The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes: Rachel Zegler Before She Imploded Her Career

Summary

A franchise that ran out of steam a decade ago is brought back because Hollywood is creatively bankrupt.

Why do we need to know more about the world of the Hunger Games it was a ripped off western Battle Royale with some added dystopian ideas. Honestly, I thought when they ended that franchise after its two part finale that it was dead, evidently not.

Where I think this film suffers when compared to the main saga is in the acting, on the one side you have a dude so bland and forgettable that you will find it hard to remember his face scene to scene let alone when the film ends. On the other hand you have the internet’s darling Rachel Zegler doing her best girl boss impression, by looking smug in every scene even when she is in danger. Clearly she was remembering how she alone is updating and bringing about world wide change with her new Snow White film and that is why she looks like that.

They name drop characters and ideas from the main series of films here, and you just feel like cool okay do you have anything else. Throwing a few oh remember this person or thing from the other films isn’t a substitute for good story telling or worldbuilding.

Overall, a pointless unneeded film.

2/5

Pros.

An interesting idea

It is relatively short

Cons.

The acting is awful

It is unnecessary

It uses cameos in place of world building

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Wolf Pack: From A Spark To A Flame

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A new YA TV series is born, with some supernatural hijinks and Buffy’s small screen comeback.

I barely made it through this first episode, I did in the end over the course of about 6 tries stopping and starting and having to take breaks from it as its awfulness was truly overwhelming.

The only reason I gave this show a try was because it was from Jeff Davis, the guy who brought you Teen Wolf and as some of you know I was a massive fan of that show, but in many respects this show is a large step back from the goofy charm of Teen Wolf and tries to take itself far too seriously.

I think the crux of the issue with this show is that it is a YA program long after they have stopped being popular. As this is a review of the first episode I can’t say how the rest of the show will pan out as I won’t be watching it and can’t see into the future but one thing I can say is that in this first episode all of the well known hallmarks of YA fiction were there and they haven’t got any less cringe.

Overall, this show will likely get cancelled after one season.

1/5

Pros.

It reminds you how much of a better show Teen Wolf is

Cons.

YA is long past its best as a genre

It feels trope heavy and poorly written

The performances are awful

It is incredibly forgettable

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Bones And All: Everything Wrong With Modern Cinema, A YA Film That Thinks Its High Art

0/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A young cannibalistic couple travel the US together.

Please if you will listen to just one piece of advice from a stranger on the internet today let it be this, don’t watch this film. It is just a horrible time at the cinema as it imparts the message that life is just terrible and the only way out is by your own hand as everyone you love will disappoint you and those who don’t will be taken away. There is so much darkness in this film that there is just no need for it to exist, the world is already a dark place.

Moreover, the narrative is very smug and self-indulgent thinking itself to be high art when in actual fact it is more closely resembling angst ridden YA fare, this is certainly reflected in the paper thin central romance that feels like it was written by an emo on Tumblr. Worse yet the narrative is self-defeating as the central idea of the film is Maren, played by Taylor Russell, needs to find her place in the world, yet when she finally does at the end of the film it is then taken away and she has to do it all over again showing that there was no point to the whole film.

The film also greatly fetishizes the cannibalism and has it be akin to sex at times, which feels uncomfortable from the off and never really goes away. Speaking of the film has a sex scene between Timothee Chalamet’s Lee and another man and never really addresses it or speaks about it or allows Russell’s Maren to respond to it, it is a very odd inclusion which makes the central romance narrative seem off.

Finally, if this film is seen to be an indicator for upcoming acting talent then I might just hang up my reviewing now and bid farewell to cinema for good as both of the central performances are just awful. Taylor cannot emote for one single second and other than looking shocked once or twice has the same glazed over expression for the whole film and Chalamet plays a cliched wrapped up in an emo phase. When will the internet learn that Chalamet will never be a movie star like those of old because deep down everyone knows he can’t act and that once his legion of lust fans dry up so will his acting roles.

Overall, possibly the worst film of the year.

Pros.

None

Cons.

The film is manically depressing and an unpleasant watch from the outset

It has awful paced and is on for far longer than it needs to be

It is smug and seems to think of itself as high art when in actually it is a bad YA film

The acting is awful all round

It fetishizes cannibalism

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Enola Holmes 2: Back By Algorithm Demand

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Enola Holmes, played by Millie Bobby Brown, is back for an all new tedious mystery that you will immediately forget about the second the film ends.

