgatory like hell just like the characters on screen.

Overall, this was promising, but it is the anthesis of everything it set out to be, it is a thriller that is not thrilling.

Pros.

Solid cast.

Interesting premise.

Cons.

It’s boring.

It is in love with itself.

It goes nowhere and explains nothing.

1.5/5

Reviewed by Luke

Hell House LLC 3: The Big Finale

Hell House LLC 3 is a found footage horror film also serving as the final film in the Hell House LLC series, carrying on from the events of the previous 2 films. The plot this time around sees the Abaddon Hotel being opened up to the public once again, with the malicious idea behind it being to trap innocent souls in hell, however, there is a twist.

After the ending of the last film this film had a lot to live up to, and until the final 10 minutes I would have said it didn’t. The majority of the film is pretty standard a group of people go to the Abaddon Hotel increasingly threatening spooky stuff happens until they all die. I don’t know about you, but I was expecting more after the ending of the second film, I thought we might get to see demons or at least more of the cult, but we don’t get that, and I was disappointed.

However, the final ridiculous reveals is not only awesome, but it singly handily saves the film. This reveal is that Russell Wynn (Gabriel Chytry), a mysterious millionaire who has been mentioned several times in the series, but never actually appeared is in fact an Angel. Throughout the film we the audience are led to believe that there is something off about Russell that had to do with his car accident years ago, I incorrectly assumed he was going to be a demon or maybe even the Devil himself; how wrong I was.

This film reveals that only an angel can close an Earthly portal to Hell, and that God himself brought Russell back from the dead as an Angel so he could get to the Abaddon Hotel portal and close it, there is a montage showing Russell being there for all the main events of the series and it really helps to create an epic conclusion.

I also really liked Russell’s interactions with the original films cast who show up at the end as ghost who Russell tells to move on, saying he closed the portal they opened. The whole Russell twist is just fantastic on so many levels.

Overall, this film takes the trilogy out with one Hell of a bang. Marvellous stuff.

Pros.

Russell.

The Ending.

The recontextualization of the whole series.

Strong characters/ memorable moments.

Cons.

The editing is a little jarring.

The film before the big reveal is a bit disappointing.

4/5

Reviewed by Luke

Hell House LLC 2: Once More Into The Fray

Hell House LLC 2 is a found footage horror film directed by Stephen Cognetti, it is a sequel to 2015’s Hell House LLC. The plot picks up 8 years after the events of the first film and shows that the Abaddon Hotel is still drawing people in especially after the documentary shown in the first film went viral. This time around a new group of characters venture into the oppressive depths of the hotel in search of answers and unexplored evidence.

This is very much a middle film, what I mean by that is that it doesn’t really exist as a film in it’s own right, it ties up the first films plot threads and sets things up for the big finale, but as a film taken away from the other two it can’t exist; it is in no way standalone.

However, the two things it sets out to do it does well, as someone who has seen the first film I was able to keep up with the plot as it ran back and forth between all the different characters and tied the first and second film together in many interesting ways. I thought it was interesting to see the characters from the first film come back in relation to the new mysteries as it added more depth to their characters and expanded the lore as a whole.

On the same note, a lot of this film sets up things for the third film, the big finale. It adds to the history of the house and its inhabitants and sets up huge stakes for the third; it teases the literal apocalypse. These new additions are cool and it is nice to see the lore thicken, however I do wish that this film had focused a bit more on itself rather than its predecessor and it’s then forthcoming next iteration, because the plot of this film just feels like an afterthought.

Story wise this is defiantly the worst of the 3 films as there is very little point to it, beyond what I have already explained, the characters aren’t really important, expect for the big bad introduced at the end. You don’t really care about them and their motivations for being at the house feel forced at best.

Overall, this film is crushed under the weight of the other two entries as it tries too hard to set up a wider mythology, however, it is still an entertaining found footage horror film, and it is interesting to see more about the house; definitely still worth a watch just not on the same level as the first film.

Pros.

Still has some good scares.

The wider mythology.

The big bad.

Cons.

Weak characters.

It feels unimportant.

3.5/5

Reviewed by Luke