The Circle: Big Tech Is Scary We Get It

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Hermione Granger, because lets face it she can’t play anything else, starts working at a tech company and because it’s a trope of course they are evil.

You might have guess by the summary that I was not impressed by Emma Watson here. Really, of the central trio from the Harry Potter films only Daniel Radcliff has gone on to be a good actor and have an interesting career, Watson just plays variants on her Hermione character: sometimes they even break bad- see her in The Bling Ring. Her character here feels out of place and oddly miscast.

Moreover, Tom Hanks also feels out of place here. Maybe the intent of the film was to surprise us by casting the wrong actors for the parts in an effort to be daring? Hanks fails to deliver any kind of menace, and just feels around for the pay check.

Honestly, this film reads to me like it was written by someone who grew up in a time before the internet was so prevalent and as such both resents how interdependent people are on the internet and tech these days, whilst also thinking their day in the before times was better. The whole threat just feels so cliché and coming from a place of total misunderstanding.

Overall, another stinker for Miss Watson’s post Potter resume

Pros.

I liked Beck’s cameo

It is unintentionally hilarious

Cons.

Emma Watson

Tom Hanks

The premise is cliched

It has pacing issues

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Scream 2: Gale Weathers The Original Gotcha Journalist

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new Ghost Face immerges and forces the Woodsboro gang back together again to stop the killer.

I thought this one was slightly better than the first as it was less annoyingly meta, although it still seems to be undecided on whether it wants to be a serious slasher series or a spoof series, this is an issue as the two tones don’t go well together. The later dramatic scenes jar horribly with the scenes of Dewey, played by David Arquette, being dumb for laughs.

I think the characters are treated a little better here, as though for the most part Gale, played by Courtney Cox, is still written as the shrew architype by the end of the film she has learnt the error of her ways so has maybe grown as a character? I would still say the characters need improving however, they are by no means rounded here.

I think this film will always get more appreciation from me for staring Timothy Olyphant, the man can do no wrong and he is a great Ghost Face here along with Billy Loomis’ mother, played by Laurie Metcalf. The killers are far better this time around and they actually seem to have a believable motive for doing it.

I am not a fan of each Scream film needing to start with some random murder, this film does it and I didn’t like it but I know it gets worse later on.

Overall, an improvement which makes the film at least watchable.

Pros.

The killers

Better character work

Less annoying meta commentary

Cons.

The random opening kill

The characters are still by no means developed

Pacing issues

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The Book Of Boba Fett: Tribes Of Tatooine

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Boba Fett, played by Temuera Morrison, faces challenges to his rule and plans a Tusken Raiders upgrade.

So this episode was better than episode one in that it felt properly paced and had stakes, two very basic asks I known. However, that is not to say it was a strong episode rather that it advanced the show in an uphill direction, hopefully next week can continue this.

I enjoyed Fett’s tense standoff with the Hutt Twins, I thought it was nice to see the coming conflict and the whole scene felt suitably tense, they did a good job with the effects as well here which was nice. However, I would say that the present timeline could have done with a little more, because from here the rest of the episode continues on with the Tusken flashbacks, which are fine but maybe starting to run out of steam at this point.

I also liked the feel of this episode as it felt more grimy and underworld esque, which is how the show should always have been. I still feel like Boba is pulling his punches and the lack of blood is still dampening the action sequences for me though, this needs to change in the next episode.

Overall, better but still not what you would want from a show about the Star Wars criminal underworld.

Pros.

The Hutt standoff

A nice pace

A sense of coming conflict

Cons.

The Tusken flashbacks are getting a bit much

It still feels too family friendly

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The 355: Men Are Bad And Simon Kinberg Is A Hack

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of female spies must come together to get a McGuffin and beat up some men folk.

Until the final ten minutes this film is below average but passably watchable if you have nothing better to do, and then the lecture starts and the film drops down even further. When I say a lecture I am referring to Jessica Chastain’s Mace going on a long ambling rant to the camera about how men use woman, but how times are changing and how they are going to fight back, a message that feels both overtly hostile to a large portion of the target audience for this film as well as one that feels far too late. However, this isn’t the only questionable thing this film does in regard to gender as it also has all of the villains in the film be men, and those that aren’t get killed off, once again a not so subtle message and one that won’t score this film any points at all.

If all that isn’t enough to make you dislike this film it then also sneaks in a bit of sucking up to the Chinese regime, in order to open in China of course. There is a scene in the film when this all powerful McGuffin needs to be handed over to someone who will keep it safe and out of nefarious hands, so Mace gives it to a Chinese agent…….. Really? Was this some sort of meta joke?…….. Really?