So I will say that this film is watchable, and does have a few good moments. I liked the furthering of the romance between Enola and Lord Tewkesbury, played by Louis Partridge, and thought that it was very sweet and I also liked that Enola is now out on her own and is not still at the beck and call of her brothers.

However, I would say that is where the positives for this film end. Mainly my problem with this sequel is that it is totally unneeded, the mystery is far more dull than the first, you don’t care about it and it all just feels like Netflix were screaming for more of the same. Indeed most of the aspects that worked well in the first film, such as the fourth wall breaking, are turned up to the max here and in almost every case they are pushed too far and to a point wherein they become annoying.

Moreover, though Henry Cavill was a strong part of the first film, here he feels pretty aimless. Maybe that is the point, but they force in Moriarty Holmes’ famous nemesis to try and give him something to do and even that ends up boring. In many sense I feel like this film was forced into production before they had a good idea as to what they wanted the sequel to be and so a lot of it comes off as generic.

Finally, a lot of the commentary and messaging of this film is not as insightful or as fresh as it thinks it is, and instead ends up bring out the same old same old feminist lectures that have been done better before. It comes off as try hard and wannbe, if they are going to give the film a message lets at least have it be timely and fresh.

Overall, a fairly needless sequel.

Pros.

Enola is finally her own boss

It is watchable

A few entertaining moments

Cons.

It doesn’t justify its existence

The commentary is tame and tepid

It can’t find an interesting story to tell

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Mother/Android: The YA Genre Just Can’t Seem To Die

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Chloe Grace Moretz tries to break free of the YA market by making a science fiction film that feels remarkably YA. Moretz plays a young woman who must navigate an AI uprising in order to get to safety so she can give birth.

It is a shame this year has been so mixed for Moretz she started off with the underappreciated Shadow In The Cloud, and then went on to make Tom And Jerry, a sequel to the animated Addams family film and then this, further and further from grace. This film is by no means terrible, there are some interesting concepts here, however, it never does much with them. Instead it seems content on making this film a depressing melodrama with a YA dystopian setting and a front and centre romance.

Even when the film gets gritty the violence is either not shown or it is surprisingly bloodless, which I guess makes sense if you are fighting robots. However, it just makes this film feel like yet another poor YA film.

Moretz is trying her best however, she doesn’t really bring enough resonance to the part and as such the big emotional twist at the end doesn’t work as much as the film needs it to.

Overall, yet more weak science fiction.

Pros.

Some interesting ideas

It is relatively well paced

Cons.

Moretz can’t land the emotional delivery

Surprisingly bloodless

It feels like an edgy YA film

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iCarly: iReturn To Webicon

2/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Carly, Miranda Cosgrove, and co go to an awards ceremony only to end up trapped in a forest with Carly’s ex.

Yikes…. Bar the incredibly sexist episode, oh wait there have been a few of those, anyway those aside this is probably the worst episode of the revival series so far.

Why? Well because the premise breaks down to a few out of date jokes about Fyre Fest, and a pointless love triangle that maybe has Carly get back with someone who treated her like dirt, because that is a healthy message to send out to your young fans.

Moreover, the B plot about Freddie, Nathan Kress, and his app is just boring. It really feels like the latter half of the series did not know what to do with Freddie and instead got hung up on the app storyline for some reason. This is a shame as the earlier parts of the series really gave Freddie a lot of great character work.

The only positive thing I have to say about this episode is that I like the romantic pairing of Harper, Laci Mosley, and Double Dutch, Poppy Liu. I think the two have great chemistry and it will be a benefit for the series going forward to watch the two play off each other. Also I am always a sucker for a good romance arc.

Overall, a good episode for Harper, but pretty bad for everyone else.

Pros.

Harper and Double Dutch

A few funny moments

Cons.

The Freddie’s app side plot is dull

The Carly love triangle sends a bad message

Fyre Fest was several years ago, move on

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Our Ladies: Life In A Small Scottish Town

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

A group of Scottish school girls head up to the big city, in this case Edinburgh, for a school choir competition, however they are far more interested in drinking, partying and hooking up.

Damn this one is an unexpected punch in the feels, get ready so it doesn’t take you by surprise as it did me. You have been warned.

The premise as I described it to you above seems pretty breezy and fun, and though the film has elements of that there is far more going on below the surface. The plot of this film is far deeper than you might give it credit for and it runs the gambit of commenting on such issues as terminal disease, inequality, homophobia and many more. In many ways, this film tackles both the high points and the low points of life and doesn’t shy away from either.

I found this film to be depressing, but maybe that was the point, maybe you were supposed to leave it reflecting on how these girls have less life opportunities than other people based on their location, gender and class background. However, that is not to say I didn’t find any moments of enjoyment in the film, I did. There are several moments in the film that are not only enjoyable but cheer worthy.

I thought all the performers herein were entertaining and endearing and by the end of the film I cared enough about the characters that I wanted them to have a happy ending, sadly that is not how it pans out.

Overall, a surprisingly dark tale of teenage angst, love and life.

Pros.

A few funny moments

Likeable characters

Well-paced

Cons.

It is too dark

It leaves you feeling depressed

iCarly: iPlan A Flawless Dinner Party

2.5/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Carly, Miranda Cosgrove, cooks a meal for her new beau and his Grandmother in order to impress them- rather unsurprisingly it goes awry.

This is the definition of average. A wham bam thank you mam no thrills kind of episode. Neither the A or B plots are very good and the whole thing leaves you just going meh.

The A storyline is predictable as hell and plays off the women in competition or hating each other for the sake of it, or worse yet being territorial over a man angle to an eye rolling extent. Clearly the writers of the show were not content with the sexism of last weeks episode and needed to continue it here as well. Moreover, I find it worth noting how much of a big deal the show makes out of the fact Carly can’t cook, not just in this episode where it is plot centric. Does the show care if the male characters can cook? No. However, it does like pointing and laughing at Carly for not being able to, is it because she dared to deviate from a gender stereotype? Maybe.

The B Storyline of Spencer’s, Jerry Trainor, relationship endings felt needed. By that I mean the storyline of his relationship had run its course by the previous episode and there didn’t seem to be anywhere else they could take it, so this was inevitable. It had its wholesome moments, but I am not too sad to see it go.

Overall, the lazy sexism and poor writing makes this one of the weaker episodes of the revival.

Pros.

It is watchable

Freddy, Nathan Kress, continues to be a shining light on a troubled sea of poorly written characters

Cons.

It is sexist

It is played out

It is deeply unfunny

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iCarly: iCan Fix It Myself

3/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Carly, Miranda Cosgrove, seeks to become a mechanic after she feels ripped off by one and wants to save the ‘life’ of her beloved car Vin Diesel.

This was a very lukewarm episode of iCarly for me. I thought the A plot about Carly trying to be a mechanic was cringe and ended up undermining the points it was trying to make. The first half of the episode focuses heavily on feminist talking points about female empowerment and Carly seizing control of her own life. Then the second half of the episode admits she was wrong to think that, that in fact she should have always just asked the man to fix it and then to push back into regression even further Carly even agrees to go on a date with him. Really guys? The sexism here is ridiculous. The moral of the episode is entirely undone by the pay off at the end.

The B plot about Harper’s, Laci Mosley, cousin faking her kidnapping is better considerably. Though the series is struggling with giving Harper something to do, I think the introduction of her cousin has greatly added to her character and given her a new dynamic to play off. I liked the build up and pay off of this plot and thought it gave Spencer, Jerry Trainor, a number of memorable moments that are also funny to watch.

Overall, I am surprised this episode got made, did no one see how deeply sexist the A plot is?

Pros.

Spencer

The B plot

A few funny jokes

Cons.

It is deeply sexist

Nearly everything about the A plot is awful

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iCarly: iTake A Girl’s Trip

4/5

Written by Luke Barnes

Summary

Carly, Miranda Cosgrove, and Freddie, Nathan Kress, head out on a girls trip that quickly becomes more intimate than either were expecting.

This might be my favourite episode of the revival series so far. I certainly found it to be the funniest, with the episode making me laugh consistently throughout: at both A and B plots.

Moreover, I liked the dynamic between Carly and Freddie in this week’s episode, I thought the two actors played the scenes well and had a strong back and forth together. I think the show is heading in the direction of them getting together, and I am becoming more and more okay with that and if anything this episode suggests that they would actually make not only a good couple, but an interesting one to watch as well.

Furthermore, the series finally seems to know how to use Harper, Laci Mosley, after a long time of giving her nothing much to do. I enjoyed the jealousy angle they had with her character this week when her best friend/cousin becomes romantically involved with Spencer, Jerry Trainor. I think the dynamic between Harper and Spencer has been used already quite a lot by the show but even so there is still a lot of ground to cover and more depth to explore.

Overall, this is probably the best episode of the revival so far, it is fun to watch and funny.

Pros.

Carly and Freddie

Finally giving Harper something to do

It is funny

There are a number of sweet moments

Cons.

We need deeper exploration of the Spencer Harper dynamic beyond surface level competitiveness

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