I also think Jessica Chastain is deeply miscast here. Unlike the rest of the ensemble who actually do a good job Chastain sticks out for all the wrong reasons. In many ways her character reads like how America sees itself around the world dominant and in charge, but to everyone else entitled, self-involved and driven more by their own ego than what they should find right and wrong. Chastain’s character was honestly charmless and is probably the thing that sinks this film.

The other minor issues with this film are that it is terribly paced and becomes boring somewhere around the end of act I, furthermore the plot about scary internet hacking devices screams of being written by someone who doesn’t understand the internet or know anything about it.

Overall, this film is trash and you should avoid it at all costs.

Pros.

Cruz, Nyong’o, Kruger

Cons.

Evil men/ forcing its agenda down your throats

Pandering to China

Chastain

The pacing/ fear of the internet

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The Invention Of Lying: People Are Lying If They Say They Like It

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Ricky Gervais invents lying, that’s it that’s the plot.

There is a line in this film that combines both fat shaming and a terrible homophobic slur, and it is presented as a joke and it came out in 2009, just have a think about that. Yes, it is that kind of film.

The only reason this film has a 2 is because even when presented with weak material Ricky Gervais still manages to be likeable to me, maybe it is too many rewatches of The Office but the man always has a place in my heart.

The comedy of this film stems from the idea that no one lies so everyone has to be honest which leads to awkward scenarios on dates and in the work place etc, and though there are a few funny lines scattered throughout, for the most part the comedy is mean spirited and often edgy for the sake of it. Again, I have nothing against edgy humour, in fact I often find it quite funny, but not when it is just done for a cheap reaction.

Overall, my, my this film wouldn’t get made today. It gets by on Gervais’ charm but even then just barely.

Pros.

Gervais

Rob Lowe

Cons.

Edgy for the sake of it

Most of the jokes don’t land

Wildly offensive

It is incredibly predicable

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Fantastic Four: The Bad Reboot

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

For some reason even though we had an origin story for the Fantastic Four barely a decade prior we are forced to witness another.

Why are people still trying to make Miles Teller a thing? He was good in Whiplash and then promptly nothing else, yet for a few years every big franchise seemed to want Teller, and if the on set fighting is to be believed he was probably best avoided. Hopefully those days are behind us, oh wait he’s in Top Gun the sequel.

The cast isn’t a total misfire Kate Mara as Sue Storm does her best and Jamie Bell has his moments as the Thing, but Miles teller and an entirely forgettable Michael B. Jordan do let down the foursome tremendously. That is not even to mention Dr Doom, played by Toby Kebbell, who is a monstrosity for all the wrong reasons.

I honestly think the worst thing about this film is the CGI, never in recent memory have I seen such appalling effects in a big budget studio film. How the film got released with the final third in that condition is baffling, it makes the CGI mess finales of the MCU and DCEU look appealing.

Overall, people should have been fired over this, and most likely they did.

Pros.

Mara

Bell

Cons.

Dr Doom

Teller

The third act

Jordan

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The King’s Man: France As A Country Just Doesn’t Exist I Guess

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A prequel to the Kingsman films set during the First World War.

Going into this I had heard mixed things, and after seeing it I come to you with mixed tidings. The film does somethings right it is by no means a bad film, but it also has several major issues that stop it from truly excelling.

Firstly the good. I liked the films anti-war stance showing the needlessness of the slaughter and how to die for one’s country is not noble or heroic but rather tragic and needless. I thought as far as social messages go it was very well delivered and important.

Moreover, the new characters here all work well, Colin Firth and the rest of the gang don’t make any sort of time travel like cameos here so we are given a fresh cast, of which Ralph Fiennes is the standout as a grieving and over protective father who has turned to outward passivism to protect his family from the world.

I also thought the comedy mostly worked, the jokes often made me chuckle, there was nothing side splittingly funny but I enjoyed it for the most part. However, the one noticeable exception to that rules comes with Rhys Ifans Rasputin who relies mostly on physical and gross out comedy for his comedic moments, these come across as unpleasant to watch and if anything succeed too well in grossing you out.

Continuing with the negative, the Rasputin sequence is far too dragged out and lasts for a good half of the film, you will be surprised to learn he is not the big bad of the film despite how prominently the film features him. As you might assume the film suffers from a terrible pace and long outstays its welcome.

Finally, two smaller nit picks that bothered me about the film. France is never mentioned in the film despite having a large role in World War I, which if I were French I might find insulting, why they decide to leave the French out is beyond me. Furthermore, I also dislike how the sequence is done after the death of Fiennes’ characters son, played by Harris Dickson, he moves on far too quickly for the scene to mean anything and it quickly loses any emotional impact it could have had.

Overall, better than some have made out but not quite good either.

Pros.

Fiennes

The anti-war stance

The comedy for the most part

Cons.

The pacing

The gross out humour

Leaving out France and not giving the character adequate time to morn.

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Nine Lives: Kevin Spacey Becomes A Catgif, A Prelude To His Youtube Rants

0.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Kevin Spacey is a businessman who gets turned into a cat for reasons.

So firstly yes this is a Kevin Spacey film, a yikes in and of itself, but for the purposes of this review I will be looking past that and focusing on the film.

I should have liked this film, I am a cat person, however I just found it charmless. Not only does the film not justify its existence but it proceeds to bore us for its entire runtime as it has no point, goes nowhere and yields zero emotional response from the audience. Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if this film was made as an effort to launder drug money.

It is a very by the numbers Spacey performance he is certainly not awful but he also doesn’t seem to be trying in anyway, clearly this was just a pay check for him. The comedy of the film is one continuous eye roll that never ends even when the film is over and you have gone home.

Overall, who was this film for?

Pros.

I like cats so it gets half a point

Cons.

This film doesn’t need to exist

It isn’t funny

It has horrid pacing

Kevin Spacey is just turning up

It feels like it was made in a focus group

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There Is Something About Mary: Gross Out Comedy At Its Lowest

1/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of creepy guys obsess over a girl, played by Cameron Diaz, and she is unfortunate enough to pair off with one of them at the end.

This review is mainly going to come down to sense of humour, which like many things in the world is subjective, so just know that though I found it to be repugnant in many ways, and possibly the produce of teens trying to out gross there friends and then writing the whole thing down on paper, doesn’t mean you will feel the same way. Comedy can be hard to judge.

There is nothing wrong with physical comedy, gross out comedy or even edgy comedy when done right but here it is done wrong, just plain wrong. There is nothing funny, at least not to me, of having a long drawn out sequence of a chap, played by Ben Stiller, getting his nethers caught in his zip, yet the film focuses on it for a really long time. I honestly struggle to see how anyone other than a young teen could find this film funny.

On top of this you have the uncomfortable level of sexism that permeates the film coupled with the message of having Mary end up with a guy who is only slightly less creepy than the other men pursuing her, the normalisation of that whole concept is troubling and should be viewed as a black mark next to the film.

Overall, icky, sexist and better left in the past.

Pros.

Diaz is trying her best and does have a few well delivered comedic lines

Cons.

It is creepy

It isn’t funny

It is gross out for the sake of it

The ending sends a very troubling message to the audience

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Scream: Meta Comedy At It’s Most Obnoxious

1.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Clearly Wes Craven wasn’t done with meta comedy after New Nightmare and so takes it to the nth degree here much to the detriment of the film.

As a teen I really enjoyed the Scream series the first film was probably one of my favourite if not my favourite slasher films, however times have changed and I regret to inform you it does not hold up at all. So much so that I actually prefer Scary Movie a film that was designed to parody this film more than the film itself.

I understand the film wants to be knowing and mock the genre but it does it in such an obnoxious way. Rather than point out tropes and go against them the film just turns them up to eleven, tell me is that parody or continuation? A good example of this is Sidney Prescott’s, played by Neve Campbell, aversion to sex. Yes, the final girl is supposed to be pure and viriginistic, grossly sexist I know, but the film is aware of this trope and rather than subvert it, it just features it more prominently does that constitute parody?

Most of the characters are written as incredibly one note and have one stereotypical narrative role to play, yes again I know this is probably done knowingly but it doesn’t excuse the shabby job done here, they could have flipped it or done something different but no. This type of character is perfectly encapsulated in Gale, played by Courtney Cox, a reporter who will do anything for a story and who doesn’t really care about anyone but herself, for most of the film she is written in the shrew architype then they try to shove in a love plot to make her less hateable and honestly it is insultingly poor writing and character construction.

Also I question whether this film is even a slasher film as barely anyone is killed herein, once again in a further aspect the film is surpassed by the spoof version of itself.

Overall, entirely a rose tinted glasses affair, that which upon further inspection in the cold light of day falls apart easily.

Pros.

A few funny moments, some intentional some unintentional

The killer reveal

Cons.

One note characters

Not in any way subverting the tropes

The weird sexual focus on Sidney and her virginity

It is too meta for its own good

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